Jack
She was playing with our child, out in the field behind my family's farm. I was sketching her, her beautiful features coming alive on the paper. My son's blue eyes, just like Rose's, jumped out of the page. Our son crawled around his mother, her laughing up at me with a twinkle in her eyes.
"This is the way it should be Jack" she told me.
"What?" I questioned
"Our life together" she replies suddenly looking sad, tears forming in her eyes.
"This is our life," I said, feeling strange. Like I was not really there. Something was wrong. Rose's dress started to change, becoming red and torn. Our son, a moment ago laughing and playing with his mother, was vanishing. Slowly disappearing.
"Rose? Rose what's happening?" I yelled, fear creeping into me. I started shivering; coldness that was not there a moment ago was taking over my body.
"Rose!" I yelled again. But she was staring at me, fear in her eyes. Tears pooling down her face. She was saying something, but I could not hear.
"Rose!. Don't leave me! Rose please NO" I yelled as everything went black.
I was no longer in the field behind my families farm. There was no Rose. No child. Just cold Atlantic ocean. Endless ocean and no sign of my love. I remembered where I was. Titanic was gone. I was laying on a board from the ship. Dead bodies floating around me. Everywhere you turned, there were bodies. But no Rose. I had lost her hand when the ship went down. I searched, screaming her name. But everybody was screaming. I searched the dark waters but I could not find her. I swam to this board and have been here since. Scanning the waters. Yelling for my lost love. But she was not here. She was gone. My Rose, the woman who gave up two lifeboats for me, the love of my life, was gone. She could not have survived this water. It was shockingly cold. I remembered when we first met. When she was going to jump voluntarily into this death. Before I pulled her back. But it did not matter now. Even with me, she went into that water. That freezing, icy water. She was pulled from me as the ship went down, and probably never surfaced. I was just waiting to die. Waiting to meet up with Rose in heaven. How could this have happened? Why weren't there enough boats? How did we hit something big enough to bring Titanic down? It just seemed like a dream, that none of this ever happened. But I knew it did. The numbness in my body made me know death was near. The pain in my heart knowing Rose was in this as well. Knowing she was alone. Alone because of me. She left the safety of a lifeboat to find me. Now it had been hours since I heard the last screams. There were no sounds but the lapping of the water. No proof of the terror that had just happened except hundreds of bodies floating. Men, women and children. Floating in this water. This was their grave, and my loves grave. This would be my grave.
Rose
"Can anybody here me? Is anybody alive out there" I heard voices. Calling to me through the blackness. Where was I? It was so cold. I slowly opened my eyes. The sun was coming up in the distance, but it was still pretty gray. I was in the Atlantic Ocean. Lying on a board surrounded by dead bodies. What is happening to me? And in a flash I remembered. Titanic. Jack. Titanic was gone. Jack was gone. I was alone in the middle of the freezing Atlantic. Waiting for death. Waiting to see Jack again.
"Hello, is anybody out there" The voice called again. The voice that took me out of my trance in the first place. I slowly turned my head. In the distance I could see a light coming. As they got closer I saw the small boat and men standing, searching the waters for survivors. There were no survivors. I turned my head back around. I did not want to be saved. I wanted to peacefully go and be with Jack. He turned my life around, gave me back my life. He deserved to be here. Since he was not, I would go to him. The voices started getting lower. They were leaving. I turned my head to watch. Watch my saviors leave, leave me here so I could be with Jack. But as I turned my head, the flashlight roamed over me.
"Turn about, there's somebody alive over there, Turn about" somebody yelled. They saw me. They were turning back to me. No! I silently screamed. Don't save me. Not when all these others did not get saved. Where they slowly died. I don't deserve to live without Jack. But they were coming back. I would be saved. As they slowly made there way toward me they kept checking people in the water. After all these hours, they were long gone. I had not heard any more pleas for help in hours. It had been silent. The men reached me and two of them leaned over their boat and lifted me into it. I did not struggle. I was too weak to do much more than sit up on the boat as they looked for more survivors. A dry blanket was put around me.
"Are you ok?" one of the men asked me. I looked up at him, tears pooled in my eyes and asked him the question I was dreading.
"Have you pulled anyone else out alive" I whispered. Fearing his answer. Knowing his answer.
"This was the last boat out. Another boat went earlier and pulled just a few. I believe 3 people have been taken from the water. Now with you it will be four." I only looked at him. Out of hundreds who went into that icy Atlantic, only 4 were pulled out. Why? How could this happen? It was just a short trip. So many lives lost. So many souls. My Jack. Oh God, Jack I can't do this alone. I can't. I need you.
"Jack" I whispered. Knowing I would never see my love again. Knowing that even having only known him a few days, he would have been my life. My reason for living. Now without Jack I had no reason. I wanted to be with Jack. But if I took my life, if I intentionally went out to die, Jack would be disappointed. I would not want Jack to die in vain. I did not want him to be disappointed in me. I needed to try to live. To live for Jack now. I saw a ship in the distance. Carpathia was written on the side. The rescue ship. As I was taken from my boat I prayed one last time for all the lost souls. On deck there were people wandering, looking shocked and scared.
"May I have your name miss?" a man asked me. I looked up at the sky. Knowing what I had to do to live for Jack. Rose Dewitt-Bukater was dead.
"Dawson, Rose Dawson" I replied. Rose Dawson lived.
It had been six months since Titanic went down. Six months without Jack. I was currently in California, working as a waitress in a run down bar. I stayed in a cramped apartment with 2 women above the bar. We all worked as waitresses downstairs and got a discount on rent. 7 months ago I never would have thought I would be serving drunk, nasty men and living above a bar but this is where I am. Jack was a constant thought in my head, pushing me to get through each day. Sometimes I did not believe I could survive another moment of this life, another second without Jack. Without love. But I knew I had to keep going. Keep going for Jack. The only place I went besides work was the beach. I felt closer to Jack there. Never in the water. I stayed far from the water. I laid down in my small cot. Luckily the two other women who shared the room, Leah and Sue, were out somewhere. Probably at a bar picking up men. I closed my eyes and tried to block out the sounds coming from the bar downstairs. I drifted off to sleep thinking of my lost love.
Jack
"Mr. Dawson the car has arrived" the butler, Joe, said coming into the study.
"Thank you Joe, I'll be down in a minute". I had a showing tonight in one of the best galleries in the city. It has been six months since Titanic went down and I lost Rose. Farbizio's name never appeared on a survivor either. I thought back to the last 6 months. After being pulled unconscious from the water I was treated at a New York hospital for hypothermia. During my hospital stay, I shared a room with an older man named Phil who did not have any family left. The doctors said he was pretty ill and was more than likely not leaving the hospital. Once I was discharged I visited him daily, trying to keep his spirits up as he tried with me while I was still there. I did not tell him much about what had happened, but he knew I was a survivor from Titanic and I had lost someone very dear to me. He told me of his wife, who passed a year ago. They had been happily married for 37 years before her death. His heart went bad around her death and he suffered a heart attack landing him in the hospital where even he believed he would not leave. They had a child almost 30 years earlier but she had died during childbirth. His wife was not able to have any more children, but they had each other and that was all they needed. One day while I was visiting him he started speaking of the loss of his wife.
"Jack when Millie died, I thought I would die. I wanted to, believe me. She was my whole world. Nothing mattered but her. I gave up on myself than. I was barely eating, not sleeping and just wanting to die. Then I suffered this heart attack. I had no hope left in me, no reason for living. But than you were wheeled into this room. During your first few nights you spoke out in your sleep. You kept apologizing to a Rose, begging her to come to you. Yelling for her. My heart started warming again. Hearing the pain and anguish in you reminded me of myself, of what I had done to myself after loosing Millie. How if Millie was watching me now, she would be so disappointed. To see me give up, to let go of the life we made would not be what she wanted for me. She would have wanted me to enjoy my time left, knowing I would be with Millie again. But I did not see this. All I saw was that I lost the love of my life, and there was nothing left for me. But than you came. You and your love for this Rose. It reminded me that just because Millie was not physically with me, she would always be inside me. I kept her alive with memories, with living for her. I believe your Rose would want the same for you. Would want you to live your life to the fullest, live for Rose." Tears were streaming down my face now. Hearing him speak I knew he understood. I knew I could tell him what I was feeling and he would understand. I started telling my story to him, starting with winning that hand of poker. When I got to meeting Rose, his eyes softened and my voice cracked.
"She was hanging off the back, and I knew she was going to let go. It didn't matter to me why, all I knew was I had to bring her back over. We spoke for a few minutes and she was very uppity. I knew this was a first-class girl from the clothing, but once she spoke I was convinced. I told her how cold the water was, like a thousand knives stabbing into you" I stopped as the tears overflowed. We both eventually felt those thousand knives. I continued telling him about Cal, the engagement her mother. Finally we came to the last day. The day Titanic sunk.
"She told me than. "Jack, I want to spend my life with you. See the world with you. When this ship docks, I am getting off with you".
"I told her it was crazy, and she laughed telling me that is why she trust is. As I kissed her a loud bang sounded. Ice came flying over the side of the ship and I pulled Rose away. Soon enough we heard crewmen talking and both of us knew. The ship was going down. The ship was going down and there weren't enough boats. We went to tell Rose's family. They had a right to know what was happening. Once we got to the room, there was a guard there. I was being accused of stealing this million dollar necklace from Rose. They pulled the necklace from my pocket. Rose looked shocked, and I don't blame her. She knew I had access to the diamond and knew they just pulled it from my pocket. The guard handcuffed me and took me to a holding room and locked the door. After maybe a half hour, water started coming in from the door. It was freezing and I knew then and there I would die. But Rose would live. I knew being in first class she'd be put on a boat almost immediately. She would be safe from the water." I stopped remembering the relief knowing Rose would live, but also knowing how she'd suffer at Cal's hands, at her mothers.
"I was praying for Rose, praying for me. I heard a voice. Somebody calling my name. I knew immediately Rose came for me. She was running through that freezing water calling my name, the panic in her voice. She saved me from certain death." Phil now had tears rolling down his face, the pain of knowing Rose in the end did not make it made the story all the worst.
"We got up to the deck. Panic had set in and everybody was trying to get in a boat. They were still calling for women and children and I started leading Rose to one. She stopped and turned to me and very clearly, without a hint of doubt or fear told me she would not leave without me. I knew she meant it, but I also knew I had to get her on a boat. Just than her ex-fiancé showed up. He dragged her to a boat promising to get me on one later. I stood on deck watching her being lowered in the boat. Relief at knowing she would live, she would make it. But also sadness knowing I would never see her again. As flares went off in the sky Rose stood. Almost immediately I knew what she was doing, that she was coming back on the ship. I screamed no. Told her to stay, but she jumped. That crazy, fiery woman jumped ONTO a sinking ship" I stopped than, the tears overwhelming me. Phil had tears falling down his face, his arm on mine, giving me comfort. I continued, my mind bringing me back to that time.
"Alright Rose, we need to get to the highest part of the ship. Come on" I grabbed her hand and ran. We still had a chance. I knew this now. We had each other and we would survive. Oh God please let us survive. We were running up the ship. It was so slanted. Screams of the passengers. It was falling apart. Passengers were jumping off the ship already. Screaming all the way down. Children yelling for their parents. Oh my lord, all of us were going to die. We finally made it to the highest part. Ironically, it was exactly where we first me, where Rose tried to jump.
"Rose, this is where we first met" I said to her
"Were going to make it Rose, I promise you, we'll survive." I promised her.
"Come on, we have to get to the other side" I said, while climbing over the rail. The ship was going down. Any minute, Titanic would be no more.
"Rose, listen to me. When I say so take a deep breath. The ship is going to pull us down with it. Hold your breath and keep kicking your feet. Just do not stop kicking your feet Rose. Do not let go of my hand, understand Rose, we will never find each other. Keep my hand." I was yelling now because the screams were louder. People were falling from everywhere, falling into the water. Their dying screams, I knew, would haunt my nightmares. If I lived. Rose's hand gripped mine. We were staring at each other.
"No matter what Rose, don't give up. Promise me Rose, you won't give up." I made her promise. "I promise Jack" she said. At that moment, I yelled for her to take a deep breath, a second after that my body was submerged in the freezing Atlantic.
"I never saw her again" I finished. Both of us with tears streaming down our faces.
"Your Rose reminds me of Millie. That spark, that fire. She had that. I saw it the first time I met her, it was in her eyes. She just needed somebody to bring it out. Jack, I'm terribly sorry you lost your Rose the way you did. I'm sorry you were unable to spend a life with her, but don't let it all be in vain. Don't give up. If you bury your feelings, bury Rose, she is gone. She can live on. She can live on inside of you. But only if you let her. By keeping her memory alive, she can live. Live for Rose now, life for the life you wanted her to have." Phil understood me. He understood my feelings for Rose. I took my sketch pad from behind me. I had drew a portrait of Rose, of how she looked that day we "flew" I wanted Phil to see my Rose. I handed him the picture, and he gently took it.
"She was a beauty. I see the fire Jack. You are an artist? You never said. An incredible artist at that. You've captured your Rose on paper." He stopped suddenly and seemed to be thinking of something.
"Jack can you come back tomorrow? I need to do something right now and I really need to speak with you on this tomorrow." I nodded, confused on how quickly the conversation changed. But Phil seemed more alive during this last hour than I've know him to be in months. His eyes were alive.
"Sure, I'll come back tomorrow morning" That was when my future changed. Phil had contacted an art dealer he knew in the city. He was waiting for me when I arrived in the morning wanting to see some of my drawings. After he glanced at 2 of them he offered me a spot in his gallery. Paying me more money than I had ever seen in my life. Tonight was my big opening. Phil would be there to see it. I currently lived in a mansion with Phil, being his friend, and him being mine. He came more alive every day after our conversation and was released from the hospital almost 2 weeks ago. His health was doing better, and little did I know but he had money. Lots of money. When he was released, he asked me to come stay in his home. We were helping each other grieve. He wanted to help me live, to help me live for my lost Rose. I wanted him to live. Just live. He became a father figure to me. Helping me when I was down and showing me how to live in this world. At times I felt like it was a betrayal to Rose. Living in a mansion and having all this money. But Phil understood why I felt this way and made me realize that the money has nothing to do with it. It is how you as a person respond to having money. Rose may have hated her world, her world with money but she would be proud of me. Proud of what I have become. When my paintings sold, the money went to those less fortunate. I wished Rose was there to share it with me, and at times I broke down, thinking of how she should be able to have this life. But I knew this was impossible, and as Phil said, I needed to keep Rose alive inside of me. To live for her, as she would have wanted me to do. I also thought of Fabrizio. I had been traveling with Fabrizio for over 3 years. He was like a brother to me and loosing him was horrible. I wrote to his family, telling them of Fabrizio's death and sending them money each month to help support them. Fabrizio wanted to come to America to make enough money to bring his family here. I would do everything in my power to see that happen, and now with my own money I could. I lived in the past now, for Fabrizio and Rose. Everything I did was in memory of them.
Rose
"Come on honey, lets go on to my room," the skanky man said into my ear. He smelled bad, was dirty and drunk. He'd been hitting on me since he came into the bar and would not stop. I usually just ignored these men, but this man would not be ignored. He kept grabbing at me and my boss just wanted customers. I was supposed to be nice to the men. But I would not whore myself. I would live on the streets and eat from garbage cans before selling myself to a man. Jack was the only man to touch me. The man grabbed my arm and started dragging me outside. I reacted immediately and kicked him where it would hurt. He let go of me immediately and howled in pain. My boss came over quickly demanding to know what happened.
"Your crazy woman here kicked me! I am a customer and this is not a way for you to get business" the man roared. I tried to defend my self
"He was dragging me outside. I had to protect myself!" I exclaimed to my boss. But I could see in his eyes it did not matter. The customer was always right.
"Rose pack your bags and go. You are fired. Please vacate the room immediately" he said. I just turned and slowly made my way upstairs. Where would I go? I barely had any money saved and definitely not enough to rent me a room and food until I found another position. I packed my meager belongings, including the dress I wore the night Titanic sunk. It was my only reminder of Jack. I took one last look at the place I stayed for the last 6 months and left. Where would I go? At least I was in California where it was warm. I decided to go to the beach where I went often to get away from my roommates. I sat at the beach watching over the ocean. Talking to Jack
"I have no clue what to do Jack. I have no money, no job and no family. I am so alone. Oh Jack, why did you leave me? I can't do this alone. I need you." Tears were running down my face now. Praying for the impossible, for Jack to be here with me. I thought quickly of contacting my mother, of going back to that life. But immediately I knew I could not. Jack memory deserves more from me. Going back to them would put me in the same place I met Jack. I could not do that. But what could I do? How would I live?
"Jack, I'm so scared" I whispered, breaking down crying.
Jack
The show was a success. The morning after the newspapers praised my work.
"Well Jack, you are a success" Phil said to me coming into the dining room.
"Yes, I guess so" I said without much enthusiasm. "Rose would be proud" I said to him. My eyes glistening with unshed tears. Wondering if I would ever get over Rose. Could I ever do anything without thinking of how Rose should be here?
"Yes, she would. Jack I saw in the paper that Rose's family will be holding a memorial service for her next week in Philadelphia. Maybe you should attend, maybe it will give you some closure." Phil said.
"I'll never get closure. Her family never cared about Rose when she lived, why now when she is dead?" I angrily demanded. They have no right mourning the woman they never knew. The woman they tried to kill. The woman who wanted nothing more than to be loved but never got it until it was too late. I would not go.
"It is not about her family. It is about Rose. You have never officially said goodbye to her." Phil said. I knew he was right. But I did not think I could say goodbye. I knew Rose was gone, I knew she would not be coming back but I just could not say goodbye. Not yet.
"I know. But that is not the place. I want to go out to California to say goodbye. I promised to take her there. Show her how to ride horses like a man." I thought back to that day. Her interest in travel, in adventure.
"Will you show me Jack? How to ride horses in the surf? Take me to California and ride the biggest roller coaster in the world!"
"I'll promise to show you everything Rose." I replied. The excitement shining clearly in her eyes. But I never got to show her. I broke my promise." Phil looked thoughtful for a moment.
"They recently opened a gallery in California. Why not set-up a showing of your work there for some time?" Phil suggested. I realized than that I had to go to California. I had to do what I promised Rose I'd take her to do. She deserves it.
"Will you come with me?" I asked Phil, not knowing I could do this myself.
"Of course. I'll make the arrangements" he said.
Rose
I had been unemployed for almost 2 weeks. I had no place to stay and no money to eat. I remembered thinking I would never whore myself. I would eat out of garbage cans before selling myself. Right now I was digging through a garbage can for food. I had not sold myself, but each passing day I realized more and more what made people do it. What forced woman into that life. Would I be forced into it? I was living on the beach and eating from garbage cans. I met another girl around my age who lived on streets. She had been on the streets for over 2 years after he mother died. She had been selling herself for a year now. Nicole was an incredibly sweet girl, but her circumstances forced her to live this life now, as mine did. I knew it was only a matter of time until I had to do it as well. She was saving her money up to get out of California. She hear NY had a lot more job opportunities. She wanted to travel out there and wanted me to go with her but I did not think I could. I felt close to Jack by the ocean. NY had nothing for me. And it was too close to Philadelphia and Cal. I constantly feared being found by Cal or mother and being taken back to that life. I would kill myself before going back. Of course I was slowly dying out here anyway. But I would rather die here alone that with Cal.
"Hey Rosie, find anything good?" Nicole asked coming up behind me. I turned to her to reply but stopped dead. She had a man with her, a man I knew.
"Fabrizio?" I whispered. Shock running through my body. Jack's best friend. I though he died on Titanic as well and it was like seeing a ghost. I checked for his name on the survivor list but he was not there. I had not seen him since the morning Titanic sank. Jack and I never found him during the sinking.
"Rose" he sputtered, shock clear on his face as well. Nicole was looking confused. I remembered her mentioning to me meeting a man recently that she really liked. I never asked his name. She had no idea I was on Titanic and I doubted she knew Fabrizio was either. Titanic was something nobody could understand. I slowly walked toward him.
"Your alive" I stated.
"So are you" he said back his face breaking into a grin. He came forward and picked me up, swinging me around. For the first time in almost 7 months, I had a genuine smile on my face. And I did not feel so alone anymore. I noticed Nicole looking a little sad and immediately remembered she really liked this man. She needed to understand me and Fabrizio and what our connection was. Not going into too much detail, we told her we met through Fabrizio's best friend on Titanic. Nicole knew I lost somebody very special to me, just not how I lost him. She put two and two together and realized. She left us alone to catch up. I took Fabrizio to the beach.
"How are you doing Rose? Do you have a job?" He asked me first. I could see the concern, the fear in his eyes. He knew Nicole worked the streets and thought I did as well.
"I have not fallen that far yet Fabrizio. But I'm close. I worked as a waitress for a little while but got fired. Now I sleep here and find food where I can" I said. He looked shocked.
"But your rich? Why not home? Where is fiancé?" he asked me.
"I could not go back. After all Jack gave up for me, his life for me, I could not go back there. He would have died for nothing." I replied. He nodded
"I understand. I am surprised but realize now just what you two meant to each other. He fell in love with you Rose, you know that right" he said. I nodded.
"I loved him. I just never got to tell him" I said quietly.
"He knew. I know he knew"
"I looked for your name. It was not listed" I said. He nodded.
"It took me a while to recover. My name never did get on. And you? I looked, but you were not there nor was Jack" tears come to my eyes, thinking of Jack.
"I lost him in the water." I said quietly. He appeared shocked
"You were in the water! You first class girl! Why in water?" he yelled at me. I smiled slightly, seeing him have the same reaction Jack did when I would not leave him.
"I could not leave him Fabrizio. I would not leave him" I said. He nodded.
"But why you name no appear?" he asked.
"That girl died. Rose Dawson lived" I replied and he understood.
"Nicole works street. No like it at all, but what can I do I cannot support her. I cannot help. Now I know I can never let you end up there. Jack deserves more from me. I will help you Rose, if you let me." I smiled sadly at him. Realizing I was no longer alone, but still very much so.
"Nicole wants to go to NY. She thinks she can find respectable work there. You probably could as well Fabrizio."
"I know about NY. We all go. Start fresh together. All three of us." I shook my head.
"I want to stay here. NY is too far from Jack."
"But Rosie, Jack is gone and I cannot leave you here alone! No! Jack would never forgive me." I smiled slightly.
"Fabrizio, you must go and try to start you life. NY has more opportunities than California. You and Nicole could start fresh. Just knowing you are out there is enough for me." I said. Knowing I would die a little more in side when they left me. When I was alone again but I knew I had to let them go. I could not go to NY now. Maybe in the future but not now. How could I leave here? The place where Jack and I spoke of going? The only place I felt he could hear me. We dropped the subject for now and spoke of a few other things. Fabrizio told me he wanted to get in touch with his family, let them know he made it to America and would be sending money as soon as he could. I remembered Jack telling me on Titanic about Fabrizio's huge family. When he spoke of bringing them to America, you did not realize that he has 12 brothers and sisters to bring. He'd need a lot of money for that but I knew he would do it. He lived for bringing his family here. Jack told me of his dedication to his family. They were everything to him. Jack told me that every time Fabrizio would make any money, more than half of it would be sent to his family. It did not matter how little he had, more than half always went. We stayed on the beach for some time, talking of Jack. Fabrizio told me stories of him and Jack that I yearned for. Stories of Jack's life. The person he was. We cried a lot that day. But at least we had each other to cry to. The three of us spent a lot of time together during the next month. Nicole understood that there was no romantic feelings between us. We both loved Jack too much for that. I'd probably never have those feelings for another man again. But Fabrizio and I had a connection now. Living through what we lived through has created a bond. I knew Fabrizio would be in my life forever but I had to let him go and start a life with Nicole. He could not find work here and neither could Nicole. But Fabrizio refused to leave California without me. Nicole would not either. I realized than that I had to leave. To give us a chance. We needed to start over again. I turned 18 almost 2 months ago so even if Cal found out I was alive, he could not force me to return to him. I had to let go of California, of the place Jack promised to take me, and move on. Jack lived in my memory, not here in California. I could take him anywhere with me. It was time to leave.
Jack
My showing was a success in California. We'd been here for almost a month when my life changed again forever. A woman had been strolling down the boardwalk. I set up a display there as well and painted portraits for free, remembering how that used to be my livelihood. Not wanting to forget. But this woman was just walking along and she spotted one of my paintings. A painting of Rose. She stopped dead and looked closer to the painting. Than she turned to me.
"This sure looks a lot like Rose" she said to me. I could tell this woman worked the streets. Her clothes were tight but worn and ragged. She couldn't be more than 25 but looked 40. I also knew this woman could not know my Rose. Rose had told me she never went to California, and in her class I could not see her coming into contact with this woman.
"I'm sorry?" I said to her, feeling my body heat up, tensing. What would she say? Phil was behind me and he was listening to us.
"It looks like Rose, almost exact but this woman is obviously a first class girl, not like Rose. She has more weight on her than Rose too but the face similarities is striking." She said studying the painting. Phil walked closer to her.
"And this Rose, you know her?" he asked. I did not want to bother getting my hopes up. Not when I knew what Phil was thinking was impossible.
"I did, but she got fired from the bar we worked at and got thrown out of the room we had. Haven't seen her since but hell this sure does look a lot like a rich Rose." The woman said. Could not be Rose. Worked in a bar? Not a chance.
"This Rose, what was her last name?" Phil asked her. I felt myself holding my breath. Waiting for the response I knew could never come. But than, to my utter astonishment a name I never once thought of came from this woman.
"Dawson, her name was Rose Dawson"
Rose
We arrived in NY and Fabrizio was able to get employment pretty quickly. He became a cook at a small restaurant. I never knew it but Fabrizio was an incredible cook. Nicole and I found positions at a bar. Unfortunately it was not much different than in California with men thinking you available to them whenever. Nicole, Fabrizio and I stayed in a small one room place. I slept on the couch and they had the small room and cot. We were poor, had nothing to our names and were hungry most of the time but I knew I was better off where I was than with my mother. I did not regret my decision to leave my mother. I thought of Jack often. What he would want me to do. I thought of living like this forever. My stomach empty and living with a couple who deserved privacy. I wanted to explore the world like Jack did but knew without him I could not. Would I live like this forever? Would I live in a one room shit hole and working at a seedy bar? I laughed out loud when I thought of my mother seeing me like this. Her daughter working at a bar! She may keel over and die on the spot. I had dreams of Titanic every night, of Jack's hand being pulled from mine. Surfacing in the water screaming for him. I woke in a sweat with tears falling. I could not get over Titanic or Jack. It had been 10 months since Titanic but I was no better now than the day after. I didn't know how to move on. How to get over loosing Jack. Fabrizio and Nicole tried so hard to help me but it was never enough. I felt stuck, unfinished. It was strange but I just felt that I could not give up on Jack. I don't know what that meant since he was dead, but my heart would not let go of him. It was like my life was standing still, waiting for Jack to come for me. But he never would come, and I would be waiting until the day I died.
Jack
"Its just not possible" I whispered for about the 10th time since meeting that woman this afternoon. Phil just looked at me.
"Anything is possible Jack." He replied. After Leah told us the name of her Rose, both Phil and I almost fell down in shock. All I kept thinking was there was no way. My Rose could not have survived. I would have found her. If she was alive, it would mean I left her. I left her alone. If this is my Rose, than not only is she alive, but she took my last name. I knew Rose would do something like that. Honoring me and leaving her past behind. But how could she survive? She was working in a bar? My Rose? I did not know what made me feel worse, knowing she died or knowing she lived in pain. Leah told us Rose was not a happy woman, and Leah and their other roommate took bets on when Rose would throw herself into the ocean. The ocean being where she spent all her free time Leah said. Sitting on the beach for hours on end every day. I could not accept that Rose was alive, but Phil seemed sure.
"You love is not gone Jack. But now you have to find her." He said to me leaving the room to make a call. Rose. Could it be possible? Will we actually have a chance together? Where are you? How could you have survived that water? How are you surviving the streets? Leah did say Rose was not one of the bar's "working girls" but everyone knew eventually she would be. But she got fired first and nobody has seen her since. Where could she have gone? Is she still in California? Did she come here as I did to feel closer? To fulfill a promise we never thought we'd be able to keep? The questions were driving me insane, the biggest one is if it really is my Rose. Did she survive the horror of Titanic and change her name? Or did my Rose never surface, as I have believed for the past 10 months? Phil came into the room than, a huge smile and twinkle in his eye.
"She's a strong woman Jack. It is your Rose" he said to me, a tear escaping down his face.
"How do you know" I whispered, my heart pounding, my mind begging God to let it be true.
"I called the White Star office for a survivor list of Titanic passengers. They confirmed a Rose Dawson was saved but the strangest thing was there was no record of Rose Dawson boarding the ship in the first place. The man said it was a mystery to them" Oh God. My Rose was alive. She was somewhere out there, alone. Could she be back with her mother? I would completely understand if she felt that was her only choice. I knew how it felt to be hungry and homeless and lonely.
"Phil, she's alone. How am I going to find her?" I questioned, guilt filling every part of my being. Guilt of not looking harder, of believing she was dead. The biggest guilt was knowing I've been living comfortable, actually more than comfortably and she was working in a bar and staying in a room above. Oh God, how would I find her?
Rose
"Now this piece is wonderful, look at the way the light is reflecting off the water" I said to Nicole. We were touring one of New Yorks finest art galleries. Usually this was not something we could afford, but today there was no charge so the three of us went. I was immensely enjoying myself. More than any other time in the past 10 months. Art. My Jack's passion. I thought Jack's drawings were better than most I saw here. He could have his work here. He would have made something of his art. I knew it. If he only had the chance.
"Look! That's Rosie!" Nicole exclaimed suddenly. I spun quickly to see what she was talking about. When I saw what painting she was referring to, I almost fainted. It was me. It was me flying on the bow of Titanic. Just like I did that day with Jack. It was the same dress I had on, the same everything except Jack was not behind me.
This picture captured my expression perfectly. How could somebody have drawn this? Who could have done this. I felt the strangest sensations in my body. My heart was pounding so fast I thought it would break. Only Jack could capture me this way. Only Jack. I searched the picture's edge for what my heart wanted to see but my mind said was impossible
"JD, September 10, 1912" I gasped. It was impossible. There was no way this was happening. My Jack could not have sketched this picture. But I knew, only Jack could. But his was 5 months after he died. How is this possible?
"Rosie, it's his" Fabrizio whispered shaking his head, "How could this be" he questioned. Nicole understood and went off in search of somebody who worked here. I looked up at the drawing. It was me in ever detail. My eyes were sparkling with excitement and freedom and love. My hair was blowing in the wind and it was the same dress I wore that day. My mind was screaming at me that it was not possible, but what else could it be? Could it have been salvaged from the Titanic? But what about the date? My mind did not want to say. I was too afraid of what it meant. I was too afraid of hoping for something I knew could never happen. But what if? Oh God, could it be possible? An than Fabrizio said what I couldn't'
"Is he alive?" I spun to Fabrizio, my eyes wide. Tears pooling in them. I was shaking my head, disbelieving that the day that started like so many others these past 10 months could turn my life. Could give me a reason to go on. Jack may be alive.
"Rosie, this is John. He works here." Nicole said bringing a man back. I turned to him and he gasped in surprise.
"Your in all the pictures!" he exclaimed. "We thought you were made up! Figment of Jack's imagination!" He said. Jack! Is it possible? Could it really be Jack?
"Jack Dawson?" Fabrizio asked, as I was just staring in shock.
"Of course, he's one of our best up-and-coming artists. He's in California now for a showing but I know his mentor, Phil, will be returning sometime today on some important assignment. I'd like to introduce you to Phil. Him and Jack are very close. I cannot believe you are standing here in front of me." He rambled excitedly. Tears were glistening in my eyes now. I couldn't accept it. It just seemed impossible. All this time, and he was alive. Does he know I'm alive? He must think I died. Than I remembered when I gave my name to that steward. I gave Dawson. Jack would not have looked for me under that name. How stupid could I be? I was so sure he was gone, I never thought…
"Will you join us for dinner at Phil's home? I know he would love to meet you, all of you" he said looking from me to Fabrizio to Nicole. I all of a sudden became embarrassed from my appearance. We looked like dirty homeless people. How could this man be inviting us to a dinner? How could I go to a dinner dressed like this? Fabrizio accepted for us.
"Wonderful, see you at 4!" He gave the address to Fabrizio and when I heard the street name I knew this man was rich. Really rich. I was humiliated. Jack would know I failed him. How could I go to this mansion in the rags I wore? How could I do justice to the pictures Jack drew of me? How could I not?
"Lets go home now Rosie. We need time to digest this." Fabrizio said taking my hand. I was in shock. Still not completely believing. Could it be somebody pretending to be Jack? Did somebody find his drawings from Titanic? When could Jack of drawn this of me? There were others too. As I looked at some of the other portraits I knew, this was nobody but Jack. He was the only one who could capture me in this way. My life was spinning out of my control. As we walked outside I bumped into somebody coming in.
"Oh, I'm terribly sorry sir" I said to him. As I looked in his eyes, it was almost like I knew. This was Phil. The man who has been Jack's friend.
"Rose" he whispered and my heart went crazy. He knew my name, he knew my face. Jack is alive!
"Yes, are you Phil?" I questioned. He nodded, tears glistening in his eyes.
"You are alive. I knew you lived. Jack can hardly accept it." He said to me and I started crying.
"He's alive? Oh please tell me he's alive" I whispered to him tears running uncontrollably down my face. He took me into his arm and it felt natural.
"He's alive Rose. Alive and well. Except for thinking you were dead these past 10 months. He'll be coming home tomorrow" He said to me. I cried harder. My Jack was alive. Alive and coming home.
"We just found out you were alive last week. We were in California and Jack had some portraits on sale. You were on one of them and a woman stopped saying that looked like Rose. After a few questions, we determined the Rose she referred to was Rose Dawson, formally Rose Dewitt-Bukater.