Disclaimer: I do not own anything please do not sue
Summary: Ryan sat on the end of the bed in full view of the windows because he knew if he didn't he would get many visitors and he just wanted to be left alone…………. Sandy sat ram rod straight up in the car this was not what he was accepting at all.
Ryan sat on the end of the bed in full view of the windows because he knew if he didn't he would get many visitors and he just wanted to be left alone. He could only remember three types of pain that only hurt a fraction of this hurt. One was when he finally realised that however he acted. Whatever he said his mother was never going to stop acting the way she did putting her kids through hell and back because she couldn't do anything. The second was when Theresa lost the baby. The life that was lost. The child that never got to grow into a young person. His life because the baby, his purpose had just gone and the third was the trey betrayal because he finally released that his brother, his mentor couldn't escape their past no matter how much he tried, Chances he got or hopes for the future.
But what made this hurt so much worse then the others was that he couldn't grieve the way he wanted. The way that was expected because after three years he was still chino and this was Newport and they didn't mix. With his mother he was still young enough for the crying and the tantrum and the screaming at how life was so unfair with Theresa and the baby he got completely and utterly drunk before he agreed to go back to Newport with Seth. it wasn't healthy or helpful to a Newport eye but it was what he knew and it was helpful to him because underneath it all the hangover was something physical that he could attach to all the hurt and that made sense to him and finally with the trey betrayal to him the fight was again neither healthy or helpful but both him and trey understood that the hurt they were feeling inside would make more sense if it was physical.
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Ryan walked into the kitchen with a duffle bag and the three busy Cohen's sat still.
"I'm going away for a while a week at most and when I get back. I'll be able to go to college and move on with my life because I'd have dealt with it"
Sandy knew to get through to Ryan right now was crucial and so to get his point across he used blunt honesty.
"How is going away for a week going to help you get over your first love dying in your arms"
Ryan smiled a half smile. He could always count on sandy for the truth when he needed it most. Without looking at anyone in the room. Ryan gave them the same courtesy back.
"Because you'll all waiting for me to grieve in a Newport way and I… I'm ….. Newport is not the way I grieve so I'm going somewhere which makes sense to me and its not gonna make sense to you and your not gonna like it but it makes sense to me and it'll make me feel better………. Please"
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Ryan sat on the step smoking ignoring the looks his guardian was shooting him from the hire car. He promised nothing illegal while he was here and this wasn't. It wasn't healthy but he didn't know how to grieve healthy he was from chino another agreement was that sandy was to join him.
Ryan was nervous because although he thought he should get a good reaction he had no idea how sandy was going to handle this. Then the car pulled up and Ryan flicked what was left in his hand onto the curb and stood up.
Sandy sat ram rod straight up in the car this was not what he was accepting at all.
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Trey drove home from work smiling not an unusual occurrence nowadays. He has a job and a house, car and a girlfriend that understands. His life is working out and he loves it. Everything is much sweeter now he goes to AA and NA and therapy but for once it actually helps. He's accepted his past and accepted his family and tried to move on. Even he is not stupid enough to know that his never going to let them go but that's why he uses his contacts to check on his mom and dad even if he never sees them again or meets them. He can proud of them even if they'll never know it.
The only part of his past that'll he'll never get over is Ryan because at one time his whole past, present and future was protecting Ryan. That's what his job in life was to do but he failed him in the past. He'd failed in the present and he now wasn't apart of his future. Trey was still grieving for the lost relationship. Trey understood that it was his fault and his decisions that had led to this but it still hurt. Trey sent the camero because his therapist thought it would be a good idea to get rid of it but trey couldn't let the one piece of his past that he was proud just be thrown away so he sent it to the one person who through it all would understand his past with out having to go through hours of gruelling therapy sessions and what this token meant to him.
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Ryan smiled in spite of himself as his brother walked towards him. Jess was right he had got himself together.
Trey was shocked beyond belief and walked towards his brother with both shock, surprise, happiness, and sadness all running through his veins and his mind flashed back to when he was getting out of prison and the feelings fleeting across his brothers face so trey did the first thing he could think of towards his little brother and reached out his hand.
Sandy had also flashed back to when trey was released back to when it all had started in his opinion. And a chill went through his spine.
Ryan did the first thing he thought of which was pull his brother in to a tight hug and realised that this is what he needed to let her go.
Trey knew instantly after his brother pulled him into a tight hug that his brother was grieving and who he was grieving for and did what he had always done. Stroked his hair and whispered to him that everything was going to be all right.
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