Last Resort, a naruto fanfic

Last Resort

This is a major angst fiction for Shikamaru. It's sort of a song fic, but it doesn't seem like it that much. People who hate song fictions, I don't think the way I did it will bother you much.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the song 'Last Resort' by Papa Roach.

Warning: Shika angst

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Flashback

"Mom!" I scrambled over to where the medic ninja stood, holding a still body on a stretcher. "Mom! Wake up! You can't be dead!" I screamed as Asuma-sensei held me back. "Let me go! I need to help my mom, you smoking idiot!" I hollered at him, using more energy in my struggling than I ever had in anything that I have done in my entire life. I clawed at his arms until the man lets go of me, clutching his arms in pain.

I took no time in running over to the stretcher. "Mom?" My voice was softer than I could ever remember it being. "Wake up…" I knew that my mother was dead from the very moment that I saw her broken form, but I just couldn't believe that it was true. "Wake up, mom…" Tears started to run down my face as the shock started to wear off. I don't even flinch when my old academy teacher, Iruka-sempai (he and I were both chuunin by then), pulled me away from her. "Why?" I turned and bawled into the 24 year old teacher's chest as he held me tightly. "Why, Iruka-sempai? Why?"

"I don't know, Shika-kun…" Iruka said softly. "I don't know…"

End of flashback

"Heh…it's a good thing that she died…" I murmur sadistically. My grin widens at the sight of myself in the window. "She would be worried as hell right now…" I settle down next to my two ex-teammates. "Yo." I give them a normal smile and lean heavily against the leather of the restaurant booth. "I'll pay!" I grin at them, while pulling out a cigarette. They won't know how I actually feel… I flick the cigarette into the ashtray and pull out my loaded wallet. "I do get paid a lot since I became a jounin," I explain at their confused looks.

"Sounds fine to me!" Chouji laughs. He nudges me slightly. "But no complaining that I made you broke! You offered!" He laughs at my slightly distressed look. Ino joins in the laughter as I look down at my wallet and then at Chouji who was eagerly scanning the menu.

"Great…" I mutter sarcastically. "Eh! What the hell! I guess I'm in a giving mood…" I grin up at my two teammates much like our late sensei use to. "So…dig in!" The two were having such a grand time that neither of them had noticed that I ordered nothing. I haven't been lately.

After a while, I pay the bill and wander away from the two. The only reason I do that is to pretend that I'm fine.

"Shikamaru! Wait!" I pause slightly and wait for Ino to catch up to me. She hurries over and grabs my arm worriedly. "What up? You didn't have anything to eat…" Her brows crease in concern.

So she did notice…"Oh! I just wasn't really hungry today! Chill-ax!" I grin down at her falsely. "I'm fine…"

Ino looks a bit agitated. "No you're not!" she snaps coldly. I falter slightly. She knows? "Let me see your wrist!" She moves to grab my arm. Illusion justu! She pulls up the sleeve to reveal unmarred skin. "Huh? But you are cutting…" Maybe this will make her forget about it…

"What are you talking about? Why would I cut?" I question slightly. I gently pull my arm out of her grip and roll the sleeve down; dispelling the jutsu I used to cover my fresh and old scars.

"I just thought you were…you're acting strange…" She turns her blue eyes to stare straight into my lying ones. "I thought I saw some scars there yesterday…"

"Oh! Those? No…I just slept on it weird and got those crease things! That's all! You don't have to worry! Blades stay far from my skin!" I brush my arm slightly against my side and hold back a cringe of pain. One of the cuts reopened.

"Ok!" She gives me a bright smile as I turn and walk away. When I was out of hearing range, she murmurs, "You're lying, Shikamaru…"

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I shudder in pleasure as I draw the kunai over my already scarred arms. I watch the blood drip one by one. I bring it up to my lips, reveling the feel of it against my tongue, a coppery taste filling my taste buds. I move to bring the knife to my arms again before pausing and setting the knife down. I reach into a drawer, spilling blood onto the contents of it, before pulling out a now blood splatter sheet of paper. I then grab a quill and dip it in a puddle of already dripped out blood and wrote:

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm, bleeding

This is my last resort

Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm, bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding?
Would it be wrong?
Would it be right?
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation outta sight
And I'm contemplating suicide

Cuz I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

I never realized I was spread too thin
To live was too late
And I was empty within
Hungry!
Feeding on chaos
And living in sin
Downward spiral where do I begin?
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself
And no love for another.
Searching to find a love up on a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils

Cuz I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright
Nothing is fine
I'm running outta crying
I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying

I can't go on living this way

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm, bleeding!
Would it be wrong?
Would it be right?
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation outta sight
And I'm contemplating suicide

I can't go on living this way
Can't go on
Living thing this way
Nothing's alright

The dark red words made my meaning quite clear as I draw the blade back over my arms, enjoying the spark of excitement it caused my heart to give. I dig the kunai in further and further, grinning in bliss as I hit an important nerve. I grab the note and put it on the floor in just inside the door and wander back into my room weakly. I fall heavily against the floor and my breathing slows slightly. Good bye, hell! I am too weak to even keep my eyes open. The dull brown eyes vanish from view as my eyelids slide shut.

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"Shikamaru?" Ino walks into the jounin's silent apartment carefully. "Are you here?" She turns her gaze down as she hears a slight crunch and looks at the red worded note. She reads it carefully. "What?" she chokes out. She lifts the piece of paper and smells the pungent scent of dried blood. "Shikamaru!" She runs into his room and almost faints. His body was crumpled slightly on the floor. "Shi–" The konoichi's voice catches in her throat.

Ino falls to her knees beside him. "Shikamaru?" her hand brushes against his exrutiatingly pale cheek, only made so pale in the extreme lack of blood. It was cold to her touch. "No…" Tears spill down her cheeks. "NO!" she screams. She hugs him close to her as the drying blood stains her clothing. "Shikamaru!" She brushes her lips against his forehead, flinching from the deathly cold of it. "I knew you weren't fine! Why didn't I do something?"

The blond stands up, lifting his body gently off of the floor. She sobs slightly as she lies him on his blood splattered bed carefully. She grabs a cloth and wipes the blood off of him. "Why did you do it?" she asks softly. She cradles his pale cheek in her hand gently. "We were all here for you…" She grabs her phone and texts Tsunade.

Shika killed himself. Help me out here.

The blond then collapses over his chest and bawls.

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I'm so mean…I just HAD to make this after listening to that stupid, gothic song! Sorry for all those who are sad by this fic. I just wish I could say it wasn't intential. I have a cruel mind that tortures me so…T-T