Broken. That is me right now. Nothing is going right, and hey, when it rains, it pours.
Pressure from my Master, pressure from my position, hell, not to mention all of the fucking pressure coming from my own damned self.
NiGHTS has left us- left me- and left my entire being shattered. Because of her betrayal, Master Wizeman is pushing me so much harder- right towards the brink of self-destruction. And the sad thing is- he's too fucking blind to see it. It's almost like Wizeman is so determined to keep from losing me that he's suffocating me while he grasps so hard to keep me in his desperation.
I know now how an old tug-of-war rope feels, and I'm scared of what will happen to me if NiGHTS'-and-Wizeman's game continues in this fashion.
Why me? Why do I get all of the shittiest lots in this- Why don't I get to call the final straw- I'm the fucking rope, after all!
But no, I'm not a player- just a pawn. Scratch that- pawns are usually lucky enough to not have emotions. They don't have hearts- if you can call whatever consciousness I've got a heart- to be pulled, stretched, and shredded like gum. I think I'd rather be just a regular old pawn- or dead. Ever since NiGHTS left, death hasn't left my tortured mind. Sometimes, I think I'd love death- if only my god-forsaken loyalty hasn't kicked in to save me time after time- and wonder what it would be like- especially for a Nightmaren like myself. Would there be a light, like NiGHTS and I have so long stolen from Visitors, or would there be an empty void, like Nightmare at night? Would I go to a place like the Visitors' 'Heaven', or straight to their 'Hell'? Would I prefer the Hell over Heaven? I haven't truly done anything wrong, have I? I've mostly been filling out my Master's orders- is there something so wrong with devotion and loyalty?
I've been betrayed by someone who for so long I thought of as a friend, sibling, and reflection- similar and opposite. But now, because I have avidly kept my loyalties, my reflection is out to get me.
I don't think NiGHTS will ever realize the impact she made when she abandoned Master Wizeman, Nightmare, and myself. All she seems to see is her own selfish self, and she acts lie she's always in the right. It's not fucking fair- I get to shoulder all of the burdens, both emotional and physical, of the extra workload that NiGHTS left behind, and more harshness from Master Wizeman, all added to the pain of a very personal betrayal, while she just goes fluttering about the skies of Nightopia acting like there are no consequences.
But there are. There's lots of them.
I've had to face all of them from both my own failures, and those of NiGHTS: I'm almost at my limit because of it.
Everything is going wrong at once- a runaway train on a downhill slope, and NiGHTS and Master Wizeman have joined forces one last time to make sure I'm tied and pinned to the tacks in front of it.
The one thing keeping the train from hitting me, though, is Infinity. That mysterious Mobius strip that just keeps going on forever, heedless of whatever dips hit thing thinks it can stand up to the indifferent power of Infinity. The one thing in my mind that hasn't- or isn't- broken is my belief in Infinity.
Hopefully, I think Infinity will be enough for my slipping mind to get some little handle on, and let me live through to see the end of this horrifically hazardous game of tug-of-war. Maybe I'll get to see the end of NiGHTS' dispute with Master Wizeman. I doubt that highly though, and won't get my hopes up waiting.
It's all up to Infinity, now. She will take care of all: Maybe even a broken wreck of a once-proud, first-level Nightmaren will be worth Infinity's mighty gaze.
And maybe NiGHTS and Master Wizeman both will learn what if feels like to be broken.
AN: I just wrote this one day a while ago because I was really pissed off at my mom, at my life, and at my DS for not working. Yeah, I know, I bitch for no good reason.