A/N: Hello gentle viewers, this is my first ever Reela, or ER actually, fanfiction, I'm normally a Robin Hood (BBC, 2006) and Doctor Who author, but after getting quite worked up over Reela, and reading through the first 6 pages of ER Reela fics here, I had to try my own. I hope you like it and please tell me what you think in honest truth!

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't know ER, if I did we would've had Roomies by now, and I would be a happy bunny.

I don't understand why I was stood here, why I couldn't move from the spot I was stood on beneath the windows of our apartment. I could vaguely see a silent shadow milling about in the kitchen, what was Ray Barnett doing in the kitchen? I couldn't face him, even though I had told Dubenko that I just wanted to go home and spend time with my roommate, I hadn't yet done that. All the way home on the El, I had all these thoughts running through my head, and it didn't make sense, it did, but didn't.

I didn't understand how I could be in love with more than one person, maybe I was being stupid. Maybe I had fallen out of love and fallen in love again. Or maybe I was just being stupid; maybe I was just being lonely.

This was pathetic really, my husband was off fighting in Iraq, I'm a married women yet I'm living like a student with a guy who spends his time with a constant string of groupie one night stands.

Maybe that was my problem, he didn't have anybody, yet everybody at the same time, and who did I have? Abby? Ray? That was it. Would it be wrong to admit I was jealous? Not of the fact that he had people to sleep with, but the fact he actually had people lining up to do so. All I had on that front was Michael, and he wasn't even here. He had left me after our honeymoon to put himself in constant danger, and left me to find us a house, and truth be known, I didn't want to. I wanted to stay where I was; I wanted to stay with Ray.

But I can't.

I can't stay with him, not now, not after what I realised this evening. I had turned down Dubenko's offer to spend time with him, extra time, and that was wrong, very wrong. I feel now like I'm betraying Michael, but am I really? How do I know he's not off doing exactly the same thing with a woman out in Iraq? How do I know that? Michael is too good a person to do that.

What am I even talking about; nothing has happen with me and Ray, not yet, not ever! Why would I even ever think not yet? Nothing was ever going to happen with Ray, it couldn't, so wouldn't, not matter how my heart was telling me right now that was what it wanted. Okay so where the hell did that come from? I have to keep telling myself that. But I can't help but feel something is there, after this morning, we had just stared at each other for a few seconds, nothing else, just looking, but I fear if I had looked at him much longer I would not be able to help myself.

This is just stupid, there is no way that Ray would even consider the boring, safe, reliable me. What was I to him apart from somebody to share the rent with? Instead of paying out $1000 a month he was paying $500. I suppose it was the same for me, I needed it back then. Now I need out, before I really, do, do something I regret.

My brain was set now, it was now or never.