"You see that right there?"
"Where?"
"Those four stars right there."
"Right there?"
"Yeah."
"What about 'em?"
"That's Orion's belt."
"... No, it's not."
"Yeah, it is."
"No, Travis, it's not."
"Yes, Katie, it is."
"Orion's belt only has three stars, not four."
"I know. That's Orion's hat right there."
"You just said that that's Orion's belt."
"No, I didn't. What are you talking about?"
"Yes, you did. I swear."
"Are you on something right now? Or are you just stupid?"
"Wha-What!"
"That is Orion's hat. I would know. I totally aced Annabeth's constellation star galaxy space thing class last year."
"Is Orion's hat even a real constellation? Are you making this up right now?"
"No. No! Gods, Katie. You seriously need to just stop talking because now you're coming off as dumb."
"I'mcoming off as dumb?"
"Isn't that what I just said? You might wanna get your hearing checked too, lovey. You know, just in case."
"... You are the most ridiculous person I have ever met."
"Thank you."
"So let's just say that there's such a thing as Orion's hat."
"Because there is."
"What's its story?"
"What do you mean?"
"Why did he have the hat? Why is it so famous?"
"Why does it need a purpose? Can't he just wear the hat because he wants to look sexy for his numerous lovers?"
"Now I know you're just making this up."
"First of all, I'm not making this up. Second, if I was-"
"Which you are!"
"-how would you know?"
"Because that's not true."
"What's not true?"
"Why Orion had his hat- Hell! He didn't even have a hat!"
"Believe what you want, Katie. I know the truth and that's really all that matters."
"Fine. What's that constellation?"
"Easy. That's Andromeda."
"No, it's not."
"Katie! Who's the constellation expert here?"
"Obviously not you! That's not Andromeda. I did a report on her a few years back in school. I had to study the constellation, too. That's not it!"
"What did you get?"
"What?"
"What grade did you get? On your report?"
"I don't know. A 'B', I think."
"Hmm."
"What?"
"It's no surprise, really. I mean, I wouldn't give a student an 'A' on a project if their information was wrong either."
"Oh, my gods!"
"You see that constellation next to it?"
"Yes. What ridiculous story do you have about this one?"
"That one's called Travicus."
"..."
"What?"
"What the HELL is Travicus!"
"... I've never told anyone this before, Katie, but . . . I'm secretly hundreds of years old. I was once a war hero. People would chant my name in adoration as I slay the head of beast after beast. Hercules and I were best friends. We used to go hunting for wild boar together. Yeah. Those were the good old days..."
"Is that so?"
"I know. It sounds preposterous. But it's true. Wild boar. It's actually rather good."
"If you were so famous, why have I never heard about you until now?"
"I like to stay on the down low. And I was so famous and outrageous that they didn't even make any myths about me. They knew people wouldn't believe them."
"Why not?"
"Psh! If you read a story about how a sexy, sexy man defeated a pack of flesh-eating donkeys by luring them out of their dark, wet cave using a Fruit by the Foot and then slaying each of their heads off using only his pinky toe but not before they all danced on his head and crapped upon his chest, wouldn't you find that hard to believe?"
"... Well, yes but-"
"Exactly."
"-only because it's not true."
"Katie! How dare you! Why would I lie about something like that?"
"I don't know! Maybe because you're crazy!"
"... I'm shaking my head at you in disgust."
"Well tell me this. How the hell have you lived this long? You aren't a god, are you?"
"Oh heavens no. I was bitten by a radioactive frog that's made me immortal until these past few years. I kinda had to drop off the radar after that. It was Perseus's turn to shine and they couldn't have someone like me stealing the spotlight."
"You mean an immortal?"
"Oh no. I mean the sexiest man alive. I won it three years in a row, you see."
"... I seriously . . . do not know what to say right now."
"Understandable. I truly thought I was going to win that fourth year too, but dayum. That Jason sure was something."
"Have I ever told you that you're the most conceited person I've ever met?"
"Uh, no. No I don't believe you have."
"Well you're the most conceited person I've ever met."
"Your face is the most conceited person I've ever met!"
"That doesn't even make any sense."
"You're right. Especially because your face has nothing to be conceited about. Oooooooooh!"
"..."
"Aw, come on, Katie. Don't turn away from me."
"Hmmph!"
"I was joking. It's a joke. I'm sorry."
"Well it wasn't funny. And I don't accept your apology. You're tacky and I hate you."
"How come you can say you hate me but I can't make one crummy little joke? . . . Katie?"
"Don't touch me!"
"Come on. Just . . . Just listen to the rest of my story. Please?"
"... Just say it. I may or may not listen."
"Travicus had a weakness, you know? It was the one thing that made him almost lose in some battles. Almost."
"I definitely do not wanna know what that weakness is."
"Just like any hero, his weakness was his heart. His heart yearned for someone to love-"
"I can't believe you know what the word 'yearned' means."
"He wanted that someone to be one special girl. Her name was Katelyn. She was the most gorgeous thing he'd ever seen. He loved her hair and her smile and her laugh. She could be so sweet and put up with all of his idiocy-"
"Again with the big words."
"-but he had to watch himself at times. He overdid it on occasion and Katelyn had one hell of a temper. There was this one time in particular. They were joking around - flirting, as some people would call it - when Travicus said some things he didn't mean. They were rude and hurtful and he should've known better. And Katelyn made him pay. She refused to talk to him and he hated it oh so much. After quite a bit, he apologized to her in a terrible story where he gave both of them fake names and totally made himself look pretty stupid."
"... And . . . what did Katelyn do after he finished his story?"
"She forgave him because she understood that she is one of the most beautiful girls in the world and Travicus was just shamelessly trying a new technique of flirting. Didn't really work out."
"... Fine. I forgive you. But you should just know that Katelyn never flirts with Travicus. She'd never drop that low."
"Really? Cuz in my story, as soon as Katelyn forgave Travicus, they totally snuck back to his cabin and went at it like a pair of bunnies."
"You're stupid. Shut up."
"Don't try and act like you don't wanna laugh, Katie. I know you do. And- oh shit. Is that . . . Are you blushing?"
"Shut up!"
"Heh heh heh... I knew you'd forgive me."
"And how is that? Did that radioactive frog give you the ability to see into the future, too?"
"Oh, no. Travicus just had mad game with the bitches."
I'm not gonna lie. I feel like a bitch. I haven't updated anything in FOREVER and I just . . . I'm sorry. You seriously DO NOT understand how bad I feel about all this. I want to update. I really do. But that stupid bitch called school and that hoe called my life and that skank called depression always seem to get in my way. How rude.
But next week's Spring Break. And I have half of Y typed up. And ideas for Z. And half of a Mortal Instruments Malec one-shot done (HOLY SHIT! THAT ENDING! OHMYGOD! I NEED CITY OF LOST SOULS NOOOOW!). And crappy ideas like this that randomly pop into my head while studying stars and constellations in science.
So, sorry this sucked. I don't own anything. I WILL be back . . . eventually. Glee's on tomorrow. Your reviews seriously are the things that make me want to write. Oh! And Happy Darren Crissmas, everyone! Whether you spent it eating RedVines, kicking weiner dogs, or busting out a funky tune, I hope your day was . . . totally awesome. :D
Lather, rinse, review!
:) Jordan