It's in the first week upon their return to Storybrooke from Camelot that the dreams first take hold. They're always based in memory, quiet moments from his and Emma's time before the darkness, flashes of their first date and the many more that followed. Bits and pieces of a life seemingly lost all weaved together in his subconscious as a reminder of who he's fighting for. As more days pass without her by his side, the nightly visions begin to gain focus into a vivid retelling of the ball in Camelot and the night and morning that followed. A moment in time so overwhelming in its perfection that if he wasn't forever changed from it, he could be convinced it was truly only a dream.
-/-
"Your form has improved since the last time we waltzed, love."
"I simply picked a partner who knew what he was doing."
His hook tangles further into the laces along her spine, causing her breasts constricted beneath the pink rose embroidered bodice to press closer to his chest and her deep jade velvet skirt to tangle about their legs. Her pink tinged lips lightly graze his cheek as she settles her head against the shoulder of his quilted coat, fashioned similar to his duster with red piping a perfect match to his new leather vest. Pulling her hand onto his chest, he holds her as close as propriety allows, perhaps even a toe over the line of what the royals in this land are accustomed. It will take her father's blade (or her mother's bow) to pull him away, each second she's in his arms more precious with each passing hour. The darkness has only tinged her edges, her stubbornness and determination shakily keeping it at bay in a vow to save herself as only she knows how.
Lifting her head from his chest, she leans in to press her cheek against his, warmth from her breath caressing his ear and sending a jolt of awareness straight to his groin.
"Do you think they will miss us if we leave?"
Finding words proves difficult as her lips brush his ear, coherent thought escaping as he ponders whether he is imagining the true meaning behind her query.
"Uh, I'm afraid so, Swan. I do believe we are the guests of honor."
"So are my parents, and Regina and Robin, and half of Storybrooke. I need, I just…"
Tightening his grip on her hand resting against his chest, he pulls back to catch her gaze, needing to see the words she can't seem to find somewhere in her eyes. What he finds triggers both fear and desire deep in his gut, her expression filled with longing and need wrapped in an almost frantic urgency.
"Emma, we shouldn't…."
"I seem to remember someone reminding me that I need to find a way to live my life during whatever our latest crisis is. This is metryingto doing that."
"Using my own words against me, I see. That's quite cunning of you, Swan."
Her hand on his chest shifts beneath his until her thumb finds his bare skin, easily accessible due to his customary lack of buttons which she uses to her advantage as she slowly traces his exposed collarbone.
"My pirate boyfriend may be rubbing off on me."
Losing his will to resist, he drops his head until they are nose to nose, leaning in until her lips are a mere hairsbreadth away.
"If you retire first, I can meet you in my bedchamber in ten minutes."
"I'll be waiting."
Closing the distance, she ghosts his lips with a light kiss before untangling herself from his embrace. From the corner of the room, he watches as she bids goodnight to their hosts, her mother and father and Henry, her sultry smile the last he sees as she climbs the stairs and out of sight. Lucky for him, without Emma by his side he is able to come and go almost unnoticed so sneaking out behind her shouldn't prove too difficult. Snagging a passing glass of champagne, he downs it in a few quick gulps knowing his nerves need a bit of numbing if he's to get through this without fumbling like an inexperienced deckhand.
He knows what Emma's about, this moment something they've been dancing around for weeks. Their courtship has been slow, a leisurely sail of sorts, disrupted by various passing storms but remaining steadily on course. As much as he desires to venture into these new, uncharted waters, he will need to make sure she truly does before he allows things to go further. He can't let her fear of the impending darkness be her only reason. This has to be about more than that.
With the ball still in full swing, the tap of his boots along the stone is the only sound in the hauntingly empty corridors as he makes his way to where she waits. Pushing open the heavy door of his chambers he sees naught but spatters of candlelight placed about the room, confusing him at the lack of the woman who must have lit them.
"I'm out here."
Her voice is like a birdsong, written solely and perfectly for only his heart to hear. After pushing aside the heavy drapes that lead to the balcony, he means to cross over to her, to press his chest along her back and pull her close. The sheer miracle that is her beauty has him frozen, forced to merely gaze as her alabaster skin glows in the moonlight, her jade eyes like fireflies dancing on a summer night. Darkness has no place here. She is light personified.
"Are you just going to stand there all night?"
"Sorry, love, just admiring the view."
Pushing his tongue firmly in his cheek, he crosses to her with eyebrow cocked and a swagger to his step, settling into the role of the rapscallion with ease. He's comfortable like this, needing to play the part if only for a moment to gain a firmer footing before she inevitably sweeps him away. Her back is against the stone as he reaches her side, her sweet smile distracting him from her hands as she hooks her fingers into his belt to pull him towards her with purpose. Despite the many layers of clothes at his waist the warmth of her fingers manages to reach his skin, desire spurning him forward as his mind wars with his body with words still unspoken. Bracing his hook on the wall by her hips, he moves to cup her cheek in hopes that the gentle act may slow the progression of her intended journey. But two can play that game, he learns, as she slides her own palm along his jaw and anchors her fingers at the base of his neck.
Gentleman that he is, he cannot resist the insistent pressure of her hand urging him to lean in or the response of his own lips as they join hers in a kiss. He's wanted to kiss her all night, lost his train of thought more than once imagining cornering her behind one of the many tapestries to sample the champagne on her tongue. The chocolate she must have snuck from the plate by his bed sweetens the expected tang, filling his senses as he finally gets a taste. Like a starving man he devours, lets her draw him in with her warm mouth and sensual tongue, his hand once on her cheek now buried deep in her hair as his control begins to slip. When she pulls away to breathe he chases her lips on a groan, her hand moving from his neck to his chest suddenly stopping his momentum.
"Killian, I need to say something."
Untangling his fingers from her hair, he moves his hand to her shoulder to hold her lightly as he leans back a bit to look her in the eye.
"What is it?"
"I love you…"
She's repeated these words a few times since his arrival in Camelot, but his reaction to them hasn't lessened. The heart branded with her fingertips in his chest surges every time and he's always left fumbling to find his voice.
"Emma, I know, I…"
"Wait, let me finish."
Sliding his hand down her arm, he links his fingers with hers and she brings their joined palms to her chest, squeezing tightly as he covers her nervous smile with a brief kiss.
"Please continue…"
Shifting her gaze from his lips back to his eyes, she fixes him in a determined stare as her other hand still at his waist slides around to settle at the small of his back.
"You promised me something in Neverland…and back then, I was too scared to believe you. It was easier for me to deny how I was feeling and stay locked in my safe solitude than let you in. But, once again, you were right. I want you, Killian. You're my best friend, my partner, my family and I'm tired of holding back from taking the next step with you. I'm fighting the darkness with everything I've got and our love, it's my strongest weapon. I need all of you if I'm going to beat this."
All fears of her motives now scattered to the wind, he releases her hand so he can support her back as he sweeps his hook beneath her knees and pulls her up into his arms on a flourish. His mouth captures her surprised laugh, kissing her soundly as he kicks his way back through the draperies and strides toward the large four poster bed in the center of the room. He's so caught up in the depth of the kiss that he continues to hold her at the edge of the mattress, a deep groan of satisfaction passing between them when she reluctantly releases his lips on a heavy breath.
Her eyes are heavy lidded as she looks to him, her hand on his neck tightening as he leans in to press his forehead against hers.
"All of me you shall have, my love."
Impatient to finally reveal the womanly curves hidden beneath the heavy fabric of her dress, he bends to gently place her feet back on the floor, raking his hand up her body with purpose as he stands again to face her. His whole body thrums with anticipation as her small fingers reach up to work free the buttons of his vest as he shrugs his heavy jacket to the floor at their feet. Unable to resist, he finds her mouth again as she continues to undress him, nibbling lightly on her bottom lip but faltering when her hands move to pull his shirt from his trousers. Pulling back, he stills her fingers so he can help with the task, knowing she may need a hand working the fabric over his complicated brace.
Having known this day would come, he's believes he's prepared, his confidence in the depth of her love for him making this moment all the more important for them both. After Milah, his dalliances have been merely to scratch an itch, allowing him to hide being the unnecessary full removal of clothing with his partners. He wants Emma to see, to fully understand the pain he has carried, everything that her love is managing to heal. Her eyes widen as she takes in the complexity of the brace as he removes his shirt, anchored around his shoulder, it runs the full length of his arm, perfected over the years to give him the most flexibility of movement and strength to allow his hook to truly act as a weapon.
"Killian, I had no idea."
Reaching for her hand, he moves her fingers to the buckle at the top of his brace, letting go when he feels her begin to explore the worn leather.
"It's rather impressive, is it not?"
She pauses at the buckle and her eyes dart back to his, prompting him to give her a reassuring smile and a gentle nod of encouragement. It takes her a few moments to figure out the complicated straps, but when he feels the leather begin to slip from his skin he releases a long breath and looks away from the unveiling of his mangled wrist. To her credit, she doesn't gasp, merely sets the brace on the edge of the bed and wraps her hand lightly around his stump. He can't help himself from looking back when he feels her lips begin to soothe the leather chaffed skin of his bicep, the delicate care she places with each kiss to his scars touching him so deeply he's feels he may crumble if he allows her to continue.
"Emma…"
Her eyes are glossy with unshed tears as she meets his gaze and he reaches for her cheek with his hand, pulling her gently until her lips are on his once again, his damaged arm confidently wrapping around her waist to hold her against his chest. His kiss borders on desperate, emotions bubbling to the surface causing him to delve deeper, longer until she's moaning his name against his lips and digging her fingernails into the skin at his waist. Breathing heavily in the space between their lips, he curls his hand around her ribcage as he lets his other arm drop to his side.
"Emma, turn around, love…"
Obviously of the same mind, she wastes no time in complying, lifting her hair from her neck and draping it over her shoulder to give him complete access to the laces holding her dress in place. Leaning in, he explores the length of her neck with his lips, stopping to trace the skin at the edge of the fabric with his tongue. Silently cursing the removal of his hook and its ability to slice through these laces, he does the best he can with his one hand, using his teeth to aid him as he slowly loosens the bodice inch by excruciating inch. He finds himself on his knees as he completes his task and takes a moment to nuzzle the exposed skin at the small of her back with his nose and scruff, smiling against her when he hears the soft mewl escape her lips. Rising again to his feet, he works his stump between the loosened laces to hold one side of the fabric in place as he pulls on the other until the dress begins to fall open and away.
Finding her upper body free of any noticeable undergarments, he's overcome with the need to feel her bare skin against his and steps forward to press his chest against her back as his hand comes to rest around her between her breasts. Her head falls to his shoulder on a sigh as his left arm settles at her waist, the taste of her skin on his lips sweet and spicy as his mouth descends on her neck. As his lips lay claim, his hand begins to map the hidden treasures of her breasts, every brush against her tightened nipples sending her hips back into his in search of more. Holding her with steady with his forearm, he leans further into her, rocking his aching groin against her backside as overwhelming desire begins to turn the tide.
"Killian, I need…"
"Me too, god Emma, I love you so much."
Turning swiftly in his arms, her hands move to the laces of his trousers as he works to push her dress past her hips. With little effort, the heavy fabric pools at her feet, leaving her completely bare to his gaze. The sheer perfection before him making her task more difficult as want hardens him further beneath the leather she's still struggling to free him from. Knowing her touch to his manhood will be his undoing, he reaches down to take over the task, using this opportunity to avert his eyes from her naked form and make an attempt at collecting himself. She's so close that he can feel her breath caress his chest, uneven and ragged, much like his own. When his leathers are loose enough to remove, he looks back up at her to find her gaze locked on his hand, her obvious perusal of his body prompting a flush to rise on his cheeks.
Needing to draw her attention, he moves his hand to her waist, his thumb dipping into the crease of her hip when her eyes meet his once again. Stepping forward, he leads her backwards towards the bed, stopping when she falters slightly as her knees hit the mattress.
"Lie back, love."
His emotions find him unable to speak above a whisper and he sighs as she complies with his plea, the length of her body stretched out before him on the deep red quilt more beautiful than anything he's ever seen. Pushing his trousers to the floor, his erection strains towards her as he crawls atop the mattress between her legs, his hand and stump sliding along the skin of her thighs as he slowly works his way up her body. Wishing his barely controlled desire would allow him the pleasure of tasting her before their joining, he merely ghosts her curls with his lips, the heady scent of her filling his nose as he continues his journey of exploring her curves with his tongue. Her hand winds into his hair as her moans break the gentle silence, her hips rising against his abdomen as his lips take claim on one of her glorious breasts. Swirling his tongue around her nipple, he presses his erection against her thigh as she continues the sensual dance of her hips, his skin warming against hers as they move together in search of friction.
Releasing her nipple, he moves the rest of the way up her body, barely bracing himself as his steely length slides against the wet heat between her legs, her readiness as evident as his own. Dropping his forehead to hers, they both moan in unison as he rubs himself against her, her hands reaching up to grip his waist as the tip of him brushes against the swollen nerves at her center.
"Oh god, stop teasing…"
His chuckle is silenced as her fingers suddenly wrap around him, guiding him to her entrance as she widens her hips. Snapping his eyes to hers in desperation to watch her expression as he fills her, he struggles to keep his eyes open as her warmth welcomes him home, her pleasure evident by the opening of her mouth and the quickening of her breath. Finally fully seated, he hooks his stump under her hip to guide her leg around his waist and captures her lips in a deep, lust filled kiss. Her ankles lock around his back as he slowly begins to move, matching the sweep of his tongue with the slide of his hips until he has to break contact to breathe. Her hand tightens on his ass when he buries himself to the hilt, his groans mixing with her cries as he moves his body slightly downward until each thrust of his hips makes contact where she needs him most.
"Bloody hell, Emma, I don't know how long I can last…"
"Oh god, I'm close, just don't stop!"
Desperately in need of Emma finding her pleasure before he falls, he picks up the speed of his hips, the force of his thrusts causing the headboard to creak against the stone wall. He's too far gone to feel anything but thankful when her hand snakes between them to where they are joined, the combination of her fingers and their frantic movements finally sending her over the edge. The tightening of her muscles around his length triggers his release within her, thankful of the pill she explained as her realm's magic to allow him this moment of completion without barrier.
Their bodies are still pulsing as he collapses atop her, his head falling to her rest on her shoulder as his hand seeks her own and tangles their fingers together on the mattress by their still joined hips. Her heavy breathing rustles the hair on his forehead as her fingers trace the scars along his back, both of them reveling in the after effects of their lovemaking. Boneless and sated, he doesn't want to move, but knows his weight will soon become oppressive. Lifting their joined hands to his lips, he leans up on his forearm and allows himself a moment to take in her flushed skin and love mangled hair before leaning in to claim her kiss swollen mouth. Pulling back slightly, his lips catch her tears of happiness as he whispers his undying love into the soft skin of her cheek.
The next morning, he sweeps her away on a stolen horse, her white cloak billowing behind them as they find a secluded spot hidden in the trees. Spying a meadow filled with wild pink roses, he lifts her from their steed and holds her hand as he leads her towards the delicate flowers. As her fingertips wrap around the stem he holds towards her, he vows to forever be by her side, whatever comes what may. She responds with a kiss, her arms wrapping around his neck in a moment fit for the most romantic of fairytales.
-/-
Every morning he meets the dawn with a lingering chill, gasping for air as he's reluctantly ripped from the depths of this dream and forced to face a new day alone. Never spoken of to others, each night he returns to seek the bittersweet comfort of slumber, the one place he knows he will always find her as she was, before. Night after night, the dream remains the same, never changing, leaving his heart aching with each retelling of the happiest moments of his long life.
One night before bed, he sits on the edge of his mattress, wary of his nightly ritual and the helplessness that has settled into his bones. This is not who he is. He vowed to be by her side forever and he's been allowing the darkness to turn him into a liar. Leaving the candle by his bedside lit, he ventures from his cabin, determined to let the night pass without him in its clutches. The stars are bright as he leans against the mast, moonlight dancing along the waves and the sparkling glow of the plankton all reminding him that nature always finds a way to lighten the darkness. It is in this moment that he feels a turn, something deep inside telling him that there is an answer, that Emma, his love and his savior, will find her way back into the light.
As dawn breaks, he makes his way down below to collect his jacket, determined to seek out her family and come up with a new plan. The candle has long since burnt out, but the first rays of sunlight peeking through the window shine upon a single pink rose resting on his pillow.