Title: God's Casket
Pairing(s): SuzakuxLelouch, LelouchxSuzaku, ZeroxSuzaku, etc.
Rating: PG. May go up in the future.
Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. But if I did, Lulu and Suzie would do it once every episode, I promise you this.
Summary: Zero, too, would do all in his power to not lose anyone else in this war.
Other: Spoilery, what with it being set in R2, around episodes 3, 4, or 5.
Chapter: 01—Eye (i)
Summer. That was what Lelouch was like—hazy, cicada-bleating summer. Ephemeral and shining, blink too fast and it would be gone. Suzaku would miss it, long for the days marked by its shine and wine-red sunsets: but there was no doubt he would miss Lelouch even more.
Suzaku was with him now, standing apart from him, but not so far that he couldn't see the clear profile, set against the glaring, fat moon, of the boy whose own complexion was moon-bright (brilliantly white, he could almost blend in with the open eye hanging strangely above them, disappear and vanish and it wouldn't be too surprising because Lelouch was so ethereal it was almost natural that he should pull such a trick off). Suzaku was also not so far that he could not see those sunsets in his eyes, glowing like the blood on the fields they had crossed all those years ago. He was not so far that he failed to smell the scent of shampoo (raspberries?) lingering in his midnight hair, fluttering a little with each autumn breeze.
Even his hair, Suzaku realized, blends and camouflages so well.
Lelouch, it seemed, always had something to hide from and behind, whether it be his lineage as a Britannian prince or the devil's mask and cowl. And it seemed that is was Lelouch Lamperouge who, like summer, reminded Suzaku of fields thick with death.
Lelouch, sweet and horrible Lelouch, who leaned carelessly over the balcony (not too far, step back, you might fall and then what will happen to me, you selfish, heartless bastard?) did not look at Suzaku as he spoke carefully.
"I feel as if you're…" Lelouch searched for the words, tasting them, swallowing the bitter ones. "I feel as if you've been withdrawing from me."
Suzaku could not help but withdraw, could not help but refuse to meet Lelouch's eyes—the left one especially, the one that had robbed many of heartbeats and breath. Suzaku forced himself to look, if only to be reminded that no, there was no hot, bleeding eye. Not anymore.
Lelouch was looking at him now, expectantly. "Did I say something to offend you…before the Black Rebel--?"
Suzaku replied quicker than he meant to. "No. No, it's the war, Lelouch. It…"
The ex-prince turned, hooking his arms behind the top of the railing. "Euphemia," he stated firmly. "You loved her, didn't you?"
Yes.
But maybe, just maybe not as much as…
"I'm sorry," Lelouch whispered, head drooping low, eyes downcast and hidden by his bottomless pit-black hair: the image and icon of sadness. Suzaku restrained the foaming, bubbling fury in inside his throat and only swallowed.
It could never be the way it was back then, both of them shrieking with the glass happiness children frothed in. Because even if Lelouch did not know, his brain warped by confabulation, Suzaku knew, knew that Lelouch, sweet Lelouch, had been sick—sick with the darkness known as Zero.
Perhaps…perhaps even as children, Zero had been inside of him, using his body heat as incubation and only hatched when that green-haired woman had touched him.
"I swear it, Suzaku. By any means, I will destroy Britannia."
Then this Lelouch, the one by the railing, stretched his fingers toward him, to move his hand toward Suzaku's shoulder. The Eleven-turned-honorary Britannian froze: in his mind he saw the dandelion, its buttery, feathery head nodding at him in mock regality, the hand that had once clasped and offered it soaring towards him in slow motion.
"Dearest Knight, please take this favor…"
Lelouch laid his hand there lightly, as if he, too, questioned the sincerity of close contact.
Are you or aren't you…?
"I understand if you can't grow close to anyone for some time."
…Zero?
"Still. It's me, okay? Me, Lelouch. I'm here. You can tell me what's the matter, instead of distancing yourself. It's like back when you first came here, when you didn't want to reveal your relation to me in front of the others." Hesitantly, his fingers twitched, and Suzaku felt the grip tighten.
Suzaku felt his heart fall.
Me, Lelouch. Me, Lelouch. Me, Lelouch.
Me, Zero; creator and destroyer of worlds.
No, Lelouch, it's not you, he thought, and forced himself to smile. It's never going to be just you. It never can be. Never again.
"I know," he heard himself say. "I didn't think I was being so standoffish. Sorry."
Lelouch smiled, tilted his head to the side so his hair flickered prettily over his eyes. He did this because he knew such an act was endearing and it was all to throw Suzaku off of his trail because Zero would never lower himself to act so sweetly to a terrible enemy and so…
He and Lelouch made idle chatter, but Suzaku paid no mind. He laughed with the vessel that had housed the King of Elevens about Milly's silly festivals, Rival's hopeless crush on her, Arthur's penchant for biting, but all he could think of was how much disgust he could feel for one individual.
…And, simultaneously, boundless affection. Even if he saw Zero (black hearted, evil murderer) standing there next to him on the balcony, that cheery laugh masking the sneer he knew was there, he saw Lelouch—handsome Lelouch, beautiful Lelouch, clever Lelouch—whose body swayed in exhaustion, whose hips (lightly, painfully) grazed Suzaku's own with each tired sway, whose eyes glimmered in mauve glory.
Lovely Lelouch.
They were about to say their goodbyes, but Suzaku spied the troubled expression on Lelouch's face.
"What?" Suzaku didn't mean to whisper and didn't exactly know why he whispering because he and Lelouch (sweet Lelouch who had smashed his heart with the sledgehammer he called Justice) were all alone in the world.
"I think…I've been getting this weird feeling lately. Like someone's watching me, particularly at night," Lelouch said stiffly. He shifted, seemingly embarrassed at his own vulnerability.
The surveillance team, Suzaku mentally dismissed. I should tell them to use extra caution when trailing him.
"I've woken up before and seen this figure standing over me, all in black. A great, hulking shadow."
Suzaku's gaze hardened. What…?
"Never mind," Lelouch said quickly, seeing Suzaku perturbed. "No, it's nothing. A nightmare, a waking dream, probably."
A hulking shadow with a long, flapping cape: curved at the ends, the wings of a demon?
"Ah. I didn't mean to dump all of my problems on you. You've got enough to worry about…Suzaku-kun."
The sudden addition of a suffix (Japanese, no less) startled Suzaku. It must have shown on his face because Lelouch chuckled and slid his hand away from Suzaku's shoulder.
"Did I say it wrong?"
"No. The pronunciation was impeccable. As expected of Lamperouge-sama."
"Sama?" Lelouch teased. "My, such an elevation in status! No wonder you're being so distant, jealous commoner."
And, for some reason, Suzaku could relax. Maybe, maybe, maybe, it was okay to let his guard down because he knew that red, unnatural iris wasn't there. He could convince himself that this was not archenemy Zero, that he honestly had not recognized Nannaly, that he could have his friend back, and he stepped a little closer. He could smell his hair better now and yes, those were raspberries. Suzaku could allow himself to take advantage of this temptation of friendship and…and something else (something more?). Maybe he had found Lelouch again in this blinding moonlight, holding out his soft, yellow dandelion to him.
"Dearest Knight…"
However…
He spared a glance at his pocket watch: 2 AM. In four more hours, he would have to fulfill his contractual obligations as a Knight of the Rounds.
"I will be taking my leave now."
"Duty calls?"
"Yes. Goodnight, Lelouch."
"Lelou."
"…Lelou?"
Lelouch waved his hand. "Say it. Call me Lelou."
"I thought you hated that nickname."
"Depending on how you say it, my opinion of the title may change."
How he said it?
"Oh. Well, goodnight…Lelou."
The former heir to the crown smirked. "What was that? Have they replaced Sir Suzaku with a robot? I assure you, I was impressed by the mechanical deliverance."
"Hah. You're the actor, Lelouch." Suzaku let himself smile although this admission made him re-think his new attitude toward his (former or present?) friend.
Are you or aren't you…?
"Lelou."
"I thought you weren't satisfied with my performa—"
"It isn't so much the way you say it that sways my favor," the boy cut across, "but that it was you who said it."
Lelouch (No, it's Lelou, Lelou, dear Lelou) smiled, said goodnight, and waltzed away, his body merging with the ink of evening and early morning. He left no trace of himself, no hair, no scent, no touch. And why should he? Lelouch was one who blended and disappeared, replacing his existence with a beautiful, masked horseman.
"Me, Lelouch. I'm here," he had said, eyes lowered, lips turned downward.
"Right now, you are," Suzaku murmured to no one in particular.
But, Lelouch, you've disappeared before—just like summer.
Are you or aren't you…?
In his bedroom, Lelouch's grin slashed from his left ear to his right.
The seeds had been sown.
Notes:
Has Suzaku ever called Lelouch "Lelou"? I don't think he has but I think the idea is cute.
I don't imagine that with the Britannian takeover, Area 11 would be speaking much Japanese anymore…which is why Suzaku would be surprised at the "–kun" thing, I'd imagine.
Ahhhh, feedback, plox?