I'm so glad you made time to see me How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while You've been good, busier than ever We small talk, work and the weatherYour guard is up,
and I know why
God what the hell did I do? I was such an idiot, thinking he wasn't the one, that he wasn't good enough. To tell the truth I forget why I even broke up with Kyle. Oh wait, now I remember
I became a fucking coward.
I can't get that look of betrayal that was on his face. Iv never seen or felt heart break but i saw it in those beautiful emerald orbs. He tries to cover up the Hurt with anger but I saw those tears fall.. How long has it been like this?
6 months. The longest 6 months of my life
And the worst part was that this happened right around his birthday.
6 months earlier
I sat at Starks Pond, waiting for him to arrive and meet me here. I needed to talk to him, about us. I wasn t sure if I cold do it anymore. The bullying, the name calling, sometimes even threats, on both of us not to mention both our parents arnt exactly gay rights . They both hate what we are. Im not sure if I can handle it all. I feel a sudden weight on my back and arms hugging my shoulders. hey! Im here! he says happily. I look to my side and see him smiling, so happy. His green eyes sparking with excitement. God I wish I didn t have to do this. I sigh and he knows something is wrong. He's like that, able to look inside you and see what your feeling without asking a combustion. He stands back a little while I get up. ok,whats up? Your acting weird. I look at him, sadly. Hating myself for what im about to do.
kyle? he's now on edge, he walks closer, worried about me. what is it? whats wrong? he asks so concerned. I look away form those emerald eyes I love so much. I cant look at him. Kyle...it's over. I can't do this anymore. he seems stunned. Like the information hasn t sunk all the way in. then his voice cracks just slightly,barely noticeable but I did. I know that s the start of a major break down, when his voice cracks. W-what? Why? Did I do something wrong? I continue looking away, even turning my back to him. it wasn t anything you did, your were great, perfect. It's me, I can't handle it anymore. I can't handle all this hate we keep getting. I see how it affects you, it hurts you so much. It hurts me to. I think it's better that we end things, that way maybe we can live normal lives.
I hear him, cover up the hurt with anger. He does that a lot. live normal lives? Were in fucking south park! Nothing here has ever been normal! Please stay with me, we can beat them! I laugh bitterly. with what? Love? Peace? Those anti Gays don't care about that, they just care about there fucking perfect world and us messing it up. Im sorry kyle, but I just can't. I run. Run back back home, away from those green eyes, the red hair and the tears that are surly falling by now. I still wanted to be friends, I tried to call but each time I just got hung up on. I gave up.
Because the last time you saw me Is still burned in the back of your mind You gave me roses, and I left them there to die
So this is me swallowing my pride Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night And I go back to December all the time
And now 6 months later im wishing I hadn t done that. Not a day goes by were I don't think of him, dream of him. Im going crazy thinking about that bouncy head of red curls, those green eyes that held such fire and passion. It's December now, Christmas time. The snow outside falls steady and heavy. Well it's now or nothing. I grab my orange parka an head out the door, not caring what my parents will think.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine I go back to December, turn around and make it alright I go back to December all the time
These days, I haven't been sleeping Staying up, playing back myself leaving When your birthday passed, and I didn't call
As I walk down the cold snowy road, memories comes flooding back. Back in the summer, when we went on a road trip. We got lost for 5 hours but we didn t care, we got lost but I think the getting lost part was more fun then the trip itself.
Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times I watched you laughing from the passenger side And realized I loved you in the fall
but then as the fall came, and school started, it all started coming down. Bully s bothered him non stop, and anything I did they didn t care. There s been many nights where he called me, needing me. Most of the time he woke up from a nightmare and each time he called I went over but the guilt that I was doing this to him was horrible. I didn t know what to do.
And then the cold came, the dark days When fear crept into my mind You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye
I walk down the snow covered side walk. Snow slowly building up on the brown fur around my face. Crap, my hands and feet are freezing. Guess it would hep to were gloves and were boots, not plain tennis shoes. Oh well. Before I now it im standing in front of his house. I take a breath and knock on the door. I almost turned around and went home when the door opened. It was Kyle, looking very surprised to see me.
So this is me swallowing my pride Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind I go back to December all the time
Kenny? What are you doing here?' I speak, a small stutter in my voice. I-i had to see you. Can we talk? he looks at me sternly, should have known he would go without any kind of fight. what? Like the talk we had 6 months ago? I look at him pleading. please kyle? he thinks it over then grabs his coat and comes outside with me. He sighs irritated. ok, this better be good.
I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile So good to me, so right And how you held me in your arms that September night The first time you ever saw me cry
I sigh. Not really sure of what to say. kyle, what I did was so stupid. Im not evens sure why I did but I swear if I had you I would never let you go again. I gently take his small hands. Soft like baby skin. I swear if I had you again, id love you right. I see him confused but at the same time relieved and happy. how do I know you won't leave again? you don't, but trust me when i saw I will never leave you again. my eyes start to water.
Maybe this is wishful thinking Probably mindless dreaming But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right
I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't So if the chain is on your door, I understand
I love you so much but if don't take me back I understand, you have every right to- suddenly im cut off by him taking my head in his hands and pushing our lips together. Huge kiss, I quickly relax into the kiss and cup his face. We break apart and see there is a huge smile on his face again and that spark back in his eyes. I love you too much to send you back. all I can do at that moment, grab his beautiful red curls and crash my lips with his. He smiles into the kiss as I touch my tongue to his lips, asking for entering. He happily lets me enter, letting me deepen our kiss. I swear, il never leave this boy again.
This is me swallowing my pride Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night And I go back to December
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine I go back to December, turn around and make it alright I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind I go back to December all the time, all the time