Title: Whatever the Heart Desires
Rating: M
Timeline: Season 2, Episode 1: Eagle Two
A/N: This is the M rated version of Chapter 7 – Whatever the Hearts Desires from my collection of stories "You Know Who I Am". At first it was only supposed to be the missing M part of the original, but I decided to add a little of Sam's POV as well. Enjoy!
He slammed the door of his apartment and threw the keys into the counter of the kitchen with a little more force than he should. However, he could not bring himself to care because by the time he arrived home frustration was already boiling inside him and there was just so much he could do before venting it all out. Tonight he had thrown caution at the wind and intentionally crossed the line she so scrupulously cultivated between them, for he had seen in her eyes the desire to break the rules just for him. It had also created new levels of pain for him to bear.
It only took a glance at her face to see the heavy guilt in her eyes. And it had been instinct that made him reach out to her and make sure to ease her conscience. It pained him to watch her being so hard on herself, even though he knew that reaction quite well, because in some ways they were made of the same material. He was used to absorb all guilt into himself and carry the heavy burden of it in silence and alone. Yet, he did not wish that sort of pain on her. He sincerely meant the words he knew she wanted to hear the most, that it was not her fault, and insisted in taking her home, hoping it would break her stubborn habit of pushing people away whenever they showed concern for her.
Persistence was one of his best assets, but he had struggled to reason with her as she misinterpreted his concern and care for some sort of heroic action. The last resort had been to grab her by the arm and pull her firmly against him, preventing her from running away like she had done so many times before.
His instincts seldom failed, thus he rarely tried to argue himself out of them. And his instincts told him she had wanted that kiss for quite some time, but had lacked courage. Once her eyes shifted to his lips she had dared him to take the first step and cross the invisible line between them.
The bolt of electricity that crossed his body once his lips collided with hers was unexpected, and it made him go in for another one, this time moving his lips against hers and tasting the sweetness he lusted for so long. He had been so inebriated on her taste he had barely noticed how her hands went around his neck and pulled him closer, which made him increase the pace and eagerly unleash all the passion he felt. Her body had melted against his as she completely surrendered to the kiss.
But it was over far too soon. One moment he was tasting her soft lips, and the next she was detaching herself from him. He had grinned in contentment while resting his forehead against hers and breathing in her scent deeply.
It was a mistake, she had said. Those were the words that had shattered the illusion of happiness. Right away he felt pain in his chest. In her eyes he saw a faint sign of remorse for her words but it was already too late, the damage was done. With a deep intake of breath, he tried to gather his emotions as best as he could and hide them again.
He had insisted, with no room for refusal and a coolness in is voice, to take her home even though another second by her side would feel like torture. When he pulled the truck on the driveway of her house he had made an effort to smile at her. The faint thankful smile she returned before bolting home had made his pain less bitter.
While remembering the kiss, his hands covered his face as he let out a loud grunt of frustration that broke the static inside the apartment. Yearning to sleep and forget the disastrous day that culminated with rejection, he quickly changed clothes and slipped between the cool sheets of his lonely bed.
In the darkness of the bedroom he pulled the covers closer, closed his eyes and invited the blissful oblivion of sleep. But it eluded him, and only memories of her warm lips crossed his exhausted mind. He did not regret kissing her, for that single moment in time he had felt complete and unadulterated happiness, but he could not control the sudden disappointment he felt when she had classified it as a mistake.
He would never call it a mistake, quite the contrary. It felt as an achievement after a long time of persistence. He had desired her ever since he saw her for the first time and made an utter fool of himself. She had captivated him not only because of her looks, that petite body with bright brown eyes, or even because of her profession, sniper chicks were rare indeed. But because of her strength of character and bravery that matched everyone else on the team, in combination with a caring, feminine side he had only discovered later. Since then he had tried countless times to persuade her to go out with him, but failed miserably every time, always being regarded with hostility for being the new disturbance to their family, and a potential disruption to her achievements.
Then, in the nights after difficult shifts, where the sky was illuminated by the Toronto skyline and their bodies nestled together in the small space at the back of her jeep, he was able to show her parts of him he was fairly certain would never share with anyone else. Conversation was made between sips of coffee, and in turn she had opened up to him as well. And that day when his fingers had finally caressed the bruised skin of her naked back he realized he had taken a small bite of the forbidden fruit. He had been hungry for more ever since. What he also understood after all this time, was what he felt was not only physical attraction but a deeper emotion as well. Something he had felt before, but never this powerful.
All he wanted was to tell her that, because without any solid evidence except for his strong feelings, he already knew she would be the only one for him. Every day that passed with her constantly by his side, close enough to touch but not quite, was driving him slowly insane. And every time he came closer she became more elusive, slipping through the cracks between his fingers as a handful of sand, always solid and present but slipping away when he tried to get a firmer grip on her.
It was getting harder to control his feelings, in spite of their high respect for the job, the rules that were meant to be followed, and even understanding she feared jeopardizing all the hard work she had done to achieve her goals.
He sighed in exasperation. With thoughts of her still plaguing his mind, exhaustion finally claimed him. If he could not have her any other way, at least in his dreams he could unlock the boldest images his mind could create of her and live vicariously thought them.
Sometime later he woke up with a start, at first thinking the sound of thunder had filtered through the clouds of sleep and dragged him awake. But the sound persisted, coming from the door. He groaned loudly at the prospect of having to leave the cozy cocoon of the covers and answer the door to whoever had dared to disturb his most pleasant dreams. Reluctantly, he left the bed and made his way to the entrance of the apartment. While opening the door he was fully prepared to admonish any human presence at such a late hour, but nothing could have warned him of what waited on the other side.
His eyes widened at the sight before him. She was standing there as if conjured directly out of the dream he was just having. Her hair was slightly damp from the spring rain and her bottom lip trembled involuntarily with cold. He rubbed his eyes persistently, clearing away the fog of sleep and trying to discern between dream and reality. And reality assaulted him full force in the form of her lips upon his once more.
He huffed at the sudden contact, but his arms automatically pulled her smaller body strongly against him for the fear she might run away again. When her lips started moving against his and her tongue swept temptingly over his lower lip, he could not resist capturing it, delving into the kiss. He wanted to question what had changed her mind and if she was entirely sure of it, because he knew that once they crossed the line again there would be no turning back, but her lips were firmly attached to his. They moved so eagerly that all reason abandoned him and only the feel of her body remained.
As the kiss intensified, her hands disappeared below his shirt and roamed over his chest, unleashing goosebumps across his skin. To her benefit, he detached their lips long enough to remove his shirt and throw it across the living room.
Her hands traveled from the muscles in his abdomen and over the expanse of skin towards his chest. On the way up her fingers stopped to lightly trace the faded scars of different shapes and sizes, feeling a sense of admiration for his courage.
At the same time, his eyes carefully followed her exploratory movements which paused once in a while to caress a particular spot from a painful past. In her face he saw no signs of repulse for his less than perfect body.
Disliking the unfairness of their dressing state, he pulled at the hem of her own shirt, urging her to take it off and bare herself to him. She did so in one swift movement. If the desire in his eyes had not made her shiver, she would have laughed at his wide eyed expression so entranced by the sight of her exposed breasts. Cautiously, he held onto one of her breasts and squeezed lightly, feeling the soft weight under the palm of his hand.
Raw need built within her more ardently than before and she could feel her cheeks heat up with every fast beat of her heart. She pressed their bodies together again and shivered once her skin touched his for the first time. The sensation was entirely new and excited her beyond comparison.
Lips voraciously captured hers while his hands traveled down her back. They held onto her bottom and lifted effortlessly so her legs could wrap around his hips. Over her shoulder he was able to look down her now naked back until a splash of color captured his eyes. At the bottom of her spine he saw a tattoo and immediately felt the need to trace the lines with his fingers. By doing so her hips reflexively bucked against his, making him groan in return.
With her arms and legs safely wrapped around him, he pushed her against the nearest wall. And when their centers collided again she felt how eager he was for her. His lips descended over the exposed skin of her neck and bit her gently to test her reaction. It did not disappoint when she whimpered close to his ear and her nails dug into the skin of his shoulders.
All his senses were consumed by her. He could smell her perfume, her warm skin was pressed against his, he tasted her lips and heard sighs between kisses. At some point her lips closed over his throat and he felt the tip of her tongue on the small birthmark there. It ignited a desire to ravish her right there against the wall and fulfill some of his fantasies, but he reminded himself that they both needed more than that tonight.
There was a mischievous smile on his face as he carried her to the bedroom, careful not to stumble and make a complete mess of their bodies. But she was making it hard to concentrate by nibbling on his ear. The room was almost dark when he entered and they fell together on the bed in a motion that lacked so much class that when his full weight fell on top of her it made her laugh out loud. The sheets underneath her back were still faintly warm and her body relaxed against them as he chuckled apologetically.
Clothes came off in a rush and were unceremoniously thrown aside, leaving a path of mismatch colors on the floor and their bodies fully bare. He paused for a moment to stare in amazement at the beautiful expanse of the petite body that was now completely exposed to him.
She made no motion to cover herself while only the moonlight that entered through the curtains illuminated her curves. Ever since he saw her wrapped in a towel with only glimpses of exposed skin, he had imagined what was underneath. Reality was immensely better. He wanted to tell her how perfect she was, how he had ardently waited for this, but did not for the fear of shattering the silence and with it the perfect crystal moment they were in.
Unable to stand his intense gaze any longer, she pulled his face towards hers and locked their mouths again. He lay beside her and their hands started so explore every inch of skin they could reach, acquainting themselves with entirely new maps of soft curves and hard muscles.
As his hand descended down her body so did his lips, drawing a trail of small kisses. He captured her breasts then, sucking eagerly at the sensitive rose flesh, insatiable and greedy to hear her sighs with every flick of his tongue.
His hand traveled further down and disappeared between her legs. When she felt his fingers hit the right spot she yelped in shock, but eventually relaxed as soon as he started to move them in languid circles. The world around spun out of control and she braced herself by circling his shoulders with her arms to hold on tight. She wanted to make him feel good as well, so her hand wrapped firmly around him, hard and ready for her by now. She caressed gently, to the same rhythm in which he was moving his fingers inside her.
He felt her delicate hand wrap around his length and nearly chocked. And when she skillfully stroked him, he had to restrain himself from completely losing his mind. It felt amazing, better than he had ever dreamed, and it only confirmed what he already knew. She would be the best he ever had, and he secretly hoped to have the same effect on her.
Their eyes locked. He was looking down at her not as a man enjoying dominance over a woman, but a man focused on the subtle shifts in reactions and learning the signs of what she enjoyed the most. It made her shudder with delight.
She could see the rapid movements of her hand were having a powerful effect and soon felt him answer her strokes by increasing the motion of his fingers between her legs, sending shockwaves through the rest of her body. When she felt at the edge of collapsing, her lips sought his desperately and unleashed all built up tension into a kiss. She bit his lower lip when the waves of heat lit her body on fire. In the midst of losing herself she noticed how her bite caused his breath to hitch with pleasurable pain.
When she came down from the haze of passion, she felt him drop light kisses on her cheek and neck as she tried hard to control both her erratic breathing and racing heart. He smiled tenderly at her in the dim light, but she wanted more and could tell he desperately needed release as well.
She urged him closer and he covered her body, his weight pinning her gently to the mattress. The motion made her feel all of him against her overheated skin. She cradled his hips between her open legs and felt like he had always belonged there. That made her raise her hips from the bed towards him, begging for more and gladly giving herself to him.
He slid deep into her with a rapid movement that made her gasp. Her warmth was so welcoming that he had to pause and take a deep breath to collect himself. He then searched her face for signs of repentance, but could no longer see her eyes for they were closed tightly and she was biting her own lower lip. Seconds later, he felt her hands on his lower back, urging him on.
At first, he moved tentatively and slowly, enjoying being one with her for the first time. It did not take long for his movements to gain momentum and for her to seek his lips, muffling their moans. She held him closer, allowing her hands to roam the expanse of his back and feeling the solid muscles contract with each powerful thrust that drove him deeper into her.
For a while, she made an effort to control the volume of her reactions, but he provoked such intense pleasure in her that she found herself moaning louder and louder, compelled by his own groans.
At some point she sighed his name into his ear in such a tender and melodious voice, that it drove him wild and sent his heart into overdrive. It also made his thrusts become more erratic in a desperate climb towards a higher sense of freedom than ever before, one he knew would only be achieved with her.
They kept moving as one, and she could feel all of him take over her body in a way she had never felt with anyone else. For a brief moment that notion scared her, but a shift in this position was enough to send her over the edge again and forget everything else. For the second time that night she felt the most marvelous sensation. Her legs clamped tightly around him, then her nails dug red welts on the skin of his back while a long moan came from her lips. A deep red flush erupted on her cheeks when a burning sensation spread over her body.
Not long after, he hid his face on her neck and shuddered loudly against her skin as he lost all of himself in her. Her name was on his lips and it felt wonderful to be saying it loudly and freely.
When the waves of passion settled down they were still enveloped in each other as if time had stood still, and the only sounds that filled the room were their heavy breaths. She held him close when he laid his head on her chest and breathed hard, both completely spent.
Unwilling to part from her but knowing he must, he rolled to the side, all the while staring at her with a smug grin on his face. Instinctively, she wanted to slap that smile off but soon realized a very similar one was on her lips as well.
The dim light of the room reflected on his eyes which were now a deeper shade of blue than she had seen before. What she immediately knew was that it was the look of immense happiness and it was completely contagious. She smiled brilliantly at him. For the first time she would willingly put reason on hold and allow herself to fully enjoy the moment with no room for fear or regrets.
When words failed, she dropped a lingering kiss on his lips, a gesture that conveyed how truthfully she wanted him no matter how many lines they had just crossed. He nodded, equally assuring that he felt the same.
He was quite surprised when she molded her naked body to his and rested her head on his shoulder, placing her left hand above his chest. It was a perfect fit. His arms immediately enveloped her smaller body and held it securely against him. She seemed content to be laying within the circle of his arms, with the soft beat of his heart underneath her ear lulling her into a sated sleep.
Thanks for reading!