Mummies Don't Wear Desert Boots
By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife.
This story is named in honor of the "Vampires Don't Wear Polka Dots" stories, "The Adventure of the Bailey School Kids" series by Debbie Dadey and Marcia Thornton Jones.
This story is basically a rewrite of the Casebusters series story: "The Mummy who walked?", by Joan Lowery Nixon in Disney's Adventures, March 1992, with thanks and apologies.
Mr. McDuck is quite the amateur archeologist and was in Egypt on a dig. Launchpad had been ferrying equipment and supplies to the camp via plane. Mr. McDuck asked Launchpad for help snooping around when the workers threatened to stop working due to rumors that mummies were walking around seeking vengeance for their sleep being disturbed.
"I need somebody to help me poke around and find out what's going on around here! I don't believe in walking mummies!" Mr. McDuck said.
"Well, I've seen too many episodes of "Scooby Doo" (1) to think that these walking mummies are anything except somebody trying to scare off the workers so they can steal these ancient treasures!" Launchpad replied.
"But you can't sell or keep these treasures, Mr. McD...they belong to the Egyptian government. Where's the profit, here?"
"I'm making a TV special, a movie and writing a book about finding these treasures! And with permission from the Egyptian government, I'm displaying them in a department store I own in Cairo! The 11th floor of the store USED to use for file storage- with computers, it's obsolete. I'm converting the 11th floor to a mini-museum, complete with an admission charge, a gift shop and a cafe!" Mr. McDuck said.
"And the top floor-the 12th floor- is office space, right? Which means anybody wanting to visit that mini-museum has to go thru the entire store to get there. So they're bound to buy something from the store itself on the way in or out, right?" Launchpad asked.
"That's what I'm hoping will happen, yes." Mr. McDuck admitted.
Suddenly, the foreman of the dig appeared:
"Mr. McDuck! The workers- they say they will work no more! And I do not blame them!" the foreman said.
"Quak! Why NOT?" asked an annoyed Mr. McDuck.
"I will show you." the foreman said.
And the foreman led Mr. McDuck inside the ruins, to a dusty room that contained two mummy cases. On the dust-covered floor, starting from the two mummy cases were two sets of footprints!
"See? I am not a superstitious man, but I believe my eyes! I will not work here anymore, either!" the foreman said.
And he left, leaving Mr. McDuck and Launchpad behide to stare at the footprints.
"Mr. McD, I'm no detective, but these look like boot prints to me! Since when do mummies wear desert boots?" Launchpad asked
."Quak! You're right! These are boot prints!!" Mr. McDuck said.
"Were those mummy cases found in this room or were they moved here?" Launchpad asked
Launchpad somehow noticed the fancy mummy cases looked out of place in the plain room.
"They were moved here. The chamber in which they were found looked unsafe, so we moved them for safekeeping." Mr. McDuck replied "The mummies inside them where moved to a climate-controlled laboratory for scientific analyst. That's what may have started the rumors of mummies walking. I don't think all the workers understand what happened to the mummies."
"Why were they put flush against the wall like that?" Launchpad asked.
"I don't know...These mummy cases! They're FAKE! They are made of PINE wood- and pine trees don't grow in Egypt (2)...and what's more, they're made of the cheap pine wood still used to make packing cases!' Mr. McDuck said.
"And look here...the cases are covering two passageways! That's why they were put so close to the wall... so you can't see the passageways!" Launchpad said.
Launchpad had been afraid to touch the cases lest he break them. Now that he knew them were fakes, he touched them and saw the passageways behide them.
"And the backs of the fake cases open up like doors when you push them a little. This PROVES somebody must be scaring my workers away so they can loot these tombs! They must be taking stolen items out thru the passageways!" Mr. McDuck said.
"They probably sold the real mummy cases, too!" Launchpad said.
"Maybe NOT. Sarcophagi are heavy and delicate." Mr. McDuck said "Very few collectors want anything that big or that "cursed". Flintheart Glomgold is the only one I know who can afford to sneak something that big and delicate out of Egypt. But he won't want these two, they are too "hot"."
"Because YOU can identify them. I have a suggestion on how we might catch whoever is behide all this. But you're going to HATE it." Launchpad said "You look a LOT like Flintheart Glomgold. If you wore a fake beard and pretended to be Flinty..."
"I could say I was "in the market" for the stolen items! There a still many grave robbers and I know where they operate! They know this land and often have useful information. I try to give them honest work, trying to stop them from stealing!" Mr. McDuck said.
"Seeing that Flintheart has pretended to be ME on at least one occasion,(3) that's a fine idea!" Mr. McDuck admitted.
So with a fake beard, and wearing a tam o'shanter (4) instead of a top hat... Mr. McDuck pretended to be Flintheart Glomgold. "Flintheart Glomgold" hung around where the grave robbers sold their merchandise to unsuspecting merchants...and to some merchants who knew where the "dealers" got their goods but did not care.
"Flintheart Glomgold" made it known he had just arrived in Egypt and was prepared to buy two sarcophagi he understood had recently "become available"...and any other similar treasures that were available. Soon, somebody "bit" at the 'bait".
"Psst...effendi...my master, he has the two sarcophagi you seek. But the price must be right." a voice whispered.
"That is no problem. My tent is near the dig. If you come tonight and bring the merchandise, I am sure we can fix a price." said Mr. McDuck, doing a VERY good Flintheart Glomgold impersonation.
"Very well. We will come late tonight with the "goods". But only if you are alone!" the whisperer said.
Later, Mr. McDuck (temporarily taking off itchy fake beard) spoke to Launchpad.
"They will come to the tent I sent up as "Flintheart" late tonight. You wait in one of those two passageways we found at the dig. When they come in to speak to "Flintheart", you come out and help me grab them!" Mr. McDuck said.
Launchpad nodded.
The two crooks came to "Flintheart Glomgold's" tent later that evening. They saw "Flintheart" was alone and parked their truck, which had the mummy cases in the back, outside the tent. They came inside the tent to make a deal with "Flintheart".
Hardly had they came in and started talking, did one of the two look outside the tent and says:
"Look! The mummy! It WALKS!"
The second one looked and screamed: "Aiee! A giant mummy comes this way!"
Three guesses who was dressed up like a mummy? Launchpad had old rags wrapped all around him and in the dim evening light looked all the world like an unusually tall mummy.
Launchpad was hamming it up but good. He had his arms outstretched and stiff and was walking stiff-leggedly. Launchpad was calling out "MOAN!" and "GROAN!". It was all Mr. McDuck (disguised as Flinty) could do to keep from cracking up. Instead, he took advantage of the distraction and "butted" one of the two bad guys. Launchpad clobbered the other.
"I TOLD you to hide in one of the two passageways, NOT to come out disguised like a mummy!" Mr. McDuck yelled at Launchpad.
"YOU don't like flying in a plane, I don't like narrow passageways." Launchpad said. "I ESPECIALLY don't like OLD, dark, narrow passageways that twist and turn and have low ceilings! I USED to think any "booby traps" in them could not possibly work anymore because they are WAY too old, but I've learned better since then!"
"Who ARE you people, anyway?" Mr. McDuck asked the crooks.
AFTER our heroes had tied the crooks up with the mummy-rags.
"We are Egyptians! The people who once owned these treasure are long dead! WE are their decendents! Whose treasure is this, if not ours?" They asked "We discovered the passageways by accident and started stealing valuables. We replaced the sarcophagi with fakes, so nobody would find the passageways. When the workers started noticing items where missing, we put dust on the floor and left those footprints to scare them off!"
"Mr. McDuck, we don't even KNOW these people!" Launchpad said, realizing they were strangers and NOT workers from the dig.
"I guess it's only in fiction that the guilty parties ALWAYS turn out to be someone you know." Mr. McDuck said.(5)
The End.
(1) You have my Official Permission to change the name to "Dooby Soo" or something to please Disney and/or WB.
(2)Don't think so, any way.
(3) "Duckman of Aquatraz"
(4) In Carl Bank's original stories, Flintheart Glomgold came from South Africa and not Scotland as he does in "Ducktales". I am too young to remember those '50's stories and I'm 47, which is considerably older than your mythical average "Ducktales" fan.
(5) Minor pet peeve of mine. There is no logical reason why the bad guys can't be a perfect strangers the heroes don't know from Adam.