Dear Diary,
No one really knows me. They only see the exterior. They don't know what goes on in my mind. They don't hear the voices of the past reminding my of the horrible things I have seen and done. They weren't there the day I killed the love of my life, the day I just stood back and watched him bleed to death. I told the cops I had murdered him, but they didn't listen. They just took me to the hospital to have a psychiatric evaluation done. They thought I was crazy, but I knew I wasn't. I knew what I was doing when I killed, just like I knew what I was doing when I killed my parents. I knew that I was tired of the abuse they put me through, so I let them drive drunk one night. I was eleven when they died, old enough to know that drinking and driving was not lawful. I knew it was lawful on my twenty-sixth birthday when I allowed my love to drive drunk. I even got in the car with him. I was sober, I don't drink. I thought maybe he wouldn't die, but I would. I would die and leave him pain. Maybe he'd learn a lesson from my death. Now everyone in my life is dead and all I'm left with is the memories and the scars I hide with makeup. No one has to know. All they have to see of me is my smile that hides the pain. I can put on that façade all day and then at night, when I'm alone in my bed, I can cry until sleep comes, or I die. Death really doesn't sound that bad. It wouldn't be that hard to kill myself. I could go the same way everyone I loved did or I could invent a new way. I'll think about it later, when no one can bother me. I can already feel the warmth of the afterlife taking me over and I'm still at work, where I can't do anything to hint at my thoughts. I don't want the others to know my plans or my sins before I'm gone. They can read about me in the newspaper or in this journal. Everything is chronicalled here, so that I am not forgotten, like I was so long ago. I have to go away now, possibly forever. If I do come back, I shall be happier, I hope. So long to everything I'll never have.
Cassandra "Casey" Novak