Be Still My Past

Chapter 1

Summary: Arizona is a profiler for the FBI who lost someone she deeply loved and Callie is a Peds Surgeon who has a broken Past. What will happen when these two have a chance meeting at the oddest of places. Will they help put each other's pieces back together and grow or will things fall apart even more? Follow these two on a personal journey of understanding as they figure who they are.

Disclaimer: We do not own any of the characters of Greys Anatomy, but how we wish we did.

A/N: Hey guys, this is a collaboration with yourlocalcmgirl on and we really love this and it holds a special place in our hearts We hope you enjoy it, and let us know if you to be added to the tag list. The chapters will be separated by POV, starting with Arizona's. Constructive is very much appreciated, we hope you have an amazing day.

A/N 2: This story has some talk of suicide. We will warn you when the trigger warning is.

Now onto our story…

Chapter 1:

Arizona's POV

2012

Anger, hurt, denial, and depression. This is what I've been feeling for the last 3 weeks. They say there is 5 stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. The last part, acceptance… how am I supposed to accept that the love of my life, the women I was supposed to marry, committed suicide? I am a world renown Behavioral Analyst for heaven sakes. How did I not see that she was depressed? How did I not see that something was wrong?

Was I working too much? Was I traveling too much? I worked so hard to make it to the BAU. I just needed a little time to get settled in and find my bearings. But I shouldn't've let my job take so much space. I should've been home more. All the time I devoted to finding justice for victims and their loved ones. All the while my own family was suffering. Suffering to the point where her only out was to take her own life. I should've been there. I should've seen it.

My best friend,Teddy Altman, came down for the funeral and stayed with me for a couple of days. She wanted me to go back with her to stay; but I couldn't leave. At the time, leaving just meant running and, Arizona Robbins didn't deserve to run away from my grief. Not this time. No, this was my fault.

After a week and a half of Teddy not being able to get a hold of me and worrying about me, she threatened that if I didn't come stay with her for a while she would call my parents and have them invade my home. I love my parents but that just isn't an option. So here I stand, in the middle of the airport, at baggage claim waiting for my luggage.

"Hey Zo, how was your flight?" Teddy asked as I gather the rest of my luggage. I stare at my best friend's hazel eyes, I just can't hold it in any longer. At a point, the sting of tears is just too strong to keep fighting against it. Teddy rushed to my side and engulfed me in a hug. "Hey, hey Zo, everything is going to be alright. We're going to get you settled and we are going to get you help."

Trying to sniff back the rest of my tears, I pull away. "Ha-how can you s-say that T-T-Tedddds? How can you say that ev-everything is going t-to be ok-kay? The love of my life c-c-committed suicide and it's all my fa-fault! I am the help; don't you see that? Her suicide is on me and I have to live with that g-g-guilt for the rest of my liiife. I deserve to deal with the guilt for the rest of my life."

Teddy pulls me into her embrace, "Arizona Nicole Robbins, first off, none of this is your fault. You…"

She's wrong, of course all of this is my fault, how does she not see that? Pushing her away from me I interrupt her, placing a hand in front of her face, "Teddy, STOP IT, JUST STOP IT. Stop trying to placate all of this."

Teddy grabs my hand and stops me from going any further. "Okay, Okay, I'm sorry let's just go home and get you settled and we'll figure this out…"

REALLY! REALLY! "Teds, what's there to figure out?" I shouldn't've come here. I should've stayed home. I'm not in the place to be around anyone.

Squeezing my hand for comfort Teddy lets out a sigh. "Arizona, can we please just go home and talk about this, please?"

Giving up and realizing that we're still in the airport, I surrender and just let it go for now. "Okay."

Thirty minutes later, and a very quiet and awkward drive home we drive up unto Teddy's driveway. Getting out of the car and walking to the house, I wait for Teddy to unlock the door. Walking in, I set my purse on the side table. Just as I'm about to ask where I'll be staying, Teddy stops me "Can we please have a cup of coffee or your beverage of choice and just sit and talk?" Of course she read me. The only thing I want to do is curl up around a pillow.

Putting my thumb and my pointer finger on my nose and giving it a good pinch to subside the headache, I just can't "Teds can we talk later, I'm feeling jet lagged and just want to rest? I'll talk to you some more later just… please let me rest for a little bit."

After promising that, Teddy points me in the direction of the room I'll be staying in. Changing into something more comfortable and folding back the comforter and sheets, I climb into bed. Since the death of my fiancé, sleep hasn't been my best friend at all. Having taken Xanax before I got on the plane to take the edge off my fear of flying and the mixture of crying so much, I finally succumb to sleep.

Beginning of dream

"Sara, what are you doing?" I exclaimed. Trying to feel for where I 'm walking. It's 2 days before our wedding and Sara says she has a surprise for me. Walking through what seems to be grass, leaves and sticks, I look up trying to get a sneak peek at what exactly is going on. The scarf that is groping my sight of vision has kept me from seeing anything. Loving that (more than likely) where we are going is somewhere that we can escape the abundance of family and friends that corrupted our house, but hating that it's a surprise I try and stay calm. "That's what I am right now calm, cool, and collected."

Trying to shift me to run Sara says. "Honey, we are almost there. I promise you, this will be a memory of a life time." Having me stop dead in my tracks she directs me up a few steps and opens a door. "Are you ready?" she asks me.

Nodding my head up and down she takes the offending item from my eyes to adjust. What greets me is something I've never seen before. Inside the house there are heart shaped lights strung all about, with red, pink, and white rose pedals leading to a heart shaped bed with candles lit on the out skirts of the bed. Tears rimming my eyes I say; "This is amazing baby. How did I ever get so lucky to be engaged to the most remarkable women ever?" Kissing up and down my neck, I am lead to the bed. "Oh, I really love where this is going."

Stopping her movements and sitting down on the bed motioning for me to sit beside her. "Hey love, I need to talk to you." Pulling me to her embrace she says "I love you with all my heart, you are my world. That's why what I'm about to tell you is so hard for me."

Furrowing my eyebrow. "What are you talking about? Hard to tell me?"

Pulling her pointer finger to my lips she quiets me. Pecking me on the lips she starts again. "What I was trying to say is that I have to leave…"

"Leave? What are you talking about?" Tears brimming at my eyes again. "Where are you going? When will you be back.?"

Again, putting her finger to my lips, she tries again. "Baby, please don't interrupt me. I have to say this. I'm leaving… I can't come back. I need you to do something for me. The key to your heart will be Adriana, follow your heart." Turning away from me. "I will always love you, know that." And with that she disappears.

"No, no, no! Don't leave I'll do anything just please… please… PLEASE DON'T LEAVE." As I crawl out of the bed to go chase after the love of my life as she disappears.

End of dream

"Sara, please don't leave, I need you." Tear stained eyes open wide, I'm brought out of my dreams by my blonde haired best friend.

By instinct my arms wrap around the waist beside me, thinking… hoping… believing… wanting the body beside me to be the reality of my desire. "Ari, wake up. You're dreaming. It's only a dream." Teddy tells me while trying to soothe me. Regaining consciousness and furrowing my eyebrows in confusion while lifting both my legs and folding my arms around them, I inquire "Teds, wa-what are you doing here? Why were you shaking me?"

Now it's her turn to be confused. "Um, I live here and you were crying and screaming out from your dream. You kept yelling for Sara to come back." Biting on her bottom lip, she's apprehensive. I can tell she's nervous for whatever's coming next, "Do you maybe, want to talk… about your dream? It's just, you were screaming?" Placing her hand on my leg and looking square in my blue eyes, she says "Zo, let me help. I can't be there for you if you insist on putting up all these walls. You're a therapist, you know how this works. You have to want some help, sweetie."

"That's where you're wrong Teddy. If I was really any good, wouldn't I have seen what she was going through? I should've been able to see the signs of someone who was about to commit suicide, so no Theodora Altman, I'm no therapist...I am nothing." Pushing her and off me I deadpan. "Go! Just go! This was a mistake, I'm going to make a reservation at a hotel and fly out first thing in the morning. I shouldn't have come. I need to figure this all out on my own, I'm sorry…"

Grasping my shoulders Teddy tries to get me to stop my rambling. "God, damn it Arizona, you need to stop. First off you are NOT nothing. Look at what you've done with yourself all these years. You're an amazing FBI agent and an outstanding behavioral therapist. You are not going to a hotel and you are not flying out in the morning."

Closing her eyes and taking a couple calming breaths, Teddy begins again. "Look I love you, you are my best friend. You're like a sister to me, but I meant what I said and if you go back home I will make sure of it that your parents are on the first plane out to your house."

Taking my hand in hers she looks me in my tearful eyes. "I know this whole thing is hard on you. None of this is your fault, but Arizona, you yourself know the signs weren't there. I mean come on, I was at your house a week prior to her suicide and all I saw was love between the both of you. You two were all over each other. Half of the time I thought I was going to have to stop you from all the touching and the make out sessions before you started getting down and dirty in front of everyone." Teddy winked, trying to joke and lighten the mood.

Getting a slight chuckle out of me, Teddy lets out a breath that she hadn't realized that she was holding and continues, "What I am trying to get at is the way you two looked at each other with so much love and adoration, there is no way you would have been able to see signs of depression let alone signs of suicide." Feeling defeated she sighs, "Z, give me 2 months to help you out, and if you're not getting any better by then, I promise to let you go back home. Just… Please let me help."

Tears flowing down my cheeks, I look to my best friend in the whole world and then towards the door. Feeling like I wanted to run, but at the same time what Teds had said to me made me think. Do I want her help? Was Sara really happy and the signs weren't there? Should I stay? Looking towards Teddy again and then back at the door, I shift to move. I have a decision to make. Should I stay or should I go?

*So, Arizona's fiancé committed suicide. That in it's self is an awful thing to go through.

*In Arizona's dream Sara (her fiancé) mentions "Adriana is the key to her heart." What's up with that?

*After the speech Teddy made, what do you think? Is Arizona going to stay? Or is she going to go?