Losing Love
Lily Evans is a girl who was scared to love. She had been hurt so many times by the people who love her that she lost all faith in love.
She denied herself of feeling butterflies in her stomach and the fluttering of her nerves when she sees a cute boy. She instead, convinces herself that these are unneeded sentiments and are not worth the risk. She convinces herself to turn a blind eye to her own romantic feeling and to instead focus on fighting in this war.
She wasn't always this way. There was a time when she was the sweetest, most loving girl you could find, so open and caring. But then tragedy struck. Her parents got a divorce when she was 7 and she and her sister who was her best friend were separated. She went to her mother and Petunia dubbed Tuney went to her father.
She hid into herself when her sister left her. Petunia always tried to cheer her up and it would work for a short period of time. She had even promised before she went to her father that they would be best friends forever and that nothing would separate them.
Then came the faithful day when she met Severus when Tuney was visiting. She found a new reason to be happy again but it soon faded away when Tuney started to become distant. She confronted Petunia about it and then it happened.
In that moment when Petunia called Lily a freak, a bond tighter and closer than any pair of siblings could ever wish for, was severed cleanly in two. Petunia regretted it the second it flew out of her mouth but alas, it was too late to explain to Lily. Their bond was now broken and nothing could repair it.
Lily then started to lean on Severus and when they were sorted into other houses, she was devastated. But she knew that their friendship would never be broken or so she thought. Many asked her, why do you hang out with him? And his friends asked him why do you hang out with her? But no matter what, she never gave up the friendship.
She had gotten close to some of the girls in Gryffindor Tower but none of them as close as she and Sev were. She loved him like a brother and he returned the sentiment. At least that was what she thought.
Then came the faithful day when he called her the Unforgivable. He had called her a mudblood. She had seen the signs that he was growing distant, that he was no longer the sweet and caring boy she knew from Spinner's End, no longer her Half-Blood Prince.
She had seen the same signals when Petunia abandoned Lily but she turned a blind eye. She clutched at desperate straws until she snapped. And when she snapped, she lost the will to be happy. She receded into herself and lost that kind sparkle in her eye.
The only thing that mattered to her now was being able to make a difference and to make a mark in this world. She ignored James Potter since first year because she was scared that it might end up just like her parents who loved each other dearly but loved each other enough to set each other free.
She wanted a love that would last forever and she thought that she would never find it. She knew being cold and unfeeling would make her an Ice Queen but she didn't care anymore.
She lost the spark she held on to for so long and she finally set herself free from leaning on anyone else. Instead, she leaned on herself for support. She didn't burden anyone else because of it but she only kept on hurting herself.
Sometime along the way that James Potter had been "courting" her, she had fallen for him unconsciously but she hid it well. She refused him time and time again and never gave into her feelings.
But once she saw that all she wanted was right in front of her, it was too late. He had fallen for another, just like she predicted but even then she never gave a hint, even though it was her best friend that had taken her place in James' heart.
She graduated top of her class with the Wizarding World begging for her. She was recruited by Voldemort thrice but she escaped him safe but alone all those times. He killed her parents but strangely, it didn't hurt her. She had become like ice, cold and unfeeling.
She lost the ability to love when she lost herself but she eventually got through it. She stayed strong even though she was broken beyond repair. She soon left the troubled world of Wizardry and left for a new life away from all the pain, for a new start, for a new life, for a chance to find love again.