Discs.: I don't own CM or its characters...
A/N: So here is a new story of mine...Special thank goes to my beta vanillathunder215, who helped me a lot...
Fidelity, Bravery and Integrity
1. Observations
The team was on the way back to DC after closing a case in San Francisco. While the rest of the team was asleep Hotch and Elle were talking quietly about the case, still shocked by the details of it.
"You know, sometimes when we close a case like this I wonder why I'm even doing this. I mean, what's the point of this? I simply can't see it - we catch one UnSub knowing exactly that there are a few hundred more out there - each worse than the last. How can someone be so cruel?"
Elle looked at Hotch.
"I don't know, Elle. When you did this job as long as Gideon and me you would think that you have already seen everything - but the bitter truth is that every case is as different as the humans involved..."
"I don't understand how you can do this job. I've only worked with the BAU for a couple of months and I'm already considering giving up..."
She let her head hang.
"Listen Elle, thinking about leaving is such a natural thing. Everyone on the team has considered doing so quite a few times. Agents with the BAU usually don't stay long. Most of them don't even stay for five years before they transfer away - or go into early retirement . And then they try to build up a life outside of the FBI - this job is pure poison for private-life if you don't do something against it..."
"So how do you deal with all of this? You've been doing this job for so long..."
Hotch thought only a few seconds before he replied:
"Yeah...Well, it's actually a simple answer - my family..."
He looked her straight into the eyes,
"I keep telling myself that it's not as pointless as it sometimes seems...And I work with the best team I could have, what makes it far easier..."
Meanwhile :
Morgan sighed inaudibly. He opened his eyes and looked around. He had tried to sleep but there were too many thoughts running through his mind. After a moment he looked over at the two of his colleagues, who were awake as well. They talked quietly with each other and Morgan's facial expression changed to a worried one as he listened to them.
He had noticed it for the first time a while ago, after the incident in Texas - these small exchanges between Hotch and Elle...He wondered once more if they were even aware of it themselves. Something had changed between them - and it made him worry.
The glances they exchanged, the way she sometimes smiled at him - a smile which made her eyes sparkle, how she was able to make him smile - or at least lighten up his mood...
He sighed, realizing that it was pointless to think so much about it. They were grown-ups; it wasn't his duty to tell them what to do or what not to do - it wasn't his place to judge after all.
At the office :
Later that evening, after Reid, JJ and Gideon had gone home, Hotch, Elle and Morgan were still busy with paperwork. He had noticed that Elle was taking quite a lot of time for her paperwork - on purpose he suspected.
"What is it Morgan?"
Elle sounded annoyed.
"I don't know what you mean..."
"I mean, why are you staring at me, huh? Is it so interesting to watch me doing my paperwork?"
"No, I'm just wondering why you are still here..."
"You're still here as well..."
Elle didn't even look at him.
"I have a giant pile of paperwork to do..."
He rolled his eyes.
"You know what...Why don't you give me the files and go home?"
Elle finally turned to Morgan.
"You're serious?"
"Yes."
"Thanks." Morgan grinned, he took the files from his desk and put them on Elle's, then he got up and left, still he kept wondering why Elle wanted to stay at the office. It was not like Elle haven't offered to do his paperwork before, but when he remembered his observations from earlier that day the grin vanished and his worry returned...
Meanwhile, Hotch's office :
Hotch was totally lost in his work, so when the phone on his desk started ringing he almost jumped. As he answered the call and heard his wife's voice he felt a flash of guilt, though he was not sure about why he felt that way.
"Hey, what's up, Haley?"
"I was just wondering when you are going to come home..."
"I don't know - I still have a lot to do..."
"Okay..." They hung up.
Hotch sighed, he knew that he should spend more time at home, but he had so much work to do...
An hour and a half later :
Hotch was still stuck in his office with tons of paperwork, when someone knocked on the door.
"Yeah?" The door opened and Elle entered the room.
"Hey, you're still here?
Hotch looked up at her, surprised by the fact that she was still there.
"I just finished all my paperwork. Why are you still here, instead of being at home?"
Hotch indicated all the files which covered his desk.
"You're going to be stuck here all night - let me help you..."
Elle closed the door and walked up to the desk, smiling all the way. She sat down and took one of the files and a pen.
"Listen Elle, you shouldn't do this..."
They looked at each other.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, the fact that you are doing the paperwork of the others - mainly Morgan's - instead of going home. You need sleep just as much as everyone else on the team..."
"Hey Hotch, don't worry okay? I just don't want you to stay here all night..."
"If you say so..."
Hotch shrugged with his shoulders and they started to work on the case-files in perfect silence.
Half past midnight :
When Hotch and Elle finished the last file they shared a smile and locked eyes.
"Thank you, without your help I would have spent the whole night here..."
"You're welcome."
Elle's smile widened.
"You wanna grab a drink?"
They looked at each other, Elle thought for a moment while Hotch questioned his motives, a moment later she replied,
"Yeah, sure..."
At a bar :
When they had taken a seat at a table and had ordered their drinks they started to talk about work. As the drinks arrived, the conversation drifted towards more personal stuff.
"To go back to the conversation we had on the way home from San Francisco..."
Elle looked at Hotch.
"What is it?"
"Why did you want to work with the BAU?"
She thought for a while then she answered, "I thought it would help me to understand why people do these horrible things..."
"Is that the only reason?"
"I don't know - it's the most relevant one. What's with you?"
"I'm not sure...So you are thinking about leaving?"
"I don't know, I mean, sometimes all of this seems so goddamn pointless..."
They looked at each other.
"I get what your point is - but think about all the lives we are able to save..."
"Is that what keeps you with the BAU?"
"Probably..."
Two o'clock am :
After they had paid for their drinks, they left the bar and went outside to catch a cab.
When one finally pulled up they decided in silent agreement to share the ride, not ready to part yet.
At Elle's place :
"You want a mug of coffee?"
Elle asked after Hotch had taken a seat in the living-room.
"Sure." He smiled at her.
When she came back with two cups of freshly brewed coffee, she found Hotch standing in front of a book shelf, examining something with great interest. Curious, Elle went over to see what had captured his attention.
"Who is this?"
Hotch pointed at a photograph of a little girl and a man in a uniform of the NYPD, who hold the girl in his arms.
"Me and my dad..."
"So he was a cop?"
He knew that her dad had died when she was still a kid - and of course he also knew that he had been a cop, but he somehow felt that it was right to ask her about it.
"Yeah...This is one of the last pictures taken of him. In fact he died three days later - in the line of duty..."
Elle trailed off and Hotch drew her into a tight embrace when he saw the tears running down her face. After Elle's sobs had subsided she backed away from Hotch, feeling embarrassed by the fact that she had lost control over her emotions - in front of Hotch, after she had worked so hard on showing him how much strength she was possessing.
"Sorry..." She let her head drop.
"There's nothing to be sorry about, Elle."
She looked at him, he lifted a hand and wiped away the remaining trails of her tears. For a moment they were both silent, lost in each other's eyes.
"You know, I never let anyone see me crying after he died. Actually I never cried when I was a kid - and when I did I cried in secret - never letting anyone see my tears except of my dad. When he was gone I saw how my mom tried to hide her sorrows from me but sometimes when I woke up at night I heard her crying and so I kept swallowing my own grief because I somehow felt guilty for his death..."
"But it wasn't your fault - you were eight years old..."
"I know..." Elle looked him straight into the eyes.
Meanwhile :
Back at his house, Morgan was trying to fall asleep, but all his thoughts and worries from the day's events kept racing through his head, keeping him wide awake.
He remembered how he met Elle back at Quantico - when they both were still trainees. He had tried to flirt with her - but he had been incapable of charming her. After some time she had enough of it and told him that they would never be more than just friends - because she wanted to keep her professional and private life separate from each other. So he had given it up.
But now he saw something that made him worry; it was obvious - at least to him - that Elle and Hotch were well on their way falling for each other. And he knew that it would have serious consequences - for everyone - when that happened...
He knew Hotch long enough to know that he had his principles - and he certainly loved his wife. Even if Hotch realized that he didn't love Haley anymore he would stay with her, he would never give in to his feelings for Elle - and that was the actual problem. It would be impossible for them to deal with all of it - it would destroy them...
Morgan let out a heavy sigh realizing that it was pointless to keep thinking about it.
Tbc
A/N: Thanks for reading...Hope you liked it...Please take the time to REVIEW! I'm not sure when I will be able to update this one - but I will certainly post a lot in the next time and I promise that I will try my best to continue this story asap!!