The Jogan Story
To any viewer gazing upon our relationship they would say I never loved him. However, that is completely untrue. To say I never loved him is like saying I never loved a piece of myself. I loved him with my whole heart and every fiber of my being. I thought I was wrong. It was such an impossible romance. I, the senator's son with the anger problems, and him America's heartthrob. I loved him the moment I saw him, but that same moment I knew it wouldn't work.
At night I would sit and think only of him. Wish for him, and pretend to feel him. I would cry myself to sleep with thoughts only of him and his perfect… everything. I would long to hold him. Feel his lips on my lips, and our skin pressing together. I knew it wouldn't work. I couldn't work. It was an impossible romance…
I distracted myself, and I knew I was only hurting myself. The others didn't mean anything to me. I don't believe you could be in love with two people. I truly ever only had eyes for him. Maybe that's why I hurt the first so badly. But I thought he didn't swing my way. America's heart throb truly being gay. There was no way. We couldn't be together, because it wasn't possible…
I close my eyes and I see it again. He looked so small and helpless. The psychopath, holding a knife to his neck. Blood, dripping down from the point of the knife and onto the floor. The others begged him not to tell me, but he would have died. I heard it form his own mouth. He loved me, he still loves me. And I love him, but I never got to tell him. I keep hearing it, and I still see it. Nightmares plague me every night. Not being able to move from my bed or see him kills me. IF we get out of this alive I'll tell him even if it is impossible…
I sit here thinking of what I should have said before. I close my eyes wishing I was in my own room instead of in the sterile room. In a bed with paper sheets, and flat pillows. I can hear the boy in the next room screaming. I don't know who it is, but I hope with all my heart it isn't him. I love him, and if I live, if he lives. If we live, we can live together. Because now it doesn't seem so impossible…