This is an AU story about what would happen if Hanna and Travis were together after Caleb left, and it turned into an abusive relationship. And what would happen if Caleb returned? It does have a trigger warning so please, if you don't like this kinda thing. Don't read. If you've enjoyed this story, please review, favorite and follow. Thank you. The inspirational song for this chapter was Birdy - Wings.
Pain.
Absolute agony.
Excruciating.
These were all words that didn't even scratch the surface of how Hanna was feeling right now, she was aching all over, and she couldn't move. She felt battered and bruised, and she felt ashamed. Why did she feel ashamed for how he had been treating her? It wasn't her fault, was it? Did she deserve this? To be hurt beyond belief. No, no she couldn't. How had things got so screwed up for her, she had been happy. So god damn happy with Caleb and then she had to go and tell him to leave and stay with Miranda, and now look at her, she was getting yelled at, called names and getting her head kicked in on a daily basis if she pissed him off. By him, she meant Travis. When she had got involved with him, it had just been a rebound thing and he was nice, he had been lovely to her, but things changed very quickly and she felt trapped now. No correction, she was trapped. She was scared of him. In fact, Hanna was petrified. Her skin was marked with hidden bruises, colors of purple and blue dancing over her ivory skin. How had it all got so fucked up?
When he hurt her the most, when his fists had began to shake and she felt his hits beating down on her, that was when she would picture Caleb, his smile, or hear him telling her he loved her in her mind, that was the only way she could get through the pain. The only way she could push through it all, but the truth was she hadn't heard off Caleb for months, and it was killing her inside. It was all her fault because she had told him to stay with Miranda and now she was getting beaten.
Sometimes she would fool herself into thinking that Caleb was actually there helping her through it because she could hear his voice so clearly, it was so clear in her mind, everything was so perfect. His laugh, his smile, his voice, it was the perfect illusion in her mind, and that's why it cut like a knife because he wasn't there. He wasn't coming back and she was trapped with this monster forever.
Running her hand through her short blonde locks, Hanna stood up from her bed which she was currently sharing with Travis, he had demanded to stay over the weekend while her mother was away with Ted, she didn't really want him to stay over, and they hadn't been intimate yet which is something she was thankful for, because personally she wasn't ready for that, and she had always been a one person girl, she never thought she'd sleep with anything else but Travis had other ideas of why he wanted to stay over last night and when he had demanded that he stay the night she was too petrified to say no. She wasn't particularly sure why he hurt her, but I think it was because I was still in love with Caleb and he just didn't want her to be.
The previous night.
It was getting late when Hanna was waiting for Travis to come over, he had told her he'd be there at 6pm, but here she was three hours later, still sat at the kitchen island, waiting. It was getting beyond a joke and she honestly couldn't see why she allowed him to come over, or just sat back and let him whine with his demands. She was losing her grip on life now she was with Travis, it wasn't happiness at all. As she got up to make herself a hot chocolate, she heard a banging on the door. Great. She walked over to the door, opening it, plastering a fake bright smile on her lips.
"Hi babe." She murmured, her voice bright and her arms laying by her sides, as she stood there in her pink pajama top and shorts. She heard him grunt a reply and that was when the alcohol hit her. He had been drinking. That meant he was going to hurt her tonight, it was always worse when he had been drinking, no wonder he was late. He had been out drowning himself in alcohol. "What the fuck are you wearing?" Travis slurred, and she knew it was coming, she knew he was going to hit her, he was going to hurt her and act like it was nothing. "My-... My pajamas. Why? What's wrong with them?" She questioned and her voice came out a little bit with an attitude and Hanna felt like she wanted to mentally slap herself for talking to him in such a tone of voice.
"Don't have a fucking attitude with me, who do you think you're speaking to? We both know you wish I was Caleb, but too bad because he left you because he didn't fucking want you. And why would he? You're a slut." He spat at her, and tears began to fill her eyes, why was he so horrible? That wasn't true, Caleb loved her. He had always loved her.
"Please stop it." She breathed out, not managing anything else as she felt sick to her stomach.
Before she knew it, he had his hand wrapped around her neck, and he pushed her against the wall, pressing tight on her windpipe, she could hardly breathe, his grip was bone crunching, it was like a death vice grip. She spluttered and screeched, trying to get air in.
"Shut up!" He shouted at her, "You are lucky I'm with you, because nobody else will want you, you're worthless. Nobody wants you, not even Caleb. He had a lucky escape." And Hanna's cries were louder than ever at this point, and he shook his head in disgust at her. Her blue piercing orbs looked up at his and his eyes held hatred. Why did he hate her so much? Did she deserve this? Hanna didn't feel she deserved to live anymore.
She tried to push him off her, but she had no luck until she figured that she had to hit him where it hurts. She lifted her leg to knee him where it hurts but he realized and pulled him hand from neck, pulling his hand back and punching her in the face to which he earned a scream from her lips. "You fucking bitch." Travis moved closer to her, and grabbed her by her hair, pushing her with his other hand on her waist into the kitchen. Hanna thrashed and pushed against him trying to get away. "Stop fucking moving, slut." He growled, he pushed her with force against the kitchen counter top and she felt a snap inside her, it felt as if she had broken something, she cried in pain, his hand moved from her hair and he spun her around pushing her over the counter, pulling off her shorts and top. "No, no please! TRAVIS, PLEASE DON'T!" She cried over and over again, she didn't want this. She didn't want to have sex with him, and despite her protests, he kept telling her to shut up and he proceeded. She cried throughout all of it, he didn't let her move, he just held her down in a vice grip, gripping onto parts of her body, his nails digging into her flesh. He even laughed at one point. Like it was funny. Hanna just laid there, begging him to stop, begging him to let her go. But he didn't. He had taken her innocence. Despite the fact that her and Caleb had, had sex. It was consentual and it was love with him. With Travis, she wasn't ready, she didn't want to have sex with him and he had taken away her choice. After it had happened, he had hit her for questioning him and resisting him. "It's your job to let me be pleasured." He had said, and it had made her sick. He had gone to bed, and she had scrubbed her body in the shower until her skin was red raw, and in the end she had ended up on the floor crying, in the shower where he and Caleb had been together countless times. It made her sick. If only Caleb was here, he would make her feel better, he would have protected her. But he had left and she was alone and trapped. Everyday she struggled with how many secrets she was hiding inside her, because of what Travis was doing to her. He was abusing her and no one could hear the screams of her internal cries, because she always crying inside.
It was like Travis liked hearing her scream, like he got off on it all, like it made him horny or something. This was a prison, it was no relationship.
Present day.
Hanna walked into the bathroom where she brushed her teeth and looked at herself in the mirror, she quickly had another shower, trying to ignore the pain she felt where he had forced himself on her the night before, but she was hurting all over. She scrubbed herself again in the shower, trying to make sure she was clean. She was ashamed, she was so very ashamed. But no matter how clean she made herself it was never enough because she still felt dirty and full of shame. Once her shower was done, she dried her hair and her body, and started on her make up. The bruise where he had punched her the night before was purple and it took nearly three quarters of her bottle of concealer to cover it up, along with the finger mark bruises on her neck where he had strangled her. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she felt sick again to her stomach. What had she got herself into? She pulled the towel from around her and looked at the bruises around her stomach and ribs where he had hit her after her ordeal last night. They were such angry colors that she knew they were bad. She felt like she couldn't breathe properly. So she wouldn't have been surprised if he had broken a few of her ribs.
Hanna quickly put the towel back around her body, and went into her room to find Travis wasn't there, and she guessed he'd left, when she checked her phone, it had confirmed that he had left and he'd see her in school. She quickly got dressed into a baggy jumper to hide all her bruises and leggings, since all the abuse had started, Hanna had toned down her wardrobe a whole lot. And even today of all day, all she had on was foundation and concealer, no lipstick or any eyeliner or any eyeshadow. Hanna was bare when it came to make up. Once she was ready for school, she went down to the kitchen deciding against food as soon as she came face to face with where Travis had raped her. Now she felt futile, and all the memories of it came flashing back.
Why had this happened to her? She didn't know what she had done to deserve it all.
She rushed out of the house, trying her hardest not to cry and ignoring the messages that Travis sent her on her phone. She just wanted to be left alone, she just wanted to crawl into a hole and die, at least she'd be able to be away from him and from the shame she felt.
The drive to school was shorter than she expected, and as she got out of her car she heard him calling her and she rushed past the people to get away from him. Hanna just needed to be away from him and from his grip but she couldn't hide from him forever and that became evidently clear when she got to her locker and he was right behind her, she moved away from him, rushing toward the canteen which was empty at that time in the morning. He was hot on her heels. "Hanna, get back here." He called, his voice annoyed.
When they got into the canteen, she had nowhere else to hide as there was only one way out and he was blocking it.
"Why have you been ignoring me? What have I told you about ignoring me? I bet you've been off fucking other blokes, haven't you? You dirty fucking slut." He spat at her and she felt tears run from her eyes, why couldn't he just leave off? Her tears began to melt away the concealer that was hiding her bruises and she was being exposed. "Well? Fucking answer me!" He urged, his voice angry and his eyes blazing. But she couldn't. She was frozen to the spot and her mouth was dry, she was ultimately petrified but in the moment she needed to say something, she couldn't. His hand flew back and it came hurtling toward her face and he punched her, before his other hand grabbed her wrists. And in that moment Hanna just felt like she wanted to die. What was there to live for anymore?
Nothing. Hanna would take A's abuse over this anyday. She just wished she could have wings so she could fly away. She would fly away to be with Caleb and they'd be together forever. Their happy ending.
In the moment we're lost and found, I just wanna be by your side, if these wings could fly.