Hello I miss them
-I was thinking about how alex said she never liked being intimate- and also how affectionate of a person she is and that gave me a lot of feelings so I wrote this quick lil thing
xxxxxx
No one but her closest loved ones could tell you this, but Alex has always been a naturally affectionate person.
With the ones she loves and is comfortable with, she shows her love with physical affection. Like her relationship with Kara is based on hugs and kisses and touches of reassurance and love.
As stand-offish and cold Alex can seem, Alex craves closeness. It's ones of the primary ways she shows her love. People would never guess it because, compared to Kara, she seems like someone who would punch you if you tried to get too close to her.
And, well, that is true for most people. But Alex isn't like that with her loved ones. She likes being affectionate.
It comes naturally to her to offer physical comfort. To want physical comfort in return.
But the thing is, she's never had anyone to be like that with- in the most intimate of ways. Romantically.
Her lack of interest in people she's met has led her to close herself off in that way. She wants to show affection, but she's never found anyone she wants to be like that with.
So she locks it all away how much she actually does want it because it's all too confusing for her- too painful for her to think about why and what's wrong with her. She always shrugs it off whenever her mom or Kara try and bring it up. She always makes an excuse about work or that she's just not interested in finding someone yet- because she doesn't know what to say to them in truth when she doesn't even understand it herself.
Maybe she just isn't built that way.
Sometimes she sees other couples around her- how in love they are. How they look at each other and touch each other and just are- and she feels a pang in her heart.
Sometimes she wonders what it would be like to have someone she can be so open with in that way. In the quietest of moments. Casual touches and soothing caresses and soft kisses on every innocent part of that person.
But she's never felt like that about an actual person. No man she's ever met has made her feel anything like that.
In her deeply hidden away fantasies, it's always just a figure, someone who she can't picture properly but imagines being able to be that close to.
And her heart aches for it. The intimacy of just being able to be close to someone- someone she loves- and unleash all that tenderness she has inside of her.
She would never admit that out loud. Would never tell Kara because it's too embarrassing to admit- too personal.
Plus there's no point in telling Kara when she doesn't think she's ever going to find someone who she wants to be like that with.
So she just leaves it all in her mind, resigned to the fact that maybe it's just not meant for her.
She's become accustomed to that dull ache now.
So when Maggie comes into her life, all quiet and smart and strong and beautiful- Alex doesn't really know how to react at first.
All Alex knows is that she longs to comfort her in that way she has always just kept inside. Alex never thought that these feelings would ever manifest themselves in a living, breathing person.
But whenever Maggie's in front of her, all Alex wants to do is be close to her. All she wants to do is reach out and push the stray strand of hair falling in front of Maggie's face, behind her ear.
All she wants to do is reach out across the table and take Maggie's hand in her own and interlace their fingers.
All she wants to do is lean forward and kiss Maggie's dimples that are making her stomach flutter madly.
All she wants to do is smooth out her frown and places kisses between her brows and over her eyes.
But she gulps it down. Locks it away. She doesn't think about Maggie's soft skin beneath her fingertips or the softness of her lips. Because Maggie doesn't want her like that.
Except she does.
She does want Alex like that.
And the moment that Maggie's lips touch hers that second time, Alex can't keep it inside any longer.
The first thing she does is reach out to caress Maggie's beautiful soft brown hair as she's imagined so many times.
And she can't stop touching her- her hair, her cheeks, her lips, her everything.
And neither can Maggie.
And when Maggie looks at her with those warm eyes and soft smile and deep dimples, Alex just wants to melt into her.
Alex thinks that her heart might burst with happiness.
And the more she gets to know Maggie, the stronger the feeling gets. The more she learns about Maggie's strength and her courage and her vulnerability, the more she sees of Maggie's laughter and her patience and her tenderness- the more Alex wants to pour her affection into her.
She doesn't know anyone more deserving.
And she does. At first it's just in the more private moments. But gradually it seeps into always.
Sometimes it's just in the way she will look at her- the way she will try to hold Maggie's gaze until her eyes turn shy and she will blush at the attention.
Sometimes it's in the way that she will sit with her- so so close. Just to have that proximity. She craves that closeness with Maggie.
And Alex likes to have that constant innocent contact whenever she can- of holding her hand and intertwining their fingers. Of placing soft kisses to the back of her hand and her wrist and her palm.
When they are just sitting down, relaxing. A hand on her thigh, or her back, or around her shoulders- her fingers caressing her skin. A kiss to her clothed shoulders or her cheek or her temple. Her hands sifting through Maggie's beautiful hair as she lays with her head in her lap.
When they're lying in bed, Alex will nuzzle Maggie's nose, resting her forehead against her cheek, and just stays close like that, breathing her in.
She will spend hours just caressing Maggie's face and body, mostly innocent touches until they turn less innocent. And Maggie lets her every time. Lays there with her eyes closed and that soft smile, melting under her touches.
And when Maggie looks up with those warm, shining eyes, and that small shy smile at all the attention, Alex falls in love with her even more.
And as much as Alex still tries to maintain her hard reputation, her softness is apparent for everyone to see now.
xxxxxxxxxxx
3
#sanversendgame