Anyone who is familiar with the show Trapper John, MD should remember the episode "A Fall to Grace." PR was nominated for an Emmy for that episode which, IMO, should have been a two-parter. This is a WHI because in a few stories before this one (not posted here) I introduced a love interest for Trapper, a college professor named Roxanne. In this story Melanie is engaged to David Sanders, the staff psychologist played by Richard Schaal; the last we actually saw of Melanie in the show, she had left her groom at the altar and run off to join David as the helicopter he hired landed on the lawn of the wedding venue; this story is out of the original timeline. But that's the fun of writing—an author can control time and space!

Part 1

Roxanne was sitting in the ICU waiting room with Melanie and J.T. who paced up and down. Then the doctor came out and called Melanie over by her first name, hugged her, and told her that she could go in and see Trapper but that she couldn't stay more than five minutes; Trapper was tired. Melanie touched the doctor's arm when she thanked him and he led her through the swinging double doors into the unit. Roxanne watched with a twinge of envy; Melanie was still an insider and she was a complete stranger, that is unless one of the doctors recognized her from a get together and thought of her as Trapper's plaything. Even J.T. stood and waited his turn to go in. Despite being an intern and a family member, only one visitor at a time was allowed into ICU.

Roxanne had known something was wrong earlier in the day when Trapper had called and told her that he was too tired to drive to Emeryville and asked if she would come to his place-not that he felt that he could show her a good time, he chuckled, but he wanted to see her. Trapper also told her to let herself in when she got there. She agreed and told him she would pick up dinner-Chinese.

So she had driven into San Francisco and let herself in and Trapper was sitting in the easy chair, his eyes closed, with just one lamp on. And when she saw him sitting there, she was frightened; she immediately knew something was off so she kneeled beside the chair and asked him what was wrong. Trapper was initially startled; he must have fallen asleep, he said. He answered that nothing was wrong but he looked exhausted and even his voice sounded tired as if speaking was too much an effort. He told her not to worry so much about him and reached over to touch her cheek. His fingertips just grazed her face.

She laid the food out on the dining room table and they sat down but she noticed that Trapper was having difficulty holding the chopsticks so she gave him a fork to use. He was offended, or pretended to be, but he used the fork and it seemed to her that it was easier for him to manipulate. She could barely eat, her stomach was so knotted.

"I'd like to turn in early," Trapper said, "If you don't mind."

"Do you want me to leave?" she asked.

"No. I'd like you to stay, if you could, but you certainly don't have to come to bed at…," he looked at the clock, "8:15."

"I don't mind. Really." She didn't want to leave him alone. Her intuition was screaming at her that something was very wrong. "You don't think you have a relapse of that flu, do you? I mean you were really sick for a time there." She thought back to about a month ago when Trapper had been seriously ill with a flu that was going around. He hadn't let her take care of him-but she brought him smoothies and made him drink them while she stayed and watched since he had no appetite.

"No," he said, "it's not the flu. I've just been working too hard and not getting enough sleep and it's come crashing down on me." So they went upstairs and she noticed that Trapper seemed to rely on the rail as he climbed. He said that his legs felt rubbery-too much exercise. He joked that he was trying to maintain his vigor for her. Then at the top, he paused and seemed to catch his breath. She wanted to ask him again about how he felt but she knew he would become angry so she left the subject alone. They both went to bed early and she lay beside him and put her head on his chest as she usually did but she felt him wince.

"Is something wrong? Did I hurt you?" She sat up and looked down at him. His face was ashen.

"No, I must have pulled a muscle, that's all. If you'd just lie beside me…"

So she did and they laid together in the darkness, both with their separate worries.

Trapper had known something was wrong for over a day. He was waiting for the test results but he knew that it was more than likely Guillain-Barre Syndrome as the neurologist had said. And he also realized that it was progressing rapidly. His doctor wanted to put him in the hospital that afternoon to check the progress of his symptoms-the tingling in his feet and hands, the muscle weakening, the balance problems and the pain that wracked his larger muscles but Trapper said no-he didn't mind being the doctor in a hospital but he hated being the patient. Trapper knew he was losing small muscle control-not being able to manipulate the chopsticks frightened him. And although he wanted to be at home, he didn't want to be alone. He stared at the ceiling above his bed and thanked God for Roxanne, that she was here to stay with him. But then he considered telling her to go home-for her sake. Although he knew in his rational mind that he wasn't going to die by morning, his emotional brain told him he might. What then? She would wake up in the morning with a corpse beside her. Finally, Trapper fell asleep until he suddenly woke up in a panic. He broke out in a sweat and felt as if he needed to run, to make some physical exertion to stave off the consuming fear enveloping him but he couldn't move his fingers-couldn't even feel anything with them. He tried to wiggle his toes but couldn't. He felt numb almost to his knees.

"Rocky," he asked, "are you awake?"

"Yes." She sat up. "What is it?" There was something in his voice that made her instantly alert.

"Take me to the hospital, would you?" And she did, helping him dress, pulling his arms through the sleeves of a hooded sweatshirt and zipping it up. She helped him with his jeans, pulling up the zipper and between apologies for being so helpless, he joked that they were usually undressing each other, not dressing. She smiled but she was too worried to joke. Putting on his sneakers was the most difficult part; Trapper couldn't push his foot into the shoe no matter how hard he tried. He told her to give up but she said that she wasn't going to let him go into the hospital just wearing socks so she screwed up her determination and finally managed to get his shoes on and the laces tied. They struggled down the stairs, stopping every few moments to let him get his breath and she finally asked him if he would rather have an ambulance. He was adamant about it-he didn't want an ambulance and he was sorry he was so much trouble. She kissed his hand and told him that he wasn't trouble, not to her. Trapper looked at her but he didn't smile-he just looked sadder.

Eventually, they made it out of the house and into the car and when she pulled into the hospital's emergency loop, she asked for a wheelchair and that was the last she saw of him. Trapper was whisked off and she was told to wait. So she sat in the emergency waiting room with other ill people and their worried relatives. Then J.T. finally found her and said that his father had asked if she was still there and if she was, would J.T. watch over her. And it was then that she cried. As desperate as his situation was, Trapper had thought of her, was concerned for her.

And now she was sitting in the ICU waiting room with J.T. and it was four in the morning and she would have to leave soon to go to work. In her mind, she was recalculating which classes she could cancel and how she could leave earlier than usual in the day to return to the hospital. She was thinking about traffic and what time of day it was and how it would take over two hours to get from the Oakland side to San Francisco when Melanie came out of the ICU and J.T. went in.

Roxanne stood up and Melanie glanced at her as she sat down.

"How is he?" Roxanne asked. She and Melanie weren't friends and Roxanne felt that Melanie had good reason to resent her. Nevertheless, she didn't believe that Melanie would keep information about Trapper's health from her.

Melanie stared at her for a few seconds and then said, "Not good. They've started treatment-they have some IV immuno….something that they're giving him that's supposed to help, supposed to stop the progress of the paralysis before it gets to his lungs. That's about it-except that he seems to be in good spirits, joking about this special bed they have him in and how it could have saved our marriage and such. I was too worried to really listen to his remarks. He doesn't seem to realize how serious things are."

"Oh, I think he does. That's why he's trying to joke, to act as if he's not that worried so that we won't worry," Roxanne said. "But he is-he's terrified."

"What makes you such an expert on Trapper?" Melanie spat out. "Just because you wrap your legs around him and probably drop to your knees every time he crooks his finger doesn't make you an expert. There's more to Trapper than just being available for a good lay."

"I don't want to fight with you, Melanie. Please. Is there anything else that the doctor might have said or Trapper?"

"No. That's about it. I'll be able to see him again later this morning so I'm staying." Melanie chose not to mention that Trapper had asked if Roxanne was still there waiting and if she was, to tell her to come back-screw the ICU rules that state only family members can visit, he said. He wanted to see her.

"Why don't you go home," Melanie said to her. "Trapper doesn't want you to be here worrying. He told me to tell you to go home." Melanie surprised herself by how coolly she could lie to Roxanne's face.

"Oh. He wants me to leave?" She felt devastated; Trapper didn't want to see her.

"He said that there was no reason to hang around here when you had work and since you can't do anything, talk to the doctors or even see him, you may as well leave."

"Well, if he wants me to go then, I guess I'll go." Roxanne picked up her purse and left and as soon as she had her back to Melanie, she released the tears that had been welling in her eyes and they silently rolled down her cheek. It was as she expected-in a tragedy, people always clung to family and Roxanne regretted not having married him already. Then she would be in there with him, holding his hand, telling him she loved him-not Melanie.

Melanie sat trying to decide if she felt guilty for lying and decided she didn't. After all, Roxanne hadn't gone through nineteen years of marriage with Trapper nor had she borne him two wonderful children or struggled with him through bad times and even though they were divorced, Melanie still felt as if she was his wife and all the people at the hospital did as well, giving her the same preferential treatment she always had received being the wife of the best general surgeon in the area and then as the wife of the Chief of Surgery at San Francisco Memorial.

"Mom," J.T. said coming into the waiting area," where's Roxanne? Pop wants me to bring her in."

"Oh," Melanie said, "she left. She had to get some sleep before she goes to work."

J.T. sighed. "Pop'll be disappointed-all he did was ask about her. I guess I should go tell him."

"Let him go to sleep," Melanie said. "If you tell him that Roxie deserted him, he'll just be upset. Let him rest." And Melanie rested her head on the back of the chair and closed her eyes and a small smile played across her lips. She would soon have Trapper back in the fold of the home. Of course, she thought, there's David, but he'll understand. And then Melanie felt guilty about David. He did love her and she honestly cared for him and that's why she had accepted his marriage proposal, but Trapper, she never should have divorced Trapper. She had realized that long ago and she would have reconciled with him by now if only he hadn't lost sexual interest in her. And now that he had Roxanne, or Roxie, as Melanie liked to call her since it sounded like a tramp's name, Trapper didn't need Melanie at all. Melanie knew that Trapper was still willing to help her, that he wanted her to be happy but he didn't love her-not the way she still loved him. But Melanie began planning how Trapper would fall in love with her again when she started taking care of him once he was home. Yes, they would fall in love again and there would be no David or any Roxie. Trapper would have everything he needed and wanted all in her and her alone.