Ah, my first FFX fanfic. . . it's been a while since I've written anything—I may be a little rusty, but here goes. . .
A songfic, based on "We Walk in the Dream" by LIVE. (Slightly altered, I might add.)
Jecht's POV. And it jumps around quite a bit, so good luck sorting it out, tho it shouldn't be too hard if you pay attention. . . -
Disclaimer: I own nothing. . . but I can dream (especially of Auron—grrrr. Soooo hot!)
Warning: a teeny bit o' Slash/Yaoi/Shonen-ai—whatever the name, the flavor's the same. Uh, and some language.
"So," I sighed. "That's it, huh?" All they'd said was true. It was all gone. My city, my home, my Zanarkand. I felt a slight catch in my throat and turned abruptly away from Auron, pretending to survey the rubble, so that he wouldn't see the tears gathering at the corners of my eyes. There was no going back. Ever. My wife, my kid. . . gone. Forever. The reality of the situation hit me hard. There had always been some hope, little spark that it was, but it was there. And now. . . nothing. My pompous insistence that I was going home, if just. . . if I could just get to Zanarkand. Well, it is finally proven that I am a fool. They were right. . .
I was wrong
Life's full of choices. Yeah, that's what they say. Though it seems that no one has much of an opinion around here. Well, hell if I don't!
"That's just a stupid way to do things, if you ask me."
"Well," Auron turned his steely gaze upon me. "We didn't." He turned and took Braska by the sleeve, gently urging him to proceed. "'Milord, we really must be going." Braska didn't move. He just stood, looking at me with this stupid grin on his face. Like he found something funny. . . hell, I'll give him something to smirk about.
"You, you really didn't know?" Braska loosed himself from Auron's grip and approached me.
I folded my arms across my chest defensively. I didn't like being made a fool of. "No, I didn't," I snapped. "You think that if I had I would have agreed to come on this, this, suicide mission?" I grew more impatient and began waving my arms around in the air. "What the hell's wrong with you people? Just sending someone off to die--"
"Enough!" Auron rumbled, stepping forward violently.
"Auron," Braska said gently, extending an arm to bar his path. I glared at them both and they just looked at me. Auron with a mix of pity and frustration that I didn't already posses seemingly basic information. And Braska. . .well, he just seemed a little loopy to me at times. But, I guess you've got to be a little crazy to go along with something like this.
In the end, I agreed to stay with them. Though I really had no choice. They were my only hope of getting home. Of seeing my wife, my kid, my city again. I kept telling myself that it wasn't as bad as they were making it out be. There was another way to beat this thing, this Sin. Hell, with Auron and me tagging along, beating this thing would be a piece of cake. No one would die, not this time. They'd never seen the likes of us. Soon we'd get to Zanarkand. Sin would be defeated, Braska would be a hero and I'd have a one way ticket home.
we are not these bodies alone
in a dream with a mind of its own
It was a damn cold night. Braska was already asleep or, more accurately, passed out from exhaustion. He wasn't holding up too well. Apparently he'd led a sheltered life. Auron was out securing the perimeter or some bullshit like that. I, on the other hand, had my ass firmly planted by the fire. I wasn't about to freeze on the account of nobody. Nothing short of a pack of rabid fiends was going to move me from my spot. Besides, someone had to guard the wine. . .
A flask or two later Auron reappeared in the glowing halo of the campfire, giving me a reproving look. "Here," I waved him nearer, "I warmed you some wine." I grabbed the earthen mug nestled in the warm ashes in front of me, holding it out to him. The mug was hotter than I expected and I could feel the beginning of a serious discomfort, but I was wined well enough that I didn't rightfully care. "Come on, before it gets cold."
He sat down beside me and took the mug. He wrapped his hands tightly around it and held it close to his face. The steam escaping from the mug melted the tiny ice crystals that had formed on the tips of his eyelashes. Closing his eyes, he inhaled the warm smell and sighed lavishly. "Its nice," he breathed, opening his eyes and looking at me. His auburn eyes were unusually light and a smile slowly stole across his face. I had never seen him smile before. At that moment I believed that he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
All too soon he grew self conscious of my stare; quickly dropping his eyes and looking away. Hastily retuning his mug to the ashes, he stood and took a step before facing me, careful not to look me in the eyes. "Thank you," he said. And with that he simply nodded and turned away. He walked into the darkness with the flickering shadows dancing around him, leaving me sitting by the fire with a creeping heat that rivaled that of the flames.
I, I know you long
to be tethered and tied to the heart of the One
the One that be layin' you down
On the summit of Mount Gagazet I traded empty hope for purpose. For me this whole pilgrimage wasn't about defeating Sin or saving Spira. I had just wanted to go home. To Zanarkand. The city that never sleeps. To the people who loved me. My fans, my wife. My son. Tidus. Somewhere along the way I had realized that I wasn't going home. But my bravado remained strong. I hate admitting I'm wrong, that I can't do something. But now, looking down at the ruins, there was nothing to do but face the grim facts. This was it. Spira was my home. Braska and Auron the only family I had left. And it was up to me to help them achieve their goal. This was a team effort and it was about time that I got my ass off the bench!
on that ancient ground
nothin' more to be found
ah yeah
Braska was lost in thought, looking down at the river. Auron and I sat opposite him. We swayed gently as the Shoopuff made its way across the Moon Flow. The gentle lapping of the water was sort of soothing. I was more relaxed than I had been since finding myself in Spira. Twilight was setting in and the glowing waters reminded me of home. It was almost like looking down at the tiny lights from my penthouse atop Charkan Tower. I was suddenly very homesick.
"After we beat Sin, why don't you come with me to Zanarkand?" Apparently my question caught him off guard. He opened his mouth to say something, but just said nothing, and looked confused. "Seriously, Auron," I kept my voice low, careful not to wake Braska. "You should come back with me. There won't be anything left for you here after," I glanced at Braska, not saying what was on my mind. I continued on. "You'd love it there. There's this statue, if you climb to the very top you can see all of Zanarkand! And you should see the Blitz Dome at night," I gestured enthusiastically with my hands. "It's all lit up. It's just amazing!" Auron actually looked mildly interested in my ranting for a change. "I'll even get you front row seats for the Cup, so you can see just how good of a Blitzer I am." I leaned back into my seat, staring at the clear sky and the sparkling stars. "Yeah," I sighed, "We're going to take the cup again this year." I looked over at him and smiled. He just looked back.
now we walk in the dream
but dream no more
to live a life in love the only thing in common was
we knew there was somethin' more
I knew. I knew before we stepped out of the chamber, back through the shining, rippling door. Before Braska and Auron began arguing again. I knew what I was going to do. What I was meant to do.
While Auron insisted that there had to be another way, Braska seemed pretty confident that there wasn't. Auron was adamant. "This is insane! I've held my tongue until now, but I can't allow this charade to continue!" I had never seen him so worked up. "Listen to me, Braska." Braska. That kind of surprised me. I'd never heard Auron call him that. Just plain Braska. "There's another way. I know there is."
"And would you have me sit by and watch as Sin continues to plague Spira while you find it?" Braska's tone was severe. I wasn't sure whose side to be on. But Braska was the High Summoner, right? This was supposed to be his area of expertise. And anyway, if there was another way, wouldn't they have found it by now? They've had over a thousand years already.
It was strange. Braska had always seemed so calm. And Auron had barely even batted an eyelash about the matter until now. Seeing them like this made me realize just how horrible Sin really was. How its darkness had seeped into the very souls of the people of Spira.
And it was about time to put a stop to it.
I feel strong
I'm finally at peace
the war is all gone
by no cause of my own
"Choose!" She demanded loudly. Apparently she was a little miffed by our silence. Braska stood in front of us, facing Yunalesca. He was still. It seemed as if he hadn't even taken a breath since she'd last spoken. I glanced at Auron, who stood beside me. He was at the ready, gripping the hilt of his sword. I take it that he hadn't liked her tone. "You must," she admonished as she seemingly floated towards Braska, her eyes intent upon him.
Auron quickly stepped forward, gently pushing Braska back, towards me, coming between Yunalesca and her target. "That's close enough," he growled as he drew his sword.
"You," her ethereal voice filled the chamber, "Have no fear." She gave a short mirthless laugh, her eyes flashing wildly. "I will soon remedy that."
"Some time, my Lady," Braska stepped forward hurriedly. "Please, some time to," he glanced around, looking at me, then Auron, then back to Yunalesca. "To discuss this matter."
"Very well." She gave a slight wave of her hand and disappeared.
like an eagle cuts through the air
no time for fear
faith in his wings takes him there
I think, somehow, that Braska knew. He never let on, but just something about how he just suddenly started doing for himself. He always seemed to be a short distance ahead of us on the trail now, though always in sight as Auron insisted, and wasn't as quick to call on his guardian. Though the road was getting tougher, Braska tried his damnedest. And Auron was always waiting when he was needed, which, despite Braska's effort, was becoming more frequently. I don't know if Braska was just toughening up along the way, or if he was really just trying to give Auron a break. I never asked, but there was this funny little glint in his eyes when he looked at us and a smile that was always just hidden.
I guess Braska's not so bad after all. . .
now we walk in the dream
but dream no more
"The High Summoner!" The cries came from all around us as we approached the village, if you could even call it that. It was just a bunch of little huts practically sitting on the beach. Like the bungalows at that resort me and the wife went to on our Honeymoon. Yeah, how quaint, I think that's the word she had used. Braska was a regular celebrity. And Auron and I were pretty much just new additions to the scenery. It was different watching from the sidelines. I didn't like it very much.
I didn't know what the hell was going on. I just knew that it was bad. I woke up to shouting, and people panicking in the streets. I don't think they knew what they were doing or where they were running any more than I did. I finally spotted Auron and Braska down on the beach. Along with what looked to be half of the village. And masses of fiends. It seemed that every fiend in southern Spira was on that beach. I sprinted to join the fray. And so it went; with Auron wielding his mighty sword, Braska uttering chants that zapped the creatures into oblivion, the villagers brandishing makeshift weapons, and me, who wasn't very much help to anyone.
Dawn broke on a sorry scene. The fiends had finally given up, rushing to follow the hulking shadow that loomed just beyond the small bay. The assault ended as abruptly as I suspect it began. We all stood for a moment on the suddenly too quiet beach, watching that thing as it retreated. I had survived my first encounter with Sin. Others weren't so lucky.
By evening the dead had been gathered and the missing accounted for. Everyone assembled at the water's edge for the Sending. I'll never forget it. Auron stood by my side, patiently explaining everything as we watched Braska perform in the fading light. I guess he had finally accepted that I really didn't know what the hell was going on.
As the sun sank below the waves and the golden light paled to purple, the last pyreflies were flittering into the darkening sky. I had never seen anything so captivating and disturbing in my life. And I seriously doubted that anything would ever compare.
somethin' more!
more than these women in the streets pullin' out their hair
somethin' more than all the pain we feel
"Jecht, what are you doing?" He looked at me with wide eyes, a slight tremble in his voice as he took a step backwards. I smiled playfully, advancing to match his retreat step for step. "Jecht," he had backed into a wall, his hands searching the stone for some escape. I closed the gap between us, standing impossibly close. I could see the uncomfortable panic on his face, but noticed a slight curiosity in his eyes. Reaching out, I buried a hand in his long hair, pulling him close to me. He opened his mouth to protest and I kissed him hard, pressing him firmly against the wall with my body. "No," he panted, pushing me away. "I. . .we. . . .can't. . ." his eyes flashed wildly as he grasped for words. I put my hands on the stone wall, one to each side of his head and stood barring his escape. I bent to kiss him and he turned his face away. "Not. . . not in the holy temple of Yevon." He seemed horror struck at the very idea.
I leaned in closer still. "Why not?" He looked at me, our eyes met.
more than we could dream of, all light
love-bliss, no death and no fear
"Are you sure?" Braska was facing me, his hands clasped firmly upon my shoulders. There was a little hope in his voice, but it was greatly shadowed by apprehension. "You're sure that," he paused to take a steadying breath. "You understand that-"
"Yeah, yeah," I waved away his unsaid words. "I got it." I stood there, subconsciously rubbing the back of my neck. I understood alright. This was it. The end. There was no turning back now. We stood in silence for a moment, a thin veil of resignation and finality dropping over us. "Alright," I said in a falsely cheery voice. "Let's get this thing over with. We're not getting any younger, you know."
"The people of Spira thank you, Sir Jecht." Braska nodded solemnly and bowed, performing the Blitzer's signal for victory.
Victory.
I turned one last time to look at Auron before stepping once again through the glistening portal.
no fear!!!
One night I woke to the sound of Auron and Braska talking in low tones. They were sitting at the small table, silhouetted by the fire raging behind them. It was cozy in the room, and I was comfortable, so despite my curiosity of their conversation, I dozed in and out. "Yuna," I heard Braska say, the rest of his words were drowned by a monstrous clap of thunder. Yuna. Wasn't that the name of his little girl? The one in Bevelle. And then "Besaid." That little island. Where he got the first Aeon, the bird thing. Was Yuna in Besaid? I caught bits and pieces of the conversation through the rolling thunder and my nodding off. Not nearly enough, though, to make any sense of it. I never was a good eavesdropper. And now Auron was talking, with what seemed like urgency in his voice, though I couldn't make out what he was saying. . . it almost sounded like they were arguing over something. Another peal of thunder. "Sin." I can't tell who's saying what now. I want to get up and see just what's going on, but I just can't seem to keep my eyes open. . .
now we walk in the dream
but dream no more
"You've made your decision, then." She looked down at us coldly.
"Yes, My Lady," Braska bowed to her.
"And, you," she looked at me, "You make this sacrifice willingly?"
"Yes," I nodded slowly. I'd never been so sure of anything in my life. It was strange, really. Everything seemed to be in slow motion, like a dream. It was almost as if I were watching; a spectator instead of a participant.
In the moments before the end, I couldn't help but think that I always seemed to leave behind the ones I loved. First my wife and Tidus. And now Auron and that beautiful, sad smile of his.
I sure hoped this worked.
to hear the voice in the wilderness
the other side of the door
I wondered why he was always so sad. Even in his sleep he seemed troubled. I watched as he slept, his chest rising and falling with deep, slow breaths. There was a slight scowl on his face, his brow gently furrowed. I propped myself up on my elbow and reached over to brush his long dark hair from his face. His eyes fluttered open. "I'm sorry," I smiled warmly. "I didn't mean to wake you." It was a moment before realization hit. His eyes opened wide.
"How long have I been asleep?" He sat up. "I have to-"
"No, you don't," I grabbed his arm, pulling him back to me. "Braska is fine. We're in Guadosalam, remember. You said so yourself, its one of the safest places in Spira."
"Yes," he whispered resignedly, giving me a small, apologetic smile. It had taken Braska and me hours to convince Auron that the High Summoner would be ok in the care of Jyscal's men. He'd finally given in, after being directly ordered by Braska and Jyscal both to get a good night's sleep.
"You worry too much, Auron. You're going to be old before your time."
He merely sighed in answer, relaxing against me. Within moments he was asleep.
somethin' more
"I'm sorry, Auron," I spoke softly as I laid him gently on the cobbled floor. "You've got to understand why I got to do this." I don't know why I was explaining, it's not like he could hear me. "All my life, I've done nothing but look out for myself. And now, I have a chance to make up for it. To make a difference." I swept an errant strand of hair from his face and gazed intently at him, memorizing every feature. "I just wish I could of had a chance with Tidus; to make things right." I kept a thoughtful silence for a moment before leaning down close to Auron. "I know you can't hear me, but," I whispered into his ear. "Look after him for me, will you? I worry about him, you know, he's such a cry baby. I know you can find a way."
I turned to look at Braska as he stood by the doorway, waiting. No doubt as anxious to get this over with as I was. He looked a little concerned about Auron, and maybe even a little guilty. Braska was dead accurate when it came to casting. It's a good thing I was there to catch Auron, he never saw it coming.
"And don't worry about us, Auron," I laid a hand upon his cheek. "Everything's going to be ok, you'll see."
I was wrong
oh yeah, I was wrong