Saying Yes
By: Ginomo
Set during the events of the Season 5 finale "A Call to Arms" with references to the events of "Children of Time"
"... as a result the beta and gamma shifts have improved their battle simulation response performance by 11% and currently matches that of the alpha shift.""
Sisko nodded, "Excellent.
"My next goal," Worf continued, "Is to schedule some hand to hand combat training exercises. If the station is boarded we need to be prepared for the Jem'Hadar's method of fighting," which was something Worf had a lot of firsthand experience with due to his experience in one of their prison camps.
"Agreed. Coordinate your efforts with Constable Odo, I want his deputies prepared as well."
"Aye, Sir."
"Anything else?"
Commander Worf and Captain Sisko were seated in his office going over the strategic improvements necessary to get the station ready for a possible Dominion attack. Sisko was always impressed with Worf's dedication and efficiency. If he asked Worf to do something, he would complete the task sooner than expected and to a higher standard than was required.
"Nothing else, for now."
"Dismissed."
Worf stood to leave. On the other side of the glass door he could see Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax. She was focusing intently on whatever her task was at her station in the pit of ops. Worf had desperately wanted some advice from Sisko about her, but he could never decide how to bring it up appropriately.
Ben noticed Worf standing there looking out, having not yet left his office. He also noticed who the commander was looking at.
"Are you sure there is nothing else, Mr. Worf?"
Worf sighed, "I would like to ask your advice about..."
Sisko smirked, "About Jadzia."
Worf turned back to face him somewhat surprised that the Captain knew what was on his mind, "You know Dax perhaps better than anyone."
"It's hard for anyone to really know Dax," Sisko replied, "But I suppose you're right."
"Sometimes I feel as if I do not know her at all. After all this time, in many ways she is still a mystery to me."
"Someone like Dax will always be a mystery. It would take several lifetimes to really understand her," Sisko flashed his bright grin, "But I bet that's part of the charm."
"She and I are so different..."
"Different can be good. Differences bring balance."
"Her very nature, being a joined Trill, gives her a different outlook on life than I have. She once told me that the goal of each host is to enrich the symbiont's life with a variety of new experiences. I do not want a 'variety of experiences,' I just want her. I love her more than I ever thought I could love anyone. And I worry that I will never be enough for her."
Benjamin was surprised at how candid Worf was being with him,"Let me let you in on a secret about Dax. This applied to Curzon and I think it applies to Jadzia as well. Dax loves to be chased. As long as you chase, she will run. When you stop chasing, she will stop running. I have seen Jadzia turn the head of nearly every man on this station. But the man she chose was the one who wasn't chasing her."
Worf thought about that for a moment, "Yes… thank you, Sir."
"Anytime, Mr. Worf."
The door to Jadzia's Dax's quarters in slid open. She stretched her arms over her head and yawned as she entered the room. She'd just finished a double duty shift working with Rom and O'Brien and wanted nothing more than to curl up with a good book. Jadzia let her body sink down into the couch and before she could reach the side table to pick up her book her heavy eyelids closed involuntarily.
A few moments later, the door slid open again. Commander Worf entered and immediately saw Jadzia quietly sleeping on the couch. He was just as tired as she was, but along with being tired he was famished. Worf headed to the replicator and began ordering enough food for three warriors.
Jadzia was slowly awakened by the sound of his voice. She stretched as she sat up, "Hungry?"
"Yes," Worf replied as he took his food to the table, "I haven't had a break in 18 hours. I have been on the Defiant getting everything ready for you to take over and deploy the minefield," he said as he filled his mouth.
Dax smirked, "So you were on the Defiant, but when you finished working you came here?"
Worf paused, realizing the irony of walking right past his own quarters to come to hers, "Yes."
She laughed, "I'm wondering if you can even find your quarters on the Defiant anymore. When was the last time you slept there?"
He paused, "Perhaps I have overstepped my bounds by assuming—"
Jadzia interrupted him, "No, I'm not complaining. I kind of like having you here all the time. You're much better at cleaning than I am," she teased.
"It is good to know that I can serve a purpose."
Worf continued eating and Jadzia watched him. Her gaze shifted to the belongings in the room. Slowly his things were becoming integrated in her quarters. His mek'leth set in the center of the dining table and there was an extra pair of Starfleet issue boots by the door. She really liked having him here with her, and not just because he was a lot neater than she was. Worf had stayed there with her every night for nearly a month, ever since the mission to Gaia. It began slowly; it was after all easier for them to share her bed on Deep Space Nine than his on the Defiant. Once a week turned into every few nights which eventually became every night. Now, they came home together from their shifts in ops or after away missions on the Defiant.
"I got to spend the day listening to Rom go on and on about his wedding..." Jadzia began.
"Oh?"
"Yes. He's so excited about it, it's all he can talk about."
"It is good that he and Leeta are happy." Worf replied.
"I can remember being that excited the first time I got married," Jadzia replied wistfully.
"They are very fortunate to have found the person they can spend their lives with. I envy them that."
"So are you still looking for that special someone?" Jadzia quipped playfully.
Worf sighed, "Not everything is a joke, Jadzia."
"That depends on who you're talking to," she replied.
Worf didn't respond.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them too," Jadzia continued, "I guess I just don't see the need to change things when they're working. Like us; we're doing great, we're getting along better than we ever have and we have fun together. Just leave it at that."
Worf grunted, "Fun."
"Sorry, I forgot that's a dirty word for you."
Worf didn't respond. It could be maddening the way that Jadzia trivialized everything and he wasn't in the mood for whatever this was about to turn into. He continued to eat in silence and Jadzia tried to get into her book but she could tell he was annoyed.
He returned his dishes to the replicator and stood there for a moment. Jadzia could see his shoulders sag as he released a heavy sigh. She stood, set her book down and went to him. She wrapped her arms around him and pressed her cheek against his back, hugging him from behind.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
"For what?"
"I don't know when to quit while I'm ahead and I end up pushing your buttons when I don't mean to."
"You know when to stop, you just keep pushing anyway."
That made her laugh, "Deep down, I think you like that about me."
Worf turned around, "Most of the time."
Though she was almost his height, Jadzia still had to tilt her face up a bit so that her lips could meet his. As Worf returned the kiss, he could feel her hands unzipping the front of his uniform.
"I am very tired, Jadzia."
"No you're not," she whispered against his lips.
"You are pushing again..."
"Want me to stop?" she asked as her hands moved to his waistband.
He had never been able to resist her and they both knew it. It was his turn to smirk, "What do you think?"
"Jadzia…"
"Hmm?" she purred as she snuggled into his chest contentedly.
"Why have we not spoken at all about our experience on Gaia?"
Jadzia was beginning to drift off to sleep but Worf was wide awake, his eyes fixed on the ceiling above. Her smooth, bare skin felt cool pressed against his and he could feel her legs entwine in his beneath the bedcovers.
"Do we need to?"
"Were you not at all curious about what happened in that timeline… between us?" he asked.
That made her eyes open. Jadzia could feel her stomach clench; she knew exactly what happened and she didn't want to talk about it, "We were all so busy, I can't say that it was a priority." That wasn't exactly a lie, Jadzia told herself.
"So are you saying that you do not know?" Worf asked outright.
Jadzia sat up and looked down at him, "Why are you asking me this?"
Worf looked up at his par'machai, the light from the stars the only thing illuminating her face. He knew she was evading the question, the same way she had each time he tried to broach the subject. There was no way that after spending all that time with Yedrin Dax, her descendant on Gaia, that she hadn't found out about their fate. In that other timeline, Worf and Jadzia had gotten married and Worf could tell by the look on her face that she knew. She knew and she had no desire to talk about it.
He could force the issue, tell her that he knew she knew but that would only lead to a fight and he was tired of fighting. Her comments about Rom and Leeta's marriage from earlier that night were weighing on him. All he wanted was for her to admit that there was a place somewhere in space and time where they'd been happily married. He wanted her to acknowledge that it could be a possibility for them.
But he knew she wasn't going to do that. She wanted fun, not commitment.
"Nothing," he replied. Worf tossed the covers away and stood, the darkness of the room shrouding his nakedness. He began picking up his clothes and putting them back on.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Getting dressed."
"Well, I can see that," she replied sarcastically.
"I have an early duty shift tomorrow," Worf replied.
"You've had early duty shifts nearly every day for the last month, that hasn't stopped you from sleeping here before."
"Then all the more reason for me to return to my quarters," Worf paused, "This is your home, not mine."
She nodded, secretly grateful that the darkness his her face from him. Her eyes were welling up and she'd be damned if she let him see that right now, "I'll see you tomorrow, then?" Jadzia asked timidly.
"Yes, tomorrow." Worf's voice was quiet as well. Not angry, but she could hear the coldness in it.
Without another word, Worf left her bedroom. Moments later, Jadzia could hear the door to her quarters swish open and then closed. She took a few deep breaths as she felt her eyes give way to the tears she'd be holding back. As she settled back into bed, Jadzia couldn't decide if she was more upset with Worf, or with herself.
Worf walked through the promenade fidgeting with his baldric the way he did at the end of a long day. He took a familiar left turn into the habitat ring, section 25-alpha. Without thinking Worf was heading for Jadzia's quarters, the place he'd gone after work every night lately. It wasn't until he was standing outside of her door before he even realized what he'd done.
Worf stood there for a moment thinking. He'd gotten so comfortable going in and out of her quarters that he knew he didn't even need to ring the chime. After last night he wasn't sure he should go in, though. He thought back to his conversation with the Captain. Sisko may have been right about "the chase" but Worf was not one to play games. Worf was having real reservations about walking through that door, and not because he wanted to play some cat and mouse game to win Jadzia's heart.
The mission to Gaia had affected him in more ways then he'd realized and it disheartened him that she was able to dismiss it so easily. He was thinking more and more about the path he wanted his life to follow. The time he spent with the The Sons of Mogh deeply affected him and Worf felt the desire to have a family of his own growing. He wanted to discuss with her the possibility of finally bringing Alexander to the station and perhaps having more children. But Jadzia liked keeping things light all this kind of talk might seem too serious for her. She'd find a way to make a joke, then dismiss him casually. Worf wasn't in the mood for that. So he turned around and headed for the Defiant. As much as he loved Jadzia, Worf was going to have to accept the fact that he may never be able to have the kind of life he wanted with her.
Captain Sisko nearly dragged himself back to his quarters. At times like these he wondered why he didn't just go back to New Orleans and start making gumbo for a living instead of all this. He knew a good night's sleep would be just what he needed to approach everything that was going on with a clear head.
Moments after the door closed behind him, Sisko heard the door chime. He considered ignoring it, but it might be something important.
"Enter."
"Benjamin, I need to talk to you."
It was Jadzia. And it probably wasn't important. Sisko sighed, "What can I do for you Old Man?"
She walked right past him and sat down on his couch, "How did you know you were ready to marry Jennifer?"
"You're asking me that?"
"Yes, why not?"
"Haven't you been married six times already?"
"Five, not six. You're my friend and I need some advice."
He sighed again as he sat down next to her, feeling like Worf and Jadzia's couples therapist right about now, "It was an easy decision for me. Whenever I thought about my future or what I wanted to do in my life, I pictured her right there with me."
Now it was Jadzia's turn to sigh, "I knew you'd say something like that. Do you know why Curzon never got married?"
"Because he was too self centered and could never have committed to just one person?"
"Okay, yes, but besides that."
"There's more?"
"Yes," Jadzia began, "He told me this when I was his initiate. He said that marriage for a joined Trill was a mistake. For us, there is no such thing as being married forever. Every marriage ends. When he was joined to Dax, it was after Torias had died in the shuttle accident and he had to learn to live with the overwhelming feeling of loss. He couldn't be with his wife, a woman he was still in love with, just because he was in a new body. He decided then that he'd never get married, never get too attached to or too serious about anything, because eventually it would all be gone and he'd just have to start over anyway."
"Do you agree with that?"
"At first I thought he was just a cynical old man. But, after my reassociation experience with Nelani last year... I think I do. To get married, to build a life with someone, to share everything and then to have it all end when this host dies… I don't know if I can do that again."
"That happens to all of us, Jadzia."
"But when you die you'll be gone and that's that. When Jadzia dies, the next Dax gets to wake up with that same horrible feeling Curzon did."
"I'm guessing you haven't told any of Worf this?"
"I know he wants to get married someday..."
"That's not at all an unreasonable desire."
She sighed, "How do I tell him, 'I love you and I know how important marriage is to you, but I just don't want to put myself through it again'?"
"You know, Jadzia, even if I knew back when I married Jennifer that she was going to die young and leave me to raise our son all alone I would have still gone through with it. Our marriage wasn't forever, but for the twelve years that we were together, it was amazing. And my son has his life as a result."
"I just don't know..."
"Okay, then, what's the alternative? You go to Worf, tell him you have no intentions of ever getting married. He tells you he wants more than that for his life and you part ways. You go through life bouncing from one relationship to another, guarding yourself from ever experiencing any pain."
"And as a result, I never experience any real love, either."
"Just like Curzon."
She didn't reply.
"Look Old Man, if you don't want to get married, that's fine. But you can't begrudge Worf for wanting that. You've got to be honest with him and then be willing to accept the fact that it could mean he chooses to move on with his life. Unlike you, he's only got the one. I can't pretend that I know what it's like to go through this as a joined Trill. But what I do know is that you love Worf, you wouldn't be agonizing over this if you didn't. What brought all this on, anyway?"
"Last month on Gaia, I found out that Worf and I were married and that we had a good life together. I know the experience really affected him and it's making him re-evaluate where we are. I haven't even been able to have the conversation with him because I know where it's going to go. And then the other night…"
"Did you get into a fight about it?"
"No, worse. Fighting I can handle, fighting means he cares. He just left and we haven't really spoken since," she could feel her eyes beginning to fill and she let out another defeated sigh, "I think he's given up on me."
Ben smiled, "When you're ready Dax, you'll know. There will be a moment when it's all completely clear and you'll wonder how you ever thought any differently."
Worf handed Jadzia the padd he'd been holding, "I think that is everything. The details are all right here," he let out a slow breath, "It will not be easy to plant all the mines in such a short time."
"We can handle it," Dax answered confidently.
He nodded, "Yes, yes you can." Worf replied, trying to convince himself as well. After a moment, he said, "The Captain needs me back on the station."
"Worf," Jadzia reached out her hand and placed it on his arm, "I feel like we have hardly seen one another," she said quietly.
"We have both been busy."
"We've never been too busy for each other before."
Worf was silent. Even though the engineering crewmen were all engaged in their various tasks, Worf felt as if each of them was staring at he and Dax, "We have work to do."
She sighed, "Worf…"
"I do not know what you want me to say."
"I… I know what happened on Gaia. I know that we were married."
Worf narrowed his eyes, "Why are you bringing this up?"
"You wanted to talk about it the other night and I-"
Worf sighed, "Jadzia," he interrupted her, "I do not wish to fight with you about this. I know your feelings on the matter, you have made them abundantly clear the whole time we have been together. If we are to continue together, I will have to accept that."
Jadzia felt like she'd been hit with a ton of bricks, "If we are to continue? What does that mean?"
"I want something that you do not," he paused, "We cannot do this right now. You need to focus on the minefield, time is of the essence."
She nodded and let out a defeated breath, "Yes, Sir."
"I will see you in a few days."
She nodded again. She wanted to kiss him goodbye, to leave with something to let her know that they were still okay.
But Worf simply turned and walked away.
Benjamin had been right, and that moment of clarity came when Jadzia least expected it. There had been no other times to talk to Worf in the days that followed their awkward conversation in engineering. She immediately got to work mining the wormhole on the Defiant with O'Brien. That took 48 hours, during which time Worf was busy running combat drills back on the station and prepping for the imminent attack.
When the last mine was deployed Jadzia breathed a sigh of relief. She put the Defiant on a course heading back to the station as fast as they could. A fleet of Dominion ships with nothing but the Rotarran and the Defiant to guard the station? Those were long odds, even for a crew that was very good at getting out of no-win situations. As the ship docked, Jadzia got a transmission from Sisko.
"Sisko to Dax."
"Yes Captain?"
"I've got to make this brief. We are evacuating the station. All the Starfleet crew currently on the Defiant will stay there. You will act as my first officer, and I need you to create a rotation schedule for the Defiant ASAP. Include all Starfleet personnel currently on DS9 except for Commander Worf."
He's dead, Jadzia thought. Her fingers clenched the arms of the Captain's chair and her stomach dropped to the floor, "Why not Commander Worf?"
"General Martok has requested he go with him on the Rotarran. I will be there in 10 minutes. Sisko out."
The screen went blank and Jadzia jumped to her feet, "Alright everyone, you heard him. The Captain will be here in ten minutes, which means we need to be ready to depart again in eleven."
Jadzia left the bridge and ran towards the airlock. It had just opened when she got there and Starfleet personnel, the ones for whom she should be making a duty rotation, were beginning to file onto the ship. She was like a fish swimming upstream, she was getting off the Defiant as they were coming on.
"Computer, locate Commander Worf."
No response. The computers must have been damaged during the battle. Dax felt helpless. Worf could be anywhere, perhaps even on the Rotarran already. She had to find him; her heart was beating so fast she thought it might explode. This was all too much, it was happening too fast. War with the Dominion, evacuation of Deep Space Nine and separation from Worf, all simultaneously. What could happen next?
Jadzia scanned the growing crowd frantically, trying to at least figure out which airlock the Rotarran was docked out. Then, in the distance, she saw him. He was coming towards her, Jadzia didn't know it but Worf's first thought at the evacuation news had been to find her as well.
"Worf!"
"Jadzia, you should be on the Defiant."
"I heard you're not coming with us, that you've been assigned to Martok's ship."
Worf nodded, "It may be sometime before we see each other again," he replied.
"Worf, we may never see each other again," there was that helpless feeling again.
"This is war. We must put aside our personal feelings and focus on the task at hand," Worf said, as much for his own benefit as hers.
Jadzia lowered her eyes, doing her best to fight back the urge to cry, "I've been through my share of wars I know what I have to do," she reach out and placed her hand on his arm. Jadzia had no idea how he was going to receive this, especially after their last meeting. But she had to say it, "But before you leave, I want you to know that the answer is yes."
Worf looked around nervously, he had to get going and so did she, "Yes? Yes to what?"
"Yes, I will marry you."
That got his attention.
"That's what you've wanted from the beginning isn't it?"
Worf was stunned. He managed to stammer out an answer of, "Yes, yes it is."
She smiled at him, "Then when all of this is over, we'll get married. And if that doesn't give you a reason to survive, I don't know what will," Jadzia placed her hands on his face and kissed him softly. When she was running toward that airlock, she hadn't planned to say what she just did, but now that she'd said it, she felt amazing. And now she had to get back to the Defiant, the Captain would be there any minute. Jadzia turned back and Worf watched her disappear into the crowd.
He turned to head to the Rotarran, still stunned. What just happened? Jadzia had said yes? A few steps down the corridor and Worf froze. The swarm of officers around him seemed to disappear and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest, the sound of his own breathing was deafening. In an instant, he made and about-face and pushed through everyone to get on the Defiant. Where was she?
"Jadzia!" He could see her up ahead, about to get on a turbolift. She turned at the sound of Worf's unmistakable voice. Before she could say a word, Worf had run to her, swooped her up into his arms and kissed her fiercely.
"Do you mean it?" he asked breathlessly.
"Of course I do."
"You're not just saying it because of all this?" he asked motioning to the chaos around him.
Jadzia laughed playfully, her lips brushing his as she spoke, "Probably. But I can't picture any version of my life that doesn't have you in it."
"I… I do not know what to say."
"You can tell me you love me."
"I love you," Worf replied, looking deep into her eyes.
Jadzia winked and gave him one of her irresistible smiles, "I know you do. Now go, before we both get in trouble."
Worf nodded and as hard as it was, he released her from his embrace and sprinted for the Rotarran while Jadzia got onto the turbo lift and headed for the Defiant's bridge. They both steeled themselves for whatever was to come. This was war and they had to be ready to do whatever it took to get back to one another.
~fini
January 23, 2019
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