I was having breakfast as usual, the same boring table, the same unfascinating news, the same tasteless food. Repeating this day after day, even if I get tired, even if I complain, nothing will change, that's why I stopped caring and I just lived this way.
"-chan…"
As I was monotonously eating while 'watching' the news I hear a voice calling me out.
"Nee, Umi-chan are you listening to me?"
I snap out of my trance and I look up. I see my girlfriend Kotori calling me out.
"Sorry, I was absent-minded while watching the tv"
What a bad lie I thought to myself.
"Are you ok? Recently you've been like this Umi-chan"
I can't help but feel bad for Kotori, she's always been like this, she always cared a lot for me, even more than herself. What's worse is that even if she cares a lot, she can't even notice something simple.
"No… I'm fine, anyways, what were you asking me Kotori?"
I try to fake the best I can and I ask her what she wanted.
"I was asking you if you are coming late again?"
"Oh that."
Recently I've been coming home late, but it wasn't because I had a lot of work to do, or I got carried away doing something. Simply I didn't want to arrive home and live my usual boring life. I've been living with Kotori for a long time, and things has gotten dull-or rather- at least for me.
"Yes, don't worry about it Kotori. I'll be coming late today"
"Is that so…"
Kotori makes a lonely expression. It's not that I don't love her, in fact. I do care for her a lot, she has always been there for me, and I know I can rely on her, but still, after all these years, something in me has changed. Kotori still is the dazzling girl I fell in love with , it's me who has changed. Living the same for a long time, doing the same routine, it has bored me. I thought I could live with a routine, that nothing will change, but that was foolish of me…
"You know, Umi-chan, recently I've been feeling pretty lonely…"
Kotori's voice is weak, and mixed with sadness, she looks at me with her puppy eyes as she gets closer to me. I don't recoil, but I don't accept her either.
"I want to feel you, Umi-chan…"
She sits on my lap, and proceeds to kiss me in the lips. As always she is eagerly kissing me and rubbing her body against mine. As her lover I accept her feelings and act as such, I reciprocate her kiss and I move my hands around her body. Feeling her well defined feminine curves, her large chest, her slim waist and wide hips, her back, her tights, her legs. I feel everything, and I accept her love. She always has been the one that acts first on me, most of the time it has been her that looks for me, and there has not been a time that I denied her, but as we start making up she becomes weak, her fragile. I take the lead as always, despite her body figure, she is pretty light, making it easy for me to lift her up and make our way to our sofa.
"Umi-chan…"
She lovely whispers my name in my ear as she resumes her kiss. Her arousal is obvious, her body is trembling with excitement, she is provoking me to make a move on her, and I do as such. However, I'm unable to feel anything, even as we make up on the sofa, even as I thrust in her, even as she loudly moans and makes erotic noises, as our bodies melt and feel each other, I…
"I love you Umi-chan…"
I can tell she reached her climax. We cuddle, and I can feel her falling asleep.
"Kotori, you should move to the bed"
I say to her as I try to move her.
"I don't want to, I don't want to let Umi-chan go. I want to be with you since you will be coming late today"
Her words hurt me to some degree, is true that I will leave her alone today too, and there was also the fact that I was lying to her…
"Come on, let's move to the bed. I won't leave you until you fall asleep"
"You will…?"
Kotori looks at me with her lovely eyes, those eyes filled with affection, those pure eyes look directly at me with trust… Even if I'm unworthy of that love.
"Yes, I'll stay by your side"
I pick her up and I carry her to our bedroom. I gently put her in our bed, she holds my hand, as she tries to fall asleep.
"Umi-chan, I love you"
She whispers. I stay silent.
"Do you love me, Umi-chan?"
I love her, that was a fact. I can't deny that, but the simply action to put that thought into words was hard for me, it pained me a lot, but I had to say that I loved her.
"Yes I do"
That was the only response I was able to make, not I love you, but an 'I do' I look at Kotori, I can tell that wasn't the answer she was expecting, but still manages to give me a bright smile.
"I'm glad that Umi-chan loves me"
The glint of sadness in her voice, it pains me, I'm the cause of her pain, but I can't do something about it.
"Come on Kotori, you need to rest"
I stay with Kotori until she falls asleep. But as I thought… I couldn't feel any joy, nothing, just emptiness and hate towards myself for being like this to the person I love… I should do something about this situation…
"That can wait… I should go to the dojo"
I decide to leave that matter for another time. I look up for my keys, I grab some cash and before leaving I decide to write a letter to Kotori telling her that she should not wait up for me and she should go to bed if she feels drowsy. There has been other times that I came home late at night, only to find Kotori waiting for me. I know she pushes herself, she has never been a person that stays awake at night if she is not doing any work, when I asked her why she was awake she would answer.
"It's because I was lonely"
"It's because I wanted to have dinner with Umi-chan"
"It's because I wanted to say welcome home to Umi-chan"
Her good nature, or should I say, her love towards me makes her do the impossible and act recklessly, without caring about herself. What's worse is that I can't do anything, I just accept the fact that she loves me, and do nothing… Sometimes I wish I could rewind time, return to the times that I truly enjoyed myself with her, those times where I was happy, had joy, felt excitement, felt aroused, felt lust. When I had a lot of emotions towards her, when I was able to throw everything away just for her, that's not exactly right. I can still throw everything away for her, I still love her, but not in the same way I used to. As I was immersed in my thoughts I found myself at the family dojo. I was the head of the Sonoda family and the heir of the dojo, so as my duty I gave classes here. It was fairly simple and it didn't involve anything that I couldn't handle, but today was a day that I didn't wanted to be here, but I wanted to avoid the situation with Kotori so I needed a distraction.
"Using my duty as a distraction, how pitiful I am…"
I say that, thankfully nobody was around to here to hear me out.
I wanted a distraction, but I did not wanted to do something today either, so I spend my day just giving orders and doing the bare minimum. In the past this was a behaviour that I would not allowed myself to follow, but as things are how they are nowadays I don't feel to be that strict. It's not that I'm in the right position to behave like my younger self when I can't even make the person I love happy. I know that I say that I don't make Kotori happy, but if she was asked if she was happy I can be sure she would say that she is happy, she has never said otherwise, nor she has expressed any discontent towards me, at least a very obvious one. So, Kotori is happy, that is a fact, but what I can't forgive to myself is that I can't make her happier…
It was evening, everything was done at the dojo, but as I said this morning, I didn't feel like returning home. I decided to wander around town to kill time, I was getting hungry so I decided to stop somewhere to eat…
"Maybe she has a shift today…"
I decide to go to a bar, there was a bar that I usually went to when I wanted to forget. Also there was the fact that Eli worked there as a part-time job. I enter the bar and I take my seat in my usual spot.
"Ara, Umi, you are here today too"
I look up and I see the Russian beauty. Eli was a senpai at my school, and we used to get along pretty well. Right now she lives with her girlfriend Nozomi, which is also a good friend of mine. Eli works as a choreographer and as a part-timer in this bar, that's why I frequently come over to visit her.
"Yeah. I just feel like dropping by today"
I feel calm around her, our long friendship has make me be very casual when I'm talking to her.
"Even tho you have been doing this a lot recently"
She smirks. I can't deny that fact, I just glare at her without saying anything.
"The usual is fine?"
She ask as a way to break the tension.
"Yeah, the usual is fine."
I reply. Then she takes her leave. After a short wait she returns with my order, but she has two glasses with her.
"Aren't you working right now?"
I ask her.
"It's fine. I was thinking in taking a break"
She carefree says that as she pours the drink in the glasses. I take a sip… I can't say that it's refreshing, but it's not bad either.
"So… What is it this time?"
"Why are you assuming the worst"
I have talked with Eli a little bit about my situation with Kotori. At least I have told her that I want to make Kotori happier and I want to rekindle our relationship.
"You feel different today than the other days"
This woman… Living with Nozomi has make her have sharp senses. Well, it is true that today I have been feeling different.
"I hate it when you are right"
Eli smirks as she drinks.
"So, what is it?"
Unable to run away I spit what happened today.
"We did it in the soda"
"Oh my Umi-chan. How bold"
She fakes Nozomi's voice and her manners, while holding her laugh.
"Cut it off or I won't tell you any further"
"Sorry, but that was something that I don't expect from you"
"I agree with you, but as things are right now. It's not that I can't be open minded"
"Hmmmm…"
Eli sights and refills our glasses.
"You have grown up, Umi"
"Don't say it as if you were my Father or something"
"But it's true, you used to be so shy and reserved about these topics, and now you come here and tell me that you did it in the sofa, in the morning"
When she points that out I can't help myself but to feel like an idiot to have told her that. I can't be helped now.
"Don't get angry Umi… You did there, so what?"
"I didn't feel anything, or maybe I did I guess. It's hard to put it in words"
"Don't say those harsh words or Kotori will be sad"
She's right, this is not Kotori's fault, it's my own fault.
"Have you ever consider having another partner?"
"What nonsense are you talking Eli. I love Kotori"
"I didn't mean it that way… You can call it a one night stand"
I have never thought that, cheating Kotori would be the worst that I could do.
"I will never cheat Kotori"
"One time won't hurt anybody. Here, even I won't mind sleeping with you"
Eli starts acting flirty and cocky…
"Eli… just don't… Besides you have Nozomi"
"I'm sure Nozomi wouldn't mind… and I'm pretty sure she would offer to be your partner too"
That's a horrifying fact that even I can't deny, but I decide to stay silent.
"Listen Umi. I'm not telling you to fall in love with somebody else. I'm just telling you that you should take a real break to consider things"
She is right. I have only been running away, but I never addressed the issue properly.
"You are right, thanks Eli"
"Don't worry, that's what friend are for… And for real, if you don't mind, Nozomi or I can be your partner, or perhaps you would want to have both of us?"
Now she is just teasing me.
"Seriously, cut it off you fool… You should return to your work. It's getting crowded in here"
We've been talking for a while and more clients have come in.
"You are right. I'm returning now. Do I add that to your account?"
"Yeah, I'll pay later"
With that being said. Eli returns to her shift, I finish my drink and leave the bar. It's night already, but still I don't want to return home. I wonder if Kotori is sleep already, I did left her a note telling her that she doesn't have to wait for me… But I hope she doesn't do anything reckless. I walk aimlessly around town, without realizing I arrive at the park that Kotori, Honoka and I use to play when we were kids… I feel a nostalgic rush when I step in, but what I didn't expect was…
"Honoka?"
I call her out...
"Umi…-chan?"
Honoka was sitting in one of the benches while she was singing.
"Honoka, what are you doing here?"
"That's my line Umi-chan. Why are you here?"
"Well… I was just… walking around…"
"Is that so…?"
She gets closer to me, and looks at me…
"Umi-chan, you smell like alcohol"
"Ah…"
Crap. I forgot I was drinking with Eli just a moment ago.
"Were you drinking with Eli-chan again?"
"No… maybe… just a little?"
I can't help but to be honest to my childhood friend.
"That's not good Umi-chan. Kotori-chan will be sad"
Again… The thing that I don't want the most… Is making Kotori sad.
"I know… I just wanted a drink...and forget… just for a little bit…"
"Umi-chan… Why are you crying?"
"Eh?"
I touch my face, and I was in fact shedding tear… but why? Why was I crying?
"Umi-chan, come on, let's go to my apartment"
Honoka grabs my hand as we walk towards her apartment plot. We didn't talk, nor she asked any question. But just by being with her made me happy, relieved… Once we arrived at her apartment she told me to wait in the dining table.
"Food will be ready, so just wait a little longer, ok?"
Back in the days Kotori and I used to take care of Honoka a lot, but having Honoka take care of me was something unusual, but I felt extremely happy for some reason.
"Here it is, I hope you like it"
She serves the dinner, one plate for me, and one for her. We both seat and start eating… When I take the first bite…
"Delicious…"
Taste, this food has taste. I has been a while since the last time I had something a tasty as this.
"Really!? I'm glad, I'm happy that you like it Umi-chan"
Honoka gave me her usual cheerful smile, the smile that has never changed.
"Thanks for the food"
I joyfully finished my meal.
"I'll take care of it, Umi-chan you can go and relax on my room"
I take Honoka's offer and I go to her room. Surprisingly it has been keep clean and in order. Feeling tired for today I let myself in her bed…
"Umi-chan…"
"Ummm?"
I feel a voice calling my name, but I can't grasp who it is…
"Umi-chan, hey, wake up"
"Oh?"
When I open my eyes I see Honoka right next to me. Did I fall asleep in her bed?
"How long I've been out?"
"Not that much. Maybe 10 minutes?"
"I see…"
"I didn't want to wake you up, but… I just…"
Suddenly she turns red. I don't understand at first, but when I check my clothing, it's a mess , and I feel like I'm exposing more than I should, but even so, it's weird for her to be this self-conscious. We have been friends since we were kids.
"Don't worry about it, it's not that I have shame around you Honoka"
I say that as a matter of fact.
"Is that so…"
I look at her, she seems disappointed for some reason.
"Then… you won't feel anything if I did this"
Suddenly, our lips connect, Honoka boldly takes lead as she is on top of me while kissing me. I react slow, but for some reason, pleasure drives me crazy, as I feel my heart beating faster I reciprocate her kiss, letting her make her way into me. I can feel Honoka is touching my body, her hands are shaking, is she nervous?
"Honoka… Is ok"
I softly whisper that into her ears. Taking advantage to this moment of weakness, we swap spots. Now I'm the one on top.
"U-Umi-chan!"
I kiss her again, this time more roughly, more lustful. I press my body against hers. I use my hands to explore her body. She has a nice body shape, she is not that big as Kotori in some areas, but her body is still arousing and noteworthy of praise. For some reason even if I've been together with her for a long time. Been with her like this as make me aroused, self-conscious, and what's more… I have grown a desire. A desire to make this body- Honoka's body mine.
"Ah… Umi-chan!"
She loudly moans my name as I make my way into her. I don't hold back, I don't restrain myself… This is my first time in a while that I have felt this way… I feel alive again, I feel like I can do anything right now…I
"Honoka… You will be mine today"
I say to her some words that even I can't believe I said. I can feel her reacting to those words, everything tells me that she wants that, that she yearns for it, no, that we both desire that, we need that… I let my lust and passion drive me crazy… Feeling it, not thinking, just loving the moment… This moment that I have with Honoka is amazing… I can be myself, I can be free, I can feel something, I can love…
I don't know how long it has been… nor that I care, right now I'm cuddling with Honoka. She is sleeping peacefully in my chest, as I carelessly play with her hair while hugging her…
"Is this wrong?"
I think to myself.
"Am I at fault?"
"Should I be punished?"
"I'm a cheater"
"I can't be happy"
I think all of this, but the moment I turn my eyes to Honoka those thoughts disappear. I feel at ease, I feel my emotions, I feel like I can be happy. I gently kiss Honoka in the forehead.
"Thanks Honoka, for bringing me back"
"Umi-chan...i...love you…"
I don't know if she was half-asleep or just sleep talking, but I can tell that she meant those words. I feel joy at hearing those words, but at the same time an extreme guilt attacks me…
"I'm sorry Kotori"
That's the last thing I say before I decide to stop thinking about it. I let myself be soothed in Honoka's warm… Just having a lovely night… between us…
In a dark room, in a cold table, she sat there, silently, waiting… She doesn't know how long it has been, but she is aware that today it won't happen. Cold food lays on the table.
"You sure are late today Umi-chan…"
Kotori has read Umi's letter, but still she wanted to wait for her, Umi was her hope, her love, her everything. Kotori loves Umi from the bottom of her heart, that's why she didn't mind. She didn't mind waiting for her, she didn't mind not sleeping, she didn't mind not eating. If she couldn't do that with her beloved Umi, then what's the meaning of it. That's why she waited eagerly for her beloved to return home. She thought that today's morning events would have make Umi return home early. Kotori felt special. She felt that today was a good day. Umi has showed her love today, her kindness. That's why Kotori had hope that Umi will come back today early, yet she hasn't, but she didn't mind. As long as she can wait for her, that fine, that's all she needs, that's why…
"Please hurry up and come back home, Umi-chan"
Kotori said that as she fell asleep in the table, alone, waiting, and with tears dropping from her eyes.