Disclaimer: I do not own green eggs and ham I do not own LoK
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A/N: In my pitiful attempt at making stories with plots, it's been getting harder and harder to make them funny. So although I will continue at least Unofficial SR3, I thought I'd also do a skit based fic, it's easier that way
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((The scene is a shower room with Kain, Marcus, and Melchiah in the shower part and Vorador outside))
Kain: Wow, Marcus your hair is flaky!
Marcus: Yes, I know! My hair is so flaky that my head looks like a snow- tipped mountain!
Melchiah: My hair's so flaky you could go snow skiing off of it!
Vorador: Are you tired of flaky, oily hair? Then use Herbal Essences!
(Kain, Marcus, and Melchiah are still in the shower, but now the shower's on and they're rubbing the Herbal Essence shampoo on their heads)
Kain: (while rubbing the shampoo) Oh yes! Oh yes, that's hits the spot! Oh baby, oh yes!
Marcus: (while rubbing shampoo) That's the spot right there! (his legs twitches)
Melchiah: (while rubbing shampoo) Flakes can kiss my butt! Oh yes, oh yes shampoo! Oh yes!
Umah and Ariel: O__O'
(Vorador faces the readers and shoves the Herbal Essence shampoo in their faces))
Vorador: Herbal Essence: A totally orgasmic experience!
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((The scene is the Circle of Nine and all but Mortanius are sitting in desks. Then Mortanius walks towards them and he's wearing a scholar's cap))
Mortanius: Okay, I thought that since we are all the Circle of Nine, I thought that I should educate all of you since I'm the smartest one here.
Bane: Ooh, what are you gonna teach us? I'm willing to learn and hankering to cooperate!
Dejoule: Teacher's pet!
Mortanius: I thought that now would be a good time to teach you Math.
Anacrothe: Oh no, not math! I can't even count my toes!!
Moebius: I can't even count my brain cells!
Nupraptor: That would be one.
Mortanius: Enough of this gay banter! Now, since you are all...(Mortanius ties to think of an eloquent word, but the word he chooses is the word that fits the Circle of Nine best)...stupid, I thought I'd start with very basic math.
(then Mortanius reaches behind him and pulls out four vampire spleens)
Mortanius: Okay, say we have 2 vampire spleens. TWO! And then we added 2 more vampire spleens. Now, how many vampire spleens have we got altogether?
(Ariel excitedly raises her hand)
Mortanius: Yes Ariel?
Ariel: (with a goofy grin and proud) I don't know!
(Mortanius rolls his eyes and then Malek jumps up too)
Malek: I don't know either! I'm so proud!
Mortanius: You're not supposed to answer if you don't know!!
Ariel and Malek: Oh.
(Ariel and Malek sit back down)
Mortanius: Does anyone else have an answer?
Bane: Can it be a wrong answer?
Mortanius: No!
Bane: Never mind.
Mortanius: THE ANSWER IS 4 YOU RETARDS!!!
Anacrothe: Oh, we were supposed to give you the right answer?
Mortanius: OF COURSE YOU STUPID BOOB!
(Mortanius then sits down and rubs his temples)
Mortanius: I think I'm getting a migraine.
Moebius: What are you gonna teach us next?
Mortanius: Okay, since you are all obviously mentally retarded, I though that I'd start you people off with something even simpler.
Nupraptor: Mr. Mortanius, my head went out, I need some more batteries. Does anyone have some AA Durabrain Batteries?
Mortanius: Shut up! Okay, say we have 1 vampire bladder. ONE! And then we add another vampire bladder. So how many vampire bladders do we have altogether? And let me give you a hint: One plus one is 2.
(All of the others seem to be thinking really hard except for Nupraptor because his head ran out of juice. After a few minutes, Mortanius was just about to get seriously ill, when...)
Moebius: Eureka, I've got it!!
Mortanius: Okay, what's the answer?
Moebius: What was the question again?
Mortanius: (irritated sigh) The question was: What is 1 vampire bladder plus one more vampire bladder equal.
(Once again, Moebius is thinking really hard)
Mortanius: Come on, think really hard you poor dope. Dig into your deep, empty, shallow moron mind to find the answer.
(Moebius finally comes up with his answer)
Moebius: 56.97 is the answer.
Mortanius: NO YOU STUPID DOOR KNOB!
Malek: I think I know!
Mortanius: NO YOU DON'T YOU STUPID PIMPLE, SO SHUT UP BEFORE I POP YOU!!
Moebius: Then what is the answer?
Mortanius: The answer is TWO!!
All but Mortanius: Oh.
Ariel: I gotta go to the toilet.
Mortanius: You cannot go because you don't have a bottom half!
Ariel: Oh yeah, I forgot! Never mind, I don't gotta go anymore!
Mortanius: Okay, now I've got a math problem that not even you jibbos could
screw up. What is zero plus zero? What's the answer Ariel?
Ariel: Um...uh...
Nupraptor: (whispering to Ariel) Turkey sandwich.
Ariel: The answer is turkey sandwich!
Mortanius: D'arghhhhhhhh!!!
(Mortanius, in his frustration, then kills Ariel with a knife then blames it on being possessed by a demon which is a lie)
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Taa-daa! I might do lots more little skits like this until I get done with the next chapter of any other fics! But when I update this in the meantime, the next chapter will have a musical interlude sung by Magnus (I've already chosen what it'll be) and I'm bound to have other weird stuff. Don't forget NOT to flame!
A/N: In my pitiful attempt at making stories with plots, it's been getting harder and harder to make them funny. So although I will continue at least Unofficial SR3, I thought I'd also do a skit based fic, it's easier that way
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((The scene is a shower room with Kain, Marcus, and Melchiah in the shower part and Vorador outside))
Kain: Wow, Marcus your hair is flaky!
Marcus: Yes, I know! My hair is so flaky that my head looks like a snow- tipped mountain!
Melchiah: My hair's so flaky you could go snow skiing off of it!
Vorador: Are you tired of flaky, oily hair? Then use Herbal Essences!
(Kain, Marcus, and Melchiah are still in the shower, but now the shower's on and they're rubbing the Herbal Essence shampoo on their heads)
Kain: (while rubbing the shampoo) Oh yes! Oh yes, that's hits the spot! Oh baby, oh yes!
Marcus: (while rubbing shampoo) That's the spot right there! (his legs twitches)
Melchiah: (while rubbing shampoo) Flakes can kiss my butt! Oh yes, oh yes shampoo! Oh yes!
Umah and Ariel: O__O'
(Vorador faces the readers and shoves the Herbal Essence shampoo in their faces))
Vorador: Herbal Essence: A totally orgasmic experience!
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((The scene is the Circle of Nine and all but Mortanius are sitting in desks. Then Mortanius walks towards them and he's wearing a scholar's cap))
Mortanius: Okay, I thought that since we are all the Circle of Nine, I thought that I should educate all of you since I'm the smartest one here.
Bane: Ooh, what are you gonna teach us? I'm willing to learn and hankering to cooperate!
Dejoule: Teacher's pet!
Mortanius: I thought that now would be a good time to teach you Math.
Anacrothe: Oh no, not math! I can't even count my toes!!
Moebius: I can't even count my brain cells!
Nupraptor: That would be one.
Mortanius: Enough of this gay banter! Now, since you are all...(Mortanius ties to think of an eloquent word, but the word he chooses is the word that fits the Circle of Nine best)...stupid, I thought I'd start with very basic math.
(then Mortanius reaches behind him and pulls out four vampire spleens)
Mortanius: Okay, say we have 2 vampire spleens. TWO! And then we added 2 more vampire spleens. Now, how many vampire spleens have we got altogether?
(Ariel excitedly raises her hand)
Mortanius: Yes Ariel?
Ariel: (with a goofy grin and proud) I don't know!
(Mortanius rolls his eyes and then Malek jumps up too)
Malek: I don't know either! I'm so proud!
Mortanius: You're not supposed to answer if you don't know!!
Ariel and Malek: Oh.
(Ariel and Malek sit back down)
Mortanius: Does anyone else have an answer?
Bane: Can it be a wrong answer?
Mortanius: No!
Bane: Never mind.
Mortanius: THE ANSWER IS 4 YOU RETARDS!!!
Anacrothe: Oh, we were supposed to give you the right answer?
Mortanius: OF COURSE YOU STUPID BOOB!
(Mortanius then sits down and rubs his temples)
Mortanius: I think I'm getting a migraine.
Moebius: What are you gonna teach us next?
Mortanius: Okay, since you are all obviously mentally retarded, I though that I'd start you people off with something even simpler.
Nupraptor: Mr. Mortanius, my head went out, I need some more batteries. Does anyone have some AA Durabrain Batteries?
Mortanius: Shut up! Okay, say we have 1 vampire bladder. ONE! And then we add another vampire bladder. So how many vampire bladders do we have altogether? And let me give you a hint: One plus one is 2.
(All of the others seem to be thinking really hard except for Nupraptor because his head ran out of juice. After a few minutes, Mortanius was just about to get seriously ill, when...)
Moebius: Eureka, I've got it!!
Mortanius: Okay, what's the answer?
Moebius: What was the question again?
Mortanius: (irritated sigh) The question was: What is 1 vampire bladder plus one more vampire bladder equal.
(Once again, Moebius is thinking really hard)
Mortanius: Come on, think really hard you poor dope. Dig into your deep, empty, shallow moron mind to find the answer.
(Moebius finally comes up with his answer)
Moebius: 56.97 is the answer.
Mortanius: NO YOU STUPID DOOR KNOB!
Malek: I think I know!
Mortanius: NO YOU DON'T YOU STUPID PIMPLE, SO SHUT UP BEFORE I POP YOU!!
Moebius: Then what is the answer?
Mortanius: The answer is TWO!!
All but Mortanius: Oh.
Ariel: I gotta go to the toilet.
Mortanius: You cannot go because you don't have a bottom half!
Ariel: Oh yeah, I forgot! Never mind, I don't gotta go anymore!
Mortanius: Okay, now I've got a math problem that not even you jibbos could
screw up. What is zero plus zero? What's the answer Ariel?
Ariel: Um...uh...
Nupraptor: (whispering to Ariel) Turkey sandwich.
Ariel: The answer is turkey sandwich!
Mortanius: D'arghhhhhhhh!!!
(Mortanius, in his frustration, then kills Ariel with a knife then blames it on being possessed by a demon which is a lie)
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Taa-daa! I might do lots more little skits like this until I get done with the next chapter of any other fics! But when I update this in the meantime, the next chapter will have a musical interlude sung by Magnus (I've already chosen what it'll be) and I'm bound to have other weird stuff. Don't forget NOT to flame!