Hi, it's Aroeheart. Yes, I absolutely REFUSE to make Tigerstar feeling -less! I love za villains 3
CHAPTER ONE- Into Those Amber Eyes
Goldenflower.
Her name hisses against my lips.
Just thinking of all that smooth, choppy fur, a sandy apricot color, smelling warm and milky, like she had never quite washed away the foamy white ring around her muzzle from suckling as a kit...makes me shudder. Her amber eyes, widely almond-shaped with dilated pupils like she was still a small newborn in the nursery, just emanating innocence. Yes, she was my first mate, who produces mixed feelings in me...for various reasons.
For instance, she has always been squealy and flaky, which, before my dominating days, was rather cute and entertaining to watch. I watched other warriors take advantage of her being slow at catching on, tying grass blades to her tail in her sleep and wondering how long it would take before she realized there was some extra weight to the rear. And when she did notice, all she did was laugh...sometimes not even bothering to fix whatever had disturbed her.
Goldenflower...Goldenpaw then...was very small for her age, easily distracted by petty things such as butterflies flitting through the air, or a dandelion puff seed floating. She would often giggle at random things, sometimes at things that didn't even make sense, like the way Redpaw had no brown spots on one side but did on the other. She was a strange one, that Goldenpaw, optimistic and rarely made upset. Only in serious situations did her unaware cheeriness seem to lag back, her eyes stretching wide as fear welled up in her.
She was also a bit annoying. For two reasons...one: her un-warrior like personality, always talking about something else and sliding a conversation into something much less imporant. Patrolling the borders, if we catch a RiverClan scent on one of our trees, she starts babbling about flowers. Flowers! Seriously, she-cats can be irritatingly accustomed to she-catly things sometimes, but Goldenpaw...Goldenpaw was just plain horrific the way she changed the subject.
The second reason was because she had developed a kitty crush on me in our early moons. She would stare at me with those amber eyes of hers and follow me around like a sick puppy dog, gasping and beaming in delight whenever I turned to face her. I catch a mouse and carry it over to the prey pile, she shrieks and harps on how what a good hunter I am for the rest of the morning. Sometimes I would pray to StarClan to make it stop.
But one part of me liked this flakiness, this drowsy unawareness of what was going on around her, like she was trapped in a shell...a mystical world...that no cat else could enter. It mystified me. I wanted to find out more about her, stare past those amber eyes. She inspired me for my power. Even I, all-powerful dictator Tigerstar, have my soft days. There were times I could not bear the fact that I was betraying my Clan...and I would remind myself...it's all for Goldenflower.
Even though I knew it wasn't true.
I knew in my heart that when I had gone against my Clan, I had gone against everybody...including my mate. Sometimes it burns to remember the desperate look on her face when it happened, when I had stood in front of my Clan smothered in bloody wounds, facing Bluestar's piercing words. Bluestar. The one I had been deputy to, the one I had served, digging the chill of exile into my being. Sometimes I seethe when I think about her ignorance, the refusal I endured from Darkstripe and Longtail and all the rest of ThunderClan...and sometimes Goldenflower, for sinking her claws in and sticking to her Clan instead of her mate that she loved.
I am also proud of the two kits Goldenflower and I had together...Bramblekit and Tawnykit. Bramblekit was a pure copy of me, missing only my scars. Tawnykit seemed too meager and affected to be a follower in my pawsteps, so I was determined to guide my son instead. My daughter, I thought, would be happier in a place she could always call home, and I didn't want to deprive her of that. But after a while, I began to realize that Bramblekit was a state softie, stuck to his Clan like a leech, like his mother had. It must be true that daughters inherit their genes from their fathers, because Tawnykit ended up being the one who joined ranks in ShadowClan with me. I could tell she was tired of cats basing her on my violent past, and I even felt a little sorry for her. That's when I thought up the brilliant idea of convincing her to join ShadowClan. No, she didn't just go off on her own, as I stated to the ThunderClan kitties who came sniffing at her trail...I planted the seed of her leaving, making her think she'd never be happy where she was. Could she have? Maybe, but that's not my problem. I think it was only fair that I got to keep one of our children, instead of Goldenflower confiscating them from me. Anyway, I relished the look on those ThunderClan cat's faces when they found out Tawnypaw had skipped off on her own...and not been catnapped.
But it stings a little to imagine the look on Goldenflower's face when she found out that Tawnypaw wasn't coming back.
The only spark of hope I saw in Bramblepaw was that he stood up strong instead of crumbling at the fact that his sister refused to return to her Clan, and that he managed to build up a pretty good flame of ambition in his belly once he became a warrior. Though Brambleclaw probably got his amber eyes from my side, when I look into them, I see the siftyness of Goldenflower's eyes, not mine, with the same almond shape. I also noticed that he has a tendency to flick his ears when he's sitting still in a restless sort of way, just like Goldenflower.
Goldenflower.
Flaky apprentice, cheery queen. My first mate and a cat I felt true love for. I might be the all-powerful Tigerstar, the one who craves nothing but ambition, but I have let you on a little secret...I have a weakness for dumb, clueless, apricot queens, and for wide-set amber eyes.
I tried to stick with Tigerstar's personality in this one but still portray that he has actual feelings. Oh well. R&R.