I love getting inside Fiyero's head, especially when he's being angsty. Hope you enjoy!

"Within your heart, keep one still, secret spot where dreams may go" ~Louise Discoll

"The best love affairs are those we never had" ~Norman Lindsay

It was her eyes that he remembered the most. Those soulful amber eyes that could see straight into a person's soul one moment shoot fire the next. He knew that if she could somehow read his thoughts, those eyes would lift into a sarcastic roll with a comment of the same nature to follow. Sometimes he would see just how far he could push her until she followed through. He always knew she would. It irritated him to no end.

It was one of the things he missed most about her.

Letting out a tired sigh, Fiyero slung his rifle over his shoulder as he walked down the streets of the Emerald City. The sun was just beginning to sink in the sky, marking the end of yet another work day. Not that his position required much more than a sense of leadership and the ability to bark orders. And yet he threw himself into the search wholeheartedly. There were murmurs within the Gale Force of what his motives could possibly be

"It's nothing more than a power hunt. After all, he is practically engaged to Lady Glinda."

"He's a spoiled Prince. He needs to prove himself."

"It's all political. He's nothing more than a pawn."

As much as they should bother him, they didn't. Let them think whatever they pleased. At the end of the day, they were under his command. He had no one to answer to, save the Wizard, and as long as he played along, he would be safe. In their eyes, he was at the forefront of the hunt for The Wicked Witch, eager as everyone else to catch her and see her demise. Yet, Fiyero knew something about the witch that no one else was even aware of. This was where his caution was vital, for if found out, it would destroy him.

Memories of care-free school days at Shiz. He knew her.

Things he never thought possible. He missed her.

Something he had never admitted. He loved her.

Days were bearable. It was the same routine each and every time. Wake up and ready himself for another day as Captain fo the Guard. He would break the fast with Glinda, superficially looking forward to her sweet smile and light kiss every morning. Conversation would be limited at best, he never was much of a morning person, and then he would bid her good day and report for duty. Most days were uneventful and would consist of paperwork while seated behind a heavy oak desk as various regimes reported back to him periodically.

A signature here and a word of advice there. Hardly anything monumental.

Then there were the missions. He hated those days.

Granted, they had gotten less violent as time went on, but the first few were nothing short of hell on earth.

Fearful eyes staring back at him, silently pleading for mercy.

Actions he was forced to commit to go along with the facade

Constant guilt weighing down his heart when it was all over.

He hated being the one responsible for the suffering. After all, these were the very beings she was fighting for. While she was risking her life to save them, he was taking them. He could not fathom the possibility of admitting this to her. The disappointment in her eyes alone would be enough to kill him.

He had tried to forget. Oz knows he had. But alcohol and women would only sate him for so long. He knew Glinda worried about him as he sat at the supper table, frown fixed firmly in palce as he picked at his food. "Are you all right, dearest?"

He would only smile charmingly at her, just enough to pacify her concern. "Fine, Glinda. Forgive me. I'm simply tired."

She would say nothing, only pat his hand or kiss him lightly on the cheek, sometimes with a softly whispered invitation to her chambers later on. She believed his answers and he justified his lies by finding the shreds fo truth that lay within. He wastired. Tired of the secrecy, the lies, and the deceit. He was tired of lying to everyone he cared for; most of all himself.

And yet he kept right on. Fiyero nodded to a few of his subordinates who saluted him as they walked by. No doubt they were off to the town for a night of drunken idleness and seeking meaningless company that would end with the dawning of the morning. It make him sick to think that not long ago, he would have been right there beside him. Instead, he was bound to a life he never wanted with a woman he didn't love. But, he was adept in the art of adaptation. that, paired with the slightest glimmer of hope was what kept him going.

So, yes. days were bearable. Not the nights.

Nights, on the other hand, where hell.

In the hours of the day, he could lose himself in his work, pretending that he cared nothing of her or her situation. He could laugh falsely with his men and use that company to think of other things. The night offered no such luxuries. When he was alone in chambers, with only his thoughts for company, was when his mind would wander to a place better left alone and the visions would come. Dreams of things that he had no right to crave as he did.

A lithe body flush against his own. "I've searched so long."

Running his fingertips over silken green skin. "I want you so much."

Lips leaving a burning trail in their midst. "Fiyero...."

Careless whispers in the darkness. "I love you."

And the he would awaken, cold and alone every time. He knew these were dangerous dreams and yet he clung to them as if the were a lifeline, his one connection to the one he could never have. On rare occasions, they would posses him as he pretended to love another. It killed him to play this endless game. Glinda was a good woman. She didn't deserve a shared heart, so he kept it locked away, far away from her grasp, even if she believed she possessed it.

So continued the cycle, day after day. Whomever said dreams were the key to a person's desires was his new wost enemy and yet his best friend. A blessing that he still had a connection, however small, to this enigmatic woman and a curse that it could never be. Night after night, she possesed him, mind, body and soul, in his dreams. Some night he longed to stay there forever. Others he fought to stay awake so they would not come. Conscious thought replaced by foolish impulses. Imagining, hoping, wishing. "You fool."

Nights were hell, but it was a place he went to willingly, envisioning the day when he would find her.

Tell her. "I've missed you so."

Touch her. "You're all I've ever wanted."

Trust her. "Come away with me."

All of the secret hopes he kept hidden deep within his heart. So, for now he played the role that was required him, but only in the light of day.

By night, he was where he longed to be.

With her in his dreams