A/N: I don't own anything. Well maybe the writing but the characters or songs. Nope not a one.
"So why is it called a stakeout?" she asked.
"Well back during the westward expansion, farmers would employ cowboys to keep an eye out for cattle rustlers," he said. "You know, people stealing cattle."
"Sure," she said as she nodded.
"Usually the dairy cows were kept in a pasture near the barn so they could be nearby for milking. So the cowboys would take the steer cattle out to distant pastures mainly to get them exercise so the meat would be nice and tender," he said as he smacked his lips while his mouth watered at the thought of a juicy porterhouse. "So the cowboys would sit and watch the herds and protect the future steaks."
"Hmm," she said. "I thought stakeout was spelled s-t-a-k-e and not s-t-e-a-k."
"Well back then education wasn't high on people's priority lists," he said. "Somewhere along the way it got written incorrectly and it stuck. Sort of like when immigrants came to Ellis Island and their names were changed because of typos and language barriers."
"Okay," she said. "Now I know you're just making it up."
"Well not the Ellis Island stuff. Try this one then," he said with a twinkle in his eye. "Back in eastern Europe a few hundred years ago, the farmers cut their wooden farming implements to make stakes, right? And then they all went up to Dracula's castle and waited for him to return to his coffin at daybreak so they could stake him."
Laughter filled the SUV.
"I had no idea you were so creative," she said after finally settling down.
"I've been on numerous stakeouts before, generally by myself, and I'll admit that the tedium can take its toll," he said. "The one thing I've found is that it goes easier if you keep your mind engaged."
"Well you're not by yourself tonight," she said with a smile. "I'm here so we can commence movie-like buddy cop banter whenever you're ready."
The conversation was spread out over numerous topics over the next hour. Both of them silenced when they noticed their mark walking towards the building in front of them.
"Can't we just get him now?" she asked. "We already have a warrant."
"I never said we had a warrant," he said. "I said we can use probable cause and arrest him so we can hold him until we have concrete proof. That proof hopefully will be on him after he makes the deal so that way there's less paperwork."
She looked at him indignantly. "So you're trying to get out of paperwork?"
"No," he said as he shook his head. "I'm hoping I don't have as much as I usually get. Paperwork is kind of a pet peeve of mine."
"But we usually tackle the paperwork together," she said with a modicum of hurt in her eyes, "with take out."
"And that's the only way I like my paperwork. When you're there with me. The rest of the time I really loathe it."
"How can you loathe paperwork?" she asked. "I mean, after all, I think you entered the wrong field if you loathe paperwork. An FBI agent should be inundated with paperwork."
"I am, but I see it as a means to an end," he said. "The end being, bringing bad guys to justice. Surely you must have a pet peeve?"
"Well I do, but it's not work related."
He nodded for her to continue.
"Well back in college, I was going out with this guy and he thought he was so clever. He used to change song lyrics to tailor them to me. Some of my suitemates thought it was so romantic but I couldn't stand it," she said as she scrunched up her nose. "Well anyway, do you remember that song Oh Sherrie? I think it was by Journey or somebody that sounded like them. Well he changed the lyrics to 'Oh Tempe' and he thought he was so witty. God I just wanted to strangle him."
"I can see why that was upsetting," he said with a sarcastic smile. "And it was by Steve Perry who used to be the lead singer in Journey.
"Well I mean, if a man is trying to convey interest in a woman via song, I think he should write his own and not change one word of someone else's work," she said. "Plagiarism via love note is still plagiarism."
"Well since your background is academia, I can see why you would be so opposed to plagiarism."
"Surely some girl said something that annoyed you."
He smiled and nodded. "It's true. I've never been a fan of pick-up lines. Don't get me wrong I think they're hilarious when used in jest. I laughed for a good five minutes when I got forwarded a list of horrendous lines from a buddy of mine."
"I don't understand."
"Pick-up lines are those ice breakers that guys usually use to introduce themselves to women," he explained. "Well anyway, it's never a good idea for a woman to use some of those lines because they come out sounding very different than when a guy says them."
"Example please."
"I'm sure some unlucky guy tried one on you at some point," he said. "Well this young woman asked me if I washed my pants in Windex because she could see herself in them."
"I don't get how using a window cleaner instead of laundry detergent could possibly matter when she's obviously a slut and probably carrying and STD."
"Is that jealousy in your voice?"
"No it's not jealousy," she said while shaking her head. "It's just ridiculous that a woman would throw herself at a man like that. She clearly has no self worth."
"Well usually these are spouted off by some cocky stud that is clearly delusional that any of these might work."
"I remember one guy asked me if I was Jamaican and then something about being crazy so I just ignored him."
He snorted out a laugh that echoed throughout the SUV. "See, I knew someone had tried a line on you before. I would've paid to see that exchange."
She smiled at how easy it was to talk about nothing and everything as long as it involved him. "So tell me some more so I can start thinking of witty retorts in case someone uses them on me."
"I once heard an agent pretend to call in a missing persons report to heaven because they must be short an angel."
"I don't understand."
"Don't worry it wasn't that good anyway. I think my favorite one that I've ever heard is…" he paused and looked at her very seductively. "That shirt is very becoming on you; if I were on you I'd be cumming too."
She sat stunned just looking at him. She couldn't decide if he was continuing with the jovial atmosphere of their conversation or if there was any meaning behind his sentence. She guessed on the former since she'd never heard him speak of sex so openly before.
"That's certainly the direct approach," she said finally.
"Yeah I guess it is," he sat and pondered as why the funny line that was so obviously over the top had changed the atmosphere in the SUV. He had expected her to snicker, or chortle. He had at least expected a smile and not the blank deer in the headlights stare he had gotten in response.
"Well I've never used it and never will," he said as he hoped to put her mind at ease. "I've never been a fan of using these which is why we started this conversation in the first place. Remember?"
"So how would you approach a woman then?" she asked. "If you don't like pick-up lines."
"I would just introduce myself and ask her what her name is," he replied. "I always find that honesty is the best way to get to know someone. I mean, in a club or bar, it's very difficult to meet a person let alone figure out if you would ever want to see them again in a more sober environment."
"Do you frequent such establishments?"
"Not really," he replied shaking his head. "And if I do, it's generally not for that purpose. Plus studies have shown that more than half of all relationships start in the workplace. So chances are if I did pursue a romantic endeavor it would be through someone I'm in contact with at work."
"Do you have anyone in mind?"
"I'll admit that there is someone that pulls me in to her gravitational field."
"So since you don't like pick-up lines," she asked, "how would you approach this mystery woman?"
"Well, I might ask her to come with me on a stakeout," he said nonchalantly. "Or maybe I might show up at her house frequently bearing take out to ensure she eats dinner."
"How would you know that your advances were accepted?"
"Well, she probably would've slammed the door in my face or she would have told me to screw off already," he replied. "And since she hasn't done either of those things, I can only presume that my advances aren't unwanted."
"What if she wasn't aware of what those attempts meant?"
"Sorry Bones, we'll continue this later," he said as he pointed across the street to the perp that they had been waiting for.
A couple of hours later the partners were leaving the Hoover building after solving the case.
"So are we going to go to the diner or should we get take out?" he asked. "And I do want to make sure you are aware of the implications that go along with your answer."
"Well, I think we should get take out and head back to my place," she said with a wry smile. "I need to do a batch of laundry and I just bought some Windex."