Silent Darkness
Chapter 1
If I could change anything about my life, anything at all, then I'd turn myself into a youkai. Or maybe even a human. Anything would be better than being only half, only a hanyou. Being a hanyou meant I could never belong into any group, and from the day I was born, it was that sick and twisted fate that decided I would never fit in anywhere.
Maybe if I were a youkai, I wouldn't be in the situation I've been in my entire life, with bruises and scars covering my body, and the frequent sound of screaming and objects crashing to the floor. Everything always was too unbearable for me to handle, and I was constantly left hurt and frightened, my mind scarred with lingering memories that I wish never occurred.
But I never cried or showed any fear. No one has ever seen me cry. Maybe my mother did when I was little, but that's all. She's gone now. She left me with the atrocity that is my broken family.
I am alone in this unforgivable world. No one is there for me, and no one cares. No one even knows about my life. But it's not like I let them. In fact, I would probably have friends right now if it weren't for my need to snap at someone for no apparent reason or to start yelling at them to leave me alone. I can't help it though. I know that whenever you get close to someone, they leave you.
They always leave you.
Those are my expectations whenever someone tries to befriend me.
As I walked into the school of Hell, the bell started to ring loudly through the long and empty hallway, signaling that class was starting. I inwardly flinched. Late again…
I pulled my backpack strap over my shoulder as I started walking faster. My footsteps were the only sound I heard as soon as the sound of the bell abruptly stopped, and within the doors I passed I heard the loud squawking voices of the teachers. Finally reaching my locker, I stuffed everything in, grabbed a book, and then slammed it shut, the lone sound echoing through the vacant hallway. With that, I almost ran to my classroom.
When I got there, I knocked and slowly walked in. I noticed everyone look up from their desks and stare at me. My teacher, Mrs. Hidarisko, didn't even look at me from where she was writing on the board.
I ignored the blank gawking and started walking to my seat in the back. God, I hate it when they stare at me. I hate it when anyone stares at me.
"Late again, I see, Mr. Taisho." Mrs. Hidarisko said, now looking at me through her small glasses as I flopped down in my seat. I gave her a shrug. In return, she glared at me and turned back to writing on the board.
Some people were still staring at me. I glared at them, and they immediately turned around. Crossing my arms across my chest, I leaned back, watching as Mrs. Hidarisko finished writing the words, 'Project: due Monday,' and turned around to face the class.
"Alright, class. We're starting a new partner assignment. I will assign the partnership, and no complaining to who you get, got it?" she said sternly.
I groaned. It hasn't even been three days into the new school year, and we're already getting fucking projects.
Mrs. Hidarisko clasped her hands together and beamed at us. "Now since this class is early Japanese history, you are going to make a presentation on one of your favorite stories from the past. If you need ideas, just come and ask me. Okay, so I expect a poster board with pictures and captions, and at least a five-minute presentation. It's not that bad. Its due Monday, so you have today and the weekend to do it. Everyone got it?"
Everyone grunted in response.
She smiled, seeming to take that as a good answer. "Alright," she said as she headed to her desk, and sat down. "I'll read you your partners. When you get with them, plan out how you will be spending time at each other's houses to work on the project. Okay, first off, Miroku, you'll pair off with Sango."
I glanced up as I heard the name Miroku. I watched as he looked over at Sango and winked.
I knew Miroku. In fact, he tried being nice to me freshman year, and I refused it. I regret doing that. He did really try to start a friendship, and he always invited me over to his house, and even kept trying even after I said 'no'. I just pushed him away.
But that's how it always was.
A memory came to my mind as I remembered the last day Miroku tried inviting me somewhere.
"Hey Inuyasha, want to come over to my house on Friday?" he asked, smiling as we walked down the hall.
"No," I simply said.
"Aw, come on Inuyasha. You know you want to-"
"Damn it, Miroku! Don't you see I never wanted to even talk to you in the first place?" I yelled, causing several people to stop and stare at me, something I definitely loathed.
It wasn't like I didn't want to hang out with him. I just didn't want to get close. And also there was the fact that I was still angry from the morning fight I had with my father.
Back in the present, I half-listened to the name-calling as I drummed my fingers lazily on the desk. I hope I'm not with some dumb ass that doesn't even know why they took this class.
That always seems to happen with me. I'm smart; I do my homework and study because I can never do anything else. It's not like I have any plans with anyone. So I get exceptionally good grades. But I always get paired with some kid who doesn't know what they're doing and then I have to do it all.
"Inuyasha…" I perked my head up, "You'll be with Kagome."
My eyes glanced over to the girl who looked over and smiled at me. I almost glared at her. Almost.
What confused me was why I didn't do it.
I still sat there as Mrs. Hidarisko finished calling off the list of partners. I knew of Kagome. She was supposedly one of the smartest in this class along with me, and was also a senior. Keh, at least I'm with someone my age for once, and not some young loser.
Well basically, the only other thing I knew of her was that she also has a lot of friends. Something I envy her for. Hell, I envy that of everyone.
But at least she's not like most dumb-asses who I always seemed to get partnered with. This is a change. Now I don't have to do everything on my own.
"Alright, you guys can get busy." Mrs. Hidarisko said, as she turned her chair to her computer and began typing. The room instantly became noisy with everyone talking and shifting seats to sit with their partners.
I watched as Kagome got up and sat down in the desk in front of me. She smiled as she turned around to look at me. "So, you have any ideas of what you want to do for the project?" she asked.
I shrugged. I did have one, but I don't really want to tell her. My ideas, my thoughts; no one else should see them.
"Well," she said as she leaned her elbow on my desk, her chin propped in her open palm, "I have this one idea if you don't have any. I always heard this one when I was little. It's about this priestess named Kikyo who had to guard what was known as the Shikon no Tama. Have you ever heard of that one?"
What surprised me was that that was the story I wanted to do in the first place. "Yeah, I've heard of it," I simply said.
"So you willing to do it?"
"Sure. I have to, don't I, wench?" I regretted my words as soon as they left my lips. Here she was being nice to me, and I called her a wench. Once again, the badass Inuyasha strikes.
Her eyes at first opened in shock, and then narrowed. She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.
"Wow, way to be a baka, Inuyasha." she said, turning her head away.
Regret started to slowly clench my heart, starting so small, and then it increasing its size, causing me to look at her in worry. I wanted to say sorry to her. Truly I did. But I couldn't. I've never said sorry before in my life.
"Look, Kagome…" I began to say. She turned her head back around to listen to what she thought I'd say, but I never said more. She stared at me for a few moments, and I hated the way she was looking into my eyes. It was like she was reading my thoughts. I didn't like it at first, but after a second or two, I got used to it.
She sighed, and her angry look left her. "It's alright," she said. I raised my eyebrows a little. I didn't say sorry, did I? "Anyways, so do you want to come over to my house this weekend to work on the project, or do you want me to come over to yours?"
It partially amazed me to see how quickly she had gotten over the name-calling.
But what she said caused a painful memory of earlier in the day to come up: my father, screaming at me, half-drunk even in the morning. Truth was, that wasn't even half-bad than usual. I slightly grimaced, and harshly said, "You don't want to come over."
Kagome seemed to stare at me for a couple more seconds, and I felt uncomfortable again at first. I started to glare at her. I didn't mean to. It's just not something I can control.
"Fine," she said, suddenly in an angry mood again. She now too, was glaring at me. "You can come over Saturday at noon."
I nodded once and looked away from her evil gaze as the bell rang. I got up and started to walk away, until I heard her say, "Wait."
I turned around to see her scribbling something on a scrap of paper. She then handed it to me. "Here, its my address." With that she grabbed her stuff and walked away. I watched as she walked towards Sango, and they headed out of the room together. She even took a glance back at me.
I stuffed the piece of paper in my pocket, and walked out.
The only sound I heard in my room that night was the pencil scribbling across a sheet of paper. I stared intently at my homework, my eyes glancing to and fro from the book to the worksheet.
This is how my nights usually went. I would sit up in my room, on my bed, and do my homework until I would hear my father come in. I would always hear him. Slamming the door so hard that it shook the small house wasn't very subtle.
I glanced over at my clock. It read 8:15. Yep, wouldn't be long now. In fact, he should've been home a half hour ago.
That was always the routine. He would come in pissed off at something from his work. He would take it out on me, and I would either go up to my room and fall asleep or take a walk outside. Not much to do.
Every now and then when I came back from taking a walk outside, he would either be gone, or he would be drunk. Something even after years of experience, I still couldn't deal with.
Sometimes he wouldn't come in and yell at me, however. Although that was rare, it did happen occasionally where he would walk in, drowsy and tried, and most likely fall asleep instantly.
It's Friday night too. The night where everyone gets together with their friends and have fun, staying up as long as they can, and maybe breaking a few rules. I've seen some of those lives on TV, but of course, its never happened with me.
Some Fridays nights to other people are the best part of the week. The week long of school was over, and they can go out and do whatever they want. Then when they get back to school on Monday, gossip and talk would be going around about what happened three nights before.
As for me, my Friday nights were always the same. Always the same as every other night I have. First I do homework, and then sleep.
I sighed and leaned my head against the headboard of my bed behind me. I looked around the room and saw my reflection in the small mirror leaning against the wall. I saw my silver hair, the gold eyes, and the same unexpressive face I see every time I look in that mirror. Well, it's either that, or anger.
How I wish to feel something else.
I glanced to the side of me to see my necklace lying on top of a pillow. This necklace meant a lot to me. Even though it changes what my appearance looks like, my mother had made it out of blue beads and given it to me. It's what I had left of her, besides the picture lying in my desk drawer.
Every variety of demon had a necklace like this. Well, they had some form of jewelry that changed their form of demon into a human appearance when they walked out into the public. No human knows that there are demons still surviving in Japan. Everyone thought they died centuries ago. That's why it was always a rule for demons to only mate with other demons. That way, the word wont get out if something goes wrong.
I sighed and closed my eyes.
Too bad I'll never have the luxury of mating with someone. I can't mate with a demon because nobody likes a hanyou, but I can't marry a human because then I'd have to give her the secret of my half-demon nature, and then they would instantly loathe me.
Basically, a lose-lose situation. That's how my life has always been. No matter what I do, or even what I accomplish, I always lose. In this game of life, I'll never make it to the finish line.
Suddenly a door slammed, and I heard my name being yelled. Grabbing my necklace and putting it inside my pocket, I got off of my bed, and opened my door to find my father screaming my name again.
"I'm coming, damn it!" I yelled back as I trudged down the stairs. Anger was already stirring within me, just waiting to burst. I don't know how to push it away. I hate to say it, but in some ways I am like my father. For one thing, we both can't control our anger.
I came to the bottom of the stairs to see my father fuming near the front door. He had his hands clenched at his sides, and was rigid. He still had his suit on from working at his business, and his long black human hair was a mess.
"Look at this fucking place, Inuyasha! Haven't you learned to clean up yet?"
I walked over to the couch that had some bottles lying on it and started to pick them up. My mouth was tightly shut. I tried not to say anything. I really didn't.
"Bad day, eh?" I remarked softly, snapping my mouth shut as soon as they were heard.
"What was that, boy?" he said. I knew he was walking towards me. I could feel the floor shaking at his monstrous steps. Suddenly, his large shadow was next to me. I looked away from it, and gathered the rest of the bottles in my arms.
"Nothing." I said, as I walked around him, went into the kitchen and threw the bottles in the garbage bag. He walked in behind me.
"I'm going out, I need to get some more drinks." He said in a gruff voice as he walked away.
"You sure you need any more?" I yelled out, making sure he heard me.
My father came back through the door, slamming it against the wall. "What'd you say?" he yelled, standing in the threshold.
"Keh," I replied, looking away from him, "Nothing."
"No, it was something."
"It was nothing!" I said, my voice starting to rise. The anger that was bubbling in me before started to well up again, and this time it was escalating its size, threatening to take over.
My father strode forward, and I took a step back only to find I hit the counter. I was trapped. Trapped within my own home.
My father got right into my face, and he said, seething, "What'd you say?"
I glared at him. "I said you don't need any more drinks."
My father's hand raised and slapped me across the face. I winced, as the sting was still there even after he spat on the ground in front of me, and stomped out. I heard as the front door slammed shut, and I reached a hand up to touch the side of my face.
"Damn it!" I muttered under my breath as I grabbed the necklace out of my pocket and put it on, instantly feeling my body changing and feeling much weaker. I looked down at my hands to see my long nails slowly shrink.
I walked out of the kitchen, and slammed the door behind me. "Fucking bastard," I muttered as I walked out of the house, enraged as I headed down the driveway. By then I could see my father's car driving away from the house down the street.
My anger continued with me on my way down the empty street. Only a few cars passed by, their high beam lights blinding me for a couple of seconds.
It was dark out, and I stuffed my hands into my pockets, glaring at the ground passing beneath my feet. I kicked a few rocks out of my way, watching as they flew into the air and then rolled on the grass.
I hated that fucking father of mine. He was no father. And Seshoumaru was no brother. The ones, who should mean something to me, mean nothing.
My fingernails started biting into my skin. I pushed harder, trying to release the pain from inside.
Finally I let go, and took a deep breath, trying to relax. It's no use being angry at something I can't control. I looked up and stared at the moon shining brightly above me. Surrounding the brightly lit sphere were thousands of stars, glittering and blinking towards Earth.
Stars are like people. There are so many, too many to count, too many to recognize. Only a few stars fade away, or blow up (find more about that). Its like, why did that one star out of so many have to die or fade, just like that?
It reminds me of my life. Why, out of so many people, did I have to have this life (if that's what you call it)? I'm sick of dealing with this endless shit. Why me? Why do I have to suffer? Was it fate that out of a thousand, I was the one stuck with a horrible father, an unforgiving brother, and a dead mother?
When I was a little younger, when I was unable to cope with all of this, I had learned the art of cutting. I remember sitting in my room, sliding the knife down my arms and legs, watching as the blood oozed out of the wounds. I never flinched. I never cried.
I had started at the age of thirteen, hoping that this new "art" would help me rid the pain my father brought me every night. I was hoping it would replace the damage inside with the soreness outside. I thought it had worked. Until I was fifteen, I learned it was never worth it.
I sighed as I turned into the park entrance. There was a day when my father walked in, saw the blood all over the carpet and my clothes. I had looked up, in the act of slicing through my arm. He didn't care though. He took one look at it, and walked out. I think I remember hearing a small laugh coming from his mouth. I'm not sure though.
My father did laugh every once in a while, but not in a good way. He laughed at the stupid things I did, or the fact of me being a hanyou. I knew he was disappointed in me being a hanyou. At least, that's what it seems like.
I forced these thoughts out of my head.
The park was empty. I walked along the dirt path, looking at all the trees and playgrounds that stood near the pathway. My hands were in my pockets, and the feelings of anger almost out of my head. For some reason, this place always seemed to calm me.
I shuffled my feet along, watching as the dirt rose above my shoes and then slowly disappeared as it reached its way back to the ground. A slight breeze came through; faintly lifting my shirt up and setting it back down carefully.
My thoughts were somewhere else. My mind was uncontrollable, going through all the memories of my father. I didn't want to think about all of it, but I couldn't help it.
There was actually a time when my father wasn't like this. It was before my mother died. I was very young at the time, probably around five or six years old, but I remember how happy our family was. Even including my brother, Seshoumaru. We enjoyed every moment together, and we shared precious memories that I can barely remember. The ones I have committed to memory are filled with happiness and joy. Even love.
Those were the days.
Then, the death of my mother shocked us all, tipping the family out of balance. From then on, that is when my family started to separate. My father began to make a habit out of drinking, and Seshoumaru became distant with me. At such a young age, I didn't even have anyone to cry to when my mother died. They all forgot about me. Left me to suffer alone.
I'm glad that this is my last year of high school. Finally, I can go to college and leave my life behind. Leave this life of hatred and remorse. That had been my dream ever since I was little. That is why when I turned thirteen, I worked and worked, and I even had three jobs at one point. I knew my father would go waste my college fund money on alcohol, or some other stupid thing. When I turned seventeen, I had enough money to go to a decent college.
Seshoumaru had done the same thing. He had to work to go to college. That's where he is now.
Lucky bastard….
"Inuyasha?"
I stopped and turned around to the place where my name was called. I found Kagome sitting on a bench, smiling at me.
"What are you doing here?" she asked. I started to walk away, not wanting her to see any hint of my features hinting to what happened only about an hour earlier. It was my business, and who knows, being a girl she might try to pry it out of me and keep bugging me about it.
I thought she got the point and stayed sitting on the bench. However, out of the corner of my eye I saw her walking beside me, that smile still across her face.
"Keh," I said, not really feeling the urge to answer her question. We were silent for a bit, and even though I was looking straight ahead, I could feel her eyes watching me.
"Well?" she said. I turned to look at her to still see her smiling. How can one person smile for so long? Is her life just so perfect that she can smile all the time and not be tired of it? I wonder what that's like….
"I could ask you the same," I replied.
She shrugged and looked ahead. "I just wanted to go for a walk. I usually come out here."
I nodded to some extent and was silent again. We continued walking in quiet. After a few moments, I saw Kagome turn her head towards me and said, "You never answered my question," she said.
"What question?" I asked.
She giggled, "When I asked what you were doing out here."
"Oh," I said, "I always come out here."
She seemed to find that sentence rather exciting. I watched as her smile got bigger. "Really? Then I'll guess I'll always see you out here then." She said.
I felt the need to snap at her, say anything to send her running away. But I couldn't. Right now, I knew what she wanted from me, and I'm sure she heard all the stories. She can't be friends with me. They try, but they can't. It'll never happen.
We kept walking, and for some reason her presence with me walking out here seemed to calm me even more. I had no clue why, but every time I stole a glance at her, she had a small smile on her face. Damn, how can that woman smile so much?
"So," she said, folding her hands together in front of me, "I found some pictures for our project on the internet. I have a lot of them, so hopefully it'll be enough for the poster board."
"You already started it?" I asked.
She nodded. "Yep."
My eyes wandered over to the slide and swings to the left. I remembered that pacific place. My mother took me there all the time. We always came here.
Maybe that's why this place always seems to soothe me.
"Don't you have anything better to do?" I asked, finding my voice had a very harsh edge to it.
She looked taken aback. Her voice showed surprise at first, and then she glared at me, "Jeese, you don't have to be so mean about it."
I shrugged. "Keh."
She threw her arms in frustration, and glared at me. I stopped walking to glare at her back, and she stopped too, saying, "Why do you have to be such a jerk? I was only being nice to you, and you go on and say something mean! You did it in school too."
"Oi, you don't have to get upset with me, wench." I remarked.
She placed her hands at her hips and stared me down. "You owe me an apology, baka."
I crossed my arms and turned my head to the side. "To hell I do, wench," I said gruffly. At that point, every thought that involved me being at peace with her walking beside me instantly vanished. I started to get really angry.
"Stop calling me a wench!" she yelled.
I turned my head back towards her and said, "Then don't call me a baka."
"You deserve it, baka." She said.
"Well then you deserve what you get, wench."
I saw her mouth open again to retort to that, and then closed it. She slowly shut her eyes and I saw her take a deep breath. She then reopened her them, every look of anger gone from her deep brown orbs.
"Look, I'm done fighting with you." She said. Then she turned on her heel and walked back in the direction that we came from.
Like her, my anger suddenly vanished, and I watched as she started to walk away. I didn't try to stop her. But I felt helpless standing there as she kept walking, never looking back.
When she was far away, I turned around and walked in the opposite direction. "Damn it," I muttered. I kicked my foot in the dirt and watched as it flew into my jeans.
Once again, I had pushed away someone who only tried to be nice with me.
So there ya go. I know this story seems really sad-ish, but it'll get better in the hapiness department.
Expect an update at least once every weekend...and yeah. Also please review, I love them, and they keep me going.
Hope you like it so far. :)