Give Me Five Minutes

Rick lay awake that night not thinking about Negan or how he and the saviors plundered Alexandria, but the woman who lay next to him on the floor. She was angry and hurt because Alexandria was the home she wanted, and it was lost, and he was powerless to keep it for her. He knew she was awake like he was, but what could he say to comfort her? As much as he cared for her, at this time, he could not focus all his attention on her. He wanted nothing more than to hold her and caress her, but laying on the floor brought back the stark reality that their safe haven had been brutally violated. It reminded him of their many weeks on the road after losing their home at the prison. He knew life on the road was the last thing any of them wanted to return to.

Michonne lay restless and unable to shut her mind down to get some sleep. She held in so much rage that she was constantly concerned she would hyperventilate and pass out. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes willing herself to go to sleep. She wasn't sure how Rick could sleep with this new enemy occupying their space and owning their lives, and talking to him about it was futile. He seemed to be a defeated man, the conquered leader with his head down and his tail tucked between his legs. She scoffed audibly and got up. This was not the man she knew. The man she knew always had a way to overcome and they all responded to that spirit and followed. It hurt her to see how Negan treats him. Negan wants him broken to where he would do anything he says. Before it gets to that, she would have to leave him. She paused with that thought in her head and shook it loose. She would never leave him no matter what, she loved him.

When Michonne got up, Rick rolled over on his back and stared at the ceiling. He could feel her disappointment and rage. He could hear her throwing things around in the bathroom before she got into the shower, but couldn't bring himself to calm her down. While he got dressed, even with the shower running, he could hear her crying. He wanted to go to her, but what would he say that would stop the tears and lift her spirits. Nothing. He checked the monitor and saw that Judith was still sleeping. He envied how at peace see was. He checked on Carl and then went downstairs. He went into the downstairs bedroom and looked at what he could see of Alexandria through the window. The signs of Negan's visit was still visible in the streets. Aaron, Eric and Tobin were walking around out there probably assessing the damage. He heard Michonne go out the door and watched her step out onto the street and walk toward the gate. He mentally shook his head and ran upstairs to Carl's room and asked him to watch his sister and told him that he would be back.

He knew where she was going. Every day she left out through the gate and out to the large meadow behind the south wall. He followed her and she turned once and saw him. She didn't stop, but continued to her destination. He watched her climb on top of the abandoned, rusted out car and sit down on top of it, facing away from him.

Rick walked around the car and he had to squint into the sun blaring from the sky behind her.

"Michonne."

She inhaled and looked down at him. She felt he was invading her space, but she also knew they needed to talk.

"Can you give me just five minutes, please?"

She got down from the car and he walked over to where she landed. He stood there looking into her eyes and saw the person she was when they first met.

"I see how you look at me. I never thought you'd look at me that way again; like you don't trust me. Are you still with me?" He asked with a plea in his voice.

The look in her eyes changed quickly to a flash of anger.

"Rick." She said clearly irritated.

"I know you're angry at what's going on, angry with me." He said looking down.

"I'm not angry with you."

"Yeah, you are. You're ready to fight and I can't right now. I have so much anger inside that it makes me sick to my stomach, but I can't show it like you can. I know you lay awake at night full of rage. You lay there awake and I feel this distance growing between us. I have rage too. I can count the times while I was holding that bat that I could have knocked his head off, but I would be dead, and so would all of you. I can't have that, and I can't have you and me with opposite feelings about how to deal with the same enemy, but I applaud your defiance. It's one of the many things I love about you, but please don't hold how I have to present myself against me."

"I don't hold that against you, it's just that…"

"We lay in bed like strangers. We haven't talked in days. We're inches apart, but I'm afraid to touch you."

"I'm sorry, but he killed our friends!"

"And he nearly killed me."

Her eyes flashed to his and she searched his eyes.

Rick walked a few feet away from her.

"When he took me out in the RV, he threw me out of it like a bale of hay and into a crowd of walkers. There were logs burning nearby and there was smoke everywhere. All I could think about was my family and staying alive for you all. I had no idea what his men were doing to you while I was gone, but it nearly destroyed me. That's what he wants. He wants me without any fight left in me, but he's too arrogant to realize he only increased the fight in me. Michonne I can't deal with him while at the same time at odds with you. I need you with me while I go through this. His target is me through all of you. He wants me submissive and scared. I can't do that very easily. Right now I have to go along so he doesn't kill anyone else, and for as long as we have left to live, I have to have you with me, I want you with me."

"Carl told me the things he says to you."

"Psychological warfare." Rick said nodding. "He reminds me of those guys in the military assigned to train the new men. Their job is to break them down and then build them back up to where they will follow orders without question."

"Is that what he's doing to you?"

"He's trying to, but I'm stubborn and it's difficult to willingly follow orders given by a madman. If I didn't have you and the kids, I would have killed him by now, but for now I don't want to give him a reason to go after you because you and I would die and our kids alone. I'm a cold man inside Michonne, except where you and the kids are concerned and that's where he'll hit me the hardest. One day he'll use you, Carl or Judith against me, and I'm not sure what I'll do then, but I do know I wouldn't survive it. As it is it takes everything I have not to tear his throat out."

He could see her visibly shaking. He took a few steps to her and playfully pulled her toward him by one of her fingers. She took the few steps to him and she closed her eyes and lowered her head. He could feel her resistance and he lifted her head with a finger and she opened her eyes.

"Please don't shut me out. The fact that you love me is the only thing that keeps me sane." He said pleading with tears in his eyes.

Finally her look softened and he managed a sad smile.

"There's the other girl I know and love." He said with a voice full of emotion.

"What girl was I two minutes ago?"

"The one who pointed at me and told me never to touch her again."

She scoffed and shook her head recalling the first time they met.

"I love that part of you too. She's the girl I'm going to take to war with me."

She looked in his eyes and could see a glimpse of the fighter still in them.

"You were right, it's going to be a fight, but we will win. Good has to triumph over evil or we'll cease to exist. He will use us until we're all used up."

He looked down at his hands holding hers and inhaled.

"About the time you and the others were captured, Morgan and I went out looking for Carol. Morgan told me that because of our attack on that savior outpost, that I had started something. I did, and that decision will always haunt me, and I can't take it back. I need to know that you stand with me. I'll eventually figure something out, but for now, all I can do is bite my tongue and keep my eyes down. Michonne I'm barely holding on here and if you and I can't still be us, I will break, all the way."

A tear slid down her cheek and she leaned forward and put her head on his chest. He closed his eyes cherishing this chance to hold her again. She hadn't been in his arms for more days than he cared to recall. After a few moments she gently pushed away from his embrace and took his hand in hers. He inhaled appreciating that she didn't completely break their contact.

"What do you want me to do?" She asked gently.

"Stay close. Don't shut me out of how you feel. I know you don't need me to help you survive. Knowing that is helpful to me, especially right now. I know you could leave right now with just your sword and survive on your own."

"I could, but I don't want to. It was easier on my own, but unbearably lonely. I belong here with you. I don't want to go back to being on my own, but I won't be enslaved either."

Her anger covered her like sunlight, and she was ready to fight.

"Me neither, but this is what it is right now."

He looked into her eyes displaying in them the love he has for her.

"Do you think you could do this for me?"

She lifted her head and looked deeply into his eyes and nodded.

"Yes." She said letting her tears fall.

"Our day is coming soon which will mean their end."