Author Note: This story is set not long after HBP. It is a "what if" scenario that may contain HBP spoilers and extreme angst. NT x RL implied and no slash. Also just a mention; I am aware that the Azkaban guards in this story are human when they are supposed to be dementors. I took a bit of creative license with that. It's one of the privileges of being a writer, I daresay :)

Thanks to those people who have stuck by my other story "Fire and Ice". You guys are awesome and this one is for you.

Chapter 1 - The Beginning of All Things

The moon was merely a sliver in the night sky, casting no illumination over the fortress of Azkaban. The place looked forbidding, and was as dilapidated as those who were imprisoned within. Inside, all was quiet. A lone guard trod one of the more sinister corridors, on his nightly rounds. This division was set apart from the rest of the prison, housing the inmates who were considered to be "extremely dangerous". The guard paused at the end of the corridor. The door belonging to the corridor's final cell loomed before him. He had never been quite sure what to make of their latest inmate, but his blood ran cold at the thought of what the inmate had done.

The man in the cell was huddled in the corner, hidden in the darkness. A shiver ran up the man's spine, whether from the cold or from the utter lack of emotion in this godforsaken place he couldn't tell. So much had happened. So much had been sacrificed. It was hard to believe that it had come to this. In the end, though, he had made the ultimate sacrifice knowing that he would have to pay the ultimate price for doing so.

What had hit him the hardest was that in spite of the fact that he knew this had been coming, was that he was still so utterly unprepared for it. When all things come crashing down around you, resulting in an Azkaban sentence and who knew what else… it was impossible for his mind to reconcile with it.

His thoughts whirled tumultuously. Not for the first time, he wished he could have taken it all back, that he had simply walked away from Dumbledore's plan while there was still time. Maybe things would have turned out differently. His thoughts continued on in this manner, as they had done every night since… the event. Unable to bear the emotional weight, he shrank further into the corner as though he were trying to shut out even the darkness of the cell.

The Order of the Phoenix had unanimously agreed that Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry should temporarily become their Head Quarters. Without Dumbledore's protection, they would need to base themselves where they would be the strongest. For that end, Hogwarts seemed like the most logical choice.

Remus Lupin knocked on the door at the top of the spiral staircase. It was odd to hear Professor Minerva McGonagall calling out from within what was previously Dumbledore's office. With a sharp intake of breath, Lupin reached for the door handle and pulled the door open. His eyes scanned the room, apprehensively. It was completely unchanged. Such was the atmosphere that he half expected Dumbledore himself to reappear. Doing his best to suppress his sentiments, Lupin walked in to join the other Order members who were gathered there.

They were talking amongst themselves in hushed whispers, though some turned to glance at him as he joined the congregation, offering him respectful nods. McGonagall looked at him with concern written on her face. Whatever the reason was for her calling the meeting, Lupin could tell it bothered her considerably. Tonks was looking at him expectantly. He still wasn't sure what to make of her feelings for him. He wasn't even sure what he felt for her in return. It had all happened so suddenly, and what with the battle that had taken place it was all a bit much to take in. Turning his attention back to the meeting at hand, Lupin sat down in the vacant chair Tonks had left beside him.

"Who else are we waiting for, Minerva?" He asked, without acknowledging Tonks.

"Arthur and Molly Weasley. As soon as they arrive, we can get started." She replied, her tone strained.

"What about Harry? Isn't he going to be included?"

"Even if I sent him a summons, Remus, I doubt he would return. In any case, what I wish to discuss is of a rather sensitive nature." She told him, choosing her words carefully. He shot her an inquiring look, but before he could ask her what she meant, Molly and Arthur had walked in and were shaking McGonagall's hand. A few moments later the whispers had died down and everyone directed their attention toward McGonagall. She cast her gaze over the crowd, clearly uncomfortable with standing in the role of leader.

"Thank you all for coming on such short notice." She began. "I have recently been informed of something, by the Ministry, which I thought you should all know sooner rather than later. Severus Snape has been arrested. He is on remand at Azkaban, awaiting sentencing from the Wizengamot."

At these words the room went so deathly quiet that Lupin was sure that there was not one person remaining who was still breathing. The subject concerning Snape was still a delicate one for them all. Dumbledore's judgment was rarely wrong, and they had all been so sure about Snape. That he could have duped them to such an extent was inconceivable. So how could Dumbledore have been so wrong about him? This dilemma had weighed on Lupin's mind ever since the night of Dumbledore's death, and continued to do so even now, as a heated discussion broke out between the Order members on that very subject. Given this new information, however, Lupin was faced with a new problem. Why would Snape allow himself to be arrested? Lupin was sure that he was intelligent enough to evade the authorities where necessary. There was more to this story, and though he knew the Order would never approve, Lupin was determined to find out the truth.

Dreams haunted Snape in the deep of the night as he slept fitfully; scenes which had been replaying before his eyes relentlessly every night. So great was his desperation that given the chance he might have bargained with the devil to make it stop. But the devil was callously cruel and afforded Snape no such luxury. The devil preferred to delight in watching him suffer.

It played before his eyes in a sequence of snatches and flashes. First the Astronomy tower back at Hogwarts. Dumbledore stood before him, expecting him to carry out their plan. When Snape's gaze fell on the old man's face, he just could not do it. Dumbledore flashed him a pleading look, a look that said "please, just do it. You promised". Hating himself, sure his self-loathing was etched into the contours of his face, he raised his wand and before he knew what had happened the incantation had fallen out of his mouth and his mentor had tumbled backwards, spread-eagled almost comically in mid-air.

FLASH!

Now he was kneeling, giving the news that Dumbledore had died and that it had been at his hand. He hardly dared to look up at the snake-faced man before him, terrified that if the Dark Lord looked into his eyes he would know the broiling nauseating grief that churned his insides.

FLASH!

Surrounded by a group of Death Eaters, Snape shouted directions. The plan had been bungled and Death Eaters were disapparating in all directions. Most of them got away, but Snape couldn't shift his thoughts from Dumbledore, and in his grief his usual precautions had been thrown to the wind. Spells were being thrown at him from all directions, now, casting him down to the ground. Thinking only of how pointless it was to fight back, and that perhaps it might even free him from the terrible predicament he was in, he let it come.

A sharp banging on the door woke him from his restless slumber, shocking him into a sort of disoriented consciousness. After a moment or two, once the disorientation began to pass and the reality of his circumstances began to set in again, he made out a voice which was shouting; "UP! GET UP! YOU HAVE A VISITOR!"

The first thing that shocked Lupin was seeing Snape's body flung back against the wall like a rag doll as the bondage charms secured him. The Snape he remembered would have fought back or at least struggled. This Snape looked like nothing more than a powerless shell of the man he had once been. Only after Lupin had taken this in was he really able to appreciate how dishevelled and pathetic Azkaban had made him.

Lupin stepped slowly into the cell, one foot after the other, until he stood squarely before Snape, searching the bound man's face even though his very blood bubbled with something that felt suspiciously like fear.

When Snape finally lifted his head to meet Lupin's gaze, he could hardly withstand the scrutiny. Nothing could have prepared him for who his visitor was. Silence commanded the room. The tension was thick as the seconds passed painfully by. Though both knew they could hardly bear it, neither man seemed able to look away.

Even though he was desperate to escape the pitying expression written on Lupin's face, Snape was adamant that he not be the first to break the stare. And he didn't have to. Lupin finally broke and cast his gaze at the floor, signalling to the guard to remove the magical binding at which Snape promptly fell back to the ground.

"They don't know you're here, do they." Snape's voice came in a low, surprisingly scratchy, voice, as he propped himself up into a sitting position. It seemed such a shame that Azkaban had robbed him of the finesse of his voice, but then it should hardly be surprising since Azkaban had robbed him of everything else.

Lupin gave the barest motion of his head. No, the Order did not know that he was here. He didn't think they would have understood. Come to think of it, he wasn't quite sure anymore, either.

"I'm sorry; I think I made a mistake." Lupin uttered, the words barely audible. With that, he turned to leave.

"You stupid fool." Snape growled, his voice gaining sudden power. Lupin stopped short, making a sudden grasp for the door frame in surprise. "I would have expected you to think the worst of me. But how can you think that of him?"

Lupin didn't respond, but Snape's words followed him as he left the cell and reverberated through his mind unceasingly as he made his way back to Hogwarts.

When Lupin finally returned to his chambers at Hogwarts all he wanted to do was pour himself a large glass of firewhiskey and try to forget about everything he had just seen. He collapsed into the large armchair by the window, rubbing his temple.

"I was wondering where you'd got to." The husky voice of a woman startled him out of his thoughts. He looked up to find a scantily clad Tonks emerging from the shadows. Inwardly he groaned. He didn't have the energy to face her. All he wanted to do at present was resign himself to the nightmares that he knew would be plaguing him tonight.

Tonks moved forward, placed her hands on the arms of his chair, and leaned in to kiss him. Lupin placed a hand on her shoulder, abruptly holding her back. Her expression changed immediately. Stony-faced, she stood back.

"So that's what you think of me, is it?" She demanded.

"You don't understand. I just need to be alone tonight." He told her, shortly.

"Then help me to understand." Her voice softening as she knelt before him, resting her hands on his knees, and looking up at him pleadingly. Gently, but firmly, he pushed her hands away.

"I mean it."

He could see the tears begin to well up in her eyes, but she didn't say anything. Without further ado, she turned away and was gone before another moment could pass.

Wearily, he heaved himself out of the chair and curled up on the bed staring into the darkness until sleep finally claimed him in the early hours.