Life Left to Go

by PainfulMemories.BrokenMoments

We all fall. Some harder than others. Some of us pretend to be who we're not, to help us get through the day. And sometimes We do things to help. Some of us cut, some of us write. But then theres those of us who are already gone. Already dead. Just waiting for an escape.

Ally's P.o.v.

And the pages you write in your journal each night are your only release, and the mask you put on it's like words in a song but there's more to be seen. And what if it makes you laugh now but you cry as you fall asleep, and what if it takes your breath and you can't hardly breathe. That's how I feel. I pretend to be so happy. I pretend to be fine. Am I? No, but I wouldn't let anyone figure it out. People ask whats wrong, but they don't care. No longer the lost. No longer the same. I can see you starting to break. I'll keep you alive if you show me the way. Forever and ever the stars will remain. Its not that simple. How do you tell someone that you're not okay. That it was all an act, because we all know how it ends. You tell someone they try to help, but all they do is make it worse. They bring back the memories. The reason you're like this, and that hurts. It's like a shot in the dark. So, how do I tell him that I'm not me anymore. How do you tell someone that you're never going to be the same again? How do you tell someone you want to end you're suffering. How do you really explain the pain that you feel? It's been years. He never noticed. He never cared, because if he did he wouldn't have left me when I needed him. He wouldn't have been the one to break me. Thats when I take the blade across my wrist. Over and over again until I can breathe. Over and over again till I forget. I eventually stand up, and wash the cuts. I watch as the blood goes down the drain. I watch as the memories disappear. Im falling apart. Leave me here forever in the dark, because I know thats where I am. Trapped in a black hole. Falling deeper and deeper with every moment that I'm still here. It's funny how no one notices the scars running up my arms. The bruises that always make their way onto my body. No one notices how broken I really am. People think I'm always happy. Always smiling, always telling jokes. If only they knew. I cry myself to sleep at night. I think about everything I've done wrong. It's then that I realize that I have school tomorrow. I grab a bandage and wrap it around my wrist.

I wake up and put on a long sleeve blue shirt, and some jeans. I grab my flats, and walk out the door. The first thing I hear is freak, psycho, bit*h. I try to ignore them, but I can't. The words are playing on repeat in my mind. Eventually I've had enough. I stand up, and walk out the classroom. The teacher yells at me to sit down, but I ignore her. I run to the girls bathroom, and I break down. I grab a razor out of my pocket, and start cutting. It's then that I hear someone walk in the bathroom. That someone was not a girl. Austin. He starts calling my name. I don't reply. Just as I think he's about to walk out the bathroom he gets on his stomach and starts looking under the stall doors. Thats when he see's me with a blade to my wrist trying not to cry. He crawls under the stall door, and grabs the razor. He grabs my wrist, and looks at it. He looks at me, and says one word. "Why?" its then that I start sobbing. He doesn't understand. He doesn't know what people do to me. What I do to myself. I don't reply. I just sit there, frozen. I don't try to run, because I know that if I do, he'll follow me. No doubt about that. After ten minutes, I start talking I tell him everything. What people say to me. What I do to myself. How I feel. All he does is hug me. He tells me everything's going to get better. I say okay, but what I'm really thinking is, "No, everything won't get better." He takes me home, not to my house. He doesn't trust me not to hurt myself. I ask him if I can have a piece of paper. He brings me two pieces, and I ask him to leave me alone. I tell him I'll show it to him when I'm ready. In all honesty I will. Just not yet. I begin to write. Everything. How I feel, deep down I know that I will never get out of this. I'm already to far gone. I can't be saved. Have you ever felt like you don't know whats going on anymore? Like you don't care about anything anymore. You've lost your motivation to do anything. You're confused about your feelings, and you can't explain it. You have the feeling of emptiness, and the feeling that no one is there for feeling that no one understands you anymore. And it seems like theres nothing to look forward to anymore. Thats how I feel. I then start another letter. This one's different. This one says, "If I die tonight, I'll be ready to go." I then start to write good-bye. I don't plan on leaving, but I know that I will, because I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to hurt anymore.

Austin's P.o.v.

How did I never notice? How did I never notice that the girl I love hates herself? How did I not notice how broken she was? How did I not notice the scars? How did I not notice the girl I fell in love with was gone? She walks out of the room, and comes to talk to me. She tells me how sorry she is, but I can see it in her eyes that she doesn't want to be here. I tell her to quit apologizing. I tell her it's not her fault that she broke. I tell her that I am going to help her. No matter what. I tell her she's special. I tell her to ignore the people. She says okay. I can see it in her eyes that she doesn't believe me, and thats what hurts me. She doesn't believe her best friend. She doesn't believe the one person who wants to help her. I look at her and I don't see Ally. I see a girl. A broken girl. A fragile girl. I see a stranger, and that hurts me so much more than I thought it would. She looks at me, and ask if she can write a song. I tell her sure, but she ask something that surprises me. Can I sing it at the school talent show in a month, by myself. I look at her, and I say yes. She walks out of the room, and heads back to the guest room. She shuts the door. I eventually go to bed, not aware of what she was thinking when she asked that.

Ally's P.o.v

I sit down, and begin to write. I put all my emotions into the song. I write it for all the people who have suffered like I have. I write it for the people who want to end there life. They might still have a chance. I don't. Ive lost myself. I then start the first verse. It was the easier to write because it's how I feel. The rest of it then comes to me. I look at the lyrics, and I figure out what I'm going to say after I sing it. I then start to think. Do I really want this. Am I really going to sing on stage. I eventually fall asleep. I dream of being free. I wake up an hour later, telling myself it was just a dream, but I know it was more than that. It had to be. I tell myself just three more weeks, but I don't know if I'll make it. I then grab the song lyrics, and walk out the front door. He thought he was helping me. He brought everything back. The memories. He thanks I've stopped cutting. I haven't. I just don't cut where he can see it. He thinks I'm getting better, when I'm only getting worse. He thinks the bullying has stopped, well he's far from right. It's only gotten worse. I run home, and decide I don't care if he see's them. I'm to upset to care. I grab a blade, and run it across my wrist. It's then that I realize it was deeper than I wanted it to be. I don't care though. I eventually clean them, and wrap a bandage around my wrist. I then break down. I start crying, and it's then that I can't take it anymore. I run to my room. I grab the lyrics and the good-bye note. I then write something on the lyrics. I knew this would happen Austin. Sing this on the night of the talent show. When you read this I'll be gone. I would tell you good-bye, but you try to stop me, and I don't want to be stopped. I want to be gone away. But Ill be fine, oh don't you worry, cause I'll be fine. See I'm in a hurry to be gone away awhile. Tell me all of things that I'll be missing here in this old life, cause I just don't know. I then grab the knife, and make two cuts on my worst, then I fall to the ground. Finally free.

Austin's P.o.v.

I wake up in the morning to a note next to my bed. "Come find me-Ally." It's then that I take off running. It's then that I run to her house. I find the door wide open. I go through the entire house. She's not here. It's then that I remember the basement. I run down there, and wish I hadn't. Theres Ally in a puddle of blood. I see the two notes in her hand and grab them. I read the good-bye note first. It's then that I realize she never wanted to be saved. She just wanted to be gone. I then read the song next. I look at the note, and I call the police. I watch them take her body. I watch them clean the blood, then I run. Home. I look at the lyrics, and I start putting chords behind the lyrics. This is what she wanted. She wanted me to sing this after she was gone. She wanted to help other people. Not herself. It's then that I break down. She's gone. The girl that I love took her life, because of society. The girl that I love will never wake up to a husband. To a family. The girl that I love is gone, and it's then that I realize she was never a stranger. She was just trying to help everyone else. Everyone knows now. They look at me with pity in there eyes. They act like they didn't make her do this, but they don't know that I see the scars on there arms. They blame themselves for what happened to Ally. Tonight's the talent show. I'm up last. I have to be, because I want to make them understand. I don't want anyone else to ned up like Ally did. I run home, and get dressed. It's then that I see her bracelet. I grab it, and put it in my pocket. I head back to the school just in time for my performance. Before I do, I tell them that Ally wrote this song, before she killed herself. I tell them that she wrote this song for everyone. Particularly people going through depression. She wrote this for the people who don't want to live anymore. She wrote this for us. I then grab my guitar, and start to sing.

Sometimes the edge serves as more than a friend than you thought it would be

And the pages you write in your journal each night are your only release

And the mask you put on it's like words in a song but there's more to be seen

And the failures you see don't seem failures to me here at all

Oh I'm begging you, no

There's more life left to go

Oh I'm begging you, please

'Cause I, I don't want you to leave

Alone as you walk through a crowd and it's awkward like nobody sees

And you can't help but wonder would anyone come after you if you leave

So a pain grows inside and that fear comes alive like you'll never be free

But there's no pain you feel that I know love can't heal here at all

Oh I'm begging you, no

There's more life left to go

Oh I'm begging you, please

'Cause I, I don't want you to leave me

To leave me here on my own

Oh there's nothing to run from, no

There's nothing but fear inside you

Oh I just hope I can find you

And tell you that I know you'll smile again

Oh I'm begging you, no

More life left to go

Oh I'm begging you, please

'Cause I don't want you to leave

I then walk off the stage thinking of Ally. Thinking of the girl I fell in love with. The girl who took her life to help save others.

So guys, this is my first story. I'm not sure how I did, but I wrote it because of bullying. I wrote this because people take their own life. Why? Because people tell them they aren't worth living. If you're going through this. I am so sorry. I am. It hurts a lot. I hope you liked this, and please review. Please? Thanks for reading. _BreathingNotAlive_ XOXO

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