Hey there readers!
So, it's been a while since I've done any fanfiction, but now that I finally have time, I'm taking advantage of it to reenter the fanfiction community and get to work.
Before updating my current multichap, I decided to finish this little Hodgela oneshot. It had been sitting in my documents folder since I started the first few paragraphs back last August, but I pulled it out of retirement a few months ago and rewrote some of what I had before. Only now have I found the time to finish it and share it with you!
Anyways, here are some notes about the story. This takes place sometime in late Season 5, shortly after Angela and Wendell break up (which I hope will happen soon – I love Wendell, but Hodgela is the way to go!). Just because I wanted to include both characters, I have Wendell and Vincent working at the same time as Brennan's grad students instead of just choosing one. Plus, I thought they'd be much funnier if they worked together, so they're really funny in here.
So, this turned out to be longer than I expected, but I'm really happy with how it turned out. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Spoilers: General spoilers for the Hodgins/Angela relationship and the Wendell/Angela relationship.
This is dedicated to my AMAZING friend, Obsessedbonesfan. Not only because she is on Team Wendell, but also because she was the one to convince me to continue this (and constantly reminded me that I needed to get my procrastinating butt moving when I decided to continue). Thanks so very, very much!
Disclaimer: Don't own anything. Don't own the Beatles song, don't own Bones. Although, I'd love to borrow Wendell sometime, because he's a hockey-playing god.
Can't Buy Me Love
Dr. Jack Hodgins sat glumly at his desk, lost in thought. He was supposed to be examining some organic particles, but there was a thought in his mind that just wouldn't go away. It had taken up residence there months before, though it mainly stayed in the shadows of the back of his mind. Occasionally it would pop up, but he could shove it away with little trouble. This time, it had him pinned down, with no chance of escape. He couldn't run. He couldn't ignore it. The thought kept at him, blinding him like a neon sign. He knew he needed to address it, but he had no idea how. And even if he did address it, would it work?
Wendell Bray and Vincent Nigel-Murray, the week's interns, noticed Hodgins's distracted trance and set down the remains they were examining. They looked at each other, nodded, and headed over to Hodgins.
The entomologist didn't look up when the two interns approached his desk. He merely kept staring off into space, his chin resting in his left hand in thought. He didn't hear anything when Wendell said, "Umm… Dr. Hodgins?" and drummed his fingers on the desk. He finally reacted when Vincent piped up in his eager British accent. "Did you know…" he began "… that it takes 43 muscles to frown, while it only takes 17 to smile?"
Hodgins looked up, narrowing his eyes a little bit. "Why yes, I did know that, Fact Boy. And I assume you're saying this because I happen to be frowning?"
Vincent opened his mouth to say something else, but Wendell spoke first. "What's up, Dr. Hodgins?"
Hodgins sighed and placed his hands on the sides of his head, rubbing his temples. "It's just… there's something on my mind that just won't go away."
"Does it have anything to do with a certain beautiful artist?" Vincent asked curiously, pointing towards Angela Montenegro's office. Hodgins glared at him, then sighed again and leaned back in his chair for a second. Suddenly, he leaned forward again and said, "I have to get back together with Angela."
Vincent and Wendell glanced at each other for a second as if to confer, then turned back to Hodgins and asked in unison, "So?"
The entomologist slumped against his desk with a deep, frustrated sigh, staring up at the two grad students as if they had completely missed his previous confession. "So… I have honestly no idea how to get back with her."
"Ohhhhh," Vincent nodded, dragging out the "oh" in understanding. Wendell, however, did not follow his British counterpart's lead and instead said, "Well, just ask her out again! It can't be that hard – I mean, we just broke up a few weeks ago, and Angela is probably ready to date again. It's simple!"
Hodgins stared at the blond-haired intern and snorted in disbelief. "Sure, it'll be real easy." Suddenly, he paused and gasped, mockingly covering his mouth with his hand. "Oh, wait, I forgot… I'm talking to the guy who won her over by adopting a pig!" He narrowed his eyes at Wendell with this last bit before he leapt out of his chair, scattering sheets of paper that were previously in neat stacks on his desk.
"Do either of you have ANY idea how much Angela and I have been through?" Hodgins yelled, throwing his arms out for added emphasis. The two frightened interns vigorously shook their heads in response to this rhetorical question out of the fear that the sharp-tongued conspiracy theorist would cause them bodily harm. Hodgins began to pace as he continued ranting.
"It took me months – months! – to gather the courage to ask her out, and she turns me down before finally agreeing to a date. And after we had this amazing night together, she wanted to end it!" he shouted, flailing his hands. Noticing the wary looks of Wendell and Vincent, Hodgins began to calm down a little bit. "But we all know that we didn't stay single for long."
The entomologist stopped pacing and leaned against his desk with a sigh. "Then there came the marriage proposals. After nearly frying my brain trying to think of a good way to propose, I asked Ange to marry me not once, but twice – and she turned me down both times! In the end, she was the one who proposed to me after I told her I loved her via chopped glow-in-the-dark sushi." He laughed and shook his head as her recounted this last part.
"So, now you see my dilemma. I've done everything – I took her to the swings for our first date, told her I'd always be there for her when the pregnancy test snafu came up, and professed my love for her with glowing sushi!" Hodgins jumped up and shook a terrified-looking Wendell by the collar, crying, "What sane man tells a woman he loves her with SUSHI?!"
The blond-haired grad student warily glanced away from the crazy-eyed conspiracy theorist to see his fellow intern's face light up as if a brilliant idea came to him. Feeling the need to address this (and free himself from Hodgins's grip), Wendell squeaked, "Um, Dr. Hodgins? I think Vincent may have a solution."
The bug guy released his hold on the young man's collar and turned to their eager English coworker, who was already bouncing in excitement. "Okay, Walking Wikipedia. Enlighten me with your brilliant plan."
"You're rich, right?" Vincent inquired, ceasing his bouncing.
"I'd say that's an understatement, but yes," Hodgins replied, furrowing his brow in confusion. "How does my financial status relate to your idea?"
The dark-haired young man enthusiastically pulled an object out of his lab coat pocket. "I was listening to this on my way in today, and when you explained your situation, it kind of got me thinking." At that, he slapped a CD case in front of Hodgins. Four familiar mop-topped young men grinned up from the cover.
The bearded entomologist picked up the case and examined it curiously. Peering at Vincent behind the case, he asked, "Are you suggesting that I buy Angela boatloads of Beatles memorabilia? I don't think she's THAT big of a fan."
"No, no, no, that's not what I'm getting at," the British intern shook his head. He flipped the CD case over and pointed at a certain spot on the back.
Hodgins squinted and mouthed the words he was reading before he finally understood. Slowly glancing up from the case in his hands, he moaned, "Are you proposing what I think you are proposing?"
Wendell and Vincent nodded in unison, mischievous grins on their faces.
The bug guy let out a deep sigh before reluctantly agreeing. "Okay, I guess Ange is worth the price of my public humiliation." He fist-bumped the two excited interns before launching into a plan of action.
HODGELA HODGELA
The next day…
Angela Montenegro trudged into the lab, a steaming cup of coffee from the Starbucks down the street in her right hand. Yawning loudly, she rubbed her temples with her spare hand as she passed the center platform – which was deserted, for the rest of the team had yet to come in.
Three weeks. That was how long it had been since Angela and Wendell had ended their relationship. Although the carefree artist was the one to do the breaking, she was the one who was faring the worst. At first, Wendell had been a bit discouraged, but after a few days he was himself again, trying to impress Brennan with his knowledge, exchanging random bits of information with Vincent, and performing insane experiments with Hodgins.
Angela, on the other hand, fell apart at the seams. She wasn't ready to be celibate again. The last time she tried to stay single for a lengthy period of time was when she was trying to get over Hodgins. It had been a rough patch in her generally positive life, but after a little while it became smooth sailing.
And then there came Wendell. Angela was celebrating her continuing celibacy - proud that she had made it so long - when she and the grad student had gotten together. Even though she had enjoyed every minute of their ill-fated relationship as it was going on, the artist now saw it in a different light. After months of denying herself the aspects of romance her body craved – after all that hard work – she had scrapped it up and threw it all away. And yet here she was at square one again, single and unhappy.
Once again faced with celibacy, Angela tried to forget the fact that her love life was now in shambles. Amongst other people, she was able to, but reality came crashing down once she was alone. Her apartment, which used to feel like it was just the right size, was now much too big. Its rooms were much too silent, while they used to be abuzz with conversation. Even her own bed, which she used to find so very comfortable, kept her up at night with a feeling of emptiness because she knew she wasn't the only one in it weeks before. This ghost of her past romance haunted Angela at night, which was why she had begun to come to work so early in the morning – she couldn't stand being at her own apartment anymore.
A loud thump and a muffled curse somewhere in the lab reached Angela's ear, and she paused in confusion. No one else was supposed to be here at this hour, considering that she was now the first person to get to the lab each morning. Taking a few steps forward, she saw Wendell bent over a large black box, plugging wires into an outlet on the wall underneath the second floor bridge.
"Hey," she said to the blond-haired intern, who in turn jumped up in surprise and smacked his head on the wall behind him, eliciting yet another expletive of anger. Rubbing the back of his head vigorously, Wendell turned to grin innocently at the artist. "Ah, hey Ange. What're you doing here so early?"
"I could ask you the same thing," Angela murmured, just as another voice shouted, "You got it plugged in?" in a distinct British accent. Angela and Wendell simultaneously glanced up at Vincent, who was leaning over the second floor railing.
"Oh, hello Angela," he greeted the free-spirited woman as he hastily shoved something behind his back. "W-what brings you here this morning?"
Now very suspicious of the intentions of the two grad students, Angela narrowed her eyes as she looked from Wendell to Vincent, who had tucked their hands behind their backs and were rocking on their heels as they whistled innocently. "What exactly are you two doing?" she asked, even though she didn't really want to know the answer.
Wendell bit his bottom lip, unsure of what to say. Luckily, Vincent broke the tense silence with yet another one of his useless bits of information. "Did you know," he chirped, "that the peanut is one of the ingredients in dynamite?"
Angela paused, horrified, before burying her face in her hands. "Oh, God, please tell me that you two are not planning to perform an experiment involving explosives." The two interns cut her off with a chorus of "no's" that still did not reassure her.
"Actually, we have a special surprise for you," Wendell said. Noticing the artist's uneasy expression, he quickly added, "It's a perfectly safe surprise. Nothing life-threatening." As he led Angela over to the center platform, he gave Vincent a thumbs-up and shouted, "Hit it!" The English grad student then turned off all the lights (save for one spotlight the two honorary squints had brought in) and pressed "Play" on the CD player before bolting down the stairs to join the other two Jeffersonian employees. There was a pause, and then the music started.
Can't buy me love, oh
Love, oh
Can't buy me love, oh
At this point, Hodgins had emerged from one of the offices on the second floor, dressed in a crisp black suit and wielding a wireless microphone. Stepping in the center of the spotlight, he began to croon along with the Fab Four.
I'll buy you a diamond ring, my friend
If it makes you feel all right
I'll get you anything my friend
If it makes you feel all right
'Cause I don't care too much for money
For money can't buy me love
While singing this portion, the bug man pulled a small ring out of his pocket and tossed it over the railing. It fell into an amused Angela's open hands. Hodgins grinned down at her before continuing with the song.
I'll give you all I've got to give
If you say you love me too
I may not have a lot to give
But what I've got I'll give to you
I don't care too much for money
For money can't buy me love
Can't buy me love, oh
Everybody tells me so
Can't buy me love, oh
No, no, no, - -no!
Hodgins had now moved to the staircase and was singing with much more enthusiasm.
Say you don't need no diamond rings
And I'll be satisfied
Tell me that you want the kind of things
That money just can't buy
I don't care too much for money
Money can't buy me love
As the song went into a short guitar solo, Hodgins pulled the microphone away and began to do a little dance, prancing around on the staircase. Little did he know, his audience was growing.
"What exactly is Dr. Hodgins doing?" a confused Brennan asked Angela. Her best friend replied, "Professing his love for me," before launching back into her fit of giggles.
Cam covered her eyes as she uttered, "Oh, dear God," while Booth snorted in disbelief at Hodgins's performance. "This has to be the worst act I have ever seen," he laughed.
Cam removed her hand from her eyes as she contradicted him. "No, this is just as bad as that time I took you to the karaoke bar when we were first dating."
Booth winced, muttering, "Touché."
Buy me love
Everybody tells me so
Can't buy me love, oh
No, no, no, - - no!
Say you don't need no diamond rings
And I'll be satisfied
Tell me that you want the kind of things
That money just can't buy
I don't care too much for money
Money can't buy me love
Can't buy me love, oh
Love, oh
Buy me love, oh
As the last notes faded out, Hodgins descended the staircase and headed over to Angela, who was trying (and failing) to muffle her hilarious laughter. Stopping in front of her, he was only able to say, "Ange…" before the woman in question fell into his open arms with a peal of giggles. "Oh, Jack," she whispered lovingly as the two kissed.
A few feet away, Wendell stood behind an equally amused Vincent, squinting at the tiny screen of a video camera that was playing back the entire performance.
"So, what are you going to do with that?" he inquired of his British counterpart.
Vincent grinned devilishly as he looked away from the camera. "I'm going to put this on YouTube."
Wendell let out a hearty laugh before high-fiving his fellow intern. Yes, this video was sure to become viral within a matter of days.
And there you have it. The final product of over a half-year's hard work (okay, I wasn't working on it for a half-year straight).
Thanks so much for reading, and please leave a comment on your way out!
AQotL