This is dedicated to my friend Amy who was the insperation behind the story, and to every Kerry and Smithy fan out there.
The relief sat in the briefing room waiting for Gina to start morning prayers. Everyone was chatting happily whilst Smithy sat quietly thinking. Gina had collard him as soon as he walked in through the Sergeants office door; she said she had something important to tell him, but unfortunately before she got the chance to tell him, Superintendent Heaton asked to speak to her urgently and had to take priority. He couldn't think what it could be but that would have to wait now as Gina had just walked in.
"Good morning everybody, how are we all this morning?" Gina said pleasantly.
Smithy listened to Gina as she gave the briefing over the next hour before she gave the announcement. She had hoped to tell Smithy first but it just wasn't meant to be.
"We have a new PC starting today, although when I say new he has actually been here before and some of you will know him already. His name is Luke Ashton and he will be paired with Nate. Right if there are no questions, get out there and give 'em hell." Gina said as she dismissed her team.
As he got up Smithy felt a hand grab his wrist. Gina pulled him back and waited for the rest of the team to leave before she started talking to him.
"Smithy I was going to tell you before about Luke but the Super grabbed before I got a chance. If it makes you feel any better I didn't find out until this morning myself." Gina tried to explain to a clearly very angry Smithy.
"What's he doing back here? He isn't the most reliable copper and I certainly don't want him watching my back. First he's here, then he's gone, he comes back for a second time screws up again and leaves again. How many times has he got to cock up before anyone will see sense?" Smithy spat angrily.
"Look you have every right to be upset, but behaving like this isn't going to help you, him or anyone else. I will try and keep you apart as much as possible; but you will both need to learn to behave like adults and put your differences aside." Gina said looking directly into Smithys' eyes, leaving no doubt in his mind that she was being serious.
"Ma'am." Was the only reply he could muster. He turned on his heel and walked towards the yard.
He had been paired with Tony for the day in sierra 21. Tony was already sat in the car waiting for him. He could tell by the look on Smithys face that he was not in a good mood.
"I can't believe they've let him back. Do the stiffs upstairs know what the hell they're doing?" Smithy started as Tony pulled the car out of the station and onto the main road.
"Come on Sarge, everybody deserves a second chance." Tony tried to reason.
"Yeah, well he got his second chance when he came back last time and he still screwed up. He messed up a lot of people's lives when he came back, particularly K..." Smithy stopped himself as the thoughts of the beautiful blonde PC flooded his mind.
He felt the tears sting at his eyes, but he couldn't, not here, not now.
"Sierra Oscar to all units; attention to a disturbance in Canley market. Two lads are suspected of robbery. Informant is Joel Langley. Can any unit deal?" The voice came over the radio. Smithy welcomed the interruption.
"Sierra Oscar from 54, we'll take that, over." Smithy quickly said into his radio.
Tony drove towards the market with his blues and twos going off and arrived within a few short minutes. When they got out of the car there were four men involved in a fight. Two of the stall holders were trying to pin two teenage lads to the ground, but they were putting up quite a fight.
The two officers' ran towards them to break up the fight.
"Alrigh' break it up." Smithy shouted as Tony called for backup.
They both tried to pull someone off the other; luckily a patrol car was within a couple of minutes away. Two officers got out and ran towards their struggling colleagues. Smithy was struggling with one of the lads as he tried to lunge for his attacker once more. Smithy turned round to see who it was that was coming up behind him, and was enraged to see Luke Ashton.
Luke tried to help Smithy by grabbing the suspect but in the commotion he let him go. He ran past Smithy, but not before kneeing him in the groin causing Smithy to shout a lot of profanities. He composed himself and ran after him. He managed to catch him and forced him back towards one of the area cars. As he walked past Luke, Smithy gave him the coldest glare he could manage. Luke knew he was in trouble, it wasn't the first time he had let Smithy down on a job, and he knew Smithy would be having 'words' later.
Once the two suspects were apprehended, Tony and Nate spoke to the stall holders involved in the incident. Smithy had made Luke go in the van with the suspects whilst he took 21 back to the yard. Nate had agreed to drive Tony back once they had collected the statements.
At the station, Smithy walked into custody expecting to see Luke but there was no sign of him.
"Em...Callum have you seen Luke Ashton anywhere?" He asked.
"That new PC? I think he went to the little boys room." Callum replied, not realising how appropriate the statement was.
Ain't that the truth? Smithy thought.
He walked towards the male locker room and found Luke coming out of the toilets.
"Nice to see things don't ever change Luke." He said anger evident in his voice.
"Oh come on Smithy, it's not like it was deliberate."Luke tried to defend himself.
"What the hell are you doing back here? You're a waste of space, always have been and always will be." Smithy continued, ignoring the PC's comment.
"I came back because I wanted to come back. I was happy here until you came back and ruined everything." Luke said. He tried to sound tough but couldn't quite manage to sound as threatening as Smithy did.
"I ruined everything? You did that yourself by lying to everyone 'bout what you are. You ruined everyone's life and now you're back for more." Smithy said as he edged closer to Luke with his fists clenched.
"You can't face the fact that it was me who was with Kerry, you even ruined that for me." Luke shouted at Smithy.
Smithy didn't say a word but lunged at Luke, punched him to the floor and then slammed him against the wall.
"You twisted... you ruined her life, she was happy until she met you and you married her to prove a point. You blamed your split on her miscarriage, which was something that devastated her right up until the day she died. You never cared for her, not like I did. I loved her; I held her in my arms as she lay bleeding to death; I listened to her pleading for her life, telling me not to let her go. I never got the chance to be with her properly because of you. You might not have been the one that pulled the trigger, but she couldn't let herself trust anyone or get close to anyone. It was too late when she was finally ready to trust me, when we finally realised how much we meant to each other; and I will never forget what part you played in that." Smithy shouted at Luke as he released the four years of pain, hurt and anger that had built up inside of him.
He had never truly voiced how he felt, it was easier to deny it than to release it and have to admit that she was gone and wouldn't be coming back. Now he had admitted all though, he wanted to be left alone. His chest hurt as the raw feeling of loss came back to the surface; a feeling that had never gone away, but that had laid dormant and waiting for him to grieve properly.
Without saying a word he quickly released Luke before diving out of the changing rooms and out to his car. He didn't know where he wanted to go or what he wanted to do, all he knew was it had to be as far away from the station as possible.
He drove round the streets of Canley in a daze, he wasn't thinking about the direction he was heading in but knew where he was going. He pulled his car into the car park and was surprised at where he ended up. Now he was here he knew where he wanted to be, he knew he had to tell her everything.
He walked towards her grave stone and sat on the grass beside it. He read the words carved into the marble.
In loving memory of PC Kerry Young.
Beloved daughter, friend and colleague.
You will be sorely missed by those whose hearts you touched.
Smithy read the last line over and over.
"Oh Kerry, you have no idea how true that is. I miss you so much, I wish I could be with you, I wish you were here." He said to her head stone as he finally released his tears.
"But I am here Smithy." Came the soft loving voice that Smithy had longed to hear.