Up past 3 in the morning because I can't sleep...
Air which had been isolated for centuries, locked beneath the stones of a crypt that had not been built to allow its contents to be visited - the breath of one dead was always chilled and carried with it the fear of being consumed by that touch of isolation. It broke across heated skin like splayed, flesh-less fingers, where the bones would settle on either side of the throat, gently reminding the body that mortality made its existence fleeting.
Sir Integra confronted her reflection in a stretch of bare glass, dim light entering her office from the indecisive door which had not shut when she had entered. Fingertips pressed against the chilled surface as blue eyes bore the double phantom, of the night that had encompassed the Hellsing estate, as well as the reflection. The vampire who stood behind Hellsing could not be found in the window.
Integra's fingers twitched, and her eyes moved to the empty space beside her reflected head where her servant should have been visible. Closeness, nearing contact, raised the hand from the glass so that it was held up in a gesture of disapproval. In response, the breath withdrew, and the demonic form retreated towards the light that entered from the doorway. No shadow was cast towards Integra, though Alucard should have blocked the light that fell upon the back of her dark suit. Her hair was gathered before her shoulder, the trailing mane visible in the window.
Integra allowed her hand to rest by her side for a moment, but soon it returned to the glass, touching the night as it slowly descended from its pedestal to permit the dawn to take its place. She had not slept, and this had piqued the vampire's interest. The creature said nothing as the woman lapsed again into contemplating matters Alucard could not perceive. He watched and felt the day's approach advance behind the trees that shielded the estate from worldly interest.
"Do troubles keep you from your bed…late…as it is?" Deep as midnight gloom, Alucard's voice swept over the contents of the office and settled as morning dew – his questions would not fade until the day had taken on its purpose. His words often lingered in Integra's mind, though they were rarely welcomed. This was an intrusion; her private thoughts were becoming muddled as the presence of the vampire competed for her attention. Gradually, she acknowledged that his presence could not be ignored, and the hand left the window to hang by her side. She slipped it into her pocket, accommodating her other hand similarly. But Integra did not turn to face Alucard. Instead she closed her eyes for a time, and then opened them to view the darkened trees and undistinguishable features of her property.
"And eternity offers you no better distraction, Alucard? What makes you crave my company?"
Shadows drifted as the demon's hair shifted, black tendrils waving like languid flames – an empty and lightless existence. His form, which had consisted mostly of shadows, condensed, and ate up the light that touched Integra as he became an obstruction blocking her path to the door. "How do you manage to commit yourself to this singular existence? Those before you did not see solitude as an obligatory sentence. You give yourself unnecessary pains-"
"What pains are those? I've never felt them. Solitude is not a punishment, it is a preference – rather, it is foremost a pleasure that I look forward to having."
Alucard crooned softly, "You have made the night your Purgatory when it is not your Hell."
Integra's gaze paused, unfocused. A smile stirred her impassive lips, and her eyes lidded with feelings of amusement at Alucard's words. "Hell? This is not Hell, Alucard. We both know what Hell is, and where we may eventually go to find it. I need only look at you, and I know what Hell is. You think your words are pretty, that they can appeal to me. But that is only because you assume that I suffer. It is you who comes to me, Alucard. I, on the other hand, will never seek out your company. I would never resort to it, even if I found myself as lonesome as you try to make me believe I am. …The Present is your Purgatory, when it is not your Hell, Alucard."
The shadows had spread, wandering wisps finding the gloom that clung to the walls. Darkness touched the curtains, observed by stolid blue. Bronze frames and the woman's lenses glinted with the light provided by a severed moon, and a tan hand grasped the curtain, the rough fabric compressing in Integra's grip while above the metal rings holding the curtains trembled. The darkness receded, and she released the curtain. The room appeared to grow darker.
"You seem so confident in your wisdom, Countess, but you have not lived through years of temptation and hunger. You will find yourself empty and you will seek nourishment."
The smile had returned, stronger than before. Integra held in a laugh. "I'll have Walter to take care of me if I ever feel especially needy, Alucard. But I doubt that I will ever need to rely on another – never in the way you describe. Temptations, I shall avoid with my own power. All my hungers, I will see to with regular meals and periods of rest and perhaps companionship with those I appreciate – Walter or even Miss Victoria, who is not entirely hopeless. She'll improve with time."
"But Walter has grown old. He will not be with you much longer."
Integra saw that the trees were shimmering, darkness and moonlight. The wind had brushed aside the thin cloud cover, strengthening the moon's presence until heavier clouds were brought forth to cover it. Darkness hid the wind, and Integra noticed that the shadow had returned to the curtain. She took hold of the cloth and shook it with impatience, throwing off the evil presence. "I will miss Walter, but you will miss him as well."
The malice in her voice wafted through the creature's hair, making the shadows tremble with feeling, while crimson orbs observed her in the darkness. The trench coat swept forward as Alucard took a step. But the sound of a solid boot meeting the rug, and the rustle of cloth, stiffened the Hellsing heir. This response held the demon back.
"I will miss him." Icy lips sneered and then parted to reveal the daggered fangs. "I will miss him greatly. …And what I will experience…will be profound solitude." Watching the glass, Integra said nothing. The red irises glinted, their dark pits forever encompassing her form – fixed upon the being who held the key to his freedom. "Would you replace Walter, when his time comes?"
"No. That is impossible, and you know that it is – don't ask me these stupid questions. They're nothing but irritating – and I'm close to sending you away."
"It's not something you can escape by playing ignorant. He is a significant part of your life."
"Of course I know how important Walter is to me; I am the one who should know what I feel. You would like to know my thoughts, but my father and his predecessor knew better than to trust you. You cannot enter without my invitation – and clearly, I have not given you one."
The demon purred, "You left the door open. That is invitation enough."
"Perhaps for a wandering soul, but you can find another to possess tonight. You have no influence here, and you should never expect to have any. I am your Master. I am the one you serve and obey. You may taunt and play with your Priest, and you may confuse your fledgling while she is still naïve, but never – never shall you dare to test me. I will promptly remind you of your position."
The shadows wavered against the walls, seeking darker and deeper corners. "So you will never marry." Quiet hung still, and the shadows bled into the walls, strengthening the gloom. "You will not continue the line."
Integra stood in silent affirmation.
The creature scowled and the darkness was drawn into his form. The crimson orbs burned, flickering with hatred and a deeper frustration that tightened dead tendons and muscles as gloved fists were clenched, becoming stone. "There will be no more Hellsing after you, the organization shall vanish. Why would you end it? Why would you break Abraham's line? Take his blood, his legacy from this world? You are selfish, foolish, and you will regret your decision once it is too late to fix your mistake. You are not wise - you are merely deceiving yourself. Your role cannot be filled by any man. The responsibility and the power must be transferred unto the next Hellsing heir. Do you mean to hand over your responsibilities to the Vatican? So that you may indulge in abstinence and flex your proud restraint? You are not meant to be a Holy maiden, Integra. You are meant to be a Hellsing."
"And I am Hellsing. I carry the blood of Van Hellsing in my veins, and I will take it with me to my grave."
There was a hiss of scorn and swallowed derision before the demon removed himself from the office to seek shelter beneath the earth. Integra watched the sky though her window, awaiting the coming metamorphosis. Time passed and the sky began to brighten slowly, warming with blues that became pinks, and orange brought the sun from behind the trees. The woman sighed against the dawning day, and smiled in her complacency, before turning from the window to confide in rest that would be deep and untroubled.