Farming Memories – for Nikki, JacksLover and Springmaus

"Where's Ianto?" Owen, who had been working on an alien autopsy, looked up as Tosh walked over to him. "I could really use some coffee magic around about now."

"You can't drink, Owen," pointed out Tosh with a wry smile.

Owen looked at her. "I know," he said. "I just…you know, just like the smell of it."

Tosh laughed – when you looked beneath the sarcastic exterior, Owen Harper had a genuinely kind heart and a wonderful sense of humour underneath it all. She had had to look hard to see it, but now she realised that she was, in fact, one of the only ones to really see just what kind of a man the young doctor was. The only possible exception was Jack, who had been there when Owen had tragically lost his fiancée.

"I don't know where Ianto is," she said. "It's not like him to be late – sometimes I really do think that he actually lives here." She chuckled gently.

"He probably does, Tosh," answered Owen. "Look, he's shagging our boss –"

"Owen!"

"What? Oh, sorry, he's in a relationship with our boss, who also seems to live here –"

"That may be true," Owen jumped when Jack's amused face appeared over the balcony. "But he does actually have a life outside of Torchwood. He's got family and friends too, you know; his life doesn't just revolve around this, or around me."

"Do you know where he is, then?"

Jack shook his head. "I'm as confused as you are, Owen. He was supposed to meet me for dinner last night, but he never showed up. I went over to his flat last night, just in case he'd forgotten, but his car wasn't in the drive. His neighbour said that he seemed to have left in a rush, about an hour before he was supposed to meet me."

Tosh nodded. "Do you think he's all right?"

Jack rested his hand on the technician's shoulder and smiled reassuringly at her. He knew how close Tosh had become to his young lover and he didn't want to worry her without due cause. "I'm sure he's fine, Tosh," he said.

"Jack," Gwen appeared beside him. "There's a Weevil sighting at St. Helen's Hospital. Apparently, it's become very agitated; some children are trying to feed –"

Her words were cut off, however, when the proximity alarm went off and the cog door to the Hub rolled backwards. Instinctively, Jack went for his gun, but stopped when he saw a familiar figure rush past and race into his office, before closing the door heavily behind him, even before Owen could open his mouth.

Jack frowned for a moment before turning his attention back to his team. "Gwen, Owen, you two check out that Weevil sighting. Tosh, you're on comms. Anything that needs telling is directed to you, all right?"

"Jack, what's going on?" asked Gwen, turning to look at him. "Wasn't that –?"

"It doesn't matter, Gwen," Jack said. "Just…go and check out that Weevil sighting with Owen, like I told you to." He spoke gently, but firmly, leaving no room for an argument, only pausing to give Tosh a reassuring smile before he made his way into his office.

"Ianto?" he called out quietly, looking around. "Ianto, are you all right?"

There was no answer, and no sign of anyone in the office. However, when he listened closer, Jack could hear soft noises coming from his small bedroom directly underneath.

"Ianto?" he whispered as he descended into his hole. "Ianto, it's all right; about last night, I'm not angry with you, okay? I just need to know that you're safe, that's all." He jumped from the ladder and turned round, to be greeted by the sight of Ianto curled up in a tight ball on his bed and wearing a creased black suit and tie. At the sound of Jack's voice, however, he turned around, blinking slightly.

"Jack…" his voice was hoarse and raspy. "I…about last night…I'm sorry…"

"It's okay," said Jack, crossing over to sit beside him. "I'm not angry with you. I never was; I was just worried about you. I tried to call you last night, but you didn't answer. You'll probably find at least five messages on your mobile."

"I'm sorry, Jack," murmured Ianto, staring at his pillow. "I didn't mean to worry you. I would've called…" but he couldn't get more words out as he suddenly burst into tears.

"Hey, come here," said Jack, pulling him into his arms and reaching over to kiss his forehead. "What's this about? I told you I wasn't angry about last night, and I'm not."

"I know."

"Then what's wrong?" When the younger man shook his head, Jack sighed. "Ianto, please, talk to me – trust me – tell me what's happened. Whatever it is, I can help you; all you have to do is just tell me what's wrong."

He looked at him anxiously. "Is it me?" he asked. "Have I upset you or hurt you?"

"No!" cried Ianto, sitting up. "No, it's not you."

"Then what is it?"

"It doesn't matter…"

"Of course it does! There's something upsetting you and – look, I love you, and I want to be able to help you. I want to be there for you when you need me."

"I can't…"

"Yes, you can. Ianto, look at me." He waited until he had Ianto's full attention before he gently started to stroke his cheek. "Don't ever feel that there's something you can't tell me about," he said. "If you need help or anything at all, you just have to ask."

Ianto looked at him for a second, before he finally nodded. "You know my aunt Carrie – my dad's sister?" he qualified quickly. When Jack nodded, he went on, "Well…her daughter, Eira – my cousin – called me and said that…she'd died two weeks ago. It was the funeral last night. I didn't even know she'd been ill – no one told me."

Jack frowned. "No one told you until yesterday? But the way you've talked about Eira, you make her sound like your best friend. I thought you were close."

"So did I," sobbed Ianto. "We'd always gotten on well, but after my dad died and we realised Mum couldn't cope and I went to live with her and Carrie, she was always there for me. We've not seen much of each other since I moved to London and joined Torchwood, but we kept in touch for years. The last time she wrote to me was a week ago and everything seemed fine then. She never once mentioned that Carrie had been ill."

"I'm sorry."

"God, Jack, it's not your fault. I just thought Eira and I were closer than that."

"I know." Jack stroked his hair gently. "I know."

"But I'm not even angry with her. I'm just…hurt and upset, really. I really thought she would have told me as soon as something like this happened. Yes, the last time we saw each other was after what happened with Tommy and we ended on a rather nasty fight where I said some terrible things, but…Jack, she's practically the only family I have."

"Shh," Jack whispered. "You can't blame yourself for her not telling you what happened. Whether you fought or not, she still should have told you."

Suddenly, he sat up again. "But I still don't understand why you didn't tell me."

Ianto fidgeted for a minute. "I guess…I guess I just didn't want you to think I was, you know, making a mountain out of a molehill," he admitted.

"Why would you think that?"

"Well, you've loved and lost so many people already and you're going to lose so many more. I suppose I just thought that you'd find it a bit stupid for me to get so upset."

"Oh, Ianto," sighed Jack, drawing his lover closer to him. "Don't ever think that. No matter how many people you've lost, it's always a tragedy and I would have been there for you." He held him tight and rubbed his back. "If there's ever anything that's upsetting you or bothering you, no matter how stupid you think it is, you tell me, all right?"

Ianto sighed and nodded. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"Shh," Jack whispered again. "It's all right; I'm here." He cradled Ianto closer and rocked him, gently kissing his face as he cried. "Just let it out, it's all right."

Ianto sniffled and buried his face in Jack's shirt. "Actually, there was something else," he admitted, "but I understand if you don't want to do it."

"What is it?"

"The reading of Carrie's will is tonight. I've been left something, so I've got to go along and hear it, but I really don't want to go on my own, so…" His voice trailed off.

Jack didn't even have to think about it. "You don't even have to ask," he said. "If you want me there, then of course I'll go with you."

"Thanks. I wouldn't normally ask, but –"

"Shh, I know. But right now, I'm going to take you home. You can't work in this state; you're tired and upset." Taking Ianto's hand, he helped him into his coat. "Come on."

"Jack, I'm fine," protested Ianto.

"You need to get some rest," said Jack firmly. "Please – just for a couple of hours. Then, I'll bring you straight back here, if that's what you want."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

Ianto could hardly believe that his aunt had left him her country farmhouse and its surrounding lands. He had always loved it here, but especially after the death of his father, it had become almost everything to him. Now, standing in the middle of the light and airy kitchen and gazing across at the rapidly darkening sky as he rested in Jack's arms, he suddenly knew exactly why he felt so happy here.

"I'm home," he whispered with a small smile. "I'm finally home."

Jack nodded. "It's beautiful." He paused for a second and then nodded and stepped into the hall. Ianto watched him leave, but decided against following him when he heard him speaking. He couldn't catch the words, but it must have been good news, because a few minutes later, Jack returned to the kitchen, smiling.

"I've left the others in charge for a couple of days," he said. "I haven't told them anything – just that we're taking a break. You work too hard, Ianto and it is high time that we had some time to ourselves. You know, never mind the Rift, never mind Torchwood – we're just going to be…well, us. Just," he paused thoughtfully for a second before finally settling on, "We're just two men in love." He waited for Ianto's reaction, but when none came, his confidence started to falter. "That is…if you want to," he stammered. "I just thought it'd be nice for us to spend some time together."

Ianto smiled broadly. "I'd love to," he said, before drawing Jack close to him for a kiss. "But right now, I'm really tired; it's been a long few days. You look tired too."

He did look as though he was falling asleep where he stood, so Jack scooped him into his arms and carried him up the stairs and through to the bedroom. He laid the now asleep Ianto down on the bed and lay down beside him, wrapping him in his arms and planting a kiss into his hair. Within minutes, he too was asleep.

When Jack woke up, he was momentarily bemused to find himself alone. He sat up, rubbed his eyes and saw the sun streaming through the half-open curtains revealing the stretches of green fields below the house. There were rows and rows of trees and beyond that, he could just see what looked like a huge vegetable patch. There were chickens racing all over the grass, their beaks occasionally touching the ground.

Smiling slightly, Jack turned and found a note on the empty pillow beside him. He picked it up and chuckled when he read Ianto's flowing script.

Jack,

Have gone outside to feed the chickens and pick some peas. I didn't want to wake you up – you looked so comfortable and relaxed. Just come down when you're ready – or maybe that should be, if you're ready.

Love you.

Ianto xxx

PS: Thanks for doing this.

Jack smiled again and hauled himself out of bed and into yesterday's jeans. He rubbed his hands through his hair and put on his sunglasses as he slipped down the stairs and out of the kitchen door into the yard. Resisting the urge to chase all of the chickens away (and controlling himself by only chasing a couple) he vaulted the five-bar gate into the field.

Ianto was bent over in the vegetable patch, plucking pea pods off the plants, his soft jeans comfortably creased behind his knees and fraying around his ankles. His white shirt was unbuttoned and blowing softly in the light breeze, revealing a light tan on his lower back. Smiling, Jack crept over and, as Ianto stood up, wrapped his arms around his waist and gently started to nuzzle against his neck.

"Pea-picking?" he said, his voice thick with amusement. "Is this another fetish of yours that I should know about, Jones?"

Ianto turned round. "In your dreams, Harkness," he growled, but his eyes were twinkling with amusement. "No, I used to do this when I was little. Carrie would send us – that is, me and Eira – out into the field with this old basket." He held up the large wicker basket which was filled with green pods bursting with peas. "We'd stay out here for hours, just, you know, eating all the peas and throwing the empty pods at each other. It was – hey!"

Jack, his mouth filled with peas, had just thrown a handful of empty pods all over Ianto's face. "What?" he asked, his voice almost incomprehensible. "Come on; live a little!"

Ianto rolled his eyes. "You are incorrigible." But he couldn't help but smile as well.

Jack chuckled. "Someone's gotta be," he added, scooping up another handful of peas.

"How many peas have we eaten?" asked Jack, as he lay back and rubbed his stomach. "I feel like…well, like a giant pea!" he added with a laugh.

Ianto smirked at him. "You have no stomach," he said. "You barely got through half the amount that I got through."

"Yeah, well, you cheat," retorted Jack. "You always cheat." But he was smiling and laughing as he said it and it was clear there was no malice in his words. Besides, he realised, the sight of Ianto with his shirt open and smears of soil on his nose was just too adorable for words. How could he be angry with him when he looked like that?

"Well, what about when we play naked hide and seek?" retorted Ianto.

Jack laughed and pulled him into his arms. "And don't you just love it?"

Ianto sighed and snuggled into Jack's arms, but it was only for a moment as he suddenly looked at the reddening sky. "I should go," he whispered.

"What? Why?"

Ianto chuckled. "Because, it's getting late and I've got to put the chickens to bed. Of course, if someone were to help me…it would be a much quicker operation." He smiled cheekily at Jack's confused expression. "Well…think about it. Lots of things you can do with two pairs of legs rather than one."

Jack immediately sat up with a grin. "Oh yeah…" He chuckled. "I could think of a few."

"There's quite a list."

"Oh, I'm sure there is…well, what are we waiting for?" He leapt to his feet and sprinted back towards the five-bar gate, Ianto's soft laughter following him.

When they finally returned to the garden, Jack's face split into an evil grin when he saw the chickens calmly grazing on the grass.

"Hmm," he said. "I think…ten chickens between the two of us…we can have them all rounded up outside the pen in…" he glanced at his watch, "ten…"

Ianto didn't even blink. "That's ten minutes," he said, pressing a button on his watch and giving Jack a determined smile, "and counting."

Jack grinned and sprinted off, his half-tucked in shirt flying behind him. Ianto watched him for a moment, rolling his eyes at how ridiculous he looked. Surely it wasn't too hard to show a bit of decorum when catching chickens. But then he remembered how he had raced about like that with his cousin when they had been sent to put the chickens in…and how Eira had rolled her eyes at him when he had done so…and yet, she had still been smiling with him at the end of it all. She enjoyed it just as much as he had. Added to that, he was practically shirtless and covered in soil…

"Screw this," he whispered. "I'm not Ianto Jones, Torchwood employee. I can be a kid again." He drew himself up, remembering how Eira used to tease him when he did so – and he would just do it more and more. "I'm not Ianto Jones, the Teaboy," he growled. "I am The Supreme Chicken Catcher…Ianto Fucking Jones!" And with that, he tore across the grass, sprinting after the birds and laughing as they scuttled ahead of him, allowing him to feel like a boy again. Oh, and he couldn't wait for Jack to find out that he had, as a child caught and secured all the chickens in under five minutes! And that was by himself!

At the end of it all, both he and Jack collapsed on the hill outside the house and gazed out towards the setting sun, Jack's hands gently running through his hair. The silence was broken only by the contented whispers from the chicken run and the soft snuffles of Ned, Carrie Jones' old and shaggy sheepdog.

They never did go back and pick up what was left of the peas.

"I don't know about this, Ianto," said Jack, looking up at his lover. "I've not been horse-riding since the 1800s, and even then I was –"

"Jack, come on," interrupted Ianto, grabbing his hand and hauling him up onto the chestnut horse beside him. "I'll be here to catch you when – sorry, if – you fall…once I've finished giggling at you, of course."

Jack pouted. "You're not exactly encouraging me to go on this little trip, you know."

"I'm kidding, you space idiot! I would never giggle at you…I'd laugh so hard at you I'd end up falling on my arse as well!" His grin suddenly got naughty. "God help us both if we should happen to land in a field that's been full of cows."

"Ianto!" exclaimed Jack. But the younger man had already galloped out of the stable. The time traveller sighed and looked down at the horse. "You wouldn't hurt me, would you?"

He only received a blink in reply. "I suppose I'd better trust you then," he said with a sigh. "Come on…let's get going then."

With a deep breath he pulled on the reins – and nearly screamed when the horse bolted out of the stables at such a speed that he couldn't even distinguish the brown roads from the fields. In fact, if he hadn't felt another sharp tug on the reins, he wouldn't even have been able to notice Ianto beside him, laughing his head off.

"You really haven't been riding in years, have you?"

"Shut up," growled Jack, feeling his face heat up.

Gradually, however, the horses relaxed and Jack found himself having fun. Ianto was telling him stories about how he used to come riding here as a child, recalling the memories fondly but also with a hint of sadness for what might have been. Jack loved watching as the sun shimmered over his face.

Finally, they came to the end of the estate where there was a large pond, almost a lake, surrounded by fir trees and with ducks trilling over the water, sending drops into the air as they flapped their wings.

"I love this place," Ianto said. "I used to come here with my dad when we visited – and then, when he died, Eira and I would have lunch here – Aunt Carrie would pack a basket and send us off to…" he stopped and blushed, "feed the ducks. The funny thing was, they didn't mind eating grass when we ran out of bread." He laughed slightly, but, once again, a wistful shadow crossed over his face.

Jack reached over and squeezed his hand gently. "I'll bring you back here for lunch," he said. "We can, you know, sit and feed the ducks on grass…if you want to, that is."

Ianto stared at him, about to answer, when the skies darkened and a stiff wind sprung up. Moments later, and with a rumble that shook the heavens, rain started to pour over them, soaking Ianto's white shirt to the bone and dripping off Jack's soft fringe.

"Fuck!" hissed Ianto. He slipped his hand out of Jack's and quickly turned his horse around, cantering back to the stables. Jack tried to follow him, but the horse moved faster than he had anticipated, and he found himself flat on his back in an extremely muddy puddle as the animal bolted after Ianto.

Once they had put the horses in the stable and Jack had been able to get his clothes washed and have a shower (which had taken a while due to an impromptu round of shower-sex), they were in the barn lying in a large mass of hay and listening to the rain outside. A basket – the same one Ianto had collected peas in the previous day – was filled with snacks, predominantly sandwiches, which Jack intended to feed to the ducks. Their wet shirts – along with Jack's coat – were drying on the rafters.

"If the rain doesn't let up, which I don't think it will, we might end up having our pond-side picnic in here," remarked Ianto.

Jack looked up from where he had been twirling a piece of straw between his fingers. "I don't mind that," he admitted. "In fact…when I was in the barn at Gwen's wedding, and even when I was lifting her out of the hay, do you know what my first thought was?"

"No, what?" asked Ianto.

"That I wanted nothing more than to be in that barn making love to you." He pulled Ianto towards him and into his arms, stroking his hair lightly, only stopping when he saw that the younger man had tensed in his embrace. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," murmured Ianto, but his voice said otherwise. "It doesn't matter, it's stupid."

"Hey," said Jack sternly. "What did I tell you the other day? Don't ever think that there's anything you can't tell me. I want you to be able to trust me."

"I do!" cried Ianto, sitting up. "I do trust you! It's just…I'm not sure how to explain it."

"Ianto, if this is about Gwen –"

"It's not," said Ianto quickly. "I know how you feel about me and I'm not jealous of your connection to her. No, it's just…when you said that you wanted to make love to me in that barn, I just…remembered doing that here – with Lisa," he elaborated, turning away.

"Hey," Jack said softly, "that's all right. I know you still love her and I know that you always will. And that's fine – it proves that, even though she's not here and even though you're with me now, you've not really lost her. We never lose people we've loved."

"We don't?"

Jack shook his head. "Never," he said. "Because they're still with us – in that special place in our hearts that no one can ever take away from us. Lisa's in that special place with you, just like Estelle is with me…and just like you are too. Even when you…" he couldn't get the word out, "move on…I won't really lose you." He wrapped his arms around his lover and held him tight, before he started to sing:

"When all our tears have reached the sea,

A part of you will live in me.

Way down deep inside my heart…"

"You see?" he whispered. "Even when someone we love dies, they still live on, deep in our souls – because that love will never die."

Ianto nodded and rested his head against Jack's bare chest, before suddenly finding his own voice, which was hoarse with emotion:

"You'll find better love, strong as it ever was,

Deep as the river runs, warm as the morning sun.

Please…remember me."

Jack rocked him gently, rubbing his skin with strands of hay. "I will," he whispered. "Whatever happens…I will always remember you."

When Ianto opened his eyes, the first thing he realised was that there was silence and that the barn doors were open. It had stopped raining, and Jack, his chest still bare, was standing in front of them, carrying the basket in his hands and his coat slung casually over his shoulders and back like a cloak. The sun had long since set, but the stars were starting to come out and twinkle above them.

"How long was I asleep?" he asked.

"A while," answered Jack with a small smile. "But you just looked so adorable, I didn't want to disturb you." He glanced out at the night and laughed slightly. "It's late for a picnic lunch, but I'm hungry and I don't think we've had dinner yet, so…you interested?"

Ianto sat up, rubbing bits of straw out of his hair. "Sure," he said. Forgetting about the shirts, he simply grabbed his own (denim) jacket and tied it around his waist before linking arms with Jack and leading him back down towards the pond.

The ducks were still swimming on the surface of the water, which now shone like pearl in the light of the moon as it pierced a thin cloud. When they heard the two men approach, they started to move towards them, their movements causing gentle ripples in the water.

Jack smiled and laid out the picnic blanket on the ground before drawing Ianto onto his lap and throwing some sandwich crusts to the birds on the water.

"Well, don't all rush at once," he chuckled as they simple stared at the food.

Ianto smiled. "I think they've gotten used to me and Eira feeding them grass," he said. "I wouldn't be surprised if she came down there after I went to work in London." His voice was light and casual, but his eyes shimmered in the light of the stars.

Jack frowned at him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Ianto hesitated. "It's…hard to explain," he said. "I don't…I don't really miss her, as such. I just, I miss what we shared. I miss the companionship we had." Reaching over, he threw a handful of grass to the ducks and laughed slightly as they all ran for it. "I mean, little things like that – they just made us smile and laugh so much. I guess just knowing that she changed so much that she couldn't even tell me what happened to Carrie is just – it's just really hard to take in, and…well, yes, it does hurt."

"I know." Jack rubbed his shoulder gently. "I know it does." He pulled Ianto against his chest and held him tight. "But it's going to be all right, I promise. Whatever happens, you will always have those childhood memories to cherish. I know how much you loved your aunt and your cousin and not even what's happened now can take those memories away."

Ianto shuddered slightly, his chest tightening as he realised that, not even with Lisa, and not even on those lazy childhood days with Eira had he felt so safe and loved. Jack was right; he would keep those happy memories safe and he would always cherish them. But he could make new memories and he would cherish those too. What happened with Eira had hurt, and would for a long time, but, just as it had with Lisa, it would eventually heal.

He found himself suddenly overwhelmed with emotion and, moments later, streams of tears started to fall from his eyes. But rather then trying to hide them, he just let them flow; these weren't tears of anger or pain, but tears of relief that he could find happiness and let what had happened before go. He realised that Jack had done all the things that he had done with Eira as a child and let him keep those beautiful memories safe.

Jack just held him close, pressing light kisses into his skin and swaying him in his arms until he realised that Ianto had finally fallen asleep. Brushing one last kiss over his tear-stained face, he drew his greatcoat over his resting form and lay back on the blanket, pulling Ianto closer to him and running his fingers tenderly through his hair.