Eragon In Runescape
Chapter 1: Part 1: The Conundrum
Eragon stood in Sapphira's saddle and took a deep breath. Taking a glance back, he cried to the legions of Urgals, dwarves, elves, and humans behind him, " Today, we are one step closer to a free, unoppressed land where evil will be served only one dish: Justice. The shadows of this old empire shall be erased by the glory of the new one. We fight for this new empire, for our friends, family, and loved ones that died at the hands of Galbatorix and his minions. If you are with me, then CHARGE!" With a roar, the people of Alagäesia rushed forward with battering rams, followed by a group of Chargers (an elite squad of humans, Urgals, and dwarves [no elves because they are always a notch above everyone else]) whom hacked away at the massive hinges of an even larger gate. When the gate finally opened with a resounding "crack", three rows of cavalry smashed into the front lines of the enemy that was waiting for them beyond the gate, and pulled back. To prevent the enemy from pursuing, archers released hails of arrows into the disorganized mob that was once the front line. When the first group of cavalry returned to the main body of the army, another group charged. After several repetitions and with mass casualties, the Imperial soldiers retreated. It was then that Eragon and the foot soldiers advanced. Rushing to where to most trouble was, Eragon and Sapphira slashed, smashed, and burned their way through enemy lines, towards their goal: the central keep.
Hours after hours went by, as fighting still raged in the streets. Fighting with tooth and nail, the Varden slowly drove the Imperial soldiers through the meandering and desolate streets where many gave up the will to fight and laid down their weapons. At long last, when the sun was behind their backs, the Varden reached the gates of the keep. With the mages and archers covering them, Eragon and a select few elves raced to the door of the keep to cut it down. Shredding the door with their swords, the elves and the Chargers raced in to storm the keep. Sapphira carried Eragon, Arya, and Blödgharm to the top of the keep, where they attacked from behind. They were intercepted by a group of sorcerers, a portion of them engaging in magical combat, while the rest stood in a circle weaving a spell, a sphere of shimmering light in the center. As Eragon assaulted 2 mages with spears of mental rays, he noticed a profound change in the atmosphere around him. The air crackled with energy and the sphere in the center grew brighter in intensity. With a flash of light and a detonation, everything seemed to collapse before him. Suddenly, he had a migraine, and from the expressions of their faces, everyone else did too, including Sapphira. Before he became unconscious from the pain, he saw Blödgharm and Arya crumple to the ground, and a heartbeat later, he too gave in.
Chapter 1: Part 2: WTF?
Meanwhile at the Jagex headquarters:
"Excuse me Sir! I have some mindnumbing information that came from the Runescape statistic panel," said a nerd that works for Jagex.
"Well what is it?" demanded one of the Jagex founders, Andrew Gower.
"The number of new players that j-j- just joined today exceeded the total number of people that h-have joined over the past year," the nerd continued, picking at a pimple.
"So what of it?" Gower said. "People finally admit to themselves how extremely, extremely (and follows up with a few other words to describe how) awesome Runescape is."
"B-but Sir, that's not why I'm telling you this. Its because most of the new people that joined are now over level 100."
"WHAT?"
"And not only that. Your position as the highest- ranking melee, farming, hunting, constitution, and prayer experience player has been usurped by one of these newcoming players by the name of something like uhh: Eragon Bromsson. And he's not even hacking so you can't ban him. Also your position for mage is also surpassed by another, and range by another, and summoning by another, and herblore by another, and mining by another, and smithing by another, and fletching by another, and-"
"SHUDDUP! JUST TELL ME WHICH THAT HAS NOT BEEN SURPASSED!"
"None-," the nerd started, before being cut off by a bullet from a sig sauer P290.
"Get me a new assistant and get that trash out of here," Gower said, pointing to corpse. "Now," he said cackling. " Since his name is Eragon, I'll just have to rename my character to GALBATORIX!" (Cue thunder and lightning, and evil laughter, and the shadow of a guy with his head thrown back, with hands partly up, fingers curled into claws.)