Hello- wanted to try something different this time. I first wrote a little part of this story when I had the night shift at a institution, maybe I myself was looking forward to a sleep myself or something like that.
This story is about Yankumis thoughts and how she is having trouble sleeping. Hope you like it.
Sweet dreams
I wish I had sweet dreams, instead my supposedly time of rest is filled with nightmares.
Nightmares of a beautiful young man in a black and white school uniform. He is being beaten up by a scary looking group of men using pipes in an old warehouse.
In my dreams they are beating him up, without me managing to interfere, without me saving him.
In real life I often think that a good fight is what makes a man.
Everyone needs a good fistfight to let out steam and to protect what you love.
What I see in my nightly dreams are something completely different.
Instead of someone being protected I have blood filled nightmares of a student being beaten without reason. Dreams where the attackers does not stop even when the victim loses consciousness.
The attackers just keep on kicking and hitting him with pipes while the young man is getting bloodier and bloodier. Walls are being painted with his red blood.
I am a part of those nightmares, almost like a ghost.
No one reacts to my screams or my punches. I am just there, not able of protecting him as he is dying from the attacks.
The only one who can see me is him, his eyes are following me with a hurt look and I can read the disappointment in them.
Disappointment in me because I am not protecting him as I usually do when he or his friends are getting into trouble.
Disappointment that I am letting them kill him.
In the end I wake up in silent screams.
Night after night it is the same.
To be honest I am dead tired during the day.
All the incidents with my students, the teaching job in itself and my family leaves me with a good reason as to why a good night's rest is what I badly need.
Unfortunate it is not what my mind is giving me.
I am glad that my screams a silent, if not my family would had come running into my room with their swords drawn.
Always ready to protect me, the opposite of what I were doing to someone I have sworn to protect myself just minutes before in my own head.
Family members would ask questions I do not wish to answer, but I would tell the truth since I do not hide anything from my grandfather. Not even my nightmares.
What would they say if I told them about me dreaming of the same boy night after night? Not the romantic kind but a bloody boy.
The nightmares did not begin until I had been his teacher for a few weeks.
Before this I can not remember having nightmares, not even after my parents died or when I was bullied.
Why now? Why about him?
Every morning his eyes are the first thing I look for when I enter the classroom. Honestly it is the first things I look for as soon as I am leaving my house in the morning. Looking for his figure on the road. Just to make sure that the nightmares I had last night was not based in reality, just to slow down my worried heart.
I am only in my 20s, way to young to have an heart attack.
Sometimes he is late to school in the mornings, and I am standing there in front of his classmates almost having a panic attack.
What if the nightmares from last night was real and he is lying in an abandoned factory building bleeding to death? Dying because I did not help him as I promised to do to all of my students.
Luckily for some reason he is entering the classroom on time more often now than in the beginning of our time together.
Maybe he can see my worried eyes following his every step, or how it calms me down when our eyes meet.
My heart slows down to a normal beat when I see him going for his desk just to sleep some more. Did my voice make him sleep better, or did he sleep during every class he has.
As a teacher I should not allow him to sleep during my class, but I do not have the heart to wake him.
Maybe he was also haunted by nightmares and could not sleep well during the night?
Beside he has the IQ of all his classmates combined so he is not learning anything new in my class.
I hope he never know what he make me feel when I am alone in my dark bedroom.
How the idea of him lying there bloody and damaged makes me scream in my head.
Would you want to know if someone had realistic bloody nightmares about you?
To be honest, even I do not know what he make me feel in the real world outside dreams.
The only thing in certain about is that I am petrified that something will happen to him, both in my dreams and outside of them.
Every day I do not see him I think of him. Often I walk in the area I know he lives just to catch a glimpse of him, just to confirm that he really is unhurt. To calm my mind and heart.
In the beginning I thought the underlining reason for my nightmares was because I identified him as one of my puppies, one of my students.
After just a few days I had to reconsider that idea because he was the only one of my students the nightmares centered around.
His damaged body only one who made me scream silently into the night.
My heart is telling me something during my time of rest that my mind can not comprehend yet. I have been told I am often clueless when it comes to matters of the heart, so maybe there is something I am missing.
For now I just have to take one day at the time.
The only thing I do hope is that someday soon my nightmares will change to sweet dreams.
Beautiful dreams reflecting my reality in the future, maybe a future with him in it.
Well, maybe I can live with the nightmares a while longer, he need to grow up a little more and graduate, before the dreams and maybe even reality can turn a little sweeter.
Hope you liked it.