Hey everybody! Bringing you the latest spinoff in MOTRT! :D
I had a wee look around here and DeviantArt and don't think this sort of thing has been done yet... you'll see :p
Disclaimers at the end for spoiler reasons :3
~RED BASE~
It had finally happened. Three stories worth of severe abuse and bad paint jobs had rendered the RED base uninhabitable; even for the misadventurers' low standards.
The Scout, Soldier, Pyro, Demoman, Heavy, Engineer, Medic, Sniper, and Spy – not to mention Teddy Roosebelt, Balloonicorn, and Archimedes – were forced to clamber in a somewhat undignified manner out of the rubble that was once their base.
Safe to say they wouldn't be playing Dare Games again in the near future.
Rather dusty and all pouting, the nine mercs surveyed the damage. The whole lot of it.
"That there's a sad display…" Engy noted. Pyro nodded with a little 'so-so' motion. Another chunk of roof kerplunked to the ground; though the Demoman had no quarrel with destruction, he sighed in resignation.
"Reckon w'gotta fix it, lads."
Have the team were immediately for, the others strongly against.
"But… suit." Spy's protest sounded pathetic, "please respect the suit." So naturally Scout dashed past him twice to kick up a dust cloud.
Spy screeched something about the integrity of his suit and promptly vanished. The Soldier wasn't having anyone bail on team bonding time and attempted to chase the cloaked man with his shovel. After that incident the team all hopped on board.
"I'll go check the van's okay," Sniper told them, "she can do the heavy liftin'." He wandered off in the direction of the garage.
Heavy started grumbling about he was 'much stronger than tiny van' and flexed his muscles until Medic stopped him. It's worth mentioning the doctor used a syringe gun to do so; Heavy was dizzily reciting poems about Sasha in Russian.
Nevertheless the REDs and their merry band of strange companions got to work. Well, Spy didn't have any say in the matter, but still.
Firstly they sorted the crap from the remotely salvageable stuff. Actually not so much 'sorted' as 'aimlessly threw away'. Within half a minute Medic was sick of the calls for his aid and forced everyone to wear the closest thing to a hardhat they had (Soldier and Engy were a-okay.)
Regardless one particularly hefty piece of debris and one ineffective batter's helmet later Scout and Heavy broke into another fight. I'm sure they're friends really.
"HOW D'YA LIKE ME NOW!?" Scout demanded, half-jumping-half-tripping around the base remains and pitching rocks at Heavy. The man and his thick skull didn't flinch;
"I hate you."
The Scout went off in a huff because apparently that was too hurtful. The Demoman facepalmed and continued to lug away the shell of his once magnificent flying machine.
Meanwhile, Sniper had reached the semi-intact garage and ducked past the dented door. Inside, the power cut made the whole seeing thing a tad tricky, but as previously discussed Snipes is a badass.
He sauntered in to find both Engy's truck (minus one door) and his RV in acceptable condition. Hunting through several pockets he unearthed three different brands of bullet and a pencil sharpener before digging out the keys. He absentmindedly moved to unlock the RV.
Outside, Pyro was in distress. Balloonicorn must've floated off somewhere, and Pyro couldn't find its friend. Unfortunately no one could understand it,
"C'mon maggots; usual guesses," Soldier led the charge, "Uh, something caught fire?"
"You lost your ridiculous colouring book?" Spy suggested, pretending to work. Pyro pouted.
"You accidently angered a wizard, who pushed you into a river, zhen you found treasure in zhere, zhen you bought a new base, ZHEN you burned it down und can't find a pencil to write a novel about it!" Medic said in one breath. "Vhat?"
The team collectively shuddered and turned their attention to other things. The Engineer offered Pyro a just-about-sincere smile then hurried off as well.
The Balloonicorn had in fact followed Sniper to the garage. Its adorable squishy self drifted under the door, to see its buddy Sniper in the process of unlocking the RV.
However, at that particular moment, Balloonicorn sneezed. Imagine a squeaking balloon noise. There ya go.
Anyhow, with said sneeze Balloonicorn accidently sent forth a rush of hearty Pyroland magic which it evidently possessed. Sniper paused to glace around the supposedly empty room. SOMETHIN' BE AFOOT.
He didn't have much time to think about it though, because the RV started moving.
The other REDs cleared away what they considered enough rubble and got on with the fun stuff- rebuilding! They briefly contemplated the Reliable Excavation Demolition irony.
"'ere, where's Sniper at?" the Demoman asked. Distracted, he managed to cut himself on glass shards and awkwardly had to fend off the curious Archimedes.
"He had BETTER not be shirking!" Soldier proceeded to rant about hard work, arms flailing wildly. Just as Heavy's patience snapped and he raised a fist to punch the American idiot, Sniper's voice emitted from the north-westish direction.
"CRIKEY!"
Everybody's heads shot around to look that way. Engy and Teddy Roosebelt swapped horrified capital D colon expressions. You know the one.
Spy swiftly made gestures to imply 'be stealthy, follow me', but the team had other ideas;
"CHARGE!" Scout screamed, pelting around the corner and dragging Pyro with him. Medic sighed and prepped his medigun before trudging dutifully after them.
In fact, what Sniper was witnessing that made him yell the aforementioned 'crikey' hadn't ever happened before. Or yet, depending on how one considers timelines.
Either way, the RED (and, though he didn't know it, the Balloonicorn too) watched the RV – for lack of a less clichéd word – transform.
To say the van stood upright would make about enough sense; the magic-fuelled machinery unfolded, clambering upward and clunking heavily into place.
Sniper, over the initial shock, shuffled backward outta the way. Balloonicorn actually bailed through the window some time ago.
The RV's next action involved sprouting a head and taking on the form of a humanness robot. The 'emergency' jar of jarate promptly fell from the back, as though the van had taken a dump.
Sniper reflected on the matter of dumping piss for a derpy moment.
Then he registered the robot occupying the same room as him and figured he could do with some help.
"SNIPES WE'RE HERE- HOLY CRAP A FREAKIN' ROBOT!" Oh boy, not that kind of help.
Scout got to his feet, having power-slid into the garage. The RV bot ignored him. It was pretty tall- say twenty feet, and only fit here because there wasn't really a roof.
Most of its body was the dapper pale green it always was; the rest became a metallic patchwork of silvers, greys, and faded yellows. But mostly it was pure badass.
"Mmph?" Pyro appeared and found it impossible not to instantly catch sight of the new friend. It squeed childishly, when the third offense class arrived;
"ROBOT!" Soldier acknowledged, dangerously close to freaking out or doing something drastic. Fortunately he was easily distracted.
"Hey Sol maybe you should camouflage!" Engy suggested, rushing in. Soldier smiled hugely, pulled his rocket launcher from nowhere, and rocket jumped God-knows-where. The RV watched curiously.
"Sniper? Was ist das?" Medic had abruptly halted upon entering the garage. Heavy – cramming through the door with all the dignity of a circus clown in the rain – joined him in staring at the transformed van.
"I, uh, I dunno," Sniper gulped, trying to ignore Pyro suddenly exclaim loudly and pounce out the window. "The van just went an'… transformed." He shrugged like it wasn't really his concern.
Spy fiddled with a sapper in the background as Pyro returned, carrying something nobody else could see under one arm.
"Is is hostile?" the support class asked, not being much of a robot fan. The RV shifted uncomfortably on the spot and Demoman whipped out his grenade launcher. Everybody blinked passively- weapons appearing from thin air proved to be one of the more average events for them.
"YOU WANNA FIGHT BOYO!?" Demo demanded, pointing the launcher at RV bot, "DO YOU WANT A FIGHT!?"
The mercs flinched and cleared a space around their drunken teammate. The, timidly, in a genderless, automated-like voice, the transformed van said,
"No… fighting's mean."
"OH MAH GOSH IT'S ADORABLE!" Engy gushed. Medic had to pump him full of medigun rays so he didn't die of cuteness.
Soldier chose that moment to stride in, wearing his tin Soldier costume. He casually gave RV bot a brofist.
Heavy ignored this completely and, politely enough for a crazed gunman, enquired;
"Wit' all due respect, what are you?"
The RV glanced down at Heavy. Oh wow, someone who can look down on that man, remarkable. It answered with an air of confusion,
"I'm not sure. I think we're called Transformers." For the record, probably an Autobot.
"Are you a dude or a chick?" Scout was always a bit blunt. And random.
The Transformer didn't understand the question, but the RED team creepily turned to the forth wall.
"RV Transformer will be referred to as female cuz we aren't sexist and stuff," they announced in sync.
The nine of them returned to the conversation like nothing happened. It took Medic a while to notice that Archimedes had been perched on RV's head the entire time. The doctor decided to leave him there for the mo and whistled innocently.
Pyro suddenly sprinted from the garage, frantically chasing the I-can-unlock-my-full-magic-potential Balloonicorn. Clatters were heard outside as Pyro smashed into things.
"Um, anyway," Engy addressed the RV, "Miss Transformer, nice as it is to meet ya, we gotta fix our base, preferably 'fore nightfall, and we best get a move on." RV considered briefly;
"I could help, if you want," she offered, and Sniper's heart melted for his faithful van. Ew, emotion. We need a fight scene before I barf.
A dramatic guitar riff sounded and seconds later a backup army of MvM robots poured over a rise beyond the RED base. And boy did they seem cranky.
Once again the mercs fished weapons from nowhere and, flipping on the Deus Specs, prepared to fight. TIME FOR TACTICS. Soldier summarised;
"They're goin' downhill. They're goin' really fast. They've made an im- impen…"
"Impenetrable."
"Whatever, Doc. Barrier. So we're probably dead. Everyone ready?"
The team were unsure. The dying part was much less appealing than the idea of victory.
RV picked up on this; being brought to life by Pyroland magic, she had an unyielding need to be helpful. Adapted Deus Specs were on.
Everyone blanched as RV reverted swiftly to van-shaped again. The doors clicked open. Grinning and chorusing 'Aww yeah!' the mercs leapt in and the Transformer shot off.
Archimedes clung precariously to the roof.
Sniper and Soldier – who somehow found time to call shotgun – sat in the front, arms folded (RV was driving) and eyes narrowed; the very definition of badass.
The others were crushed in the back, the very definition of epic fail.
Still the team ploughed for the spontaneous robots. RV only realised a second before impact that going in this direction would entail a fight. Dat mean old fighting. SMASH!
RV flew through the bot crowd like a huntsman arrow and RED jumped/fell out of the van into the battle.
"GIVE 'EM HELL!" Demoman yelled, as if they didn't know. Scrap metal sailed in every direction as scattergun, rocket launcher, flame thrower, Eyelander, medigun, shotgun, crossbow, kukri and ambassador got to business.
Not bothering to wonder why they were having a fight scene in a fic named Base Repairs, the mercs swaggered into their standard bot-slaying formation.
The offense ran out, full on attacking like a freakin' epic simile that I can't seem to think of. The defence classes drove back the robots as Engy got to building, and they were covered by the defence classes.
Well, they were supported by them, cuz like… Yeah. Okay.
Having been rammed by a speeding RV, the robots were, to say the least, disorientated. It proved to be hilarious, because several heads were backward (as if their aim wasn't crappy enough.)
The entire battle lasted all the glory of five minute's half-assed shooting from the RED team. Leaving the dead bots on the ground and wondering where the Hell the things had come from, the mercs regrouped with RV. The thirteen of them (think about it…) cruised home to What Is Love?
~BACK AT THE BASE~
RV drifted to a halt and the RED team hopped out. She transformed as the mercs averagely straightened up, ignoring the random passed battle and heading to fix the base again.
"Wanna come with, RV?" Sniper addressed the van like such an act was a standard daily occurrence. The Transformer nodded and followed him, not seeming to notice the footprints she was making. Ah well.
The idiots' plan was simple; stick bricks on top of other bricks, and bibbity bobbity boo – walls! The roof would be dealt with later. If they felt like it.
Engy probably had some decent ideas, but he was incapacitated; involuntarily cloud watching after something clonked him over the head.
Heavy sheepishly lowered the small pillar he was carrying and sidled stealthfully away.
Elsewhere, Spy abandoned his tiny, half-assed beginnings of a wall in order to flee the classes insistent of ruining his suit. Regrettably for him, that included almost everybody.
"I HATE YOU ALL." Spy busted out the ninja skills and spin jumped across a pile of rubble. "So very, very much…" The self pity vibes were getting to Pyro.
~PYROLAND~
Spy seemed a bit blue (but still RED, doh ho.) Pyro guessed the kiddie didn't like tig that much, and turned to Balloonicorn for consultation.
Laughing cheerily, Pyro armed itself with the rainblower and trotted around to play-ambush Spy. Sparkles made everything better.
~REALITY~
Sniper, Heavy and RV curiously squinted, pondering what in the distance could be making Spy scream like that. The two mercs eventually shrugged due to lack of interest and the Transformer stood by innocently.
Anyway, they were here because they found a wall that was still in pretty much one piece. Granted, it sat horizontally, but that wouldn't stand in the way- not if they BELIEVED!
Sniper and Heavy twirled around, chanting 'We believe!' Heavy's Grand Duchess Crown appeared on his head.
The REDs strode to the wall, grabbed the edge, and heaved with all their mighty might. They strained there for several minutes, until RV ambled over and lifted the wall upright for them.
"YES!" Heavy cried in victory. A pause. "What was rest of plan?"
This put across a fair point. Sniper stared at the slightly slanted tower of bricks and thought hard. He was eventually saved from answering;
"Fellas?" Engy appeared out of the blue… red? "We gotta situation over here…"
"What d'ya mean sit- holy dooley!" Poor Sniper turned to see the base arranged in a pyramid; Scout and Soldier balanced at the peak, holding an American flag to the sky. They soon both tipped backward.
"Oh, and everyone else died. I need to build a teleporter." The Engineer added brightly. He tugged a toolbox from his pocket and went about doing that.
RV watched inquisitively as the wee red machine formed, and Engy used the Eureka effect. The others waited a spell; the teleporter whooshed to life, implying the other half was done.
Engy came back a few moments later.
"Here's somethin' we didn't anticipate," he said, going on to explain how no one had been at respawn. Those silly mercenaries- where would they run off to? Only one way to find out!
~CITY (NUMBER ONE)~
Heavy, Sniper, Engy and RV reunited with the newly respawned Scout and Soldier. Operation: Where Be Those REDs begin!
The two offense, two defence, and one support class headed into the city, walking along the pavement as RV drove down the road beside them. Yes, they're really that stupid.
~ACT ONE: THE HUNT FOR PYRO AND DEMO~
Teddy Roosebelt's indisputable advice was to find the Demoman before he got drunk, and the vast knowledge in his fluffy lil head informed them Pyro would stay with the cyclops. God forbid Pyro got drunk.
The REDs got Scout to scout ahead – trying every bar – while they scanned the streets and other buildings. They hadn't gone far before Scout was thrown out a bar and crashed in front of them. They blinked as he sprung up and flipped off the building, shouting;
"I'm freakin' twenty one! I don't have ta prove it to you knuckleheads!" Soldier coughed;
"You're not twenty one."
"Wow man, kick a pal when he's down."
The team sighed and carried on, journeying through the city alongside RV. At one point they passed a pub with a peculiar poster on the door.
It depicted the RED Demoman, captioned, 'Under no circumstances let this bloke in here. I'm begging you'. They uneasily hurried past that one.
Eventually though, it happened. In the very field Soldier's hippie convention went down, the five REDs and their van arrived to see quite a sight.
Well, Heavy didn't, because a ton of bricks tumbled from the rooftop and per cruel odds squished him. *Slowly lift gaze up fire escape until reaching roof*
"Oh! Heya lads!" Demo belched attractively, proceeding to drop a wheelbarrow over the edge. Pyro poofed into existence beside him and, staggering like crazy, explained how they were helping in the base-building process.
Note: They weren't.
The conscious mercs facepalmed and set about getting them down.
"Pardon me, Miss Transformer," Engy was always over-polite around robots, "but if you wouldn't mind…" RV transformed before the end of his sentence and tiptoed loudly to the building.
Being a tad too short she planted a foot on the fire escape and hoisted herself up, before grabbing the Demoman and Pyro and plonking them on the ground.
In the end part of the fire escape broke off, but the good news stemming from there was that only two mercs remained missing. The bad news of course being they were Spy and Medic; a hide and seek pro and a mad doctor (twice removed.)
Pyro and Demoman, along with the hammered Balloonicorn, dozed in the back of RV and they mobilised again.
~ACT TWO: THE SEARCH FOR MEDIC~
The grand assumption on Medic's location was, naturally, a medi clinic, so Heavy led them to the one he drove into a while back. Or he tried to.
"Oh wait, wait! Is this way!" Heavy abruptly did a one eighty, making the others walk straight into his chest. Scout did not appreciate the close contact,
"Ugh, fatass WHY!?" The mercs were suddenly crushed together, "I regret everythin'! I regret everthin' I've ever done!"
The REDs frantically stumbled back from the awkward incident. They avoided meeting eyes for the next four hundred hours.
Heavy levitated above the others to get past them, then casually mosied along the street; the mercs wearily followed as RV somehow managed a handbrake turn travelling at two mph.
When they finally made it to the medi clinic, Soldier strode to the door and cracked his knuckles;
"I'll handle this!" he proclaimed, marching inside, "C'MERE CUPCAKE."
Let's set the scene!
MEDIC is in the medi clinic. SOLDIER kicks his way through the door.
MEDIC: 'Argh, Soldier! I vasn't doing anything!'
A mysterious skeleton's presence in the room suggests otherwise.
SOLDIER: 'Do you know what AWOL means, private!?'
MEDIC: 'Ja. Away vith-'
SOLDIER: 'It means get yer sorry ass back to base! THAT IS AN ORDER!'
SOLDIER brandishes his shovel for dramatic emphasis. MEDIC flees the building. AUTHOR enjoys doing this far too much. READER cries.
~ACT THREE OF THREE: FINDING NEMO- SPY. FINDING SPY~
As for Spy, nobody had the foggiest clue where to look, so the REDs made a snap decision to split up.
Conveniently, they currently stood at a crossroad, so the direction thing wasn't an issue; Scout, Sniper and RV would go forward, Heavy and Medic left, Engy and Soldier right, and the Pyro and Demoman back the way they came. No flaws there, nope. avi
The first group (Team Badass according to a certain Bostonian) made their way along a dusky grey street. No one seemed to be about, so RV felt inclined to stay in robot form.
Several seconds of awkward silence gradually evolved into something of a conversation;
"Well RV," Sniper began, "what're the perks of bein' a Transformer?" Scout gave him an odd look and RV-bot answered after a moment's thought.
"Turning into a van is kinda cool," she mused. "Ooh, and we can do this." Commencing a visual display, RV's arm turned into a cannon (!) and she promptly blew up four nearby buildings. "…Oops…" she said, as the mercs gaped at her.
They switched between that at ogling at the explosion a couple of times, then shrugged and picked up the search. The city darkened, and rain began to pour.
"Holy crap Sniper we're gonna freeze ta death or somethin'!" Scout ran in circles.
"Are ya cold?"
"Nah." Scout stopped, standing still and looking bored. "Just sayin'; it could happen."
With that Sniper smacked him upside the head and led the way back to respawn. Hopefully the other groups would find Spy then.
Group two (Team Doctor and Heavy Find Baby Spy) followed a one way road winding through the city. Why, they weren't quite certain.
They occasionally poked their heads into shops that may have been of interest to Spy – places with suits primarily – but to no avail. That's about when the rain started.
"Ach, ve'll never find him now," Medic grumbled, letting Archimedes shelter under his lab coat.
"We cannot quit, Doctor!" Heavy gasped with frightening enthusiasm. "How about this- I throw you, and you get bird's view of city." Now, Medic wasn't a stupid man-
"Alright." Oh. What a moron. "I'll just run at you, zhen…" He shrugged and took off.
You ever seen any kind of dance recital, reader? One dancer (generally the dude) sometimes lifts another (usually the chick) and throws them up, and they neatly catch/land then pose nicely.
That is not remotely what happened here.
A more fitting comparison would be a rocket taking off, failing in midair, and not being caught or landing neatly.
Heavy full on catapulted Medic into the sky and driving rain; even worse it's unlikely therefore he managed to see anything. For a short, bliss span of time, the doctor envisioned himself as a dove, gliding among the clouds and shedding MANLY TEARS OF BEING MANLY.
Then he fell. Straight down. Missed by Heavy. Completely.
"MEDIC NEED MEDIC!" Heavy grabbed his teammate and blundered toward respawn.
Elsewhere, Soldier and Engy wandered down the road, taking turns to kick a rock along the pavement. In all honesty neither of them felt particularly bothered whether they found Spy, but they 'couldn't leave a man behind' as Soldier said.
The rock fell into a drain and the mercs quickly grew bored. Soldier voiced this;
"Ugh, I'm bored, Engy," he subconsciously dodged a crack in the kerb. "There haven't been any BLUs to kill this whole story!"
"Well, what d'ya wanna do about it partner?" the Engineer put his welding goggles back on as the rain began to fall. The Soldier frowned, thinking intently.
The pair of them continued on like that until the offense class abruptly skidded to a halt (splashing poor Engy with a small puddle in the process.)
"Smell that, Engy?" he spun around and zeroed in on a bakery. "WE GOTTA GO IN."
"Um, Solly, we're broke. This prob'ly ain't a good idea; we should leave-"
"They might have cookies…" Soldier tempted evilly.
Against his better judgement, Engy was convinced. They bustled into the bakery with childish glee and reckless abandon. Seriously, guys, seriously?
Soon they were hightailing it to their respawn, cookies in tow.
The final two REDs on their Spy-hunting misadventure were the Pyro and Demoman. And Balloonicorn.
Being not-all-quite-there, they had actually forgotten what the mission was. Even better, they were ALL in-
~PYROLAND~
"Wut a mystical place!" Demo cheered, skipping with Pyro through the colourful building block city.
"Hudda!" Pyro agreed, brofisting Balloonicorn.
Life-size toy cars vroomed past, horns blaring fairground music. Chocolate drops started to rain from the sky, quickly forming little puddles on the ground.
As the mercs leaped in the puddles they realised they weren't directly part of any plot right now, so they did a wee unscheduled time jump.
~REALITY, RED RESPAWN~
The eight RED mercs met at respawn and nipped inside resupply for sheltering purposes. Somehow Pyro sobered up and the Demoman returned to his usual state, and Hell knows what Balloonicorn was doing.
Engy and Soldier scarfed cookies on the benches as Scout and Sniper tried to open the door further to let RV in. Heavy sat blankly in the corner.
"Yo Heavy, what happened ta Medic?" Scout asked him, nodding to the prone doctor.
"OH I FORGOT!" Heavy leapt up, "Doctor needs doctor!"
The Engineer facepalmed (for the umpteenth time this series) and made a dispenser. While he did that- topic change!
"None of ya found the spook then?" Sniper checked, as if somebody might be hiding Spy in their pocket.
"Should w'just return to base then? Find 'im when the weather turns?" Demo suggested. Going by the Soldier's 'Affirmative!' the team (including the partially healed Medic) used the teleporter.
~RED BASE~
Using that teleporter was something of a standard procedure for the RED team, so they didn't consider any sort of curiosity going down at the other end.
Even if they had, it's doubtful they could have imagined the scene they encountered.
First thing they didn't expect to see was their Spy waiting for them. The smug expression he adopted however would always be too familiar.
Second, and more astonishing, thing would go to the base. Previously everyone was fairly certain the thing had collapsed, yet it currently appeared to be un-collapsed. In fact it actually resembled a building again.
"HOW!?" the entire team demanded at once, turning to Spy under the impression he would know.
"Well, it's really quite simple," the suited bloke began, lighting a cigarette, "It only required a good disguise and respectable powers of persuasion." He paused, just to make them wait.
"Explain, maggot!" Soldier commanded, even more tense than the time he was convinced a racoon was under his bed. (Granted, he'd been right.)
"Patience, Soldier," Spy chided in sing-song, loving the Hell out of this; "I simply disguised as Saxton Hale and hired the BLU team to build the base."
What.
"How did they get here…?" Engy asked quietly, wondering how the heck that had worked.
"Even the essence of Saxton Hale can do anything…" Sniper stated cryptically.
RV finally registered she was hanging out with nine complete lunatics. Nevertheless she trundled after the RED team as they plodded toward the new base.
It had a grand, if not intimidating stature; an imposing height and striking crimson paint job did the trick. Despite being significantly neater though the base had a very similar appearance to the old one- the sniping platform remained and the garage rebuilt good as new.
Well, it was new. Whatever.
"Let it be known zhat for at least five minutes, ve owned a proud, quality base," Medic said, and Soldier saluted. The Scout jumped for joy,
"Here's ta more spinoffs involvin' base abuse and misadventures!"
Pyro chuckled and hugged its flame thrower- it couldn't wait!
Though it wasn't raining this end (the weather was actually reasonably sunny, matching the team's mood) they decided to head inside, through the garage so RV could join them. Heavy turned to the van-shaped Transformer.
"What will you do now? Stay with us?"
The RV's radio crackled for a moment, before turning into a deep and very manly dude's voice;
"…live among its people now, hiding in plain sight." The Demoman seemed shocked;
"Y'mean yer gonna hide in the sky where planes can see you?"
Wow. One last time – altogether now – FACEPALM.
RV didn't dignify that with an answer and slowly reversed to the far corner for a snooze.
"We won't see her for a while…" Sniper guessed, quite correctly. There were reasons the RED team lacked friends. The mercs begrudgingly accepted this and pushed through a shiny new door into the main building.
A mere half hour of aimless wandering and they located the central room, funnily enough still in the middle of the base. Nice place. Spy gained a few popularity points for being the mastermind behind it.
Engy and Soldier earned a few more for bringing cookies, but that's beside the point.
I guess the moral here is, if you have a strong, willing team and a powerful ally like a twenty foot Transformer; you can use trickery and deceit to make others do crap for ya.
The team gave a single satisfied nod- they'd definitely learned something today. They froze however at the sound of a toilet flushing, and suddenly a BLU Scout appeared,
"Jeez, I was in there for hours!" He casually leaned against the main supporting wall. Then it clicked for him. "OH CRAP RED TEAM!"
Without another thought Soldier fired his rocket launcher at him.
"GODAMMIT SOLDIER DON'T."
The End!
Sigh, those REDs :p
Okay here goes; I don't own TF2, Transformers, nope. avi, Finding Nemo, or What Is Love?
I think that's all...
Thanks for reading! More spinoffs to come in the future! :D
(Merry Smissmas to all!)