Ballistic Boxers
Characters: Steve, Danny
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none
Spoilers: none
Update: Crepouille did a great job translating this story into French, titled Ballistic Boxers (FR), posted on this archive.
It was a good thing Steve kept a change of clothes in his office for cases like this one where a drugged suspect thought it was okay to vomit on Steve's pants. Danny had gotten a good laugh out of it.
"Seriously, you're wearing silk bike shorts as underwear?" Danny asked as Steve changed in his office. Boot camp hadn't left him shy of changing his clothes in front of other men.
"These aren't bike shorts," Steve replied. "They're military issue ballistic boxers."
Danny's eyebrows nearly rose all the way to his hairline. "Ballistic boxers?"
"They keep debris from entering into wounds," Steve explained. "Like after an IEDs."
"Because we've got so many explosions around here."
"We have had some," Steve argued.
"You know, if the day we met I'd known what kind of boxers you wear, I'd have run and never looked back." Danny poked his finger at him, making Steve itch to twist his arm behind his back.
Steve gave him an irritated look. "Seriously? You'd have decided whether to be my partner based on my underwear?"
"You're wearing anti-shrapnel boxers, Steve! Who does that?"
Steve bent to take a plastic bag out of a drawer, put the dirty pants in and tied it shut. The smell was bad enough already.
"It makes me feel protected," he said. "People in the US forces…"
"That's in combat! Last time I checked, we were part of Hawaii 5-0, not Bagdad 5-0."
"So what's your problem?"
"My problem is that you obviously don't trust me to protect what's most important to you. I'm your partner!"
"So you're saying that in the middle of an explosion you'd jump on me protect my balls?"
"I'd protect every apart of you, so, yes, that includes your family jewels!"
Steve laughed. "Okay. I'm not going to ask for further details on how're you gonna do that."
He retrieved a pair of cargos from the drawer and stepped into them. Once he was dressed, he started stowing away all the items he had retrieved from the other pants' pockets.
Danny rubbed a hand over his face and shook his head. "God I can't believe we're talking about this," he muttered.
"You started it," Steve pointed out. "Really, I don't see what the big deal is. I like them. They're comfortable. It's not like I wear these all the time."
"I'd hope not. I'd hope that you wash them regularly," Danny groused.
Steve rolled his eyes. "Are we done talking about my underwear now?"
"Sure. Totally done."
"Good."
Ballistic boxers really do exist and they do exactly what Steve says they do. I came across them in news articles back in 2011, and have held onto the story nearly since. I hope you enjoyed. Reviews are always welcome.