Yay for us! We finally got our act together and posted a fanfic! Actually Ruby posted lots of fanfics, it's me that's the problem...anyway.
Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings. (When you wish upon a star...)
Tada! Here it is! By the way, although we would like you to, don't feel obligated to review this idiocy.
LORD OF THE RINGS: THE UNTOLD STORY
By Ruby Hardbottle and Lara Bramble of Bywater
Takes place around "A Long-Expected Party" in The Fellowship. Supposedly.
Act I
RUBY AND DROGO CHUBB-BAGGINS: I'm sorry, but you can't go up here until tonight.
BERELICK HARDBOTTLE: Well, why can't we get in?
DROGO C.: The party's not ready yet!
ROSIE-POSIE GAMGEE-TOOK: Ready? Who are you to speak of ready? Where is Mr. Baggins?
DROGO C.: I'm Mr. Baggins's cousin and I'm helping him with the party. (So there!)
TODO SANDYBANKS: Please let me in! I want a girl!
ESMERELDA TOOK-FRUMBLEFOOT: I'll marry you, gladly!
DROGO TOOK-FRUMBLEFOOT: First dibs.
RUBY HARDBOTTLE: I say! Please keep the PDA down! My baby knows what you're thinking!
ALL: Uh-ohs!
Sunset
TODO S.: At last! Ladies, here I come! Prrr!
ESMERELDA: Todo, Todo! Meet me out here after the party. I'm sure my husband Drogo will be too inebriated to care! Use protection, Todoooooo!
ROSIE-POSIE: I say!
ooo
DIMPLE BROADBELT: Oh, Bodo, you're so hot!
BODO BROADBELT: I know.
ooo
BUNGO: Well, why wasn't I invited to the party? You all suck.
PRIMULA: We try, you hobo.
TODO BRAMBLE: What?
ooo
RUBY C.: This party is so sexy. Look at all the sixpacks.
DROGO C.: Ruby dear, this way please. (to Orange-Blossom) What was in that mead?
ooo
GANDALF: Pump up the music, y'all punks! Is this Girls Just Wanna Have Fun? This is like, my song!
All fall silent to give Gandalf funny look.
PODO: (unaware of silence) Oh, Rosie-Posie!
ROSIE-POSIE: Oh, Podo!
ooo
GANDALF: When I say guess, you say, what! Guess,
ALL: What!
GANDALF: Guess,
ALL: WHAT!!!
GANDALF: (singing) We're all gonna die if you don't join the hobbit army!!
LARA: I say!
TODO S.: Are there girls in the army?
GANDALF: Prrr!
TODO S.: I'm in! Oh, what are we fighting for? Women?
ALL MEN: sing A Girl Worth Fighting For from Mulan.
BERELIC HARDBOTTLE: What a song, what a song. Good times.
ooo
GANDALF: So dudettes, er, and dudes, you signing up?
TODO S.: Hell yes!
BUNGO: I refuse! I beleive in peace and equality. Why must you call it a hobbit army? Why? WHY, I ASK YOU!
DROGO T.: Dude, calm down. Can't you see the pretty lights?
ESMERELDA: (winks at Todo S.)
LARA: The salvation of the Shire is at hand!! S0S! Salvate the Shire!
ALL: SOS! SOS!
BUNGO: I suppose I must submit to the majority. You suck.
ALL: We try, you hobo.
TODO B.: What?
PRIMULA: At last! My world domination-er, peace-is upon us!
BERELIC F.: Carry on, dear.
RUBY H.: I feel unsafe.
Act IV
GANDALF: What are we gonna do?
ALL: SOS!
GANDALF: Why?
MEN: Girls!
WOMEN: Guys!
GANDALF: Amen.
ooo
TODO S.: Prrrrrr!
INNOCENT YOUNG CHILD: Are you a cat?
ooo
TODO S.: (to person next to him- Marmadas) Are you married?
MARMADAS: Yes!
GORBULUS: All yours!
MARMADAS: (SLAP)
TODO S.: Never mind.
ooo
TILL: Todo!
TODO S.: Till, old buddy. That dame Orangeblossom married?
TILL: (looks at his wife) (belatedly) Yup.
ORANGEBLOSSOM: Till darling, get away from that nasty man!
TODO S.: I tried.
Act V
FIVE YEARS LATER
TODO S.: I wants a girl! I wants one!
ESMERELDA: I'm here, darling!
NARRATOR: They kiss to thunderous applause.
ALL: Awwww!
DROGO F.: Damn!
THE END
for now.