Hello Everyone!
My mother is a writer, but she only writes in Portuguese because we are from Brazil, but now I am translating one of her novels to English!
It is not ready yet, but here is a first look.
I hope you all enjoy!
This is the first chapter of "Morganwish-Walker" (title for the book in both English and Portuguese).
This is one of those moments in which life makes us have a strategic stop that has as objective to put everything that is "out of place" back where it should be.
To be honest, I deal with limitations in a relatively normal way – as long as the things that I hold dear are at my disposal: the people that I love, my research material, my books…
On the other hand, I become completely helpless when I feel essentially stunted.
Although there is always the possibility that at any minute, out of nowhere, a vehicle may come to this remote place and rescue me from imminent death.
[NOTE: it may seem excessively dramatic, and maybe it is, but the truth is that if nothing happens in the next few hours, the night will fall and I'll be at the mercy of the snow and the wild inhabitants of this region.]
I don't know how long the battery of my camera will last but shooting this video is the only thing keeping me lucid, calm and, literally, waiting for something to change.
I need to maintain my reasoning ability; I need to find a solution.
Like I was saying… Oh, yes… The pauses that sometimes life force us to make.
Ok. I am twenty five years old, years considerably well lived if I may say so. I don't have many friends but the ones that I have are worth a thousand. I haven't visited my parents since last year's holidays and our online conversations are growing shorter and fewer. I left Langford – place in which I was born and raised – soon after I concluded Sixth Form in the nearby town. I left in search of the dreams I was taught to cultivate since little: major in archeology and then work in a big museum. And now, five years later, I am an anthropologist – I found out right on time that this a dream completely mine – that dedicates herself to the cultural observation of the most distinct civilizations, and that writes small articles for a magazine specialized ancient cultures. My job is to, through anthropology, create a bridge between the old ways and the contemporary ways. Something incredibly valid, if seen from above, but that is not effective for my life, if we look more closely.
My articles are so small that even I don't notice them when they are finally published.
Not that I can not write or am too lazy to go beyond the thirtieth line.
My editor, Robert Nownlie, even sympathizes with me but doesn't give me the professional support that he grants to the others.
I think it might be because of my age… Well, or at least I hope so.
The thing is that he might believe that a newly graduate doesn't have enough baggage to create bridges between societies, ideas and ideals.
It might be that he believes that with the passing of the years and having lived truly great experiences, my good words may transform and become essential words like the ones written by Jeffrey Thompson – the number one columnist of the Essential Observatory Magazine.
I should make it clear that I have nothing against Mr. Thompson or Mr. Nownlie.
I am grateful for the chance of being employed within my area – which, truth be told, not always happens – and for being able to work among really experienced people.
What bothers me is not being taken as serious as I wish – none of the articles that I wrote haven been published in full or were highlighted in the pages of the magazine.
Sometimes, I have the feelings that my articles are more used to "cover the wholes" of the layout than for the observations that I make.
Ok, life. If this is what you wanted me to admit by forcing me to take this pause while biding me to this so-called road leading to nowhere from nowhere, then mission accomplished.
I, Sarah Louise Morganwish, admit that my professional life is crap because no one takes me serious, no one respects the researches that I make, no one cares about the words that I write.
Ok, I said it. Then, life, could you please make mine imitation of a car work again, or send a car through here, or give back the signal of my mobile phone, or even teleport me to a beautiful café shop in Paris, New York, Tokyo, Rio de Janeiro… Just get me out of here!
[NOTE: Upsets happen when there is no more water, food or signs of human life, and when you are unsure where the cold is more intense: inside or outside this poor excuse of a car.]
Ok, life. It seems like it is not only my professional side that you want me to ponder on.
Let's see… I already admitted that I don't have many friends – but I still mean it when I say that the ones that I have are worth a thousand.
My relationship with my parents is calm, but distant.
I don't have a love life ever since I dated Doug Swanson, two years ago, while we were still in the university.
Not because of any trauma. Simply because I find it hard to meet someone who understands how I am.
Instead of pubs… Nights of sleep lost with readings about ancient civilizations.
Instead of accessories, shoes, sexy clothes… Hoodies, sweatpants, fluffy slippers with animal faces on them – those that every child loves to wear – and more books.
Not even a decent car I managed to buy because I preferred to invest my savings into an old and spacious studio where all my papers and boxes fit.
Looking at it this way, it was really better not having majored in archeology. Think of all the weird things I would want keep…
Anyway…
What man would like to be in a relationship with a woman that is more interested in the influence of the ancient civilizations in the modern society, than in the amazing trickeries of his penis?
I like penis. I just don't think it should be separated from the thinking part.
I admit that I am even more rational than I would like myself to be. But I don't know how to be different.
Please, do not confuse rationality with coldness. I am just someone who instead of being won by the touch, or the stomach, prefers being won by what feeds the mind.
As much as my parents have raised me in a philosophical concept intrinsically connected with the concepts applied by theology, and as much as ancient societies that aroused my interest always had at least one theory about spirituality, I decided some time ago to release myself from any dogmatic expression, focusing myself on this eighth wonder of the natural world: the human mind.
It is easier for me to fall in love with a thought than with a body.
Then, how can someone so distant from the impulses and senses can have a love life?
Please, life, give me a break.
I promise that if you get me out of here I will be more open to romantic advances – just, please, at least send me someone that aside from using his penis can use well his brain.
Now get me out of here!
[NOTE: I won't be justifying any signs of loss of self-control anymore.]
Damn it!
If I stay in the car I won't find anything or anyone to help me.
If I leave the car and go looking for help I could still not thing anything, anyone, and could even get lost.
Damn it!
Think, Sarah. Think!
Just be yourself, Sarah Louise Morganwish!
Let's see… How do people deal with adversity?
Looking for support in a society, a group.
And when a being is all alone?
Does the exactly same thing. Goes looking for support.
I need to get out and look for help.
Backpack, mobile, camera, car keys and boots perfect for snow-covered trails. And it is at times like these that I appreciate not liking heels.
All that I need to do is to memorize as best as I can the trail walked. That way, I can return to the car if it starts snowing or if the situation gets worse.
I will leave the camera on until the battery runs out. Even if not maintaining a specific focus – or any focus –, I can continue to keep track of the things going through my mind.
[NOTE: compare this video with other videos of people going through adverse situations.]
From what I remember, the last time that I saw civilization was around two hours ago. If I take in consideration the time I spent locked inside the stopped car then there is more or less one hour and half left.
If I went almost two hours by car without seeing any small village or isolated house, to go back from where I came would be one of my worst options.
I could go forward, following this crazy road that I found. But I have to take into consideration that nothing came from there to here – wherever this there may be.
I could also invent an alternative route… Something that only someone going by foot would manage to go through.
Where is Bear Grylls when you need him?
[NOTE: see all shows about surviving in the wild, including the ones of Mr. Grylls.]
Going back through the same road, no way. Being really rational, let's see… Heads, create new route; tails, go forward through the road. And the chosen one is…
"God save the Queen!"
New route, here I come.
Pay attention to the path, Sarah. Pay really close attention.
Save in your mind images, sounds, smells. Save everything that might serve as reference.
And when back home, please, remember sit with Mr. Nownlie, explaining to him exactly how you feel about your published articles with the careful tact of someone who needs, a lot, the salary in the end of the month.
I think that having this conversation will be important to me, as well as paying more attention to everything that, in a way or another, has been bothering for quite a while.
In fact, to be honest, it is way passed time for me to start paying more attention to my surroundings – and not just for the need to remember the path.
I got so frustrated when the car broke that I didn't even noticed how beautiful this place is.
It is weird to observe nature from the "inside".
We are so used to just pass – just passing by – by nature that when we to see more of it, we go watch a nature show on TV.
As if outside our high definition "telly", nature only exists to serve to our needs.
Just like I did, today.
I had barely finished lunch and I was already on the road driving northwest.
I had scheduled a meeting with an old lady that lives in Llanymynech that happens to know many stories from before and after the war.
By phone, I confirmed a room in a little B&B on the same region which Mrs. Ivy Gwiwdyr lives, and I hadn't thought about tracing any alternative route – exactly the opposite of what I am doing now.
Doing now…
Ok, Sarah. This place is really fascinating but you have to focus on the path. It won't be long until night falls.
It is so cold that not even the animals are out. If there is any habitation here, it will be a lot easier to find it by looking at the sky instead of at the ground.
Nobody, in their right mind, would be in this cold without the warmth of a roaring fireplace.
I just need to climb a little more and, from there, observe the sky in searches of a sign.
[NOTE: study about the beginning of communications through smoke.]
I walk among holly trees – that look even more stunning in contrast with the white snow.
Everything is so quiet here.
Even if I wasn't recording my thoughts in this video, I have the feeling that somehow everything surrounding me would still be able to hear what is comes to my mind, because the silence that is so constant is also so great.
I few more steps and I will already have a better vision of where I am.
The trees would hide any construction but not the smoke.
I just need an active chimney.
Please, life, help me. Since the teleport is out of question, then forget the café in Paris and give me an active chimney. All I need is one…
One…
Just one…
Yes! Finally a sign of human life aside from me!
Good job, life! Thanks a lot!
I just need to figure out how to get there without getting lost in the process.
Position: two o'clock.
A clearing after the holly trees and… Those trees… Which trees are those? I can't recognize them from here.
The important thing is to maintain position and cross the clearing. The construction is in between the trees that follow.
Checking the battery of my camera… I think it will be sufficient.
I should be recording my conversation with Mrs. Gwiwdyr, but instead I am recording everything that goes through my mind while I am in the search a sign of any life aside from mine.
If my parents knew about this adventure that I am living, they would surely say that it was divine intervention or something along those lines.
I prefer thinking that life always has a way to put us back on track – the right path for us as individuals.
Something that sometimes we say it was by chance, luck or destiny.
It may seem funny to see me talking about destiny when I cherish rationality so much. But even rationality shows us that there are things that are, doubtless, destined to happen.
For example: every river is born destined to become sea.
The man can interfere in its course, drain it… The nature can even dry it. But still, the river will fulfill its destiny, since after evaporating it will join the sea as rain.
There is no denying the hand of destiny when talking about the river and the sea.
Even existence itself… We are all born destined to die.
Of course that many discuss destiny's presence in a day to day manner, in the small details, but that would lead me to tread dangerous waters that leave reason behind.
Lynda and Terence Morganwish, my parents, would affirm, with extreme believe, that destiny, by some divine intervention, wanted my car to break forcing me to walk towards the unknown – what they would certainly call a "leap of faith".
Of course that to an extent it is some sort of "leap of faith", after all, I am literally going towards the only sign of human life that I could find. And I don't know a thing about what/who I will find.
It could turn out to be a really kind person or exactly the opposite.
However, even without any reassurance, I continue walking – because whomever this person is, as far as I know, only this person can help me.
I know how to take care of myself well enough to put myself before a complete stranger – "advantages" of living where the rate of domestic violence it's still high: British girls are encouraged to take self-defense lessons with the same frequency in which they are encouraged to take music, dance and drama lessons.
Of course, that this knowledge only helps me to an extent. I, definitely, wouldn't be able to escape, all by myself, from someone extremely bad, extremely skilled and extremely malicious. And this is where this "leap of faith" comes along – "leap of faith" that I agree that exists although without the dogmatic vision of faith.
Simply believing that good things can happen, even when they day to day makes sure we never forget those that only go around the world with the aim of delaying it, making it worse, denigrating it.
I'm fully aware that there is human life between the trees after the clearing – which is smaller than I thought; after all, I already crossed more than half of it –. If this being will contribute with me, in any possible way, or just try to get in my way, it is not for me to speculate.
One step after the other.
Before, I was alone, locked inside a broken car in the middle of a deserted road.
Now, I am walking towards a human being – something which can be also translated into hope for water, food, shelter.
What comes next, well… I can only hope life manifests itself in the best possible way, having full conscience of who I am and of what I can do.
I am a few steps away of a wooden cabin. I need to turn off my camera. End of video.