This story is inspired by an experiment of mine today. For all you kids at home: don't try this. There is a reason cookies are done in the oven.
"I'm hungry," announced Ness, flopping sideways in his chair.
"Then get some food," replied Pit from the other side of the kitchen.
Ness rolled his eyes. "Thank you Captain Obvious."
"Well, apparently it's not obvious enough, because you haven't done it."
Ness opened his mouth to retort, but then realized he had nothing to say to that, so he switched topics. "I want a cookie," he decided aloud.
"Cookies sound like a good idea," agreed Pit. "Do we even have any cookies?" Ness hopped out of the chair and went to inspect the cupboard. "I don't think so," he said, disappointed. He went to the refrigerator instead and peered inside. "Well, we have cookie dough. We can make some cookies!"
"Cool!" said Pit. Then he frowned. "How do we do that?"
"There are instructions on the container, genius," said Ness, walking over to the table and placing down the plastic tub of chocolate chip cookie dough. He observed the side of the container. "You know, the Pillsbury doughboy kind of freaks me out. He's always waving, and smiling…toothlessly."
"Aw, come on," chided Pit. "You never know, he could have selflessly donated his teeth to make dentures or something for people who need teeth." Ness looked at him. "Okay, yeah, he's kinda creepy," admitted Pit. "So what now?"
"Well, we-" Ness scanned the instructions and broke off. "Oh no, we have to use the oven."
"Well, why can't we- oh, yeah. You can't use the oven anymore, can you?" Pit smirked.
"Shut up, you're not allowed to use it anymore either."
"That whole thing was still your fault. And you still can't use the toaster without supervision!"
"You refuse to even use the toaster at all, you weirdo."
"Toasters are dumb. Anyway, now how are we going to make cookies?"
Ness sighed. "Uh…we can eat the dough straight-up. I bet it's still pretty good."
"Until you get salmonella," commented Pit. He looked around the room. "I know!" he exclaimed. "We can use the microwave! I does the same thing, pretty much."
"You're right!" said Ness. "Let's try it." He got a plate and a spoon, and scooped a few globs of dough onto the plate. He placed them it in the microwave and closed the door. "How long do you think we should put them in for? The container says 12 minutes…"
"Nah, microwaves are faster than ovens. Probably more like four minutes."
Ness punched it into the machine and returned to the table. "Okay, let's see how this works!"
After a few minutes, it began to smell strange in the kitchen. "Huh," mused Pit. "Do they usually smell like that?"
"I don't think so…but they're not usually microwaved either," Ness pointed out. The microwave dinged, and Ness leapt out of his seat to see how the cookies turned out. Pit followed him to the machine and opened the door. They were greeted by an immense cloud of black smoke that surged out into the room with the smell of burnt chocolate.
"Oh jeez!" coughed Ness, closing his eyes to block out the smoke and staggering back. He walked into Pit and sent both of them sprawling on the floor.
"Okay, that didn't work!" said Pit, managing to get to his feet and approach the microwave. As soon as he did, he jerked back again. "I think the cookies are on fire!" he yelped.
"I'll put it out!" cried Ness, leaping forward and throwing out his hand. A spark shot out and exploded in the machine, further setting the contents ablaze. "Oh yeah, I can't do water. Oops."
The fire alarm began to blare piercingly. Pit managed to find his way to the counter, where he grabbed a dishcloth. He then used it to pick up the plate and throw it and its contents forcefully into the sink, making the dish crack in half, and sprayed them with water. The fire died down, with smoke still filling the room. Ness could hear people coming through the doorway to see what the problem was, exclaiming and coughing. Someone threw open the windows, and most of the smoke dissipated within fifteen seconds.
Link, having gotten rid of the smoke, turned to see Pit and Ness standing by the counter, slightly charred and panting. The microwave was wide open, foul-smelling smoke still drifting about inside. The sink was running and was beginning to overflow onto the floor, sending broken pieces of dishes and charred, goopy bits of something to the ground.
"What on earth were you two doing?" exclaimed Link. "You nearly burned down the kitchen again."
"We're making cookies," Ness informed him, pointing to the sad bits of what used to be cookie dough on the floor.
Needless to say, after repairing the charred microwave, Pit and Ness needed to be supervised with that as well as the toaster. Their prospects with the oven weren't looking so good either. Such was the never-ceasing war between complicated appliances and trouble magnets.
...I've noticed that a lot of Smashers seem to have appliance issues. I feel those guys.