***ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE***

Hi guys, so, I've a good and bad news.

The good is that I'm bringing you this new fic that I really hope you like it, it will be short, 3-4 chapters.

The bad news is that I won't be able to update my other fics for at least a week and a half/two weeks. The last time I updated I was at home but I forgot my USB with all my fics there, I will go back home in a week, so after catching up with family and friends I promise to update.

So, this was born as a kind of apology, also because I got inspired after the new epi, the new promo and the song "Be There" by Seafret, as well as a response to a DM that I received from "towensanatomy" on twitter (I think), to write about Teddy missing her mom, I hope you all like it.

To your question (in the DM) about my social networks, yes I have, but they're personal. I thought about opening a Tumblr or Twitter account to post about my fics, but that was before being dragged into the drama and toxicity of the Grey's fandom without me wanting it. I follow three or four accounts for the edits, but I don't get involved beyond than what I write, this is my contribution to the fandom :)

So if one day any of you want to ask me something, send me ideas/suggestions for a fic, prompts, a quote for me to write to fic over it, anything my DMs are always open, as long as it is not hate.

Anyway, sorry for the long ramble.

Enjoy!

And let me know what you think ;)

A/N: For creative purposes in this fic Tom and Teddy are over and she didn't go to Palm Springs, so Teddy is single again

TEDDY

I can't look.

I can't look as Carina pulls that teeny-tiny baby out of her mother's womb. That unexpected baby, but so loved.

Ever since Owen told me that Lizzie was pregnant there was no time when I didn't think of my own daughter. My very active little girl who was safely protected in my belly, moving, kicking and twisting all the time. Lizzie would never feel this. Probably she was just starting to feel the first flutters...

20 weeks...

Just the same weeks I was when Owen and I found out the gender.

"We're having a baby girl"

Lizzie was also going to have a girl.

I can't even look at her face lying there in front of me on the operating table. I feel ashamed, I feel that I've failed her, I didn't give all to save her baby, her little girl.

I look to the other side until Carina has taken the baby out, then I turn all my attention to doing the other painful part of all this hurtful process... performing the hysterectomy.

I can feel my whole being trembling. Owen looks at me like a hawk, analyzing each and every one of my movements. Waiting for the slightest hint of vulnerability to send me out of the O.R., but I stay stoic. Although inside I'm dying. My little girl gives me a very painful kick in my side and I grimace in pain and stop for a second.

"Teddy! Are you okay?!" Owen asks me, alarmed.

"Yes, yes, yes. It's just..." I want to rub my side so desperately but I don't want to contaminate my gloves so I only do it with my elbow, I can feel a lump forming in my side, maybe her tiny foot or elbow. She has become really active in the last weeks, moving all the time, even making it difficult for me to sleep. Then I look at Lizzie and I feel guilty. While I complain about the sudden movements of my daughter she will never feel that, all thanks to me, to my incompetence. Suddenly I feel an immense desire to cry.

"Teddy, I mean it! You have to step aside now. I'll finish the surgery, you go and have some rest, you've been here since yesterday morning!"

"I said I'm fine!" I shout back without being able to keep my voice from trembling. "Clamp!"

I know that Owen cares about me, he wants me to rest, but most of all he wants to keep me as far away as possible from this case, he wanted to do it from the first moment. He knew that this would be too much for me, but in my stubbornness I ignored him, I thought I could handle it, I was arrogant, I didn't want to show weakness, I didn't want to be the typical pregnant woman affected by the misfortune of another pregnant woman, because there is nothing more pathetic than seeing a pregnant woman cry, isn't it?!

I need to stop. This is getting out of control and I'm afraid of falling apart at any moment. I know I will, I can feel my collapse getting closer, but I won't do it here, not in front of an O.R. full of people, not in front of Owen. I'll do it alone, locked in an on-call room, I'll cry until I'm dry. Yes, I'm being proud.

As soon as I finish scrubbing I leave the O.R. before Owen can intercept me. I don't have time to go to the on-call room when my pager sounds requesting my presence in the pit. After treating the minor emergency, a nurse tells me that Lizzie has woken up, I've to go and update her. I don't know how I'll do it.

As I walk towards the room I feel my legs tremble and my heart beats in my ears. My little girl writhes inside me feeling my stress, I rub my side trying to calm her, it's as if she feels my touch, each time I rub my bump she calms her movements, again I think of Lizzie's baby...

When I come to the room she is awake and her husband is sitting next to her holding her hand.

I've to be professional. I've to be professional. I repeat myself again and again...

It doesn't matter how many times I repeated it... it didn't do things better. As soon as Lizzie collapsed in front of me I lost it, I couldn't stay another second in that room.

I turn around and see Owen outside. Without saying a word I walk hurriedly and I can feel his presence behind me.

"Teddy, are you okay?"

"Mhm..." No. I'm not and he knows it.

I turn around looking him in the eyes, in his eyes I can see the understanding, he knows I'm not ok, but he doesn't look at me with pity, he's just there, as always since I met him, ready to hold me.

I try to be strong but this day has been too much, I can't hold it anymore. I throw myself into his arms and fall apart. He takes me without hesitation and takes me into the darkness of a room to give us more privacy. And I cry.

I cry for Lizzie, for her baby, for her husband. I cry for me, for my baby, for Owen. I cry for the unfairness of life and situations. I cry for everything I could've done and didn't do.

"Calm down, I'm here. I got you".

OWEN

I'm starting to worry about Teddy, to worry more, from the moment I knew that Lizzie was pregnant I knew this was going to be difficult for her, I tried to get her away from the case as much as I could, but it was impossible, she is too stubborn. Even so, I tried to be with her as much as possible.

I thought everything was fine when she told me that her embolization had worked, she wanted to stay to make sure everything was fine, I wanted to send her home, I could see how tired she was, she kept stretching her back and massaging her side. But it was in vain, she didn't want go anywhere, so I pulled a chair next to her, rubbed her swollen feet and we talked and laughed a little until my words fell into silence, she was deeply asleep. I took the blanket and covered her completely, tucking it under her chin. A few hours later everything came downhill, the baby bottom down and although there was the possibility of saving the baby with a new clinical trial from the beginning I knew it was a lost cause, we ended up performing a hysterectomy.

That brought down Teddy, she hoped to save that baby, she wanted to save that baby. I wanted to save her.

I lock the door of the room and lead her to the bed. She doesn't put up any resistance, she lets herself be carried away by me. I lay her on the bed and lay next to her. She snuggles to my side and keeps crying. I hold her tightly, I hate to see her like that, I hate that I did nothing else to get her away as much as possible from this case that I knew from the beginning that would affect her.

"You have to calm down, Teddy, this doesn't do you or our daughter any good". I tell her in an attempt to calm her down.

After a few minutes her crying becomes quiet sobs.

"It was a girl". She tells me out of the blue. "She was still moving Owen, when Carina pulled her out... she was still moving."

"I know, I know".

"I thought I had saved her. As much as I try to remember everything I did, I don't know where I failed".

"Hey, hear at me. You didn't fail in anything; you did everything humanly possible to save that baby. You gave it all".

"But it wasn't enough". She tells me sounding like a scared little girl.

"It was, and you know it, maybe now you don't see it, but you know you gave it all". I answer and I give her a kiss on the head.

"Owen... what if... if it were me? What would you do?" She asks me, taking me by surprise.

"What do you mean?"

"If I were in Lizzie's place... Who would you choose?"

"Teddy that—"

"Just be honest, Owen. I know you would choose our daughter, but... I want to hear it".

I shift in bed getting up on my elbow looking at her. "Teddy, why are you asking me that?"

"Because I want to know" She answers me, bluntly. "It's something that can happen... it could've been me in that car accident".

"I... I don't want to think about that, Teddy. Please".

She doesn't insist anymore; she turns giving her back to me. I don't want to think about that, much less answer to it, I don't want to think about the possibility of losing her or our daughter, I don't want to think about the pain of having to choose one or the other... I couldn't, I would rather give my life in exchange than lose one of them.

We both remain silent and only our breaths and the quiet bustle of the ICU can be heard outside.

I'm so tired that I soon fall asleep.

TEDDY

I wake up at some point in the middle of the night, I look at my wristwatch, it's almost three in the morning.

Owen is asleep next to me in the small hospital bed, with his hands placed on his chest, even asleep when he looks military. I can't help but smile softly. Soon a kick from my daughter makes me wince in pain. For a few days the back pain has become almost unbearable.

I sit in bed waiting for the pain to subside, but I'm not lucky. I take a few steps around the room and the pain remains the same. I sit back on the bed massaging my back when I don't know how or why my mom comes to mind.

My mom. Always so sweet, so wise, so loving. I wonder what she would say about this messy situation with me and Owen.

What would she say that she is going to be a grandmother? I'm sure she would be over the moon, always taking care of me, giving me advices... but she isn't there, I won't listen to her always wise advices, she won't see her granddaughter, my daughter won't know her grandmother... I am completely alone.

Suddenly my mom's absence hits me hard. In one way or another I got used to not having her in my life and her beautiful presence became just a memory. The most beautiful of memories. I suffered so much after her death, I still didn't recover from losing my father just 11 months ago when I lost her and a month later to Allison. I lost everyone.

God, I miss her so much! Why now more than ever? Now more than ever I need her, I need my mom, one of those tight hugs that managed to make me feel better in the darkest days. Her soft voice telling me that everything would be fine, that together we would get ahead.

I need her here to tell me if all these changes that I feel in me are normal. I need her to take my hand while I give birth. For her to hold her granddaughter and tell me what to do when motherhood overwhelms me. Surely she would put her hand on my shoulder, then take my daughter in her arms and tell me how to do it.

That will stay there, in my imagination. My mother is dead and I don't have anyone.

OWEN

When I wake up the room is still dark the same outside the window. I see the silhouette of Teddy sitting on the bed, she moans and rubs her side, as she has practically done since yesterday morning.

"Teddy, are you okay?" I ask, sitting next to her.

"Yes... it's just my back, it hurts." She answers me and I can hear the discomfort in her voice

"You have to go to rest properly, you've been here since yesterday night and it's—" I look at my wristwatch. "It's 3 in the morning! Teddy, you've been here since yesterday at 6 in the morning. Over 40 hours here without resting!"

"I'm fine, Owen." She tries to argue. I get up of bed and stand in front of her. Even in the darkness of the room I can see how her eyes shine with pooled tears.

"If you were ok you wouldn't be complaining or in pain. Don't be stubborn Teddy, do it for our daughter, she needs for you to rest so that she will rest". My voice is authoritarian but soft, I don't want to sound harsh but I want her to understand, I know her, I know how stubborn she can be, but this time her stubbornness is not only affecting her, but also our daughter.

I stand in front of her with my hands on my hips, firm. She doesn't look at me, she looks down at the floor while still rubbing her back.

"I don't want to go home... God, I don't even have a home, I don't have anything!" She says, softly and then burst into tears.

Again I hug her quickly.

"I feel so lonely". She tells me out of nowhere and I freeze.

I take her face soaked in tears between my hands and look into her eyes. "You're not alone, Teddy".

"I... I miss her, I miss my mom. I need her". She tells me to then break down again in my arms.

I hug her tightly, as if my hug would erase the pain she has been dragging since the day she lost her mother, but at least I try or so I want to think. I want to think that my hug will give her the necessary peace to know that she is not alone, that she has me, that we will soon have our daughter, that we will be a family.

"You have me". I repeat it over and over again, although I don't know if she listens to my words. "Do you feel better?" I ask after a while when her cries became hiccups.

"No, but I'll be".

"Let me take you home. You've to rest. Please?" I tell her, in a pleading voice, hoping that this will persuade her.

"I don't want to go to the hotel, Owen, really. I'll stay here, at least here there are nurses and doctors. I need to hear noise or I'll go crazy in the silence of my hotel room".

"Let's go to my house then".

She looks at me doubtfully and scratches her nape. "I... I don't know if that will be a good idea".

"Why not?" I ask, confused. She looks at me with a mixture of incredulity and annoyance. "What?"

"Until a week ago Amelia lived there and now you want me to spend the night in her house?" She answers to me defensively.

"Ok, for starters, it's not her house, it's my house, I bought it long before we got married, it's my house and it will always be my house".

She seems to calm down a bit. "I don't know Owen... I—"

"I don't want my best friend and the mother of my daughter to stay in a hotel room, please Teddy, don't be stubborn".

I don't know if she's too tired to argue back and that's why apparently I've convinced her, she sighs deeply and nods slowly.

I take her hand to help her out of bed and we both head for the parking lot. We don't even bother to change our scrubs, which we have been wearing for two days. But Lizzie's case was intense, there was no time to eat, much less to sleep or take a shower.

I just hope that all this stress and fatigue are not bad for Teddy and our daughter, I know her and I know that it will take a couple of days for her to overcome this completely. Now more than ever I have to be next to her to stop her from falling into that black spiral of guilt. I don't want to be arrogant, but I'm the only one who can avoid it, I'm the only one who knows how to handle her crisis and she is the only one who knows how to handle mine.

Before leaving the hospital I call Alex telling him the situation, or at least as much as possible without giving Teddy's state of mind completely away, I ask him for the day off for both and he immediately accepts.

I drive to my house through the dark and lonely streets of Seattle, luckily Meredith offered to take care of Leo so I still have a few hours to take care of Teddy and rest a bit before going to pick up Leo. Teddy looks at through window thoughtfully as she gently caresses her rounded belly with one hand. She looks tired and sad.

I want to do something to make her sadness go away, I would give everything to see her happy. I know that in part or I'm one to blame for this, maybe she wouldn't feel so alone if she had someone to share this experience with. She had Tom for a while and she was happy, although jealousy was eating me inside I could see that she was happy, and as always I ruined that happiness, Tom broke up with her after the scandal at the party. "It's for the best". It was what, according to her, he told her before going back to Hopkins.

When I finally pull over the car on the driveway I turn to my side and Teddy is sound asleep.

I get out of the car and go to the other side to open her door.

"Teddy, we're here". I tell her, sweetly while stroking her hair, she wakes up and looks around a bit confused. "We are in my house. Come here". I offer my hand to help her get out of the car and she takes it.

When she stands up he grimaces in pain and bends a little. "Teddy, what's wrong?!"

"Nothing, nothing. My leg is numb, that's all".

"Ok, wait here, don't move!" I run to open the front door and the run back to her. Without thinking twice, I lift her in my arms bride style.

"Owen, what are you doing?!"

"I'll take you to bed". I didn't expect that to come out that way, but I will literally take her to bed, to rest, but to bed.

"You're going to drop me!" She tells, me giggling a little.

"I've lifted heavier things, trust me".

She smiles nervously at me and I take her to the bedroom that used to be Betty's and gently I laid her on the bed. I take off her sneakers and bring her one of my pajamas.

"Oh, I'm fine like this". She says, rejecting the pajamas.

"I know you're not". I tell her with a knowing look.

She shakes her head and takes the pajamas.

"Goodnight". I say giving her a kiss on the head and before turning around to leave the room she takes my hand.

"Hey, would you stay?"

TEDDY

The words are out of my mouth before I can think about what that implies. But a few hours ago we were asleep in a tiny hospital bed, I see no major problem. I really need someone by my side tonight, I need him tonight. Tonight more than ever in a long time.

He smiles at me with that damn Owen smile that I hate so much and love so much at the same time, the one that makes everything inside me melt and my legs tremble.

"Of course. I'll go to change my clothes while you do the same. I'll be right back".

He leaves the room and minutes later he is back. I'm already under the blankets. He takes the spot next to me. "Good night, Teddy." He turns off the lamp and settles down to sleep.

Without thinking twice, I snuggle to his side hugging his torso. "Thank you". I mumble. He takes me in his arms and kisses my head. Minutes later I'm asleep, dreaming of my daughter, Owen and mother…