''Marlboro Menthol, please,'' you say as you approach the cash register of the tobacco shop across the street of your apartment. ''Thanks,'' you say politely and hand the money to the cashier as he hands you pack of cigarettes. You walk out of the shop and light one cigarette up.
It's been exactly 10 years since you walked out of the same shop, with the same pack of cigarettes in your hand. Only 10 years ago, you were not alone. She was with you. You remember the date because it was the day that changed everything. The two of you have just moved in together in a nice apartment in the city.
''It's so nice that we finally have our own apartment!'' A tall, blonde beauty said cheerfully, holding her girlfriend's hand as they walked out of their building.
''It is, isn't it? We no longer have to sneak into each other's bedrooms in the middle of the night, or worry about our parents or anything else. It's just you and me, babe.'' A dark-haired girl replied.
''Oh wait, I want to buy some cigarettes.''
''You want to buy cigarettes?''
''Well, you know I always smoke when I drink.''
''Oh, so we're drinking tonight?''
''Of course we are, Santana, we have to celebrate the first day of our new lives.''
''Of course we do.'' The grip on Brittany's hand tightened and she turned to her left to see her girlfriend smiling at her. She smiled back. They crossed the road and found themselves in front of the tobacco shop. They walked in, still holding hands.
''Marlboro Menthol, please,'' Brittany said when she approached the cash register.
''Thanks,'' she said politely and handed the money to the cashier, and Santana took the cigarettes.
It was September 7th, year 2012. Up until then you have secretly hated menthol-flavored cigarettes. You're not sure what changed that. Was it because you were so in love with her that you didn't even care what you did, where you were, what you ate, drank or smoked, as long as you were with her?
The two of you have spent the night drinking vodka and smoking menthol cigarettes. You actually found them refreshing. And the smell wasn't that bad. There actually was no smell. You fell asleep in her arms.
''Feeling tired?'' Brittany asked her girlfriend as they lay in bed, Brittany with her legs stretched in front of her, her left arm around Santana's shoulders and her right hand stroking her lover's left arm, and Santana snuggled up next to her, her head resting on Brittany's shoulder, her right arm under blonde's lower back and her left one around her waist.
''Yeah, a little,'' Santana's response was followed by a deep yawn.
''You can go to sleep if you want to.'' Brittany kissed her girlfriend's forehead.
''But I want to watch the movie with you.''
''It's okay, I'll pause it and we can watch it tomorrow.''
''Oh, don't pause it because of me. Keep watching, I'll just go to sleep.'' Santana lifted her head just how much she needed to be able to place a light kiss on Brittany's lips, moved back to her previous position and closed her eyes. Brittany watched the movie alone for the next two minutes and then she paused it, placed the remote control on the nightstand and lay on her side, facing Santana. She noticed the pack of Marlboro Menthol's on the bed behind Santana, but she was too lazy and tired to put them away. Brittany's lips were right above dark-haired beauty's forehead, so she used the opportunity to place one more kiss there. ''I love you,'' Brittany whispered.
They wrapped themselves around each other. ''I love you, too.''
You sit on the bench in front of your building and think. You think about how happy you were. You light another cigarette up.
''Hey babe, I'm home,'' a tall blonde said as she entered her and Santana's apartment.
''In the kitchen!'' Santana yelled.
Brittany walked into the kitchen and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend's waist.''What are you doing?''
''Dinner,'' Santana replied as she turned her head to the right to kiss the blonde beauty.
''Mmmm, I'm starving. Can we eat in bed? I want to watch a movie.''
''Of course we can, babe. You can go and pick a movie and I'll be there in a minute.''
Brittany knew exactly which movie she wanted to see.
A minute passed, and just like she said, Santana walked into their bedroom holding two plates filled with pancakes and cupcakes.
''Oh my God, Santana, this is the best dinner ever!'' Brittany exclaimed the moment she saw the love of her life holding the most perfect dinner ever.
Santana walked to the bed and gave one plate to Brittany, as she placed one in front of her.''I wanted to make something special for our one year living together anniversary.''
''You remembered that?''
''Of course I did.''
Brittany pushed the play button on the remote with the biggest smile on her lips.
''Haven't we already watched this?'' Santana asked in confusion.
''We did, exactly one year ago,'' blonde replied, still smiling.
''So you remembered, too.'' The smile appeared on Santana's lips, too.
Brittany didn't say anything, but she reached for her purse and took out a pack of Marlboro Menthol's. If she could, Santana would've fallen in love with Brittany even more after that.
''This night is perfect, babe. Thank you so much.'' Santana's words were followed by a deep kiss on Brittany's lips.
And here you are, 10 years after you've moved in with the love of your life, alone. Not just physically, emotionally too. She was the best thing that you have ever had and you're still angry that life took her away from you. You're angry with yourself. You blame yourself for her death. It's already your fifth cigarette, and you're not ready to go home yet.
It was Friday evening and they were both drunk.
''Oh my God that club is so awesome! Can we go back next weekend?''
''Of course we can, Britt.'' There was a sign of disappointment in Santana's voice. It was September 7th, their 2 years living together anniversary. Did Brittany forget about that?
The couple walked through the streets of New York, holding hands and doing their best not to fall or trip over something. They thought it was the beginning of all the nice things, that they would live through a lot more of drunk Friday evenings and lazy weekends. But the truth was, it was the end of everything.
''Can we buy some cigarettes?''
''Yes, Britt, we can.''
''Oh and also, can we watch a movie when we get home?''
No, Brittany didn't forget. And Santana had just realized that.
''I know,'' dark-haired beauty smiled.
They bought a pack of Marlboro Menthol's in their usual tobacco shop.
''Do you have a lighter? I've been kind of craving a cigarette in a long time,'' Santana said as she took one cigarette from the pack.
''Of course, let me find it.''
Santana was lost in her thoughts. She watched Brittany as if the blonde was her everything. Maybe because she was. She loved her so much, the words cannot describe it. Once you feel that kind of love, you just know it's right, you know that there isn't any other person on the whole world who you could love as much as you love her.
A car horn broke Santana's thoughts. She realized that Brittany was standing on the road, and before she could do anything, the car hit her. Everything was a blur and Santana didn't feel like she's herself. Of course, she called the ambulance and she held Brittany in her arms, screaming and crying and sobbing and praying for her loved one. But she didn't make it. Just like that, she was gone.
Half a pack of cigarettes later and you're still sitting there. Staring at the place of the road where it happened. You can and you never will forgive yourself. If only you were patient enough and waited until you got home to have a cigarette, she'd still be here. You'd cross that road long before that car came. You'd only hear it pass by your building while you'd be snuggled up with her, watching your favorite movie and smoking your favorite cigarettes.
You're ready to go home now. There's a movie waiting for you, and you already have your cigarettes.
You come home and reach your pocket. You take out a small black box. You open it. It's a ring. You wanted to propose to her that evening. 'Forever yours,' the engraving says. And you are. You are forever hers.