Title: Heaven on Earth
Summary: Drabble from Nicky's POV the night Red found her detoxing in the bathroom.
Disclaimer: I do not own OITNB or any of its characters. They belong to Jenji Kohen, I do, however, own my writing so please don't steal- Johanna002©
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I had never, in my life, felt so sick. Sweat was pouring and dripping down my face, and my hair was clinging to the hot, slick base of my neck. My stomach was a wreck—insides churning and twisting—forcing me to wretch up the little contents I had left into the toilet.
My hand shook violently over the handle, but I didn't have the strength to pull it down. I was approaching hour 72 with no heroin and everything hurt. I was physically and emotionally spent. I could barely hold myself up. Looking thru hooded lids at the tainted toilet water below, I whimpered. The ends of my hair were wet from where it had fallen into the bowl. I could see pieces of what I had thrown up clinging to my curls.
Overcome by another wave of nausea, I heaved, but nothing came out. I didn't have anything left to give. I rested my face against the seat of the toilet and cried. I felt as if someone were squeezing my body and trying to break me in half with their bare hands. Every inch me felt as if I had been set on fire. My muscles were spasming out of control, and I thought my veins would eventually combust within me.
Grinding my teeth together, I fight against the hell that is threatening to swallow me whole. I am so scared and so frightened, but the idea of sweet, sweet, death beckons me. I hear an angel speak to me and I think this is it. I'm finally going to be free. My body is limp, and I feel as if I'm floating.
"Norma's gonna get you some mouth was," my angel tells me. "A clean mouth makes you feel better." She steadies me with her body, one of her hands moving to the back of my neck to gather my hair into a fist.
I cough and shake, realizing with a start this is real. She is real. I'm still alive. I'm still here. A feeling ken to disappointment races through me. Death would be so much easier. Everything would just be so much easier if I were dead.
"You gotta hit rock bottom before you know which direction to go in," she tells me as she wipes my face with a cool rag. "Welcome to the floor, kid." Her touch is kind and her words are a foreign comfort. "It'll be better from now on."
My vision is blurred by my tears, and still, despite the cool rag pressed to my skin I felt as if my entire body is on fire. Her hands came up to roughly cup my face and I flinch at the feeling. She forces my head up, and something in her urgency finally causes me to look past my fears and really look at her.
"And what I'll do to you if use again, will hurt a lot more than this!" Her words shake me to my core. "Remember what I'm saying!"
I fall against her with so much force she grunts and nearly stumbles back. "I'm so scared," I whimper. My angels' arms wrap around me and she squeezes me to her tightly. There's no pain when she holds me, and I wonder if perhaps I've died and gone to heaven after all.