Hey guys my bro wrote this so have fun reading!
Once upon a time there was a really white girl. She is commonly known as Bella Swan in Phoenix, Arizona. Unfortunately her mother falls in love with some wannabe baseball player and she decides she'll let them be as loud as they'd like in bed and she'll go live with daddy.
Daddy, Charlie Swan, is a close relative to Charles Goose but not closely related enough to be mistaken. He is the Chief of Policia in Forks, Washington. What the hell am I doing you know this already…
So Bella moves to Forks and starts to do drugs… Sound familiar? Well I'm joking hehe. Anyways she meets Edward and thinks he's the biggest queer she's ever seen. Well Edward decides to be a gentleman when Bella leaves her truck at home and he walks her home from school. As they are walking a truck coming at high speed starts to barrel at Edward.
Now Edward, being a vampire and Bella being human, decides this is a good time to show her that he is a beastly immortal and stands waiting for the truck to hit him. He did not know however that this was Billy Black's new Chevy Avalanche with a custom grill lined with werewolf teeth. Edward is hit square in the gut and his puce skin (yes not granite… puce) is punctured and combined with the force of the truck that's been jacked up by Jacob's mechanic skillz rips him in half. Then Jacob and Quil and Embry hop out of the truck turn into werewolves and shred him to bits in mere moments.
Jacob turns back into his bare naked ass self and embraces his Bells in a bear hug. They get married and have little Bella's and little Jacob's. Unfortunately this situation becomes awkward when Jacob imprints on his son… Just kidding their daughter silly although the son would explain Jacob's overly queerish attitude.
Didn't see that coming did ya??? Well nice knowin' ya'll review and all that jazz. Deuces.
-Pegasus