It takes more energy than it should to haul my ass outta my Range Rover and through the front door of my house. I'm one foot it when I'm nearly knocked out by a very angry eight year old boy. Everyone says he has my explosive temper despite the fact biologically he's not mine. I react instantly grabbing him by the shirt halting his Berry-esque storm out. "Aye! Where do you think you're going?"
"Let me go!" he screams. Oh hell nah.
"Excuse me? You don't talk to me like that little man or you wont be sitting for a week! Remember what we talked about two days ago?"
Immediately he deflates, staring intently at the floor. "Mijo look at me, please?" I say in a much softer tone.
He slowly looks up to me his eyes watering as he's fighting back tears. Now this, the mood swings, they're all Q. "Come on, let Mami in the door and we'll go talk about it okay?" He nods and grabs for my hand holding tightly as I toss my keys in the bowl, briefcase on the floor for which he chimes in "Mommas going to be mad if you don't hang that up." I smile down at him. "Yes, mijo but I think she'll agree with me that you are much more important than a briefcase. Where is your Momma anyway baby boy?"
"Crying in your room, she hates me. And I'm not a little boy." I roll my eyes at his statement and feel my heart clench at the thought of my girl alone and crying. I stop and kneel down to his level. "Mijo listen closely this is very important" I say tilting his chin up to look at me. "Your Momma loves you more than anything in this whole world! If she gets mad or upset at you it's only because she loves you so much and wants to protect you from everything. We both do, baby. Why don't I get some snacks for us and you tell me why you think your Momma hates you, okay?" He nods. "I love her too." "I know you do, mijo" I say standing back up and ruffling his hair. "Heeey watch the hair!" he whines.
I lead him into the kitchen and direct him up onto one of the big stools at the island. Little boys, and grown men for that matter are much easier to get to open up if you feed them. I grab his favorite pizza bagels out of the freezer and toss them in the microwave. Two minutes later there is a plate of pizza bagels between the both of us and an ton of Ranch dressing to dip them in of course.
"What's going on buddy? Start from the beginning."
He sighs loudly and I barely stifle an amused laugh at how much he looks like Quinn when he does that. "We were having a fun day then Momma went to shower after the pool and the phone rang so I picked it up." He stops and looks at his fighting hands obviously nervous about whatever happens next. I calmly place a hand over both of his. "Buddy, it's okay I won't get mad at you if you tell me the truth okay?" He nods. "Daddy was on the phone" My vision blurs and the grip on my glass tightens too much before I can get a grip on my temper the glass in my hand shatters."
"Fuck!" I yell jumping out of my chair. "Only Mami says that word don't you repeat it!" I say quickly to the blonde haired blue eyed boy with wide eyes. "I'm sorry! I made you mad too!" "No, no baby I'm not mad at you okay I'm okay everything's okay." fucking shit! I run over and grab some towels and quickly clean up the mess.
After there is no more glass I sit back in my chair and rub my hand on his back. "Hey, I'm sorry about that honey, I'm not mad so your ..Father was on the phone..then what happened? What did he say?" I try desperately to not grit my teeth through that.
"He said he missed me so much and that it's not his fault he's not around for me anymore." Jesus Mary and Joseph my blood pressure is dangerously high. It takes all my self control to bite my tongue and let him continue. "He said Mommy made him go away and said he couldn't see me anymore. Why would she do that Mami?" He asks me with watery eyes.
I take a deep breath. "Did you ask your Momma what happened? Or did you just accuse her of doing what your Father said he did?"
"I.." he looks down in shame "I yelled and asked her how she could make Daddy go away from me when he wants to be with me" he said quietly looking at the floor.
"Do you think that was a nice thing to do? Doesn't you're Mommy do everything for you? Take you fun places spend time with you let your friends stay over, that doesn't sound like her to take someone away that you loved. And you should never yell at your Mommy buddy. "
"No, it wasn't nice, I'm sorry Mami I just miss him so much sometimes and he sounded sad and I.."
"You're Mommy's sad too baby that was one of the hardest things she's ever done and you need to believe me when I tell you it was the best for you that she did. That made it even harder for her knowing how much it would hurt you to lose him in your life."
"I'm so sorry" he cried.
"It's okay buddy we'll fix it." she said gathering her son in her arms. "She loves you so much you know, she doesn't hate you for this. It just reminded her of a really hard sad time and when you're bigger you'll be able to understand everything you just got to trust me for now okay?"
"Okay. So Daddy didn't want me?"
"No, baby of course he did! Who wouldn't want you? You're amazing! You're Father just wasn't being grown up enough to be a real father to you. The fun stuffs important but a parent needs to punish you and set rules it's complicated honey but he mighta been fun to hang with but it wasn't safe and didn't make your Mommy happy she had to try to be both Mommy and Daddy."
"She's happy now, mami...with you I can see it."
"Thanks buddy, I'm happy too."
"Well she's not happy right now but.."
"Hey" i let go and grab his cheeks. "Why don't you go get your homework done like a good boy and I'll go make mommy happy again okay? Then we'll come down and make dinner and you can say your sorry, okay?"
"Okay, Mami"
"I love you baby and so does your Momma, don't you ever question that. And Noah?"
"yeah Mami?" he asked turning around in the doorway.
"Don't you ever yell and storm out of this house again do you hear me?"
"Yes Mami"
"Okay, go on then." I watched him scurry out of the room. I felt my anger at Sam return tenfold balling up my fists I took a few long breathes willing myself to calm down so I could go take care of Q. I made my way up the stairs and knocked softly on our bedroom door before slowly opening the door. Her back was to me curled on her side I could see the unmistakable shaking from her crying and all the anger dissolved away momentarily as she was my only concern.
"baby, it's me" I said softly so I didn't startle her. I crawled into our bed after kicking off my black heels and settled in behind her wrapping an arm around her middle and pulling her back into me. She turned around in my arms and buried her head under my chin. "Shh it's okay, baby."
"He hates me San" she whimpered. "No he doesn't baby I just had a long talk with him he loves you so much and he knows how much you love him. We can talk about this later baby okay? Why don't you just let it out."
"I am"
I giggled softly brushing the blonde hair out of her eyes. "No you aren't, you're holding back. I got you Q, let go." She nodded with a deep breath then finally I saw the fight leave her as she let herself fall apart, trusting me to catch her and put her back together again.