Author: Jewel21
Rating: PG
Show: Supernatural
Pairing: (None)
Type: Stand Alone. Complete.
Summary: Tag to 'Crossroad Blues.'
A/N: Special thanks to Scarlet for betaing and making this shine. As well as for the title suggestion. And, thanks to Nat for looking this over as well.
Disclaimers: Supernatural and the boys don't belong to me. Sadly, neither does the car.
Feedback: Is like crack to me.
Moment Over by jewel21
"Hey, Dean?"
"Yeah?"
"When you were trapping that demon, you weren't-- I mean, it was all a trick, right? You never considered actually making that deal right?" Sam asks.
Silence, and then the blaring sound of rock music fills the car, and the muscles in Sam's throat painfully contract at the realization that Dean had actually considered negating everything their father had sacrificed for him.
"Screw you."
The words are quiet and spoken calmly, despite the anger and despair that is raging inside of Sam. He can feel Dean's eyes on him, feel the Impala slowing down, and he takes a shaky breath before fixing his eyes on Dean, who up until this point has remained silent.
"After everything dad did, everything he sacrificed, you would do that?" Sam asks in disbelief. "Dad loved you enough to give up his life for yours, and you would be willing to just turn around and throw away everything he's done for you?"
"I didn't ask for it, Sam. I didn't want this," Dean says, his voice rising in anger as he pulls the Impala over to the side of the highway and turns off the radio.
Twisting in his seat to face Dean, Sam struggles to find the words that will magically fix everything. There are so many things he'd like to say to Dean. He wants to tell Dean that while he's sad their father is dead, he's happy that Dean is alive. That he can't imagine what it would be like not having Dean here with him. But he doubts any of those words, no matter how true they are, will somehow ease Dean's guilt and suffering. Or, that Dean is actually ready to hear them.
So what could he say?
"You once told me," Sam begins, his voice breaking the terse silence that has descended upon them, "that dad and I were selfish. That you would be the one to have to bury us." Raising his eyes, Sam watches Dean's fingers clench the steering wheel, knuckles white, before dark, shuttered eyes lock with his own. Licking his lips, Sam makes sure he has Dean's attention before continuing. "If you had made that deal tonight, then I would have been the one to bury you."
"Sam --" Dean says quietly, but Sam shakes his head and presses on before he can continue.
"No, Dean. Is that what you want? Because, man, I've already had to bury Jessica and dad, and I can't do it again," Sam says shakily before breaking off.
"Sam, I don't know what you want me to say," Dean finally says after what feels like an eternity.
Staring at his brother in disbelief, Sam shakes his head before speaking. "I want you to tell me that you weren't really considering giving up your life for dad's. I want you to tell me that you wouldn't do something like that, that you wouldn't --" Sam says angrily before breaking off in mid-sentence. Frustration gnaws at him and he bites his thumb, something he finds himself doing only when deeply worried or angry.
"Sam, I --," Dean begins, before halting.
Lowering his hand, Sam watches through stinging eyes as Dean sighs before fixing his eyes on him.
"Look, Sam... I don't know what to tell you, okay? Yeah, I thought about it," Deans says, and Sam feels his stomach drop at his brother's words. "Who wouldn't have?" Dean continues. "Hell, dad alive, all of us together again for ten more years," Dean says quietly, a wishful expression on his face, and Sam tenses at his words.
"Dean," Sam says carefully, but trails off when Dean raises his hand to stop him.
"But I didn't go through with it. Yeah, I thought about it but I said no, Sam. I said no," Dean says before trailing off.
Sam debates asking Dean why, what stopped him, but he's not sure Dean would even answer the question and in all honesty he's just relieved Dean has confided in him this much. "Promise me something," Sam says instead, after a lengthy pause.
"What?" Dean asks, a wary expression on his face.
"Promise me that you'll talk to me about this stuff, Dean. That you won't let things get so bad that you'll consider making deals with demons," Sam pleads, his eyes fixed onto Dean, aware of the various emotions flickering across his face.
"If I say yes, can we go?" Dean finally asks, and Sam rolls his eyes and shakes his head in annoyance, ignoring the sigh emanating from the driver's seat.
"Look Sam, I promise I'll try, okay?" Dean says softly after a short pause.
Aware of Dean's hand now resting on his arm, Sam fixes wary eyes on this brother.
"Look, Sam... I know you like to talk about, like, feelings and shit. And glad as I am to have such a supportive sister, I'm seriously about to hurl. Chick flick moment over?" Dean begs, hands on the steering wheel. Sam can't help the small smile that spreads across his face at his brother's words.
Nodding, Sam watches in silence as Dean starts up the Impala and pulls back out onto the highway. Resting his head against the passenger window, Sam closes his eyes and tries to relax.
"Hey, Sam? I'll tell you one thing about that demon chick," Deans says before trailing off.
Curious, Sam opens his eyes and turns to stare at Dean's profile. "What?" he asks after a beat.
"Great kisser," Dean says, whistling wolfishly.
"Dude, I... I don't even want to know," Sam mumbles, ignoring Dean's smirk.
Leaning back against the passenger side window, Sam closes his eyes, as Dean turns the music back on. It's lower now, soothing rather than grating, and Sam actually finds himself relaxing back into his seat. He knows nothing has been magically fixed, that Dean isn't going to wake up in the morning and suddenly be all right. But, Sam also knows that tonight was a step in that direction. And for now, that's more than enough.
End.