8/06/2018: Bad Cop is just an idea I had to make very short stories to practice humor and parody. I also wanted to use it as a way to practice being concise and to exercise my writing. Stories don't come regularly and updates are rare. But every now and then i get a small burst of motivation to do something and come to this series to play and experiment. After three stories, I put it on the shelf for a long time. And now I have started updating again. There are two newer stories that will be added soon. Both shorter than the others but I enjoyed these. The new stories are
The Flaming Fox (I had this idea for a while since I first started the series. Finally got to creating it!)
and Sick (Very short but humorous.)
Close Shave
Nick waited for his order at Paco's Grill, a restaurant in downtown Sahara Square. He tuned out the cheerful banter of officers around him and sipped a coffee. Their lunch break had just begun. He turned an eye toward Judy as she waited in line. His eyes wandered down to her plump butt and short cotton tail, provoking a response in his pants that he resisted by remaining motionless in his seat. Judy impatiently bounced on her toes standing eighth in line. Paco employee's reorganized the crowded line as it stretched from the counter to the entrance. Nick rolled his eyes and pushed his mug of coffee away. It was going to be a short break.
The routine was beginning to make Nick grumpy. Officers got an hour break. They usually spend half of it waiting for food. The third quarter is spent getting comfortable and eating. And the remaining fifteen minutes are used up by officers preparing to go back to work.
Finally, his food arrived. Nick continued to stare at the adorable Judy. She was now third in line. Nick jumped in his seat, pulled from his voyeurism by the vibrating in his pocket. He glanced at his phone.
"Finnick?" Nick answered the call.
"Nick! I need you, buddy. I got into some trouble with Big and uh, I mentioned you." Nick slapped the table in disbelief.
"Why pray tell, did you mention me, old buddy?" he asked with forced tactfulness.
"Nevermind that! Get your red-tailed blue-blood butt over here and save your best friend!"
"Where are you?" Nick asked with faint concern.
"I'm at Big's place in Tundratown." Nick sighed.
"I'm working, you troublemaker. But I'll see how I can help." Nick hung up, not wanting to hear another word from Finnick. He looked at Judy. She wasn't going to be easy to convince and expected an earful later. Nick stood up and walked up to Judy. He placed a paw on her shoulder.
"Sweetie," he said, cautiously.
"Hmm? What's up? I'm almost up to order." Judy looked up at him curiously. He knew when she could tell he was lying, so he took extra care in his next words.
"Something came up and I need to take a little trip right now."
"In the middle of our shift?" she asked with a hint of disbelief. Nick sighed and said,
"Yeah, my belly is acting up and I would prefer to keep my uniform looking blue and not brown. Ya got me?" He threw her a smile, glad that he came up with the excuse.
She inhaled a deep sympathetic breath,
"Aye. Alright, just be careful, Red. Let me know how you're feeling later?"
"Thanks, Fluff." he speedily left the diner, putting on a funny walk to drive the lie home.
With the veil of a lie pulled over Judy and the expectation that she would cover for him on his shift, Nick felt free to race to Tundratown to catch up with Finnick and learn more about this trouble he had gotten into. Once he boarded the train heading to Tundratown, Nick took a moment to call Finnick. He tapped a foot as he clung to a standing strap, waiting for him to answer. After five rings, the phone clicked.
"Meh, so he made contact with you, Nicky?" said Big. Nick went wide-eyed as he said,
"Oh, yes sir. But I am at a disadvantage here."
"Good." Big interrupted. "The advantage should be mine anyway. I'm tired of Finnick's dishonesty and poor performance. He's disrespectful. And out of a fondness for you, I've allowed him to call you in for a last-second chance to make things right. But if you fail, Finnick will face consequences." Big hung up on Nick, leaving him mortified. He growled in frustration, scaring a family of pandas that sat next to him on the train.
"I'm so glad I don't have to deal with these goons on a daily basis," Nick said aloud, ignoring the stares. He forgot he was still in his cop uniform and quickly returned to a more professional demeanor.
Finnick paced back and forth under the guard of Big's polar bears.
"What? You guys going to watch me scratch my butt too?" he sneered. The bears did not react. "Like a pair of rugs, you two. Lighten up!" Finnick said. A knock on the door set his ears standing to attention. Big rocked in his chair, held by his best guard. When the knock was heard, the guard opened the door. Finnick peeked around the bear to see Nick shivering and shaking off the snow on his muzzle.
"Hello, fine gentlegoon." He chuckled nervously and brushed snow off his shoulder. "I'm here for-" the guard pulled him inside violently by the collar of his uniform. "Impatient brute," he grumbled. The bear turned to face Nick and revealed Big sitting on his paw. Nick greeted Big in the traditional way, kissing the tiny adorned hand offered to him. He fantasized about biting it off.
"Let me explain the situation, Nicky," Big began. "A month ago, Finnick made a promise to produce a profit for me through selling clothing and other general goods that I had given him for free. He failed to sell and produce the profit promised me. He then tried to lie about making any money whatsoever and was avoiding me for several days." Big stood up from his seat. He walked to the tips of his bear's motionless fingers and stared at Nick. "I'm tired of his failures and dishonesty, Nicky. If you can survive a bet, I will grant Finnick a three-week extension for his debt."
"And if I fail?" Nick asked warily. He could hear Finnick whimpering behind him from deeper in the house.
"if you lose, Finnick will be shaved completely naked and paraded across Zootopia. He will be exposed as an untrustworthy hustler. His reputation will be tarnished to the point of him being unable to make any friends in our..." Big searched for an oblique allusion to describe the illegal trading of undeclared and ill-gotten commerce, "private established business." Nick sighed with contempt.
"Fine, I accept. But what exactly will I have to do?" Big thought for a moment. He stared at Nick's uniform and said,
"You're going to have to remove that offensive outfit." He gestured to the police uniform. "I want you to stand in the coldest part of Tundratown for ten minutes naked. If you fail to last ten minutes, Finnick will be punished. If you succeed, Finnick will be granted the extension." Nick's jaw dropped. The coldest part of Tundratown would hit -20'C on any given day. He could freeze his paws to the point of hospitalization in as little as two minutes in that weather, especially standing in the snow.
"But this is impossible," Nick protested. Big scowled.
"Then let us go tell your friend how big of a failure you are. And you can be the one to inform him of his punishment." Nick anxiously glanced at Finnick.
"Wait!" Nick wiped his face before resting his hands on his hips, defeated. "I'll try it," he said, panting with the heat of nervousness.
"Marvelous." The guard carrying Big walked to the next room where Finnick was being kept. Nick followed them.
"Nick! Hey buddy. I'm sorry about this."
"Not as sorry as I'm going to be," Nick replied.
"You can't lose Nick. They're nuts." Finnick pleaded.
"Well, at least you won't be freezing yours," said Big. "Nicky is going to have to stand in the freezing tundra naked for ten minutes. If he can last this punishment, you will have another shot at paying me what you owe. If he loses, you will be shaved and paraded around Zootopia as a warning to others, not to cross Big." Finnick grumbled.
"When do we start, and where are we going?" Nick asked.
"North to the border wall that separates the Tundra from the Sahara. It's a short drive. And everyone will be going." Big turned toward the kitchen and clapped his hands.
"Manchas!"
"Yes, sir?" The jaguar appeared from around the corner, peeking his head out of the kitchen.
"Are you done cleaning yet? We're going to be taking a little trip with our guests here. Get the car warmed up."
"Yes, sir." Manchas bowed then left to prepare their vehicle.
Nick and Finnick were kept apart by the polar bear wedged between them in the car. They could see fierce winds licking up the snow and lashing at the car windows.
"Crap," Finnick muttered. A fine reaction to compliment the dread running through Nick's mind. Nick was trying to figure out how he was going to protect himself while standing like an idiot naked in the tundra. The car suddenly stopped.
"Get to it Nicky," Big commanded. A twisted smile formed on his lips, revealing needle thin fangs. Nick silently took off his clothes, took a deep anxious breath and barely opened the door before the wind stole the door from his weak grasp and hit the passengers with a wall of snow.
"Aww, I'm not even out of the car," pouted Nick. The bears' shoulders shook with a rare chuckle. He took the first painful step outside, letting his bare paws touch the iced snow of the tundra. "Nope. Not going to work." He danced and jumped and hopped as best he could, curling up on his paws while hugging his tail for warmth. He held his hands in prayer and squeezed them between his thighs. The bears, who barely seem to make any facial expressions, grinned with amusement at the distressed fox.
"it's only been forty seconds!" Finnick Shouted, as he anxiously kept an eye on the clock. Easy for Finnick to say. His paws weren't stinging from the pain like he was standing on knives. His snout wasn't drying up. Nick's ears screamed with the agony of a crippling, burning cold. When the stinging cold started giving way to numbness, and the energy began to fade from Nick, he submitted to the violent tundra and dashed back into the car.
Big stopped his watch and sighed,
"Meh. You lasted two minutes. Let's get you losers back inside. You will have to watch Finnick be shaved." Nick lowered his aching ears in defeat, unable to look at Finnick who sneered at him and gave him a side eye.
"Thanks, buddy," Finnick said.
"Whatever," Nick mumbled. If Finnick just quit this stupid life, he wouldn't be getting into such trouble.
Why couldn't he try honest work for a change?
Finnick shouted and cursed defiantly at the guards after the shaving. They held him for three more days and paraded him through several public streets across the districts of Zootopia. All of Big's acquaintances and connections were sure to see the spectacle. Finnick was a message: If you make a deal with Big, you better deliver.
Nick lied in the bath with one arm hanging over the edge of the tub. He sighed content as he breathed in the steamy water. The only disturbing thoughts he had were of his failure to protect Finnick from career suicide. The severity of what Finnick experienced was not lost to Nick. Finnick was lucky to escape with his life. But without a means to support himself and with no reputation, it was not a life worth living. Judy called through the door,
"Your phone."
"I'll be out soon," he replied. Nick sat up and stared at the ripples and soap bubbles concealing his lower half. "I bet it was Finnick." Nick unplugged the tub and slowly stood up straight, careful to not spill water out of the tub. He let the drain swallow the bath water and slowly stretched. As relaxing as the bath was, there was bound to be more trouble with the fennec and his thoughts wouldn't let him relax.
The smell of food snaked its way into the bathroom. "Oh, yes." Judy had been cooking. He quickly brushed his wet fur then used the special hairdryer bolted to the wall. It was a flat rectangular machine that whirred and gently blew warm air from its vent. He stretched his legs and arms, turning and bending to expose harder to reach areas for drying. The warm air tickled underneath his tail. When he was satisfied, he shut it off then dressed. He met Judy outside of the bathroom standing with her arms crossed, rapidly thumping a foot, glaring at him.
"Um, hey." Nick smiled.
"You want to tell me why Finnick was desperately calling you for help just a moment ago?" Nick froze,
"Uh, no?"
"What is going on?" Judy asked sternly.
"I don't know, yet. I haven't spoken to him." Judy sighed with a little relief.
"Well, if there is anything I can do to help, don't leave me in the dark. And don't let him get you into trouble. When I came back from work the day you left, I saw you shivering and looking ill. You don't need his stress."
Nick smiled. He adored her care, her love.
"I'll try, sweetheart." If only she knew that he was shivering that night because he was engaging in a stupid dare to help Finnick. His phone rang again. Nick picked it up and smiled when he saw the picture above Finnick's name. He and Nick were wearing matching costumes. They dressed like cheesy breadsticks. Nick was a full breadstick, but Finnick dressed like a half-eaten one with fake cheese dripping over the top. Nick excused himself by holding up a finger as he took the call. Judy shrugged and took her freshly served dinner to the bedroom. Grateful for the privacy, Nick snuck out of the apartment.
"Hey, buddy," Nick said in a gentle voice.
"Um, hi," Finnick replied. There was an awkward silence. "Damn it, Nick. I'm sorry for this crap. Listen, I got nothing. Zero. All my belongings were taken by Big. They wrecked my car. I got no equipment, van or money. Big took what he wanted and destroyed everything else and left me in the dirt. I got nowhere to go. No clothes and I'm not going to grow my fur back for another two weeks at least. All I have are these stupid pj's."
"Say no more," Nick said. "Meet me outside, and I'll help you get some clothes and a room to stay in."
"I'm a piece of trash, Nick," Finnick replied. "Why do you continue to help me?" Nick listened to Finnick sniffling over the phone. He sighed, wondering this himself. Nick wondered if it would be easier if he wasn't so compassionate.
"You're my buddy. I'm not going to let you down that easily. And, I am still the one who lost that bet. Just come downtown to the neighborhood and we'll go shopping together. I'll get you hooked up."
"I'm already in the area," Finnick replied and hung up.
Judy opened the front door and stood with a puzzled expression.
"Hey, not having dinner? Where are you off to now?" Nick bit his lip. Was she eavesdropping?
"Uh, sorry. I have to take care of something," he said.
"Sweet Cheese and Crackers..." Judy shook her head.
"Alright, I won't be asking any more questions. When you're ready to let me know everything, I'll be here." She sighed.
"I love y-"
"Yeah, yeah." Judy interrupted, then closed the door on him.
"Goodbye," whispered Nick. He lowered his head in shame.
Nick Spotted Finnick a block away from his apartment. He gingerly approached Nick, still stinging from humiliation. Nick grit his teeth as he fought back a smile when he saw the hideous sight. Finnick was bald. His bright pink skin practically glowed under the streetlights. Nick could see the wrinkles and folds of Finnick's skin. The lack of fur made his eyes more prominent and bug-like. His ears looked like bat wings. Add to that the coconut printed pajamas he wore, and he was comically hideous. The pj's were used for one of his old scams.
"Well, um..."
"Shut it, Nick!" Nick jumped back.
"Whoa! Alright." He draped an arm over Finnick's shoulders. They walked around the city together looking for any clothing shops that have not yet closed for the night.
"Finnick I'm going to have to tell Judy, like it or not."
"Damn," he muttered. 'I don't need her going all ZPD on me. I don't need the extra attention right now."
"She is zeroing in on me and really applying pressure. You know I cave when she gets upset." Nick said.
"You love her too much you big wuss," Finnick grumbled.
"I know," he sighed. The two found a shop that could accommodate Finnick's size, but the selection was pricey. After mulling over his options, Nick pushed his budget up a bit to help Finnick. He bought large sunglasses to help mask his face. He covered his head with a wide hat and wore a plain set of red long-johns and a scarf. After the purchase, Nick checked his wallet and shook his head. He didn't have enough to help Finnick find a room for the night. And Nick wouldn't allow Finnick to dump his burden on anyone else. Nor did he trust anyone else to properly help Finnick. It was time to give in to the lack of options. "Finnick. You're coming over to our place for the night. And you can call me all the ugly names you want and complain. But you got nowhere to go, buddy."
"Oh for the love of..." Finnick tugged on his ears. "I'm going to get it good with bunny cop upstairs." He crossed his arms. Nick pat him on the head.
"Relax. You'll be okay. You know we're the best people you could end up with right now."
"Only so long as this stays between us," pleaded Finnick.
"I will talk to her. Just come with me already before I drag you by those dish plates you call ears."
"Do that, and I'll bite your tail," Finnick replied with a grin. Nick laughed,
"Yikes."
As they approached the apartment, Nick grabbed his key then froze. He sighed,
"Here we are..." Nick nervously stared at the key. Finnick looked at him with mild annoyance.
"Well?"
Nick dropped his readied arm and said, "Wait here for a bit," He slowly worked up the courage to finally open the door. He walked in and noticed she left his dinner in a container on the table. It was almost 11 P.M. He sneaked into their room and saw Judy had fallen asleep. Nick exhaled, "Oh boy." He walked towards her as if he was approaching a crime scene.
"Hey, Judy." Nick gently shook her. She blinked and looked at him, still maintaining that frown he saw when he left the house.
"I'm sorry. For all of it. But there was some trouble," he said.
Judy sat up and rubbed her eyes. She folded her paws in her lap.
"Alright, Foxy. Let's hear it."
"I lied when I left the restaurant. I wasn't ill. I used that as an excuse to leave my shift so I could help Finnick get out of a bad spot. I didn't know what to expect when I got to Big's place. It ended up with me losing a bet that caused Finnick to lose even bigger. He is right outside our door with nowhere to go and no belongings. I just bought him clothing with half of my last paycheck."
Judy smiled in disbelief. She tugged on her ears, "Oh, you foxes!" she lied back on the bed and huffed. "You're a cop. What the hell were you thinking? Bring him inside. You foxes are unbelievable."
Nick allowed Finnick in. He dropped his bag of new clothes down near the door and looked around.
"Not that bad," he said.
"Judy will let you stay," Nick said.
"Finnick, you suck!" She shouted from the other room.
"I know," he replied sourly. Nick used a large basket to prepare a bed for Finnick in their living room.
Judy approached them and said, "We have to go to work tomorrow, Nick. But when we get back, we're going to put a stop to this dirty dealing nonsense. We're cops. I need you to pull your weight on this."
"And how do we make Big go away?" Nick asked.
"Big is only part of this problem. I'm talking about your friend. He needs to clean up his act. And why is he dressed like that?"
"Guys!" Finnick cried out. "Isn't it enough humiliation that I had the worst week of my life? Do I need to see my moron friends fight over me too?" He jumped into his bed and curled up in a blanket, trying to hide from the shame.
Judy huffed and stood with her arms on her hips. She spoke to the shaking lump under the blanket.
"Whatever. Look, tomorrow your days as a professional street hustler are over Finnick."
"As Judy says it, it shall be done," Nick pretended to wave a wand. Judy frowned his way. "He won't be able to last on the streets anyway given what happened. Nobody will deal with him now." Nick looked at Finnick. He peeked his head out from under the blanket, keeping his ears concealed and still wearing the sunglasses. "Tomorrow you will be joining us upstanding citizens."
"You guys are too much," said Finnick, lightly smiling.
"Oh, you must be starved," Nick said. "Here.
Have my dinner."
Nick gave him the container of food left for him by Judy.
Finnick would stay with Nick and Judy for another month before lucking out and getting a place. They continued to support him until he managed to get a loan to start up his own small business called 'Finnick's Fabrics'. He sells sheets, clothing and other threads and fabrics.