Disclaimer: the characters are not mine and I make no financial profit - just a load of creative fulfillment. Thank you RTD, JB and GDL
Crash and Burn
When you fly by the seat of your pants, sometimes you crash and burn; only immortals walk out of flames.
Jack remembered.
"Not much of a talker
Just promise me you'll never bring up anything I say to you now
How's that – got a deal?
Nothing more than a blip in time to you
You've already lived a thousand lives.
One day you'll go again, just like you did before, and this time you won't be back"
"Ianto!"
"Sir?" A quick, thankful response; the man standing at the sink was clearly relieved at the interruption. The tone of command had instantly dispelled the image he had been fixating on while making busy . Jack lying on an ITU bed, unsmiling, in a deathlike stillness; coal bright eyes staring fixedly ahead in stark contrast to the marble pallor of his face. Abbadon, again.
"Leave the cleaning, Ianto. It will still be there in the morning."
"And I'll spend the night worrying about it."
"Not all the night, I'm certain I can distract you a little?" Jack tried for a teasing tone and accompanying leer, but missed. Too much pressure to respond to the words he was under orders not to mention.
Jack watched Ianto automatically tidying up; graceful, choreographed moves. Almost tentatively he reached out, laying a hand lightly on Ianto's shoulder. Applying the smallest of pressures he turned the other man towards him, "I mean it. It can wait until morning."
Ianto stilled, contemplated and, to Jack's immense relief, folded the dishcloth, reaching back to lay it carefully by the side of the taps. Taking up a small towel Ianto dried his hands thoroughly and then looked at Jack, directly and intensely.
Jack reached for him, pulling him in; Ianto relaxed into the embrace, leaning fully against his lover - surrendering. Jack sighed and allowed his head to fall onto the other man's shoulder. They stayed like that for a long time; an odd embrace of mutual support and total trust.
Finally Ianto took a deliberate, deep breath and stepped away from Jack, turning his back on him, all the while adjusting his suit. Jack grinned at the reflex action and reached out to caress, but stilled as Ianto tensed, his whole body coming to attention. Jack waited, knowing the intensity of the day needed resolution and that it was Ianto's choice what that resolution would be.
"Gwen reckons we work because we're poles apart." Jack nodded, waiting. Ianto turned suddenly, looking intently at him, "But she's wrong." Again Jack nodded, still waiting. Taking a long, measured look, Ianto continued, "We're very alike where it matters. I say little and you talk non-stop but it's to the same purpose, see? You use words the way I use silence." Jack maintained eye contact, the absence of his signature grin speaking volumes. He waited quietly; acutely conscious that in this moment those customary roles had reversed. Ianto relaxed, decision made. He reached out to touch Jack's face gently, running his open palm down a cheek, cradling gently before bringing both hands to rest lightly on Jack's shoulders.
"Never thought I'd say this aloud, Jack, but after today, when I realised the chance might be gone, I knew I had to." Still holding Jack's gaze, Ianto smiled slightly and said calmly and with great confidence, "I love you, Jack."
Something flamed bright and hot in Jack's eyes in response and his quick, snatched breath sounded loud in the quiet of the Hub. Ianto felt the warmth of Jack's hands settle on his hips, heard the quiet sigh and watched as his eyes closed briefly. The smallest of smiles settled on Jack's face – a beautiful, very private smile, one just for him.
The silence was peaceful and Jack felt under no pressure to respond in kind, no demand to share the emotions currently flooding him. Heat and passion mingling oddly with a sense of coming home and wholeness. He saw and accepted that , in Ianto, he had found the elusive prize; someone who knew and understood him fully and loved him simply for what he truly was.
As if on cue, Ianto broke the silence, "It's OK, Jack. I needed to say the words to make it real. You don't say them because it makes it real." His gaze questioned Jack, seeking affirmation. Jack's grip tightened and almost involuntarily he leaned into Ianto, seeking support. Willingly, Ianto provided the counter-balance, "I know everything, remember? And now I know you know it too," he grinned in the boyish way that Jack loved, that caused that warm, cold, tingling wave to engulf him.
Ianto took Jack fully into his embrace, adding quietly, "Won't be saying it again, though, so you can relax." Jack pulled himself tightly into the other man; trying to say with his body what he could not voice, finally murmuring, almost too softly for Ianto to hear, "Don't say it, 'cos it hurts too much, in the end." Then more loudly, "You can say it again, though, Ianto, Welsh vowels you know?"
"Nope, it's enough. I said it, you heard. It's enough. Man of a few words, remember? And I have to say, I think my way is better." He grinned at Jack's mock indignation, "But then you're an action man, Sir."
Jack took the offered escape eagerly, "Action man, Ianto?"
Ianto's eyebrow rose, his eyes sparkled, moving away he reached out a hand to Jack, almost purring one, magical word, "Bed?"
Their coupling had been slow, sensuous and exquisitely painful in its sweetness and intensity. With every move designed to bring the other pleasure, it had built to a crescendo that neither had experienced before. It was terrifying.
Jack lay by Ianto's side, content to watch him drift off to sleep when, suddenly, the younger man's eyes opened and he sought Jack's gaze and held it intensely. "Will say it once more. I'll need to say it then." Jack's heart stopped. "I'll want to say it, then - for the last time."
"Okay," Jack replied slowly, drawing the word out, "Not just yet though, eh Yan, please?" Softly, he stroked Ianto's hair, attempting to gentle him to sleep. Ianto smiled lazily and, uncharacteristically, snuggled down into Jack's shoulder.
"Na, not for a while." A light, warm pressure on Jack's shoulder, pushing in to that soft spot, kissing it briefly, "Don't want to go, ever. It's good, 'm happy. Safe now, with you, my lifetime."
Jack allowed his hand to settle and hold Ianto tightly in place; he felt the world shifting around him and his centre of gravity moving inexorably from within him to between them. After so many solo years it was more than a little scary and, maybe, not entirely welcome or wise.
Then Ianto's warm mouth lazily licked and kissed a nipple in gentle salutation and he moved away, turning his back on Jack, he settled into his customary sprawling position. One foot reached behind him, searching, finding, and rubbing briefly up and down Jack's leg before settling. Staying close and in contact, but without crowding or smothering. Soothed, Jack knew that this was, perhaps, just what he most desired and was immeasurably lucky to have found.
Months later, Jack remembered.
'Don't speak, save your breath
I love you
Don't
Thousand years, you won't remember my name
Yes I will. I promise, I will
Dont' go, don't leave me ... please'
Jack remembered; and he ran.
Author note: this is my first published Torchwood fanfiction. It's so long after COE because the show was so difficult to watch it was some time for I could make myself view it again in order to get details right. Constructive criticism is very welcome. Thanks for reading.
Italics are quotes from the radio play 'Deadline' at the start and Children of Earth, Day Four at the end