The Real Housewives of Hell
"Persephone! Get in here, it's coming on!"
"Give me a minute- I'm talking to mum."
"But it's the last show of the series... I got us some snacks and everything..."
"I said, give me a minute! Sorry mum, he's just being ridiculous-"
"Well excuse me for wanting to be on time for once! This is the episode where we finally find out what Stheno is hiding from the others, and who Kelli's boyfriend is! Tammi is going to be so jealous, I wonder what she'll do to get her own back... She's been snippy ever since Bert broke up with her!"
"I'll have to ring you back. Right- I'm here."
"Finally."
"Let's just enjoy the show, okay?"
"Fine! Hey, look- here comes Tammi... Wait... Oh no she didn't! Can you believe it! Kelli just got a slap!"
"But she's my favourite! I think Tammi should be happy for her, now she's in love with... with... Bert?! That back stabbing little-"
"Oh snap! It's really kicking off down there! Wonder where Bert is? Probably hiding from Tammi! Ooh! Their mothers are in there now!"
"Well Kelli deserves it, going out with her best friend's ex! What did she expect? Now she's got Tammi all upset, poor dear- and for what? That player Bert? He can't keep up a nice conversation to save his life! Oh, I bet it's all for the cameras. I can see right through it!"
"You weren't saying that yesterday when Tammi forgot 'poor Kelli's' birthday! I thought she was your favourite?"
"She used to be! Now look at her, scrapping with the friend she just betrayed! Well, at least their parents calmed it all down..."
"Oh! Now the dads are shouting too! Yes! Go on Pete, give it to him! I never liked that stupid Jim- he's so fake!"
"I agree. Wow. That was heated. At least the Gorgons managed to douse the fire! Good job too, really. Euryale won't want any drama at her pit-warming party."
"I wouldn't count on any peace Persephone, here comes Stheno!"
"No... she wouldn't, no she- she would! Oh my! And she only just got the house too!"
"Mm hmm. Hey, now you know how I felt when your mother wanted to move in with us."
"That's different- we've had this old place for millennia! Leave my mother out of this."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down! What do you mean 'this old place'?"
"Shh! Oomph- Stheno just got rejected! How will Medusa react?"
"Jeez, you sound like a commentator! Can we just watch the thing instead of you gabbing on about it as always?"
"You're one to talk!"
"Look, I've just suffered a major emotional shock! Stheno's been kicked out of her house! I sure didn't see that one coming, and now she wants to move in with Euryale? No way!"
"I know! And... no! Medusa wants to move in too! Uh-oh! I see another fight coming on-"
"Yep, here come the claws... No! To be continued? They can't end it here!"
"And the last one of the series too! And now we have to wait for months until the next one! I wonder if the Gorgons will live together?"
"And what about Tammi, Kelli and Bert? They are gonna have some issues! And they all live on the same street! Will Tammi ever forgive her?"
"Guess we'll have to wait and see..."